Saturday August 24
The sound of the shower running drew Sirius out of his fitful sleep. He groaned as he rolled over, bringing his pillow over his face. His head was pounding, and the light from the window burned his eyes. He hadn't realized just how drunk he had gotten last night. It felt as though a bus had run him over repeatedly. Sirius tried to recall what had happened the night before that could have left him feeling this hungover.
Fuck, Sirius inwardly groaned. Remus.
Remus, has anyone ever told you how pretty you look in the moonlight?
Flashes of the lights cascading over the man's face flooded Sirius' mind. Remus had looked so perfect last night, and he hadn't even been trying – he had worn that bloody moon phase sweater for fuck's sake.
"You're gorgeous, Moony."
"Moony? What does that mean?"
"You know, like your jumper."
Sirius pressed the pillow against his face and briefly wondered how long it would take for him to suffocate. He let out an aggravated yell that was muffled by the pillow. Why had he said those things to Remus? That was such a stupid thing for him to do. He threw the pillow to the floor, deciding that James finding him dead was not something he needed to add to his growing list of problems.
The door to his shared bathroom opened, and James poked his head into Sirius's room before entering, smirking at the sight of his terribly hungover best mate.
"Morning, princess," James teased. "Was your pillow being mean to you?" He went to pick the thing up and threw it at Sirius.
"Fuck off," Sirius swore as he flipped James off. "If I could stand up without vomiting, you would be so dead right now, mate."
"Is that so, sleepyhead?" James rolled his eyes. "Did you have fun last night, then?"
"What?" Sirius ran a hand over his face, feeling the day-old stubble on his chin, panicked for a moment that James was talking about Remus.
"With Mary?" James cocked his head at Sirius' reaction. "Unless that was someone else I saw you snogging."
"Oh no, yeah. Mary," Sirius nodded quickly, regretting the rapid motion instantly as his head began to rush. "Honestly, I don't really remember much after that…I um, I must have blacked out or something."
James smirked. "Well, you did practically drink your weight in whatever the fuck that punch was. Remus was kind enough to drag you back here so Fabian and I could get reacquainted, if you know what I mean."
Sirius chuckled as James waggled his eyebrows suggestively, but his response was halfhearted. "Good on you, mate."
"Anyway," James continued as he squeezed Sirius' shoulder. "Remus and I are going on a quest to find donuts and coffee. Care to join us?"
"No," Sirius answered a little too quickly. "I'm really hungover. I think I'm just going to chug some water and take a shower." He ran a hand through his messy hair, tugging at the ends. "I'll see you when you get back."
James shoved one hand in his pocket and let the other one glide through his hair. He held Sirius' gaze. Sirius hated that look. It meant that James could tell that something was wrong. "Are you okay, Sirius?"
"Yeah, mate," Sirius cleared his throat and nodded. James knew him too well after all these years. "I'm good."
"Arlight then," James didn't look convinced, but he didn't press on. It was common knowledge that if Sirius wanted to talk, he would. "If you say so. Text me if you need anything, yeah?"
"I will," Sirius attempted a smile. "See you later."
"Later," James smiled back and turned to walk back to his room.
"Oi!" Sirius said before James shut the door all the way. "Bring me back a donut with sprinkles!"
"Already on it," Sirius heard James chuckle.
When the door latched shut and Sirius was sure that James was leaving, he pulled his knee to his chest and rested his forehead against them. So many thoughts flooded his mind, but only one stood out.
I'm in deep shit.
—-------
Remus waited in the kitchen for James to see if Sirius would join them for breakfast, thinking of last night's party. Part of him begged for Sirius to stay behind; however, Remus was a little curious to see how the man would act after what had been said.
He's straight, Remus reminded himself bitterly, images of Sirius kissing that girl sneaking to the forefront of his mind. And he was drunk.
Remus felt his phone buzz and pulled it out of his pocket to see his mother's contact filling the screen. He answered the call and held up his phone so she could see his face.
"Bore da, momma," Remus smiled brightly.
