Despite my still sour feelings toward my father, I still did not want to wake him up early and send him on errands, a retribution for the suffering he had put me through. I left him to his deep restful sleep and went out to but the necessary groceries I had missed so much with the money he came back. He was not absent for about three months, but the sum he gave him was still little and insufficient so I had to buy only the necessities while using my full – fledged skills of bargaining to its utmost.
On my way home, I looked carefully at the remaining coins in my hand, counting them with pride and satisfaction that soon were replaced with a loud thud as an aimless missile collided with my frail frame, pushing me down and scattering the vegetables and spices I had just bought. Clutching my throbbing head, I looked around with angry eyes ready to yell and make a scene, but I held my tongue, though still mad, as the culprit was only a little child, merely six or seven of age.
I huffed, my anger turning into irritation and I prepared myself to give the child a long lecture with a bit of a harsh scolding, but a teasing voice that sounded so familiar took control of the situation first:
"This is really bad, Kaoru – Chan! You've dropped all what this girl was carrying, and you struck her down as well!!"
The scent of spring tricked into my being all of a sudden, and the soft touch of fingertips wiping the sweet remains off my lips surfaced once more in a tantalizing sensation that plucked on the strings of my heart.
Okita – san was standing there, approaching us in his lazy – cat – like stride. He was surrounded by four children in a warm sight that logically should not have fitted the image of the captain of the first squad of the Shinsingumi, yet somehow, it was so wholesome and heartwarming, he looked like an older brother taking care of his young siblings in a beautiful placating imagery that would bring joy and calmness onto any troubled heart. While surrounded by these children, who seemed way too familiar with him and happy to be around him, his eyes had subdued their dangerous aura and in its place, a sincere kindness and gentleness shone brightly; a mild breeze containing a deadly storm.
"Okita - san… you're… what are you…"
Despite how heartening the scene in front of me was, it was still strange to me eyes, a little unbelievable, I wanted to inquire about these kids and what a fearsome swordsman doing with them, but Okita – san went on ordering the children around with a merry kind tone:
"Now kids, help the young woman and put her stuffs back together and you, Koaru - chan, I think you owe the tolerant young woman an apology!"
The kid got up and apologized earnestly while his friends hurried in their little footsteps to put my packages back together. It was easy to tell that these obeyed the older man's request out genuine respect and love, nothing to do with fear or intimidation and bearing witness to this bizarre yet warming scenery unfolding in front of me, I was left with no choice but to accept the kid's apology. After all, I could not afford to act like the mean children – freighting woman in the merriment that accompanied Okita – san and the group of smiling children around him.
The kids finished their assigned task quickly, probably eager to move on from this inconvenience I had caused, interrupting precious their time with the samurai. My grocery backs were laid down, tidied properly and the kid, Kaoru - Chan, even apologized again.
"Are you still fascinated by the road's patterns, Kikyo - Chan?"
It took me a moment to understand what he was getting into before I realized that I was still lying on the ground. I chuckled nervously as I was still at loss of words and thoughts at the weird scene that I would have never imagined of Okita – san hanging with children. I dusted my upper robes and leaned to get up but before I stood up, a slim yet strong hand was extended in my direction, for me to lean on as Okita – San spoke:
"Or perhaps, you ankle injury have not healed yet?"
My surprised expression could not be hidden, and my eyes widened comically at the remark. Okita – San was not there when I was first caught, Harada – san had probably related all the details to him, and while he forgot to ask me about my twisted ankle when we met again at the headquarters, his mind busy with his own duties and missions, the man who was not there to witness the incident, was the one who remembered.
I got up on my own, keeping my hands upon my old kimono trembling with shyness. I muttered with a grateful smile.
"It is all better now… it was not that serious to begin with… and I am an experienced nurse after all…"
Okita – San nodded in satisfaction at my answer, although his eyes betrayed a glimmer of disappointment as I refused to take his hand.
The children were still lurking from a distance, their patience running out as they called out to the samurai, but Okita – San turned at them waving his hands.
"Play time is over you little goblins, go and find something else to do… your big brother has something important to do."
Despondency took over the children's small faces but they could not press the matter, and only left after making the grown man promise them to go out play with them tomorrow.
Huh, so they were truly just playing… he was not training them or recruiting them for the future… silly thoughts. It was just that pure and simple. My face lit up as I thought that Okita – San was such a loved man among children, it brought tenderness to his sharp features and notorious reputation that until now, I had only glimpsed bits of kindness and joy from it.
Remembering that Okita – San had said he had something important to tend to, I held my bags and excused myself, and he asked me why. I was taken back as I repeated what he had just said to which he erupted in cheerful laughter.
"Silly girl, I have nothing to tend to today…"
"Then why…"
I did not know if it was my place to ask, but the words had already gotten out of my mouth.
"I just wanted to take a stroll, that is all."
"I see."
There was still no need for me to remain, yet I found myself lingering in my spot as if glued to the pavement. The sharp – eyed man noticed this and with a teasing smile he commented.
"Maybe your leg have not healed up yet, should I give you a piggy ride home?"
"What???"
I exclaimed in indignation, the tips of ear tinted red and radiating heat all over my face."
"Why not? You look like a lamb with a broken leg."
"Then you wish to be the shepherd taking care of it?"
