"You should stay happy, if you want to take anything away from this relationship..."
Those were her last words.
To be honest, all I took from that relationship was how tough the path of fixation really is.
I say this while standing half-naked on a stranger's balcony, staring out at the view.
I sort through my thoughts as the morning breeze flows over my body.
I feel like my head is about to explode. I can't believe he had the stamina to keep going. I need some rest; my mind is going blank. I'm not doing this kind of stuff for a while.
But as long as he was satisfied in the end, I can't be mad. I think the music video shoot came out alright, and plus, he paid me well. I can't wait to look at my shots later.
Anyway, the final exams are approaching. I have to head back and start preparing; they begin in two weeks.
"Great job, Ruby. You did great. I'll definitely call you for some projects in the future..."
All thanks to Chae's strategy of sticking by the selected talent and taking on supportive roles, I've been getting a lot of calls from directors. It really pleases me.
I said my goodbyes to the crew and headed back home, fresh off the clock.
The incident with Inna had left me with a lot of bitterness; the empty hole in my chest grew larger and larger.
I know I'm making some kind of mistake. It's like I'm ignoring a huge red flag right now, and it's going to come back to haunt me later.
If only I could figure out what it is. Everything else seems to be going fine: my income is stable, school is going smoothly, my friends are still the same, and the future is looking bright.
All I can think of is greed. It's definitely greed. People never get satisfied even if you give them the world... and I'm getting a taste of that feeling right now.
I decided to take the train since I'm so far out, heading back to my city.
On my way, I saw these old traditional houses and buildings that have somehow been there for almost fifty years, surviving the threat of that famous demolition wave back in the day.
This site reminds of my grandma.
My grandma once told me that she lived in some village with my mom, and that she proudly stayed there despite the wave of people moving out.
Eventually, she had no choice but to leave because she could no longer support me in that place.
I don't know how, but she was living with basically no stable income, relying on random gigs from her network of contacts, until she finally decided to settle down.
If she had stayed, I would definitely have been considered illiterate, since I wouldn't have been attending school.
That's how it went with my mom. She followed the same path as my grandma, but after having me, she decided it would be best if I wasn't a burden to her, so she continued her life of hustles.
I had a suspicion that she somehow found a rich man to live off of. Now, after that visit to Inna's house, I wouldn't be surprised if my mom worked one of those maid jobs and got fired after being caught stealing or doing something incriminating.
Some people chose the city, and some chose their hometown. Grandma was the latter; she didn't take the new opportunities at first and made a living the traditional way.
She continued with those random jobs until my mom ran away and left her to take care of me.
Can't say her stubbornness was pointless, though, because there was one thing Grandma was talented at, something she could easily dust her peers in.
My grandma, and eventually my mom, were deviously good at building social networks.
Every time I ask my grandma about someone at school, she goes on and tells me a story she had with people who share the same family name.
She had this big dream of building a strong family, since she believed that family is everything.
But since her own family was scattered, it was basically impossible. So, she turned that dream into an obsession with other people's families, making social networking her hobby.
She always talks to me about the roots of any successful person. I could imagine how fascinated my mom was when Grandma made her look up to other families.
*Halfway through the ride*
My friend Haime came from that kind of family; they were merchants of beauty products. Knowing that at first made it easy for me to befriend her, since I was so enthusiastic about that domain.
Over time, I revealed my side gigs to her, followed by all the other secrets I had, and we've only gotten closer since then.
During entrance exams, Haime showed me a way to attend Debussy High School without paying the tuition or needing the high test scores required.
I took her word for it and went along, telling myself that it wouldn't hurt to try.
But surprisingly, it worked out. I was accepted into Debussy High School. With my resume, it was considered a miracle, but Haime made it happen; she couldn't believe it herself.
Debussy High School is supposedly a prestigious and highly-rated academy, famous for having the pinnacle of students in the region.
But once you set foot inside, you find there's a completely different way things are run, far beyond just being a simple academic institution.
The unspoken rule is that you are where you come from. You don't even dare try to push yourself to be a top student, because you're going to fail miserably and lose a predetermined battle.
The students here have what some would call an allergy to success. Don't try to reach for the top; they're going to become your enemies and make your life a living hell.
The norm here is that the school is divided into two groups:
Those who stand at the top and barely interact with others like to call themselves the elite, or the Swans.
They are absurdly capable, and being in that group means you get privileges that will benefit you later in life.
You wouldn't catch them in any kind of relationship, or having a boyfriend, or taking jobs from a scammer like Loka...
The second group is called the loyalists, or the Crows. They are simply there to grab the opportunities the school has to offer, build bridges, and try to catch the attention of the elite.
A system like this is designed because studying doesn't mean much here.
It's the expected baseline, so without it, you're nothing. But once you get the hang of it, you realize that there's not much you can do with just studying.
So, if you're lucky enough to attend a school like Debussy High School, you're set to be in the top twenty percent statistically in the country's final exam scores, which is one of the privileges this school is famous for.
Entering the final year of high school, the final exam is set to determine your importance to society in the future, which dictates your social ranking.
The pressure is high; it's like the whole world is waiting for you. The time before and after taking this exam marks a significant change in your life. That's how much the final exam matters.
If you're studying hard and putting your faith in it, then this exam means your life: your future job that pays the bills, your marriage, and the life of your kids. All of that is supposed to be determined by a single exam.
Being from the loyalist class, or being a brat like me, I don't have many expectations for the exam. All that burnout from staying up all night studying would be worthless for me. I'm basically just hoping for a passing grade, that's all.
But I did my own preparations. I ordered the pills I'll be taking on exam day. Nothing crazy, though; I know they might make us take a drug test in there.
...
Two stations before my stop, I got a phone call. It was Haime.
"Hey Haime, is it time already? I think I'll be extra late—"
"Ruby! Ruby, you're not gonna believe what just happened."
"... Oh yeah?"
"There's a new transfer student!"
"... What? In our school? Wow... But we always get new students."
"Oh no no no, this one's different... He's not like the others..."
"He?! What's so special about him?"
"The new transfer kid... He's from abroad!"
I freeze, the train rattles over the tracks.
"... A FOREIGNER?!"
...