"Childish much?" Hachiman teased.
"It's not my fault!" Rosalia hissed in a low voice. "I could handle facing just you, but standing cool as a cucumber in front of Asuna the Flash? My nerves aren't that thick."
Hachiman ignored her protest and held out the eraser she'd tossed at him.
"Look, no matter how you spin it, this is just… what even is this? It's like…" He paused, a memory clicking into place about the weapon Rosalia used to wield. "No way… is this supposed to be a whip?"
Rosalia's face flushed crimson as she launched into a rapid-fire defense. "It's not like I have a choice! A woman walking around with a whip in the real world gets labeled a dominatrix or, at best, some kind of professional. So I make do with stuff like this. It's not like I want to carry this knockoff!"
"R-Right… so you're not questioning the whole 'carrying a whip' thing itself, huh?" Hachiman said, raising an eyebrow.
Still red-faced, Rosalia barreled on with her excuses. "The other day, I saw a puppy about to dart into the street. I used this thing on instinct to stop it, and the owner gave me the weirdest look. Then, some shady recruiter who happened to see it tried to pitch me as a pro domme, saying I could be number one in the nightlife! This isn't for that kind of thing, okay?"
"Then what's it for?" Hachiman asked, a touch exasperated.
"For… anxiety," she mumbled.
"What?"
"When I don't have something to protect myself with, I get uneasy, alright? I know my life's mostly safe now, but I just… feel anxious without it."
Hachiman softened slightly. "I get that, I guess." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a collapsible baton, showing it to her. "Maybe it's a bit much, but I carry this for the same reason. It does help with peace of mind, no question. Being paranoid about self-defense isn't the worst thing. But, come on, that eraser thing? It's barely a placebo. I'll look for something actually useful that won't get you in trouble with the law."
"Tch… thanks," Rosalia muttered, still flustered.
"Anyway, here," Hachiman said, casually pulling out his phone and handing it to her.
"Huh? What's this for?" she asked, confused.
"Put your contact info in. It's a pain not having it."
"I'm supposed to enter it? You're awfully chill handing your phone to someone," Rosalia said, eyeing him skeptically.
Hachiman squinted nostalgically, but his reply was a far cry from the past. "There's a ton of emails and data on there I'd rather you not see, so don't snoop, got it?"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it—you're a ladies' man," Rosalia teased, rolling her eyes. "I'll be careful."
But as she opened his contacts, the sheer number of women's names made her realize she'd only thought she understood Hachiman's social circle.
"What the… this is ridiculous!" she exclaimed. "There's a limit to how popular one guy can be!"
"Look closer," Hachiman said, unfazed. "There are guys' names too. And I don't have anything going on with those women beyond what's necessary. Nothing shady here."
"Sure, but at a glance, it's just a parade of women's names! Here, I've added mine. Honestly, I'm surprised Asuna doesn't flip out over this."
"Like I said, nothing shady. But, hold up, I wasn't imagining it—you did call Asuna 'Asuna-sama.' Why? You barely had any contact with her back in SAO, right?"
Hachiman had let it slide earlier, but now the honorific caught his attention, and he pressed for an explanation. Rosalia's answer was… unexpected.
"You have to swear this stays between us," she said, her voice low.
"Is it that serious?" Hachiman asked, frowning.
"…Yes."
"Alright, I promise I won't tell anyone unless it's absolutely necessary."
"Okay, here goes," Rosalia said, hesitating before spilling the story in fits and starts.
"You know my job, right?"
"You're like Haru-neesan's secretary or something?"
"More like her errand girl," Rosalia corrected with a nod.
"And that's relevant how?"
"Well, because of that, I'm usually stuck shadowing the boss. And just recently, you and your crew blasted through the first three floors of the reborn Aincrad, right?"
"You heard about that? Feel free to be impressed. Actually, you should be impressed," Hachiman said with a smug grin.
"I was, honestly. But here's the thing… there's a video of it."
