Shen Yuan did not wake up gracefully.
He shot up in his bedroll, limbs flailing like a startled frog tossed into hot water. A bead of sweat trailed down his brow as he clutched the talisman he had accidentally rolled onto in his sleep.
"System," he muttered, eyes wide and hazy, "did that snake just… talk to me in my dream? Why was it selling me insurance?"
System Notification: Host has experienced spiritual overload from overexposure to Essence-Flavored Mushrooms. Side effects include hallucinations, minor prophecy, and unsolicited dream sales pitches.
"Unacceptable," Shen Yuan grumbled. "I didn't even get the salesman's name."
He looked around. The clearing was still cloaked in morning mist. The outer sect disciples were slowly stirring, except for Mo Fan, who had chosen to sleep upside down on a tree branch like a meditating bat. That one was a mystery.
Yun Yueling, brushing the dew off her robes, gave Shen Yuan a sidelong glance. "Rough night?"
"You ever dream about snakes offering you limited-time offers?" Shen Yuan asked.
She blinked. "No?"
"Then yes."
Before she could retort, a gust of wind blew through the trees, carrying with it a strange scent. Burnt feathers. Charred pork. Possibly righteous indignation.
Shen Yuan's eyes snapped to the edge of the woods. His chicken, the one, the only, the lightning-infused poultry of justice emerged dramatically from the fog.
It was wearing a leaf as a helmet.
"No," Shen Yuan whispered, clutching his chest. "You came back."
The chicken stomped forward like a general returning from war. Its eyes glowed faintly with electric fury, and its feathers crackled with latent qi. Every disciple stopped what they were doing to stare at the bird marching toward Shen Yuan with grave purpose.
Yueling whispered, "Didn't that thing run into a thundercloud and disappear?"
"Clearly," Shen Yuan replied, "it was cultivating. Unlike me. Who has been assaulted by reptiles and tax documents in his dreams."
The chicken stopped in front of him. It looked up.
Cluck.
Shen Yuan bowed slightly. "Elder Chicken."
The chicken raised its wing and smacked him across the face.
There was a stunned silence.
"Fair," Shen Yuan said through the pain. "I did throw you. Into the sky. Like a javelin."
The bird gave another cluck, this one satisfied, and hopped onto Shen Yuan's shoulder like it belonged there. A small arc of static jumped between them.
System Notification: Congratulations! Host has regained Lightning-Fowl Companion. Bond: Temperamental but Loyal. Warning: May explode if emotionally unstable.
"Great," Shen Yuan muttered. "It's a pet and a grenade."
Yueling gave the bird a curious look. "You two share a spiritual connection?"
"I think it imprinted on me after I accidentally fried it with a soul-flavored talisman."
She looked horrified. "You what?"
Before Shen Yuan could explain, Senior Brother Fang stomped into the clearing, his face red with frustration.
"Everyone!" he barked. "We move in ten minutes. A rogue cultivator has been spotted raiding spirit herb fields on the northern cliffs. Orders from the Sect Master: apprehend or scare him off. No unnecessary casualties."
The disciples groaned in unison.
"Rogue cultivator?" Shen Yuan asked, stretching. "Like a real one? Crazy eyes, torn robes, muttering about vengeance and destiny?"
Fang nodded grimly. "They say he was once a sect alchemist. Got kicked out for trying to distill pills using wine and... chickens."
Shen Yuan froze. The chicken on his shoulder shifted uneasily.
"System," he whispered. "Please tell me the rogue cultivator is not this bird's original owner."
System Notification: Host is advised to avoid direct confrontation if emotional reunions are likely to result in poultry-related trauma.
The trek to the northern cliffs was mercifully short. The terrain was steep and littered with spirit grass and qi-sensitive moss that hummed beneath their feet.
As the group approached a jagged rock formation overlooking the valley, a figure rose from behind a boulder.
He was exactly as advertised. Wild eyes, beard like an untamed shrub, robes torn and patched with bark and… was that fish scale?
"I have returned!" the man bellowed. "To claim what the Sect denied me!"
Senior Brother Fang stepped forward. "You are trespassing on sect lands. Stand down."
