Anore didn't move, didn't blink.
"Why did you let me go that far?"
There was a beat. Then Anore's voice, soft but steady.
"Maybe I wanted to understand why you're doing all this. I thought… if I let it happen, I could brainwash myself that it's just my body you want. Because if it's not that… then what do you want from me? I have nothing."
Eiden flinched. "You think I did this out of lust?"
Anore laughed, but there was no joy in it. "I don't know what to think. But if I let myself believe you want me—" His voice broke, and he shook his head.
"Anore…"
"So let me brainwash myself instead," he said bitterly. "That it's just my body you want. That I'm convenient. That it's lust, not pity. That you want something—anything—from me. Because otherwise…" His gaze finally met Eiden's, and there was nothing in his voice but hollow emptiness. "What else could it be? I have nothing."
Eiden's throat ached. "That's not true."
"Then tell me what you want from me, Eiden..." Anore said, voice rising. "Tell me what it is you're looking for when you look at me like that...."
"I won't lie.." Eiden said, barely able to meet his eyes. "I can't deny being drawn to you. Your face..."
Anore shut him up with a kiss.
He didn't want to hear the rest, especially not from Eiden. Especially not now. Because if Eiden said something beautiful, Anore might break. And if he said something cruel, Anore might shatter completely.
The kiss deepened.
Eiden almost lost himself , his grip tightened, breath caught, but when he felt Anore's waist shift against him, his mind jolted back like ice water down his spine.
He broke the kiss abruptly and sat up, chest heaving. His hands still resting on Anore's waist.
"We must keep our relationship civil," he said, firmly. "Anore, if we go down that path.."
"Why?" Anore snapped. "Because it's wrong?"
Eiden's eyes narrowed. "Because I'm not good for you."
Anore scoffed. "And who decided that? You?"
"If you give me a taste.." Eiden said, voice trembling with restraint, "I might get addicted."
Anore stared at him, breathing hard — lips still parted from the kiss they'd shared, his pulse still roaring in his ears but Eiden didn't waver.
Instead, he pulled away completely, standing from the bed.
His voice was low, carefully measured.
"I don't have any sexual intentions toward you, Anore."
That landed like a blow.
Anore's lips pressed into a thin line, expression unreadable now — emptied out.
"You're like sugar.." Eiden continued, not meeting his eyes. "If I get a taste, I'd want another. And another. But wanting isn't the same as meaning."
He finally looked down at him, gaze cool, almost… distant.
"Would you spread your legs just because I asked you to?"
The words cut. Anore blinked, and for a moment, he looked like he might say something — anything — but nothing came.
"So don't mistake this.." Eiden said quietly. "From now on, think of me as your older brother. Your family, even. So our relationship may never stray again."
There was silence. So heavy it felt suffocating.
Anore sat there, still straddling the now-cold bed, his eyes fixed on Eiden with the dull stare of someone trying not to drown.
Finally, he gave a small, humorless laugh. "You're asking me to pretend you didn't almost kiss me when I was asleep. Then kiss me again when I wasn't."
"I'm asking you to protect yourself.." Eiden replied.
"By making you my brother?"
"It's the only way I won't touch you again."
That stung worse. Somehow, worse than rejection.
Anore looked down at his own hands. "You make it sound like I'm some dangerous temptation. Like you'll slip and destroy me unless I wear a label you can't cross."
Eiden didn't speak.
Anore's voice turned cold. "Fine. Older brother. Family. Civil. I get it."
He slid off the bed and stood up, keeping a few steps between them.
"But don't pretend you're doing this for me."
And with that, he left the room, quietly with his back straight and chin lifted — the only sign of damage in the slight tremble of his fingers as they closed the door behind him.
His steps slowed as he got to end of hallway.
"Which one is the real? Are we all just chess pieces in your little board?"
He clenched his fists, he couldn't understand, he couldn't understand these feelings.
He met Evan at the start of the stairs, he didn't have anywhere to go, he thought he'd just take a stroll around the estate and see what he could learn.
"I see the master's been ablet to lure you out of your room? Did you eat?" Evan moved the book to his right hand, giving Anore a smile.
"Your master is very...."
Evan smiled "He's used to being in control, planning his every move. When faced with an anomaly he doesn't know how to react. Check on him and you'll see him making calculations and jotting down things in his little book. That's how he's been since he was young.."
-_-
Evan stood abruptly and gestured toward the hallway. "Come on. Let me show you what I meant."
Anore blinked at him, momentarily thrown by the sudden shift in tone. "Show me?"
"Yes," Evan said, already walking ahead. "You didn't understand what I meant about not knowing what to do when something unexpected happens. Well, come see."
Curious, Anore followed as Evan led him through the quiet corridor, past the warm glow of oil lamps lining the walls.
The air was hushed except for the soft padding of their footsteps.
When they reached the room at the end of the hall, Evan slowed and pressed a finger to his lips, then carefully cracked the door open.
"Look.." he whispered, nodding toward the narrow opening.
Anore leaned in, peering inside.
Eiden was pacing the length of the room, his hair slightly tousled, one hand clutching a well-worn book while the other gestured erratically in the air.
He looked like someone in the middle of a storm.
"Did I not use the right choice of words?" Eiden muttered to himself, flipping a page. "No, that can't be it, I was careful—wasn't I?"