*Sunagakure – Kazekage's Office*
Having just wrapped up his "home takeover" operation, Orochimaru stared at the newly updated bingo book poster in his hand with a pensive look.
The notice came straight from Konoha, a full-page exposé on the countless crimes of ex-Council Elder Shimura Danzō. The Leaf wasn't holding back—calling for every hidden village to hunt him down.
Dead or alive, it didn't matter. As long as Danzō was delivered back to Konoha, the bounty was a jaw-dropping fifty million ryō.
Fifty. Million. Ryō.
Orochimaru did a quick mental calculation. Fifty million ryo was enough for him to establish a new secret laboratory right here in the Sand Village.
"You seem hesitant, my friend."
From the side door, the figure of Hanzō the Salamander stepped in… though to Orochimaru, he looked exactly like Danzō himself.
"What, is our friendship worth less than a measly bounty?"
"You're getting funny in your old age, Danzō." Orochimaru's lips curled into a cold grin. "We don't have a 'friendship.' I'm just humoring you because you're useful. For now."
And with that, he casually stuffed the wanted notice into his sleeve.
"This is your idea of cooperation?" Hanzō narrowed his eyes, feigning anger.
"Oh, I'm curious." Orochimaru's golden, slit-pupils bored into him, a mocking smile tugging at his lips. "What exactly did you do to make the old man this pissed? To throw away decades of friendship and scheming straight into the trash?"
Hanzo was silent for a moment. "You don't know?"
"Should I?" Orochimaru's brows furrowed.
Hanzō went silent for a long moment. Then, he pulled a folded newspaper from his sleeve and jabbed a finger at a photo.
"This—you really don't know?"
"..."
Orochimaru looked at the photo of himself and felt his whole body go numb. The 'conscience' (boobs) in the picture was so enormous it could rival two bowling balls. "What the hell? Which bastard did this?!"
*Land of Waves – Leader's Office.*
"Bwahahahaha! Orochimaru's asking who the bastard is?!" Kushina was doubled over with laughter in front of the monitor.
"No idea. But hey, it is't me," Yuto shrugged innocently.
"It was totally you!" Kushina straddled his lap, long gloves encircling his neck. "If you're not a bastard, then this whole world is bastard-free!"
"At least… I'm a slightly better bastard than the rest?" he tried to defend himself.
"Other bastards don't mess around with their friends Mothers" Kushina whispered with a wicked glint in her eye, lips brushing his ear. "So… what are you? A super bastard?"
"Wasn't it… consensual?"
"You made the first move. So it's on you, bastard!"
"..."
"Good grief."
"Hehehe~." Kushina, delighted with his flustered look, sealed the moment with a kiss.
Smack.
The office filled with a soft sound.
"Damn it! My passive didn't trigger!" Kushina huffed, hopping up. "Mikoto-chan, your turn."
Mikoto, blushing bright red, slid into Kushina's former seat.
"Uh… what exactly are you two doing?" Yuto asked, blinking in confusion.
"We're playing a little game Who's the Lucky Winner." Kushina giggled. "We take turns kissing you. Whoever triggers your succubus passive first wins. The loser gets punished tonight!"
"..."
Yuto twitched. This was basically some cursed spin on King's Game. And triggering a passive skill counted as victory? The hell kind of rules were these?
Still grumbling in his head, he suddenly felt Mikoto's warm lips press against his.
Chu.
She held it for a good while—clearly dead set on winning. But alas, no passive triggered.
Just as they were about to switch again, a faint bzzz bzzz filled the air.
Yuto blinked, pulling a strange "mystery communicator" from his pocket.
The ladies instantly abandoned the game and leaned in close.
[???]: Mysterious chat request?
[Dumb Snack] (is Yuto) : Hehe, pretty amazing, right?
[???]: Are you its creator?
[Dumb Snack]: No, just a user.
[???]: Hmph. Then what are you so smug about?
"This one's a little grumpy," Yuto muttered, stroking his chin.
"Count your blessings. Better than that last guy—Mr. Shiny Blond." Kushina clapped him on the shoulder. "Go on, keep chatting! Ask the basics—name, age, where they live…"
"…Big sis, what is this, a census survey?" Yuto deadpanned.
[Dumb Snack]: Okay, old man, What's your name already?
[???]: I am… Uchiha Madara.
Hssss—what the actual—?!
Yuto froze, eyes wide.
Kushina and Mikoto were no better, jaws dropping in unison.
UCHIHA. MADARA.
The shadowy final boss of the shinobi world… was now his online buddy?
"What do you think?" Yuto whispered.
"Could be fake." Kushina pursed her lips. "From what you told us about your past life, people on the internet… can't be trusted."
"I agree." Yuto nodded solemnly.
[System]: You have obtained this friend's real name. Would you like to assign a nickname?
The three of them froze.
'Real name?'
'Meaning… this really was Uchiha Madara?'
"…What now?" Yuto asked quietly.
"Give him a nickname ." Kushina exhaled. "And hey, even if it's Madara, maybe it's from another parallel ninja world. That's a thing, right?"
"Fair point." Yuto nodded.
And with a thought, he typed: Magical Girl.
"Pfft—hahahaha! Perfect!" Kushina burst out laughing, covering her mouth. "Madara, the Magical Girl—it fits!"
[System]: Set nickname to 'Magical Girl'? Warning: This CANNOT be undone.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Yuto hit Yes without hesitation.
[Magical Girl]: ???
[Dumb Snack]: Huh, what's wrong?
[Magical Girl]: What's with this nickname?
"Oho, he can see it."
[Dumb Snack]: Weird, right? I don't know either. Must've been auto-generated by the system. Mine's dumb too, see?
[Magical Girl]: Tch… Magical Girl? What nonsense is that?
[Dumb Snack]: It's not nonsense. It's a noble order! They fight evil, spread love, and bring peace!
"Hahaha—you slick bastard!" Kushina nearly keeled over laughing at the side.
[Magical Girl]: Love… and peace?
*In the Pure Land.*
Madara's eyes flickered open, staring at those words. His mind turned over and over.
'Love and peace…?'
'Could it be that his true heart for peace was finally recognized, and that's why this system named him… Magical Girl?'
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