The man pointed a crooked finger at them. "You hypocrites! You laughed at my pill-making techniques, but now the Laughing Chicken Pill shall reshape cultivation history!"
Shen Yuan raised his hand. "Clarification: is that pill made form chickens, or is it for chickens?"
The man squinted. "Who dares..."
His eyes locked on Shen Yuan.
More precisely, on the bird perched on his shoulder.
A tense silence followed.
"You… you stole it!" the rogue roared. "My masterpiece!"
The chicken screeched.
Shen Yuan took a step back. "Oh no."
Yueling grabbed his sleeve. "What's happening?"
"I think I just got dragged into a custody battle."
Lightning burst from the bird. It flared like a mini thundercloud, feathers standing on end.
The rogue cultivator raised his arms and summoned a swarm of pill-powered constructs — clay chickens, twitching and unstable, began leaping toward the disciples.
"Are those… exploding chicken golems?" Mo Fan asked, still hanging upside down.
"Yes," Shen Yuan said grimly. "Yes, they are."
"Should we run?"
"Oh, absolutely."
The next ten minutes devolved into chaos.
Disciples dodged kamikaze poultry constructs while trying to restrain the rogue. The man hurled jars of fermented pill solution at the ground, creating clouds of purple mist that made everyone cough uncontrollably and smell faintly of gingerbread.
Shen Yuan, meanwhile, was locked in a bizarre game of chicken tug-of-war, the lightning bird zipping between him and its original owner with conflicted clucks.
"I raised you!" the rogue screamed, tears running down his face. "I fed you spirit worms! I read you bedtime sutras!"
The bird chirped and zapped him in the foot.
"That's a no, then," Shen Yuan muttered. "Sorry, mad alchemist. But this bird's loyalty now belongs to the kitchens."
The rogue cultivator collapsed, twitching from repeated electric shocks, and Fang finally restrained him with a spiritual net.
Silence fell over the cliffside.
Mo Fan landed beside them, brushing soot from his robes. "That was the weirdest thing I've seen this week."
Shen Yuan dusted himself off. "It's only Tuesday."
Fang looked over at him. "You. Kitchen boy. What exactly is that… thing?"
"A feathered lightning hazard that likes steamed buns and emotional instability."
Fang narrowed his eyes. "Watch yourself. The Sect Master has been asking about you."
Shen Yuan blinked. "Why?"
Fang turned and walked away without answering.
The rest of the disciples began heading back, grumbling about hazardous poultry and traumatic experiences with pill fumes.
Shen Yuan stood at the cliff's edge, his lightning bird quietly pecking at the ashes of a failed clay chicken.
Yueling came up beside him.
"You handled that… better than expected."
"I've accepted that my life is just a sequence of increasingly ridiculous events," he said. "Next week I'm expecting to fight a giant turnip demon."
She smirked. "You joke, but in the Misty Root Valleys…"
"Don't finish that sentence."
Just then, a sharp 'ding' echoed in his mind.
System Notification: Hidden Quest Complete: "Custody Battle of the Century." Reward: +2 Lightning Affinity, +1 Chicken Whisperer Title.
"Wait… that was a quest?" Shen Yuan blinked. "I feel both accomplished and mildly disturbed."
As they turned to leave, a faint rumble echoed from deeper within the mountains.
The lightning bird froze.
Shen Yuan stopped walking.
"What now?"
From the shadows of the far peak, a massive silhouette stirred — wings wider than trees, glowing eyes that crackled with divine stormlight.
The chicken trembled.
System Notification: Warning. Parental Entity Detected. Approaching Entity Classification: Thunder Roc - Divine-Class Spirit Beast.
Shen Yuan's jaw dropped.
"System," he whispered, "are you telling me this bird is… just a baby?"
The chicken gave a low cluck and hid behind his leg.
Yueling turned pale. "We… we need to leave."
The sky darkened with gathering clouds as the distant roar of thunder echoed again.
Shen Yuan took a deep breath, then turned toward the others.
"Everyone!" he shouted. "I think we're going to need a bigger birdcage."