Footsteps roared like thunder beneath my feet. My body quaked on the floor as I tried everything I could to get away, get away from that thing across the room that used to be alive. I couldn't look away from it, and yet it was the last thing on earth I wanted to see. The billowing warhorn from the floor below faded into a high-pitched whine, and all I could hear was a rapid thudding from my chest and breath from my throat struggling.
Nigel ran up to me, speaking or yelling something. I'm not quite sure which. He pulled me to my feet, and everyone rushed to the door and onto the main deck.
From the other end of the ship, near the bow emerged from the ground a horde of men, all wielding long and slightly curved blades, all moving fast, all charging our way. I could tell there was shouting, but I couldn't hear a thing. All I could feel was that thing creeping in. A darkness, as if I were losing my vision, I felt as if I were about to faint, but there was a smile on my face.
The world felt as if it had slowed. Like this moment was stretching on forever, like what happened before when the ship captain charged at me. As time seemed to slow, I was able to see more things that were happening within the chaos before me.
Kona had moved herself between us and the enemy with her axe in hand, ready to defend us. Henri, who was next to me, was reaching into a pocket and was halfway through pulling out one of his bombs. The twins were rushing towards Kona to back her up. Josephine was running towards the ladder that went down to our boat, no doubt to remove the rope so we could flee. What was the plan? What were we meant to do here? We never really went over in detail what we would do if a fight broke out.
What about them? What are they doing? I thought. There was one who wore a helmet, and the rest did not. They were all wearing very little or no armour at all, but the one in the helmet was pointing towards the two lanterns on the bow of the ship and shouting something.
How much time had passed? A second, maybe two? I felt that darkness creep in around my eyes, narrowing my vision and that smile upon my lips growing wider. No, no, I can't go back there. I can't allow you to take control again. I don't want to go back to that dark place and be locked out. I can't be there alone. I wanted to try and punch myself in the face. My left arm was slung over Nigel's shoulder as he walked me towards the ladder, but my right hand. My right hand was still clutching the gun.
I pointed it towards the one with the helmet that was pointing at the second of the two lamps on the bow and squeezed the trigger.
The loud bang rang out across the deck. The enemy froze in place for a moment as their commander fell to the ground. The sound somehow snapped me out of the creeping darkness, but the smile on my face didn't fade. That smile was now my own.
I stood upright, letting go of Nigel as I walked forward towards Kona and the twins. The two of us were meant to be the backup plan, and I have a way to cheat death. Even though this might be horrific, even though it makes me sick to my stomach, it's a better fate than sitting alone in that dark place again. At least this way, I could share this burden with someone else, even if just a little.
I felt a sense of control in that moment. Fear washed away from me as I stared down at the soldiers who were rushing towards us with swords drawn, screaming their battle cry. I glanced to he right and saw Kona jerk her head to the side and then the other, creating a loud click. She smirked and stepped forward, raising her axe. I lifted the gun in my hand again and pointed it towards the swarm descending upon us, and once again pulled the trigger. Click, nothing happened.
The enemy bore down on me. There was one that was ahead of the rest; his blade grew closer and closer. I felt my body relax, as if I had given up the fight; I didn't know I was fighting, tension washed away from my body, and I was ready for what was to come.
With a smooth slash, Kora brought her axe down upon the charging enemy. The blade landed on the ground with a tang, and his head with a thud, and blood sprayed from his body. My eyes locked onto the blade that sat partially atop my boot. I tossed the empty gun behind me and reached down to grab the sword. At least now I had a weapon.
Another enemy rushed toward me, blade raised high. Instinct took over, I rotated the sword in my hand and swung upward, splitting him open across the torso. Blood sprayed into the air, raining down as his entrails spilled onto the floor.
The main bulk of them approached, six on me and more on Kona. Out of the corner of my eye, she drove her axe into a man's head from above. Refocusing on the enemies in front of me as they circled, moving more cautiously than the first two. I grabbed the blade with both hands and held it near my head with the blade pointing forward, my right leg behind me.
All six charged at once. Two went down instantly, arrows through their chests. Four remained. I pushed into them, steel clashing in rapid bursts. One went down, and another lost his weapon. More swarmed in, surrounding me again.
Dodging most, deflecting two in one motion, I grabbed a man by the shirt, yanking him into another. Confusion was my ally. In the same turn, I carved across several stomachs, some deep enough to kill, others shallow but crippling.
As I turned, I saw that the twins, Jakub and Lucas, were firing arrows at the enemy from afar. Josephine had untied our ship's rope anchor, Nigel defended her with a blade in hand, while Henri had crawled towards me, snatched the gun I tossed away and was crawling back.
Three of them advanced with blades pointed towards me, each spaced out and ready to thrust, with enemies at my back about to do the same, I was trapped. Suddenly, a headless body flung into them and toppled them to the ground. Kona had been driving her axe so deep into their bodies that it got stuck, so she started to swing the bodies, tossing them into the enemy to hold them back.
I swiftly stepped forward and ran the sharp blade across their necks as I turned to face those behind me.
It was a dance of steel and blood.
More poured from below deck. Behind me, the twins and Josephine climbed down to our boat; Henri followed. Just a bit more time.
The new wave of enemies was armoured and numbered many more. As Kona and I slaughtered the unarmored ones, the rest began to ascend. One rushed ahead from the rest and pointed a gun at Kona. I tossed my blade, piercing his stomach. He shot, but Kona didn't fall.
"SHINYA!"
