Andy
I open the passenger side door, and she gets in without a word. When I sit down in the driver's seat, I feel her eyes burning into me, and I don't know why, but a part of me loves that I have her attention, her curiosity delights me, and her purity fascinates me. She's spent her whole life being the good girl, never straying from the path, but wanting to, she needs to learn that a little trouble can make life interesting.
"You get one question, just one, so make it a good one." I permit her because I can sense she's going to burst if she doesn't get the answers she's been seeking as to why I just randomly showed up at her place, especially since I made such a huge deal about not being able to work on the assignment today because I have counselling with my dad.
Silence fills the air as we drive, I thought for sure she'd jump straight to 'where are we going?' or "why did you ditch counselling?' but the longer she takes the more I sense that she has a deeper desire to get to the core of who I am and I'm not sure I'm ready to allow her access to that.
"Why did you stop talking to me, Andy?" She asks, throwing me off completely, of all the questions I thought she'd put towards me, this one never even entered my mind because it happened so long ago that I thought she'd have forgotten it by now.
"Why do you do that?" I ask her, suddenly feeling like that awkward, 13-year-old boy who is experiencing all these new thoughts and feelings and doesn't have a clue what they mean.
"Do what exactly?" She fires back at me, the hint of irritation in her tone tells me I've struck a nerve within her, but it's me that should be pissed, she's tapping into my vulnerability, and I don't like it one bit.
"You pretend you have no idea what was going on," I say through gritted teeth, trying to keep my cool here. She can't be serious, to claim she didn't know.
"I'm not pretending, Andy, I honestly have no idea why, when you started high school, you suddenly started ignoring me." There's a sadness in her voice, as if she's talking about a painful wound that never healed for her.
"I didn't ignore you, Claire, I became awkward around you because you were suddenly a girl and I didn't know how to talk to you." I feel so foolish admitting this to her, and I wouldn't be surprised if she just laughs in my face.
"I was always a girl, Andrew, still am actually." She yells at me. "Wait, what did you think I was before that?"
"You were Claire Lions, my best friend," I tell her, not wanting to get into this any further. I need her to let it go, but I know she won't.
"I don't understand what changed. I went from being Claire Lions, your best friend, to becoming a girl that you felt you had to ignore because you felt awkward around me." She lays out all the information presented to her, but is still coming up short. How can a girl who is so smart be so completely clueless about all of this? "Why would you feel awkward around me, Andy?"
"I always knew you were a girl, Claire. I'm not an idiot." My frustration with this conversation has peaked; she's pushed me over the edge. "I was a 13-year-old boy, hormones were awakening inside of me, and I began to notice that my best friend was absolutely stunning and I wanted to kiss you."
"You wanted to what?" She sounds so surprised, like it never occurred to her that I could have developed feelings for her. "I thought you hated me, and that's why you cut me out of your life."
There's a heaviness on my chest when I hear her say she thought I hated her. I may have a lot of strong feelings about who Claire was and is now, but I never hated her. I pull the car into a nearby park, kill the engine and unclasp my seat belt. This entire conversation is digging up emotions I haven't felt in years, ones that I just pushed down until I thought they'd faded away but now they're back, resurfacing, and I don't know how to handle this right now.
"I was falling for you, and I thought that's why you pushed me away." She had to of known, my sister Gabby teased me about it constantly, there's no way Claire didn't figure it out.
"I stopped trying to talk to you because you would just answer me with grunts." She says in a small voice as if the realisation of why I acted this way is just dawning on her. "Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to have a conversation with someone who just grunts?"
"Probably as frustrating as watching the girl you admire become an elitist snob." I throw back at her, opening the door and getting out of the car. This girl is unbelievable. How can she put the entire demise of our friendship on me without recognising the role she played too?
Behind me, I hear the passenger side door open and be slammed shut with such force. Leaves crunch beneath her feet as she marches up to me. I turn around and witness the storm brewing on her face; tropical cyclone Claire has arrived.
"How dare you, Andrew Stephenson? I am not an elitist snob." She screams at me, making the birds in the trees fly away in fear but I'm not afraid of her. I cross my arms across my chest and stand my ground, staring her down.
"You think you're better than me, you have, ever since you started going to that school." Brixton changed her; she used to be a sweet, kind girl before she started hanging around with all the other rich knobs that go to Brixton. She looks offended by my accusation, but she doesn't deny it.
"I am better than you, Andy, I don't lie and toy with people's emotions just to be cruel." A single tear falls down her red cheek. "If you don't want to admit to me the real reason why you stopped being my friend, then don't, but making up bullshit about being in love with me, just to play with my head, just makes you a piece of shit in my books."
"You think I'm lying to you?" I bared my soul to her, how can she think it's a lie? I take a step towards her and, in one swift move, hook my arm around her waist and pull her against my body. The scent of her perfume is an intoxicating aphrodisiac, driving my lips down hard onto hers and kissing her with passion.
I expected her to fight me off, but she surprises me, opening her mouth and brushing her soft tongue against my own. She's absolutely irresistible, her sweet, cherry-flavoured lips just melt against my own. As a teenager, I often imagined what it would be like to kiss her, but this eclipses all expectations.
Her delicate fingers tug lightly at my hair, a reminder that Pia would do the same when we kissed. Fuck, Pia, I forgot her. How could I allow myself to let her slip from my mind, even for a second. I break away from Claire, leaving her stunned by my actions. I'm completely riddled with guilt and self-loathing for what I've just done.
"I have to go," I say, backing away from her, towards the car.
"Wait, what?" Claire asks me, confused. "I don't understand. Did I do something bad?"
"I did, Claire. Kissing you was a mistake." What have I done?