"Bore da, cariad," Hope's sweet voice answered. "How are you, my love?"
"Really good, momma," Remus said as though his thoughts weren't occupied by Sirius' words. "I uh…I went to a party with some friends last night."
"Oh, fy mabi, that's wonderful!" She exclaimed. "With Marlene and the girls?"
"Well, they were there too, but I actually went with my roommates," he explained. He ran a hand through his hair. "James and Sirius. And they introduced me to some ruby lads."
Hope shook her head fondly. "Parties, rugby lads…sounds like you're branching out."
"Momma…" Remus drew out the word in feigned annoyance.
Hope was beaming. "Oh, shush. This will be good for you. I'm glad you're having a good time with your new friends."
"Me too," he smiled. He knew that more socializing would not be a bad thing. Just then, Remus heard James' footsteps in the living room. "I have to go now, James and I are getting breakfast."
"Oh, can't I say hi to him, cariad?" Hope leaned closer to the screen as if that would allow her to see out of frame.
"Yeah, car-ee-at," James joked in a bad Welsh accent, as he approached Remus. "Can't she say hi to the amazing James Potter?" He pretended to plead.
Remus chuckled and tilted his phone as James leaned in. "Momma, this is James. James, my mum, Hope."
James smiled and weaved. "Hello, Mrs. Lupin, aren't you looking rather lovely this morning! You know, your son here is just the absolute best." He slung an arm around Remus' shoulders. "He made sure my idiot of a best mate made it back home last night so I could chat up some guys. Real chivalrous lad we've got here."
Hope gave Remus a knowing look as she chuckled at James' remark. "Well, I did raise a very caring boy. Anyway, I'll let you two get to your breakfast."
"Iawn, momma," Remus smiled. "I'll talk to you later, love you!"
"I love you too, fy mabi." Hope smiled back before ending the call.
Remus turned to James. "Breakfast, then?"
"Of course, fih-mah-bee," James said again in his bad attempt at a Welsh accent. "I didn't know your mum spoke Welsh."
"I did tell you my whole family is from Wales…" Remus chuckled.
"Do you speak it, then?" James asked as they made their way out of the apartment.
Remus nodded. "It's my first language. I had to learn English really young, though, since I went to an English primary school."
"Makes sense," James said decisively. "That's kind of how my family is, too. Except it's my grandparents who are from Saudi Arabia. Both my parents grew up in the U.K."
"Do you speak Arabic, then?" Remus asked.
James nodded. "I'm mostly fluent, anyway." He answered as they entered the elevator. He pressed the first-floor button. They stood in silence as they descended the first couple of floors before James spoke again. "Oh, also, I wanted to thank you for getting Sirius home last night. I know he can be…a lot." James shook his head and chuckled.
Remus turned his focus away from James when the elevator dinged and the doors opened between the welcome desk and the doors to the outside, opposite a small lounge. The lobby was an open space with large floor-to-ceiling windows on the wall that faced the street. A couple of vending machines were lined up against the wall next to the red overstuffed armchairs. Remus and James bypassed the lady at the desk with a small nod of acknowledgment.
"It was no problem," Remus felt the sudden need to change the subject, so he cleared his throat. "So, which twin were you off with last night?"
James' face was overcome with a grin. "Fabian."
Remus smiled at the pride in James' voice as they walked side-by-side out the door. "You guys together, then?"
James laughed, making Remus regret having asked the question. "No, no, it's not like that. Fabian and I have always been close, but we're just friends. But whenever we're bored…Anyway, we have a strict one hookup per semester rule."
Remus gave him a suspicious look. "You can't be serious."
He shook his head. "Technically, it did start as a joke, but since we're both chronically single, it's kinda panned out that way."
Remus was truly astonished by both James and Sirius' ability to be so casual about this sort of thing. Relationships, romantic or otherwise, never came easy to Remus. "Ah, I see," he said, though he didn't really. "You have a good time, then?"