A voice screamed from behind me. Turning, Nigel threw one of Henri's bombs at me with the fuse lit and sparkling. I grabbed it and looked towards the enemy. Kona was already fighting, as I had taken a more defensive and reactive approach and had stepped back a bit. With no other option, I drove my fist into the floor, shattering the wooden plank, feeling my bones shatter and skin rip apart as I dropped the bomb into the lower deck.
"KONA", Nigel shouted again.
The blast rocked the ship. Screams erupted below. Kona ran. I stayed.
Nigel leapt overboard. A few soldiers chased Kona. Seeing me still there, she stopped short, spun, and decapitated two pursuers in one swing, her axe sticking in the second's neck. The third thrust at her, I grabbed the blade with my broken hand, knocked it aside, and tackled him.
My hand wrapped around his neck, pulling upward. It felt as if pulling a carrot from the dirt. The skin of his neck tore in patches, and blood poured out, and then the rest gave way, and his screaming stopped, but I kept pulling. Placing a knee on his chest, I yanked the head upward as I stood, pulling the head from the body like ripping apart a paper doll. I tossed the head towards the enemy that stood in front of me.
I took a step towards them, and they took a step back. It made me smile, the fact that they feared me. I felt my heart beating loudly, my breathing low and deliberate. Kona placed her hand on my shoulder.
"Shinya, jump!"
As I glanced over my shoulder, Kona leapt from the ship railing. For a moment, I didn't want to follow her; for a moment, I wanted to stay here.
More soldiers emerged from below deck. A dozen of them, armed with guns and all pointing them at me. I turned and leapt from the ship.
The water felt cold, yet it had a stillness to it. The faint light of the waning moon rippled before my eyes as I sank further down into the water. What had happened? Was that me? Was that Wrath? Who was in control just then?
Looking at my mangled hand, with fingers half broken off, and blood seeping into the water. I watched this flower of twisted flesh and bone twist and contort unnaturally as it began to once again resemble a hand.
As I stared at my hand, suddenly another hand grabbed it, a hand that wasn't mine.
Nigel pulled me up from the water as we both gasped for air. The twins were hanging from the side of our boat with arms outstretched. They pulled us aboard as we sailed away from the enemy ship.
I coughed and retched up seawater on the boat's deck. The seawater turned into bile as I vomited the contents of my stomach once again. Trying to stand, my whole body shook, my legs wobbled, and I fell back and almost fell overboard again if Nigel hadn't caught me.
While stumbling to my feet, Kona grabbed my forearm and pulled me into a hug so tight it felt like I was being smothered.
"Þakka heilögum mönnum at þú ert á lífi"
I felt my body shake as the thrill of it all faded away. Our ship was moving forward away from theirs. Henri manned the helm. As I stood there in a strong and warm embrace, it felt as if I was being held so hard I couldn't breathe.
As I struggled for air, Kona released me and held me by the shoulders. As I looked into her eyes, all I could see was death. The haunting, lingering visage of what we had just done. As I looked deeper, I saw it all, replaying in my mind over and over again, agonising over every haunting detail. Every disembowelment, every beheading, every life I took. I could see them in her eyes, looking back at me from beyond the great white.
My laboured breathing quickly gave way to sobbing. I dropped to my knees and apologised as I looked down at my hand. I repeated it over and over, "I'm sorry", as I stared down at my clean hands. The blood had been washed away by the ocean. I wanted to return there for a moment, to leap overboard and be washed away like the rest of the filth.
Kona and Nigel both lifted me to my feet, each hooking an arm under mine. They said reaffirming statements like how I did a good job, I was impressive, and that if it wasn't for me, most of them would probably be dead by now. I didn't want that. No, I wanted to be yelled at, scolded, to be told what I did was wrong. After all, the whole reason I'm here is a consequence of taking a life, and now it was something I am being praised for. It felt backward, wrong.
As we sailed back to the Saltfort, the praise stopped, and Nigel went to talk to the others. Kona stayed by my side, and the two of us sat at the base of the mast of the ship and as the distant and dim lights of the Metonym ships faded beyond the horizon, and the waves of the narrow sea calmed. We spoke.
"Thank ye again."
"I don't feel like I did anything worth thanking."
"Don't say that. You saved my life back there, more than once. If not for you, I would be dead several times over by now. I was the one who was meant to protect you. But…I couldn't. I couldn't do anything."
Amidst her speech were sharp inhales as her voice became ragged. Looking over, I saw her hunched forward with her hands covering her face. She was crying.
I didn't really know what to do in that moment. I wanted to do something, to comfort her, but I wasn't sure how. To start with, I wasn't even sure what exactly she was upset about. Was it her pride as a warrior? Was it an involuntary reaction to what had just happened before? Was it that she was actually just worried about me? I didn't know, and I didn't know how to ask, so I shuffled closer to her. Just enough that our shoulders touched. That seemed like enough, though, as she stooped crying and instead gazed at the stars.
We returned to the Saltfort and disembarked there with the help of a few soldiers with lanterns to help us dock in the dark. We shuffled through the courtyard like beaten dogs returning home to lick their wounds. Broken and defeated, even though our mission was successful, it didn't feel like it.
We each got assigned a room to spend the night in. Entering mine, I locked the door and flopped down onto the bed without even undressing first. While I felt fine physically, I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to bury myself in the bedsheets for at least a few days.
As I felt the pull of sleep, I was jolted out of it by a knock on the door. I ignored it, and the knock came again. After a moment, a third knock. I heaved myself from my bed and opened the door.
Kona stood in the doorway, wearing only her underwear, with an empty bottle of wine in her hand. She leaned against the wall as she looked down at me with a smile.
"Yo"
She walked into the room, placing a hand on my shoulder as she guided me back. Kicking the door closed behind her.