If you were to name the top student at one of Thailand's most prestigious universities right now, there wasn't a single person on campus who didn't know 'Pat' or rather, 'Kunlapat Thanawaranyu,' a fourth-year star of the Economics faculty and the beautiful daughter of a major businessman in the frozen food export industry.
Kunlapat was the very definition of 'God's favorite child.'
Her jet-black hair fell in a silky cascade over her shoulders. Her sharp eyes carried a faint air of arrogance, the kind that came naturally to someone of her caliber. Her model-slender frame turned heads the moment she moved, even in a perfectly fitted university uniform, drawing stares from everyone she passed until their necks nearly gave out. And yet, beneath all that flawless perfection, Kunlapat kept one secret hidden from everyone around her.
She was drawn only to women.
Not once in her life had she ever let a man hold any sway over her heart.
***
"Pat, looks like your pretty girlfriend is waiting for you out front of the 7-Eleven."
Fahsai, one of Kunlapat's close friends, teased her with barely contained laughter, nodding toward a slender figure in a university uniform standing by the curb. Kunlapat followed her gaze and spotted Anda, head down, scrolling through her phone on the sidewalk.
"Fahsai, can you please stop teasing me about Anda? I've told you, we're just friends." Her tone edged toward annoyance, though her eyes hadn't left the person in question.
"Well, I heard Anda likes girls, so I started shipping you two. What's wrong with that? Two pretty girls together... that's cute."
"No, it's not okay, and stop shipping us. Also, where did you even hear that Anda likes girls?"
"People talk. You two live in the same condo building, rooms right next to each other. I've never once seen her bring home a girlfriend or even someone she's seeing."
"I don't know. If you're so curious, go ask her yourself." Kunlapat cut her off, thoroughly done with the conversation.
Fahsai pouted dramatically. "Ugh, fine, can't say anything." She turned to look at Kunlapat with a teasing grin. "You know, now that I think about it, I've never seen you with anyone either. What are you waiting for, some prince from a royal dynasty? You've been single this whole time. Just date Anda. Two best girl friends becoming a couple... that's adorable." She finished with a giggle.
Kunlapat turned to her friend with a look of clear warning. "Fahsai, if you say that one more time, I will sneak up on you and cut off every single one of your bangs."
Fahsai gasped and immediately reached up to shield her fringe protectively. "Don't you dare, Pat. If you touch my bangs, I will slash your tires."
The threat was so ridiculous that Kunlapat let out a quiet laugh.
"I'm done talking to you. I'd rather go to my man. Mac is waiting for me, so feel free to go stroll around Siam Square with your girlfriend." She delivered the last jab with a grin and walked off. Mac was a junior from her faculty, and Fahsai's boyfriend.
Kunlapat shook her head at her friend's nonsense and headed over to where Anda was waiting not far away.
***
Inside a premium Japanese restaurant in a shopping mall at the heart of Bangkok, the noise of the outside world fell away completely, replaced by the soft murmur of background music.
Kunlapat and Anda sat across from each other at a corner table, both still in their university uniforms, both drawing lingering looks from the young men seated at several tables nearby. Neither of them paid those glances any attention.
"Don't you think it's time you told your family you like girls?"
It was Anda who broke the silence, setting down her chopsticks.
'Anda,' or 'Anda Siriwatmongkol,' was one of Kunlapat's closest friends. Their families had known each other for years, though the two of them had only grown close after Anda returned from high school in Australia to continue her studies in Thailand. That was the first time she had met Kunlapat, the woman who had made her heart race from the very first moment she laid eyes on her. But those feelings had always stayed locked away, never spoken aloud, because Anda knew perfectly well that in Kunlapat's eyes, she was nothing more than a friend.
Anda suspected Kunlapat already had some idea of how she felt. She wasn't sure whether to be grateful or heartbroken that Kunlapat had chosen to act like she didn't know.
Kunlapat went quiet for a moment before answering, her voice dropping slightly. "I'm not ready to tell them."
"But what's the point of hiding it? Aunt and Uncle adore you. You don't have to be scared. You're their only daughter. They'll be okay with it no matter what."
"But what if they're not?" Kunlapat pushed back. "I don't want to disappoint them."
"Disappoint them how, Pat? The world has changed." Anda pressed gently. "Mindsets have changed too. I honestly think your parents might already know but are waiting for you to say it yourself."
