2021 December 3rd, 4 years ago…
My cousin Valentine was rapidly talking about school, while I ate a spoon full of caramel. He even made eye contact with me but still didn't notice that I had zoned out and wasn't paying attention. I guess he just likes to talk.
"I mean what was she thinking about talking about Mango like that, it's crazy!"
He had finally caught my attention.
"Wait who? Who was talking about her?" I asked, my lips covered in caramel.
"Oh, no one important, just your crazy ex. I can't believe she still bothers us, you guys broke up in sixth grade. We're in tenth grade, I can't believe she hasn't gotten over you." Valentine rambled.
I stared at him. He just says it so casually, I guess I can't blame him.
"I'm so sick of her, she's so annoying. It's not gonna get her anywhere, she keeps talking that just ruins the chances, not that she had one in the first place. " I responded, rubbing my face and eyes.
He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, but what will you do about it?"
I looked back up at him, with a confused face.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you seem more good at standing up for us, despite you being the youngest cousin. Like, we're supposed to protect you, what are you doing protecting us?" Valentine asked fretful.
I shrugged in agreement, still shoving caramel into my mouth. He leaned closer to me and stared at me in a complete glare.
"Why? Why do you do that?" He asked again, distressed.
I shrugged and pushed him away, he was way too close.
Suddenly, I heard a loud truck outside of my house. My dad was home. If he found that I was eating caramel like this, I'd be yelled at for sure. And my phone would be taken away. I sure don't want that.
I ran toward the sink and washed my spoon. I put a cover on the bowl of caramel and put it right back into the fridge where I found it. Hopefully they would fall for the trap. I sat down at the dining room table at the window, they were coming. I grabbed Valentine's hand and then ran up the stairs and up to my room. I closed the door and then quietly ran to my bed. I turned on my L.E.D lights to a dark blue. I watched them from the window of my room.
If they found out that Valentine was here and for eating caramel? Straight caramel, at that point I would be getting smacked.
Once they came inside, I opened my window. I hope Valentine's ankles were strong enough for this.
"Val, you gotta jump." I whispered.
"What are you, crazy?" He mutters raspy.
"If you don't want to see me get hurt and don't want you to be charged with entering a private property. You don't have the money to bail out again. This is our only option." I gave him an upset look and his gaze softened.
He walked toward the window and sat on the edge. It was a long bush and it wasn't hard to aim for the shrubs. Val looked back at me and smiled before jumping down. I looked down at him to see he landed just fine and started to run down the street.
I quickly closed the window and closed the curtains. I laid down in my bed as calm as I could be. I turned on my canopy lights to a soft off-white, the flickering setting hurts my head and eyes.
I heard my parents speaking downstairs. I don't know why they took so long at the store, and why they took all four of my siblings, even the baby. I noticed the light yet loud footsteps coming up the stairs. I perceived it as my siblings. They have lighter feet than my parents. After I heard some whispers pass by my room, I thought I was home free, free to go to sleep and not move my body any more than it needed to be, free to not strain my voice over worthless speech that would never be heard.
But no. I wasn't. I hadn't heard the fridge open, Valentine didn't forget anything because he didn't bring anything, he had no mud tracks, I put away the spoon, I hadn't been on my phone almost all day, I did my chores. What could I have done to mess up? I guess we would never know.
I heard my father yell of the stairs,
"Nox! We need to talk for a minute!" He wasn't mad, it seemed.
It was like my world shattered in pieces. What had I done? His voice gave me a headache. My mind spiraled and the phrase repeated. What had I done? What had I done? What had I done? What had I done? What had I done? What had I done? What had I done? What had I done?
I got up from my bed and looked down the small hallway that seemed like it stretched for miles. I slowly made my way down the steps, the noise creaking louder and louder. I made it to the end. The light of the kitchen shined bright into my eyes, no matter how dim it was.
There they were. My dad and my stepmom sitting there all innocent and nice. I didn't ever believe they're masks they used for the outside world. They looked at me with their troubled eyes, but I could see right through them that they were disappointed in me for something.
I noticed something. My oldest sister hadn't come back from school yet and she didn't text me. What was this about? Is she staying somewhere else now? Is she at mom's? Aunt Aponi? Mango's? At a friend's house?
"If you have noticed your sister isn't here Nari isn't here. And we really don't know what to tell you." My dad began.
"And we're really sorry, honey." My stepmom Guadalupe started to tear up,
She dug into my father's shoulder, crying.
What happened? Was she diagnosed with something?
"I'm sorry Noxy, they couldn't find her. They presumed her dead."
The words echoed in my head. Dead? Dead? How was she dead? What happened? Had he even tried? Are they not even gonna look for her?
My eyes began to swell with tears. I looked down, trying to hide myself. What happened?
I heard my father get up and pat my back, trying to hug me. Gaudalupe followed after him and hugged my other side. I ignored them both. This was probably their fault, they didn't send a search team. Nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. We had the money for it, but did they even try?
I pushed them off of me and ran up the stairs and to my room. I locked the door and ran to my bed. I laid in my bed, letting tears run down my face. My breath started getting heavy and now I can't control it. I was losing my breath. I started coughing, my voice became crackly and hoarse. I held my head with both of my hands and rubbed my face in tears. My body shook in fear.
I'm already starting to forget how she looks, I don't want to forget. I can't forget, I don't ever want to forget.
