"…Sister. Mother. Just what do you think you are doing?"
The moment that voice sliced through the air, the Chairwoman and Haruno stiffened. They turned slowly, like rusted machinery, to find the source.
There stood Yukino, arms crossed, her stance radiating a cold, imposing fury. The two of them scrambled for an explanation, their voices betraying a rare note of panic.
"Yu-Yukino… what are you doing here?"
"I believe I told you earlier that I'd be bringing the company documents by at this time."
"Oh, right! I was so swept up in Hachiman-kun's arrival that it completely slipped my mind…"
"Setting that aside," Yukino said, her eyes narrowing into icy slits, "would someone care to explain this… situation?"
Under the sheer pressure of Yukino's gaze, Haruno tried to laugh it off. "N-now, Yukino-chan, it's not what it looks like. This is just a little… skinship with Hachiman-kun. You know? Bonding?"
"I don't know. And I don't care. Before you start making excuses, both of you—get off him. Now."
"Y-yes, ma'am…"
"Yukino-chan is terrifying…"
As they beat a hasty retreat, Hachiman was finally released from his soft, suffocating prison. He exhaled a breath he felt he'd been holding for a lifetime, looking at Yukino with profound gratitude.
"Finally… freedom…"
"Are you alright, Hachiman-kun? They didn't… do anything to you, did they?"
"I wouldn't say they did nothing," Hachiman groaned, "but if we're talking 'safe' or 'out,' let's just say I was hovering right on the foul line. You saved me, Yukino."
"I see. Then I'm glad I arrived when I did."
As she spoke, Yukino reached out and snagged the collars of both her mother and her sister as they tried to slip toward the door. With a practiced tug, she hauled them back and pointed to the floor.
"Now. Explain yourselves. Sister, Mother. Seiza."
The two most powerful women in the prefecture dutifully knelt on the floor in the formal position, looking like chastised children.
"Ah… haha…"
"Well… we were just… recharging our Hachiman-kun Essence?"
"…You are grown adults," Yukino sighed. "Why are you babbling about such unscientific nonsense? Such a thing clearly doesn't exist."
(Get 'em, Yukino! Give it to 'em! Don't let up!) Hachiman cheered silently. He knew better than to vocalize his support, but in his mind, he was waving pom-poms.
However, the Chairwoman and Haruno weren't ready to surrender.
"Hachiman-kun Essence is real!" Haruno insisted.
(Is she really going to die on that hill?) Hachiman thought.
"It is not," Yukino countered.
(Just keep denying it, Yukino. Transition into the lecture and we're home free.)
"It is too!" the Chairwoman chimed in.
(Madam Chairwoman, that's a losing battle and you know it.)
"It isn't."
"Yukino," the Chairwoman said, her eyes flashing with a sudden, predatory light. "If you're so certain it doesn't exist, then prove it. Can you? No, you can't, can you?"
"That's right, that's right!" Haruno added.
(Crap. The Chairwoman is counter-attacking. I have a bad feeling about this…)
"To demand a 'Devil's Proof' is a coward's tactic," Yukino stated firmly. "If you claim it exists, the burden of proof lies with you."
(No! Stop! Don't engage!) Hachiman screamed internally.
This was Yukino's fatal flaw. In any other situation, she could have won simply by staying on the offensive. But her obsession with logic and "correctness" meant she couldn't resist a direct challenge. She had just handed the ball back to two of the most dangerous manipulators on the planet.
"Wh-who cares about proof? It doesn't exist, so drop it," Hachiman tried to intervene, but Yukino held up a hand to silence him.
"If they insist they can prove something so unscientific, then by all means, let them try."
In that instant, the Chairwoman and Haruno exchanged a look. A synchronized, devilish smirk spread across their faces.
(Bad! Bad bad bad!)
"I-I mean, we don't need to waste time on something so pointless—"
Hachiman's survival instincts were screaming. He was far more accustomed to the "dirty" side of human nature than Yukino, and he could see the trap closing.
(Think, Hachiman! What's the move?! Right—the only move is to run!)
He realized he was currently unrestrained. He bolted for the door, but he was a second too slow. Detecting his intent, the Chairwoman lunged with feline speed, wrapping herself around him and pinning his arms to his sides.
"Oh no, Hachiman-kun. If you leave, we won't be able to provide the proof of your Essence, will we?"
"D-damn it! How are you so fast?!"
"Hehe. A lady must have her secrets, Hachiman-kun."
"Let go!"
"Just stay quiet and cooperate with the experiment."
Haruno moved in as well, resting her chest atop his head once more. Hachiman was back in the exact same deadlock as before.
"How did it come to this…?"
But Hachiman's despair was a front. Internally, he was calculating. He knew Haruno was flaunting her assets right in front of Yukino. This would inevitably trigger Yukino's temper. If he timed it right, he could use the impending sisters' spat to slip away. He looked at Yukino with expectant eyes.
Sure enough, Yukino's face twitched with irritation as she watched Haruno's blatant display. She began to rise, her knees uncurling.
(Yes! Go, Yukino! Do your thing! Save me!)
Hachiman cheered. But he had forgotten one crucial detail: Haruno knew Yukino better than anyone. She knew exactly how to disarm her sister's logic.
As Yukino stood, Haruno tossed out a casual, devastating line.
"You know, Yukino-chan… the Hachiman-kun Essence has been known to promote breast growth."
"...What did you say?!"
"You dirty—! Mmph!"
Dirty! Don't believe her, Yukino! Hachiman tried to yell, but the Chairwoman's hand clamped firmly over his mouth.