"I sure did," James said, pulling out his phone to put in the address of the donut shop they had found online. The two walked down the sidewalk, passing several students who seemed to recognize James by their acknowledging nods – probably since he was a student athlete, Remus concluded. Their apartment building wasn't technically on campus, but it might as well be considering its proximity. It was located among a few other complexes, mostly occupied by university goers. The area was perfect for being right next to the school, as it was riddled with cafes, second-hand shops, and fast food. The "college district," as people liked to call it, spanned several blocks in all directions around the school and was home to anything a uni student could need. "Not nearly as good a night as Sirius had, though."
"Oh?" Remus' heartbeat quickened, wondering what exactly James meant. Had Sirius said something when James went to talk to him before they left?
"This way," James mumbled as he led him around a corner. "Yeah, he had so much fun he can't even remember how his night ended." Remus let out a relieved sigh that unfortunately caught James' attention. "You alright, mate?"
"He doesn't remember what happened last night?" Remus asked quickly, ignoring James' concern.
"Guess not," James continued slowly. "Apparently, he remembers finding Mary…oh yeah, I guess you didn't actually get to meet her last night. She and Sirius have been together off and on for the past couple of years. Not really much of a relationship, though. He said he must have blacked out or something."
"Oh," Remus said again. Part of him had hoped that maybe Sirius would have actually meant what he had said, even though Remus knew he had been way too drunk to have coherent thoughts. Sirius didn't remember the words shared under the star-lit sky or back in his room. He wasn't sure how to feel – how was he supposed to feel?
James nudged Remus with his elbow. "We're here. Are you sure you're alright, Remus?"
His attention snapped back to the present, away from the images of Sirius' face in the moonlight. "Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
James looked as though he wanted to say something, but decided against it.
"Come on, let's get breakfast," Remus pushed the door open and walked through, James at his heels. He decided right then and there that Sirius not remembering was for the best. He was just going to drop it. The last thing Remus needed was an overdramatic love life.
—-------
Tuesday August 27
James Potter was many things. A straight "A" student, a hardcore athlete, a great listener, adventurous, strong, kind. He always put others before himself. When he was younger and his grandmother was sick, he did his best not to cause trouble. He was good and quiet and everything his grieving mother needed him to be. During sixth form, when Sirius spent more time at the Potter's house than his own, James made sure Sirius felt safe. He listened and he hugged and he let Sirius process in the way he needed to. So when Sirius applied to the University of Manchester, so did James. He couldn't imagine being anywhere but with his best friend – his brother. James Potter may put all his loved ones before himself, but nothing got between him and his daily runs. The habit began in Year 7 with laps around his family estate, which turned into running through the country lanes around the property. Two runs a day, one in the morning, one after lunch. The only unwavering thing in an ever-changing world.
James came to an abrupt stop as the walk signal for the crosswalk turned red and cars sped by in front of him. His breath was heavy, and he could feel the sweat dripping off his neck down his bare back. He was sporting a dark purple University of Manchester ball cap, and his glasses were tinted from the sun. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to switch the song playing in his earbuds. He smiled when he heard Freddie Mercury's voice.
Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive
And the world, I'll turn it inside out, yeah
I'm floatin' around in ecstasy
So, don't stop me now
Don't stop me
'Cause I'm havin' a good time
Havin' a good time
The walk signal turned again, and James resumed his speed. There were just a couple of blocks left to the apartment, and if he had had the time before class, James would have gone for a bit longer. But he definitely needed a shower before ethics. At the last corner before the apartment building, James slowed to a walk, letting himself catch his breath before walking inside.
Once he made it into his unit, he kicked off his running shoes and filled a glass with water. James looked at the clock on the stove, noting he had enough time to sit for a bit before showering. He sat down at the kitchen table and leaned back in the chair. The apartment was empty and strangely quiet. If James wasn't having his ear talked off by Sirius, normally, there would at least be the faint sounds of Remus' record player to fill the silence. James didn't like the quiet. Never had. He loved being surrounded by the sounds of life: friends laughing, movies playing, music serenading the air. He had half a mind to connect his phone to the speaker and turn on his playlist at obnoxious levels. But before he could open the settings on his phone, the device began to ring. To James' surprise, the contact on the screen wasn't the stupid picture of Sirius but a circle with the initials R.B., and he didn't hesitate to answer the call.