"A video?" Hachiman's eyes widened. "There's footage of that?"
"Yeah… it's part of the boss's private collection."
"Seriously? That woman…" Hachiman muttered, shaking his head.
"And since I'm always around her, she's been forcing me to watch it over and over," Rosalia said, grimacing.
"Oof… that's, uh…" Hachiman trailed off, picturing Haruno gleefully narrating the same footage while Rosalia sat through it, probably cross-legged and miserable. He felt a pang of sympathy—until Rosalia's expression turned dreamy, and she launched into a rapid spiel.
"The boss is obsessed with this woman called the Berserk Healer. She keeps replaying her scenes, over and over. At first, I was just nodding along, saying 'wow, cool,' like a robot. But after watching it so many times, I started comparing her to the others, and I got it—her moves are unreal. It helped that I learned ALO's combat system, so I could see just how insane the Berserk Healer's skills are. And then I found out she was Asuna the Flash from SAO, and now I'm totally hooked on Asuna-sama!"
Hachiman's sympathy evaporated. With a heavy sigh, he pulled out his phone and dialed a number. Rosalia stared, bewildered, as he spoke.
"Haru-neesan, hand over that secret video stash. And you're banned from approaching Asuna for a week."
Rosalia froze, then, realizing what he'd done, glared at him with venom. "What the hell did you just do, you traitor?!"
"Shut it. This is one of those 'necessary' moments I mentioned. I was about to feel bad for you, maybe even coddle you a bit—give me back my pure intentions!"
"I can't help it if I'm smitten!" Rosalia shot back.
"Quiet! You and Haru-neesan are banned from Asuna until further notice."
"I'm not even friends with Asuna-sama, so nothing changes for me! But, oh god, the boss is going to kill me…" Rosalia wailed, her voice trembling. "I can only see a future where I'm dead!"
"Self-inflicted wound. Deal with it," Hachiman said flatly.
Just then, Rosalia's phone buzzed—likely Haruno. She stared at Hachiman with teary eyes. He scratched his head, sighed, and held out his hand for her phone.
"…What are you planning?" she asked, voice quivering.
"I'd feel kinda bad leaving things like this," Hachiman said with a shrug. "I'll take the call and tell Haru-neesan not to mess with you. But, like I've said before, if there's any movement from Laughing Coffin's remnants, you better pass along the info. This is for me and Asuna's safety, not for you. Don't get it twisted—really don't get it twisted."
"Y-Yeah… thanks," Rosalia mumbled.
Hachiman took her phone brusquely and answered. "Hey, I forgot to mention, but bullying her is off-limits too. Why? Her info keeps me and Asuna safe, that's why."
On the other end, Haruno was yelling something, but Hachiman ignored it and hung up.
"You're something else," Rosalia said, awed. "Talking to the boss like that…"
"It's just a matter of getting used to it," Hachiman replied.
"Is that something you just get used to?"
"Whatever, it works, doesn't it? Anyway, if you get any info, let me know."
"Oh, right!" Rosalia perked up, as if remembering something. Seeing Hachiman's skeptical look, she hurried to explain. "That's why I signaled you in the first place—I got some info to pass on."
"That sounds important! Why didn't you say so sooner?" Hachiman snapped.
"Sorry, I… I don't exactly have a ton of friends, so getting to chat with someone casually got me carried away. I forgot to mention it."
"Fine, I get your deal. Just keep talking," Hachiman said, exasperated by her nervous demeanor.
"I don't know if this is big or just trivial, so I'll leave it to you to judge. I'm just reporting it. I've got almost no ties to Laughing Coffin anymore, but yesterday, I talked on the phone with a former Titan's Hand member who's still kinda connected to them. It came up casually, and I swear we're not plotting anything shady together—trust me on that. Anyway, they mentioned that some Laughing Coffin higher-up, no idea who, is apparently starting a new game called GGO soon."
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