Kunlapat bit down on her lower lip, the worry plain on her face. "I know..." She said it and then fell quiet. "But I still can't fully accept it myself. That I like women."
It was the first time she had admitted it out loud. Anda looked at her with quiet sympathy, at this person she had quietly loved for so long. She reached across the table and gently covered Kunlapat's hand with her own.
"Hey, it's okay," she said, her voice warm and steady. "You don't have to rush. Take it one step at a time. I'll be right here, whatever happens."
Kunlapat met her eyes. The warmth that passed between their hands settled somewhere in her chest and softened something there. She had known for a while that Anda had feelings for her. But she had never felt anything in return beyond the closeness of deep friendship, because somewhere inside her, there was still a face she couldn't erase. A first love that lingered in her memory like a bruise that refused to fade.
After a satisfying meal, Kunlapat and Anda joined the queue outside a popular dessert shop. The sweet scent of freshly baked waffles drifted out and hit them before they even reached the door. Something surfaced in Kunlapat's mind and she turned to ask.
"Didn't you say you were bringing your person today? To introduce her?"
She was curious. This was the first person Anda had shown any interest in since coming back to study in Thailand.
"She has class this afternoon." Anda glanced at her phone. "She just texted me. Perfect timing, actually."
Just then, a young woman with a sweet, pretty face walked toward them. But the moment Kunlapat's sharp eyes landed on that face, on the deep auburn hair she knew too well, the world seemed to stop turning. Her heart slammed against her ribs. Her lips parted, and the name slipped out before she could stop it.
"Lalin..."
The woman standing before her was her first love. The one who had turned that love into something she could never undo.
A storm of feelings crashed through Kunlapat all at once. Shock. Confusion. Pain. She had never imagined she would see Lalin again. Not like this. Not here.
Anda looked up at the approaching girl and smiled, moving to make introductions.
"This is Lalin. And this is Pat, my best friend." She turned to Kunlapat. "Pat, this is Lalin. Third year. She's an actress at the same channel as Pimdao, the GL actress you like."
Lalin and Kunlapat locked eyes.
Neither of them had expected this. The air around them stilled, the soft music from the shop fading into something distant, leaving only the unbearable weight of what neither of them could say.
The past pressed forward in Kunlapat's mind, vivid and uninvited...
It had been at her condo. The night they came back from dinner together. Things between them had been fraying for a while by then, arguments flaring up more and more often over Lalin's family, who refused to accept a relationship between two women.
Kunlapat had been trying to close the distance. She pulled Lalin closer as they lay together on the soft sheets of her bed, hoping that nearness alone could mend what was cracking between them. She pressed her lips to Lalin's throat, fingertips trailing gently over her skin. The tenderness shifted into something more urgent as she moved upward, seeking Lalin's mouth, chasing the flame that had once burned so naturally between them.
Lalin shifted and turned her face away.
Her eyes didn't respond the way they used to. They were somewhere else entirely. Kunlapat noticed, but forced herself to push past it. She whispered against Lalin's ear, her voice soft and raw with want.
"Can we stop fighting? Please?"
She reached for the buttons on Lalin's shirt, undoing them slowly, one by one. But Lalin caught her hand and held it still, eyes meeting hers with something unreadable and unsettled.
"P'Pat," Lalin said quietly. "I'm tired tonight."
She looked away.
Kunlapat felt the withdrawal like a physical thing, but she didn't let go. She pulled Lalin in and kissed her deeply, her hands moving over her body with deliberate heat, trying to coax her back, trying to bring her here. Lalin resisted, shifting against her, but Kunlapat held her closer.
"I love you," she breathed against her. She tried again, slower this time, pouring everything she had into it. But Lalin went still, her eyes somewhere far away, her body present but her mind already gone. She didn't push back, but she didn't come back either.
And then Lalin's phone rang.
She pulled away, told Kunlapat to stop, and got up to take the call in a corner of the room where she couldn't be heard. Kunlapat watched her from the bed, a cold feeling spreading through her chest. The distance between them felt suffocating. Something was wrong. Something she couldn't name yet was closing in on their relationship, something she didn't want to see clearly.
The truth came for her later.
The truth she had feared but prayed wouldn't be real.
Lalin had been cheating on her.
.
.
Don't Talk About the Ex (English version)
by Hojicha