"Regulus? Are you okay?" James asked in a panic. Regulus wouldn't call him unless it was an emergency and Sirius hadn't answered. There was a low breath from the other side of the call, and James wondered if he had been crying. "Regulus. Did something happen? What's wrong?"
"Sorry," Regulus' voice was quiet as it broke. "I didn't mean to bother you. Evan and Barty are out together, and Sirius is in class, and I knew you said I could call you if I ever–"
James cut him off. "Regulus. What happened?"
"My mo– Walkburga showed up," Regulus whispered, and James' heart broke.
"She what?! What did she want? What did she do? Are you okay?" James felt anger wash over him.
"It's fine, your mum handled it, but I just needed to talk to someone to take my mind off of it." Regulus took a deep breath, and James wanted nothing more than to give him a hug.
"Regulus. What the fuck did she do?" James would dismantle that horrendous woman's pedestal brick by brick if that meant she could never hurt Sirius or Regulus ever again.
"James, really. I'm okay now, I just want to talk about something else," Regulus pleaded.
"Fine," James sighed as he conceded. Although he made a mental note to call his mother later. "What have you been up to since Sirius and I left?"
Regulus let out a relieved breath, hearing James change the subject. "Evan and Barty are helping me redo your guest room a bit. Effie said I could do whatever I'd like with it."
James smiled. "Yeah, mum's good like that."
"She is," Regulus agreed. "I'll send you pictures when we're all done."
"Yes! You have to!" James switched his phone from his left to his right ear as he ran a hand through his hair. "What else have you been doing?"
"I checked out some of the local shops and stuff. I found a cool used book store that doubles as a record store." James could hear the smile beginning to form on Regulus' face as he spoke about the several Oscar Wilde novels and Stevie Nicks vinyls he found. James let him go on and on about anything he wanted, as he knew Regulus needed the distraction. Ever since he had met Sirius, James had had to watch that woman dampen his spirit, crush his soul, and suffocate his life. Then, James had to witness it all over again with Regulus. So no, when James noticed it was time for him to go to class, he didn't end the call. It was only the first week, and all he would miss was the syllabus. He let Regulus talk, and he engaged in the conversation until he heard Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr. loudly enter Regulus' room.
"Oh, hey guys," Regulus' voice shifted into a more comfortable tone when he saw his best friends. James liked it. "I have to go. Thanks, James. Really."
"Yeah, no problem. Anytime," James answered, slightly disappointed that their conversation was ending.
The call ended before either of them actually said goodbye. James stared at his screen saver for a moment before deciding to go shower. Sirius would be home soon and would probably like to hang out after a long day of classes. He briefly wondered if Regulus had tried to call Sirius before him, despite knowing his older brother was in class. James was almost positive that that was the case, considering he wasn't the type to always ask for help. James knew that both Sirius and Regulus had grown up in an oppressive household. The countless times James had heard Walburga and Orion tell his friend, "Blacks don't stray, Toujours Pur."
Always Pure.
That phrase was stamped onto Sirius' school trunk in fancy French cursive, and it seemed to haunt his every move. James had watched as Sirius brushed off questions on where his bruises came from. He saw the way Sirius became snappish and withdrawn the last few days before returning home for breaks. James couldn't imagine how Regulus felt being expected to be the perfect daughter. Being treated like one thing, knowing it wasn't right. Knowing he would never live up to his parents' idea of who he was. James hoped that the results of the trip with Evan and Barty had been a freeing experience for the younger Black brother – that finally being his true self, Walburga and Orion be damned, was cathartic.
The warm water ran down James' previously sweet-soaked body. He ran his hands through his soapy hair, trying to avoid getting shampoo in his eyes. James remembered that as a kid, he would throw fits if his mother accidentally allowed his eyes to burn as the soap dripped down his forehead. He smiled to himself at the memory of Euphemia taking a washcloth and delicately wiping his face to rid him of the discomfort.