I checked the time on my phone. It was nine o' six. I can't get on my phone, it's locked. What will my life be like now? What if I forget things about her? How can I keep her memory alive? What will I do without my sister? My big sister. My oldest sister. She was so close to moving out, all that money. She had been working since she was my age, fifteen. She's twenty three, or was. Where did all that money go? Who did it go to?
I cried a little bit more. I told her not to join that fashion design club, I knew it was bad. A bus can't drive when it's dark out. What will I do without my sister? I want my sister.
After a few hours, I was laying in my bed, thinking about what to do. I wanted to text Valentine, and the others, but my phone was locked. I stared at the stars on my ceiling, glowing. Some weren't even stars, some were moons and suns and eclipses. My breath was still shaky, my voice was hoarse. It was almost eleven at night now.
Maybe I was out of my brain, maybe this was a part of my grief for my dead sister, maybe I didn't take my medication, maybe I just needed time or therapy, but what I would think next was unthinkable.
I sat up in my bed, staring straight ahead. My plan, it was undeniably clever. It was just one simple step. I can't open my phone, so I can't see how it would work out. But I don't care, I know how to find my sister.
I unlocked my door and stepped downstairs. My parents were asleep and my siblings were too. I opened a cabinet quietly, and reached for a bottle. I kept checking behind me to look for my parents, and I am terribly scared of the dark, hence my glow in the dark stars and canopy lights. I went back upstairs and went into the bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror, my bright blue eyes are corrupted by the redness of crying. It looked like I was high on something. I watched as a couple more tears fell from my face and sniffled. I wiped my eyes and looked at the bottle. The white bottle of remedy. I looked at myself one last time before opening the bottle. The pills rattled in the bottle.
I had my phone in my pocket, the bottle in hand, and my eyes in full. I opened the bottle, the pills rattling, my head already spinning. I leaned my head back and let the pills fall into my mouth. After inhaling half the bottle, I turned on the sink and drank some water. I inspired the rest. My head started to hurt terribly, my stomach was aching and I felt like I was gonna throw up. I couldn't remember anything, nothing at all. I stumbled to the toilet and threw up. I coughed terribly. What was the point of that? I didn't even throw up the pills. Just some stuff from dinner and the caramel I ate. I coughed more and more.
Suddenly I heard my other sister, Maeve, come out of her room.
"Nox? Are you in there? What's happening?" She called out quietly.
I coughed some more before answering.
"Just leave me be, go to the bathroom downstairs. I'm busy." I rasped.
"Look, if this is about Nari, I'm really sorry-"
"Just leave, Maeve!" I yelled.
I could hear her gasp gently on the other side.
"Jeez, find I'm leaving." Maeve grumbled. "Bathroom hog,"
I heard her steps retreat downstairs. I coughed more and more. My eyes started to blur, and my head was burning with pain. And before I knew it, I passed out.
Was this the end? Was it all worth it? The voices echoed in my head. Suddenly, I woke up in a soft pink void, with a small table in the middle with smoke, heavy smoke arising from the other side. I looked closer toward the other side, only to see a brown haired lady in her forties, moving her hands around, spreading the lavender smelling sage. I sniffed the air for more of the lavender but it changed. The scent changed so quickly. It was now a chocolate scent. It was weird. Who was this lady? She looks familiar.
The smoke cleared and I saw her openly. I saw her better. And I realized that the pain was gone, it was just gone.
She looked at me and frowned, like she was disappointed to see me. What did she want? Where did she come from? Do I know her?
"This is not a proud achievement, Nox. I really thought I wouldn't have to meet with you." She said, her voice echoed.
"Wait, how do you know my name?" I asked.
She stared at me and scoffed. She poured a cup of iced coffee. I could tell that it was cold. She gave it to me in a beautifully designed cup. It was glass and I could recognize it right away. From the black and brown tones to the silly little frogs on the handle, I could tell. It was my sister Nari's cup that she had sculpted in one of her clubs. My sister's cup, my cup. What was she doing with it?
"Is this some type of joke to you? I just lost my sister and now you're messing with me? What the heck is your problem lady?" I yelled at her.
She stared at me again, her brown eyes shining in the light pink environment. She pulled from her pocket a Dubai chocolate. Koreans love it and love making their own versions of it. But this is pure Dubai chocolate, not homemade or anything. Straight from Dubai. I might hate this lady, but I love chocolate.
She threw it across the table and I snatched it immediately. I ripped it open and took a bite out of it. It was good, scrunchy and flavourful. The sugar helped with my mind.
"Nox, you have been difficult since birth." She announced.
She said that out of nowhere and that is not how you make small talk.
"Excuse me?" I was in total confusion.
"You almost died at birth, you were given multiple therapists, many mental illnesses and now this. You have been a real problem." She sipped her tea peacefully.
I looked at her in shock. How could she be saying that?
"What do you mean?" I asked, eating my chocolate. "And why isn't this water wet?"
"Water itself cannot have the property, wetness is it's own property. But rather than asking silly questions I will answer you this. You are very difficult to keep alive and it is my job to make sure that you stay alive. Why do you make it so hard to do that? You didn't turn out the way we wanted you to."
"We? Who's we-"
"Doesn't matter, stop doing dangerous and dumb stuff, that's all I have to tell you now you will go back to the realm of Mortals." She shouted.
Just as I was about to protest until I saw a bright light and I awoke.
One problem: I wasn't in the bathroom anymore.