"My, what a naughty mouth. I wonder what you were trying to say?"
"Mmph-mff-mhh!" (That's cheating! Let go!)
"Ufufu. You're so happy to be held by me that you're speechless? How sweet."
"H-Hmph-mff-huff! Mhh-mff-hff!" (I didn't say that! Yukino, help!)
But Hachiman's hope died a swift death. Yukino didn't attack. Instead, she stood there for a moment, swaying slightly, before she sat back down—right next to Hachiman.
"Mmph?!" (Yukino?!)
Haruno leaned in, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Yukino-chan… the highest concentration of the Essence is actually found in the palms of his hands…"
"Mmph-mff-mhh!" (Hey! Stop it!)
"The palms…" Yukino repeated, her eyes glazing over. She reached out, taking Hachiman's hand in hers, and slowly—deliberately—began to draw it toward her own chest.
"Mmph! Mff-mhh! Hmph-mff!" (Yukino, stop! Snap out of it!)
But Yukino was beyond the reach of reason. Just as Hachiman's hand was about to make contact, there was a sharp knock at the door. It swung open immediately.
Hachiman expected Rose to be back, but it was someone else entirely: Kazuto Kirigaya.
"Chairwoman, excuse me! I heard Hachiman was—" Kazuto stopped dead. He blinked at the sight of Yukino, Haruno, and the Chairwoman all dog-piling a muffled Hachiman.
"Uh… Yukino? Haruno-san? What in the… oh. I… I-I-I see. It seems I've interrupted something… private. My apologies! Excuse me!"
"Ah."
"Oh dear."
"M-mff-huff-mhh!" (Wait, Kazuto! Don't leave me!)
"K-Kazuto-kun?! Wait! I—this is—it's a misunderstanding!"
Yukino snapped back to reality, her face turning a shade of red that defied biology. She scrambled to her feet and bolted after him, successfully tackling Kazuto in the hallway and dragging him back into the office.
By the time they returned, the Chairwoman and Haruno were sitting primly on the sofa, looking as though they'd been discussing world peace. Hachiman was slumped over, wheezing for air, finally safe.
"Hachiman…"
"K-Kazuto… you… you literally saved my life…"
"What the hell was going on in here?"
"It's all… it's all because of this 'Hachiman Essence' nonsense…"
"Wait… 'Essence'?" Kazuto tilted his head, a look of sudden realization dawning on him.
"You know something about this, Kazuto?"
"I… uh… maybe?"
Seeing his hesitant face, the Chairwoman tapped her chin. "Come to think of it, I believe I first heard the term from you, Kazuto-kun."
The moment those words left her mouth, Kazuto tried to bolt. Hachiman, fueled by pure spite, lunged forward and grabbed him by the collar.
"Gah—!"
"Where are you going, Kazuto? You just got here. Why don't you stay? Have a seat."
"I-I mean, I heard you were here and wanted to grab some food, but I just remembered I have this thing… another time, maybe?"
Just then, Haruno chimed in. "Oh! Now I remember. I think I heard about it from Kazuto-kun over in ALO, too."
Kazuto broke into a cold sweat. "I-it's a misunderstanding, Hachiman!"
"I see. I believe in you, Kazuto. Truly. So why don't you explain exactly what happened?"
"Right… well…"
Kazuto's confession went like this: A few days ago, he had been listening to Lisbeth and the others complain about their skin care routines. He had offhandedly remarked:
"You know, Hachiman is always so busy, but his skin always looks perfect, doesn't it?"
And then:
"The Chairwoman, Haruno-san, and Yukino have great skin too. I wonder if the Yukinoshita family has some secret technique for staying youthful."
Intrigued, Lisbeth had asked him to investigate. When Kazuto happened to run into the Chairwoman and Haruno later, he'd asked about it. During the conversation, Hachiman's name came up, and Kazuto had added a joke:
"Maybe Hachiman just naturally emits some kind of special essence."
Hachiman listened to the story, his body beginning to tremble with rage.
"IT WAS YOUR FAULT ALL ALOOOOOOONG!"
"Y-you said you believed in me!"
"There's nothing to believe! There isn't even room for a misunderstanding! It's 100% your fault!"
"Urgh…"
In the end, the Chairwoman, Haruno, and Kazuto were forced to sit through an eternal, grueling lecture from Hachiman and a deeply humiliated Yukino.
Hachiman, feeling that his very soul had been at risk that day, wasn't satisfied with just a lecture. He later forced Kazuto to treat him and Yukino to an incredibly expensive dinner as "hush money." The bill was so astronomical that it wiped out Kazuto's entire savings.
"Haaah… I'm broke."
Kazuto considered asking Hachiman to help him find a part-time job, but his pride wouldn't let him ask for a favor immediately after being forced to pay for dinner. Instead, he happened to run into Kikuoka Seijirou and asked him if there was any work available.
"Kikuoka-san, is there any job opening? I don't care if it's a bit dangerous, as long as it pays well."
"Hmm. It's not exactly a gold mine, but I have a part-time gig if you're interested. Want it?"
"Yes! I'll take it! Just give me anything!"
Kikuoka's initial offer was just simple data organization, which Kazuto was grateful for. After he'd managed to recover some of his funds, he told Kikuoka:
"If anything else comes up, let me know. I really mean it—anything."
"Sure. I'll keep you in mind."
And so, as a direct result of this chain of events, Kazuto Kirigaya would, a few months later, accept a "slightly dangerous" part-time job at Kikuoka's request.
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