James had always been so thankful for his parents. Not many had an absolute angel as a mother or a caring leader as a father. Never once had Euphemia and Fleamont failed to support James, even as he went through many experimental phases in secondary school. They were always open-minded and extended themselves to Sirius when he needed them. And now, with Regulus, they gave him a home despite both James and Sirius not living there anymore. They had no obligation to either, but welcomed them both with open arms.
"Oi! Jamie!" Sirius' voice came after a knock on the door. "Hurry up! I told Remus we'd give him the grand tour of our favorite hangouts!"
"Okay, okay," James answered. "I'm almost done!"
Quickly finishing up his shower, James made a note to talk to Sirius about the phone call later. He shut the water off and reached for his towel. As he stepped out of the shower, he caught the reflection of himself in the mirror. It was blurry due to his lack of glasses, but he put on a happy expression and left the bathroom for his bedroom to change.
—-------
Wednesday August 28
Remus sat at a table by the window in the campus cafe, allowing the early afternoon sun to cast itself onto his computer screen. It was the third day of classes, and he was completing one of the many introductory discussion assignments that came with a new semester. Remus yawned as he typed away on the device, thankful for the caffeine in his tea. James and Sirius had shown him around to some of their favorite places on and off campus last night – a cafe, a small secluded courtyard, a couple of quaint shops, and bars. They shared embarrassing memories and silly anecdotes as they gave him their tour. It had been a nice evening for a walk, and Remus was enjoying having more friends outside of Lily.
Despite how confusing Sirius was to read, Remus felt as though he fit nicely into his roommates' friendship group. The only thing was, last night as they strolled about, Sirius had walked next to him the whole time, even putting his hand on Remus' shoulder as he pointed out different things. Maybe Remus had imagined just how many times their shoulders brushed – he was beginning to suspect that forgetting about the party was going to be a lot more difficult than he anticipated. Then again, Sirius' behavior toward him didn't seem to be all that different from how he acted with James. Only, James and Sirius were childhood best friends, and Remus had only properly met Sirius barely a week ago.
What really irritated Remus was that he had finally gotten Sirius' drunken words to stop replaying in his mind, and who would saunter into the cafe other than the aforementioned bastard himself. Sirius' Doc Marten's knocked on the tiled floor as he made his entrance, and Remus couldn't help but watch the man as he ordered whatever it was he did at a coffee shop. He found himself wondering how Sirius liked his coffee. Did he like it black or with an absurd amount of cream? Did he prefer milk? Did he add hazelnut or nutmeg? Did he-
"Hey, Remus!" Sirius called as he turned away from the register. "Didn't catch you before you left this morning. How was your first class?"
Remus cleared his throat. "It was good, just the introductory stuff. Need a place to sit, mate?"
Sirius smiled that gorgeous smile. "As long as you don't mind me crashing the party." He sat on the chair opposite Remus and leaned back in that carelessly nonchalant way that seemed to only be achieved by Sirius Black. He draped his arm on the back of his chair and nodded toward Remus' computer. "Homework already?"
"Kind of," Remus chuckled. "It's just a discussion board for introductions for one of my online courses."
"Ah," Sirius leaned his head back slightly in acknowledgement. "My favorite thing ever."
Remus nodded in agreement. "I know, right. If I have to explain my hobbies and future goals one more time, I may actually drop out."
Sirius laughed and, fuck if Remus loved the sound. Sirius started to say something, but was cut off. "Mango dragonfruit with lemonade, for Sirius!"
"Be right back," Sirius muttered as he went to retrieve his very pink drink from the barista with teal hair and pride pins on their apron.
There goes that mystery, Remus thought. He took a sip of his tea as Sirius made his way back to the table.
Sirius noticed the amused look on Remus' face and smirked. "What?"
Remus shook his head but replied sarcastically. "Nothing, how's your drink?"