I replied with a confident smile about my brilliant smart retort. However, contrary to my wishes of exchanging a heartfelt laughter with the man towering over me, instead, he was eyeing me with a complex expression that did not fail to convey the stupidity of my joke and how unfunny it was. I mumbled to myself cursing myself all the way back to my ancestors and Okita – San caught the shifting expressions of embarrassment taking over my face, nearing mortification. He let out another laugh, patting my shoulder as if he was placating one of the children he was just playing with saying:
"You're just as Harada - san said; don't know how to behave normally, right?"
The words sounded hard, and I could not imagine Harada – San saying them, but the circumstances of our first meeting and what followed might have led him to this conclusion. I lowered my head, chewing the inside of cheeks mumbling in dismay at myself.
"Yes, it's just as he said… I'm a mere idiot girl…"
I emphasized my short comings with a long sigh burdened with misery and self – blame to which Okita – San burst laughing again soothing me with "it's all right; everyone acts like morons sometimes…" but his words added more salt to my wounded miserable pride and self –esteem, not helpful in the least and when he looked at me again and saw the failure of his attempts, he kept laughing, his naughty grin and genuine cheerfulness enough on their own to soothe down anything.
In his own attempt of apologizing, sighting it was his turn this time to do so, Okita - san insisted he'd carry my bags. I instantly refused, explaining it was not suitable for a man of his status and rank but he totally ignored me and went ahead of me, although he did not even know where my house was so I hurried my steps until I was walking by his side.
"Have you father come back yet?"
I hesitated a little before answering, a childish self - indulgent thought swept across my imagination, what if Okita – san scolded my father for leaving his only daughter alone in these dangerous times? What if he picked a fight with him or threatened him? But why would he do that? What was to him beside a moron girl whom he laughed at? I shook this impossible out come and nodded.
"He came back yesterday… he was so tired… but he did not fail to make a profit."
I said trying to sound proud but the loneliness and sorrow lacing my thoughts tricked into my words. Although he glanced at me for a short while, Okita – San said nothing. I had to change the subject, it was a hateful one and I did not wish to dwell on it. seeing it was my turn to ask this time, I inquired:
"Okita - san, what was someone like you doing with those kids?"
"Do you find it strange, Kikyo - chan?"
I hesitated afraid I had offended him or prodded deeper than what I was allowed. Nevertheless, I could only go on frankly:
- I do! You're a very famous man for his skills in swordplay, I heard that no one survives the tip of your blade and that you're a prodigy in dueling… so how did you end up with some kids playing with them?! I've found a boy crying some time ago and when I asked about his problem he said he was your disciple!"
Okita was smiling the whole time but he frowned at the last sentence and answered coldly:
"Then I've no need for a disciple like him."
At the moment, I realized that Okita - san would always smile and joke about everything expect when it came to swordplay and instructing it, at this subject, which he definitely held dear, he would turn into a firm man who never steps back. I argued no further, not wanting so spoil the nice mood. It seemed I had done enough damage. However, the man by my side suddenly and turned at me going back to the same conversation:
"You find me playing with the kids strange… do you see e as a man fit to only kill? Can't you imagine me without my sword?"
The truthful answer was yes but I did not say it. instead, I thought it over a little then replied.
"Can you imagine yourself without your sword?"
"Absolutely not."
The answer came fast and resolute, without any time to ponder over it or think about it. I should have been afraid and cautious about receiving such answer devoid of any qualms or hesitation over it, but I found myself smiling admiringly at that conviction.
Truth to be told, during the days that had passed since I first met him, Okita's image didn't part with my thoughts… I could even hear his sweet teasing tone as he said I was a cute kid. The scent of blossoming flowers breezed against me every time I thought of him. Okita – san did not add anything, perhaps he was waiting for my fear to emerge or alert to heighten, but he stopped looking at me as I spoke, casting my eyes down.
"While I cannot imagine you permanently without your sword by your side, I can still imagine you without it for short times.. like today… Honestly speaking, you seem to be a very good man… you were very kind to those kids, they truly seemed to love you and be happy with your company… this might seem insignificant to you, but it tells you possess a kind heart. You were also very gentle at our first meeting and left a nice impression on me; I am always trying to be cute!"
"Was that what I said?"
He looked at me wondering, and I nodded confirming it. He took a long pause then uttered nonchalantly:
"Perhaps I meant beautiful."
Although he said the latter words feigning no interest or honesty, it was clear to me that in his eyes, every word was uttered sincerely, leaving my tongue moving inside my mouth like a fish weltering out of water looking for the right words to answer with but my suffering soon ended as we approached my house. Okita - San said bowing his head:
" I'm glad because you see me this way, Kikyo - Chan. I wish if everybody else could see me with your pure eyes as well."
I was hardly able to smile; first because the men he belonged to and strode the streets with their flashy uniform were the wolves of Mibu; a group specializes in killing, but Okita - though their most famous man, was so far from that image of mercilessness while standing by my side.
We arrived at my house, I wanted to invite him inside for a cup a tea, but my uncertainty about my father's attitude toward this situation stopped me and Okita – San did not miss my dilemma. Luckily, he took the first step and excused himself and as I was saying goodbye, a slight breeze whiffed heralding the coming of spring. A large smile escaped me, as I remarked joyfully"
"Spring is about to be reborn, Okita – San!"
The man nodded inhaling the sweet breeze. He took a step forward to leave, then turned again promising:
" I'll take you to watch the sakura blossom this year, together."