"Just fine, thank you very much," Sirius said indignantly. "Not all of us enjoy bloody black coffee. It's way too bitter."
"Whatever you say." Remus took another drink. "Mine's tea anyway. It's still black, but it's tea."
"Of course," Sirius tilted his head to the side.
"What?" Remus felt his face flush ever so slightly.
"Nothing," Sirius took a drink. "Anyway, how are the rest of your classes?"
"Alright," Remus answered. "I like my professors so far. I've had a couple of them before."
"That's good," Sirius continued. "I mostly have all the same professors since most of my classes are in the art building. I do, however, have an English class to head to because I haven't gotten around to Composition II yet."
"Oh yeah? I'm headed to the English building as well," Remus said without thinking.
Sirius smiled. "Perfect, we can go together."
"Yeah, perfect." Remus returned the smile, though he wasn't sure "perfect" was the word he would use to describe the situation.
Sirius glanced at the silver watch on his wrist. "We should probably head over now. It takes bloody forever to get across campus."
"Oh, I didn't even realize the time," Remus said as he noticed his class began in fifteen minutes. He had been hoping to get there a bit earlier, so he began to pack up his things. In the process of doing so, he knocked a pen onto the floor.
"I got it," they both said as they bent down to pick it up. Their hands brushed as they reached for the ballpoint.
Sirius quickly pulled his hand away and cleared his throat as Remus put the pen back into his bag. "Let's go, shall we?"
Remus didn't pretend to understand what had just happened, but he chose to ignore that electrical feeling in his hand and followed the man out of the building.
—------
Saturday August 31
Lily sat cross-legged on Remus' bed, sipping the now lukewarm tea he had made her. She watched as Remus knelt on the floor in front of one of his bookshelves, reorganizing in order to fit the new books he had acquired earlier that day. Lily had decided that it was time for the two of them to hang out alone, as they hadn't done so since moving back in. She had found a half-priced bookstore that had Remus written all over it and was only three bus stops away.
"I think you need another shelf," Lily commented when she noticed the considerable pile of books and the lack of space. "The three you have are clearly not enough."
"I'm not the one who suggested a half-priced book shop," he groaned and leaned his head back. He twisted his shoulders so he could look at her. "You know that just means I can buy twice as many."
"Whatever you say, love," Lily chuckled before taking another sip of her tea. "Mmm, this is really good. What is it?"
"It's some Japanese matcha that Sirius really likes," Remus provided, and he looked away from Lily. This wasn't the first time Remus had mentioned his overly confident roommate's name that day. Lily had a suspicious feeling as to why that was, but didn't say anything about it in that moment. Remus had never been very chatty regarding his crushes – always shutting down the conversation before it could really begin. She rarely brought it up anymore unless he did first. However, that didn't stop Lily's ability to recognize infatuation when it was so clearly written across her best friend's face.
"Is it?" She asked with a tilted head.
"Yeah, he found it at one of the local shops his first year," Remus continued, looking back at her again. He ran a hand across his forehead to get his fringe out of his eyes. "He took me there when he and James were showing me around the other day, so I bout some to try. It's good, I like it."
Lily agreed, and Remus turned back to his book dilemma. She watched him fondly as he redid his system to include the new novels. Moments of calm comfort of familiar company were Lily's favorite. There was never a time she wasn't grateful for meeting the quiet new kid in the library halfway through Year 11.
It was the first day back from the winter holiday, and Lily was sitting in her usual spot in the library, reading a book she had gotten for Christmas, waiting for the bell to ring so she could head to her form classroom. She looked up from the pages to see one of the Year 12 prefects walking, followed by a lanky boy sporting auburn curls and an anxious expression. The prefect, Korian Abbas, saw Lily and motioned for the new kid to follow him over.
"Hey, Lily," Korian said with a smile, and Lily bookmarked her page. "This is Remus, he's in your form, and I was hoping you could show him around. I've just been assigned to help with the Year 5 assembly."
Lily smiled and nodded. "Of course, Korian. No problem."
"Awesome," he said. "I knew I could count on you. I have to run, but Remus, let me know if there's anything I can help you with."
Remus nodded and gave a small smile, and Korian hurried off.
"Okay, hi," Lily said breathily as she quickly collected her things and stood. "I'm Lily Evans, and I'm one of the Year 11 prefects."
"Remus Lupin," the boy said. He looked curiously at the book Lily had just shoved into her bag. "Are you reading Carry On? I love that book!"
"Yeah, my mum and dad got me the series for Christmas," Lily explained excitedly. "Are you a reader then?"
"Oh yeah," Remus nodded, and his smile widened, the ice beginning to thaw. "Last year I read, like, 70 books."
"Whoa," Lily let out a small giggle. "I wish. I love to sit outside in the courtyards here with a book during breaks when it's nice outside. It's nice to have a little reading break during the school day. You'll have to join me."
"That does sound nice," Remus agreed.
"So, where are you from, Remus?" Lily asked as she began to lead Remus to their form room.
"Monmouth, Wales. My whole family has lived there forever," Remus explained as he followed her.
"What brings you to Bradford Grammar, then?" Lily wondered. "Seems like a long way from home."
"Oh, um, my dad got a new job," Remus said quickly as he adjusted the strap of his bag, fiddling with the fabric.
Lily ignored the fact that he was obviously hiding part of the story and saw the look of relief on Remus' face when she changed the subject.
Lily had since learned that Remus' move from Monmouth to Bradford had little to do with his father's new job. The truth had come out after Lily found Remus having a panic attack at the first party she had dragged him to. She had felt horrible for putting him in that situation, at first thinking he had just been overwhelmed. But when she got him back home, Hope had let her stay the night, and Remus had told her what had happened the last time he had gone to a party. It was no wonder that Remus was always so closed off about his romantic interests. He had been hurt by people who were supposed to be his friends – and not just once. Because of course, there was the whole thing with Severus Snape, Lily's childhood best friend, who had grown into a really nasty person. He had bullied Remus right under Lily's nose for several years before revealing his true colors to her. Even after leaving his homophobic peers in Wals, Remus couldn't escape the discrimination. It had taken Lily overhearing Snape call her, his supposed best friend, a slur to his friend, before she finally realised that everyone else had been right. Snape was just like the homophobic pricks he surrounded himself with. Lily felt awful for subjecting Remus to his presence for so long.
As much as he had grown after all that had happened to him, it still haunted Remus. It stuck with him. And as much as people wanted to say that things were so much better nowadays, there were still people who were prejudiced and bigoted. A perfect example, Lily thought, was Sirius' parents. From what Remus had told her, they were terrible and treated their sons horrifically. Lily couldn't blame Remus for acting the way he did regarding the romantic part of his life, but she wished he would be more open with her.
Lily sipped her tea and tilted her head fondly as she watched Remus. "So."
Remus looked back at her. "So…what?"
She smiled. "How are you liking rooming with James and Sirius? You seem to be getting on well with them."
Remus nodded and shifted so he was facing her, criss-cross on the floor. "Yeah, it's been good. I think we're going to be good friends."
"Mhm, friends," Lily gave him a knowing look. "That's good."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck is that look for, Lily Jo?"
"Damn, pulling out the middle name," Lily shook her head, still smiling. "I just meant, you've talked my ear off about Sirius today, but I have yet to hear what James' favorite tea is…"
Lily knew Remus would probably just gloss over the conversation and quickly change the subject. She did not, however, expect him to get defensive.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he turned away from her again.
"Touchy subject, then?" Lily smirked.
"Again, I don't know what you're on about." He resumed his reorganization.
Lily set her mug on Remus' new bedside table and pulled herself onto the floor to sit next to the man. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I think you do."
Remus looked down at his lap and took a deep breath. "No, it's nothing."
"Okay," Lily sighed and leaned back, resigned. She wasn't by any means surprised at this reaction. "I need a snack. Do you still have those crisps I like?"