Sin. The dictionary definition of this term corresponds to an act deserving of punishment due to a fault or transgression.
"Nagi-chan."
I have committed an unforgivable sin against this girl, who is like a flower raised in a greenhouse. That is an undeniable fact.
"Nagi-chan…?"
And, shamelessly, I even tried to hide that fact.
"Hey, Nagi-chan~!"
"Oh, for goodness' sake! Be quiet! What have you done to deserve calling my name over and over again?"
"Ah, well… Yes, I'm sorry. But it's already been two hours…"
"Then you can just stay quiet and hold them up for two more hours. I swear, because of you, Mika-san, I'm going to die young!"
Yes, the reason I am receiving such a cruel punishment must be because I am a sinner.
To make someone my age kneel and hold their hands up… I really think Nagisa is being too harsh.
…Ah, my arms are starting to go numb.
"It is all your own karma, Mika, so accept it gracefully. Had you not tried to be clever and just confessed, you might have at least been granted some leniency."
"That's only because you kept your mouth shut, Seia-chan—"
"Mika-san, would you like me to add another hour?"
"I'm sorryyyy…"
To explain why I'm in this predicament, it's all because that traitor, Seia, told Nagisa every single little detail of what she had seen. Damn that precognitive dream of hers. Why does it have to see things in such vivid detail?
Going back a few hours, I had somehow endured the reckless driving of the Gehenna Disciplinary Committee members—which I was now slightly used to—and returned safely to the Kivotos Central District. I think I might have received a Momotalk along the way that said something like, [Help me, Vice-Captain!], but that was probably just my imagination.
Anyway, my plan was to go to my house first and change out of my uniform. The goal: a perfect crime. I figured it would be better to hide the fact that there had been a clash with the Gehenna side.
I couldn't predict whether Nagisa would be angry at me or at Gehenna upon seeing it. However, the one thing I did not want to see was the look of worry on her face when she saw the state of my ruined uniform.
After all, wasn't it just yesterday that I had made Nagisa cry? In that sense, this was a form of consideration, or lack thereof, meant to spare her some heartache. That reason was greater than simply not wanting to be scolded.
However, just as I was about to head toward the train back to Trinity, I realized someone was standing in my way.
That person was Nagisa, whose smile did not reach her eyes.
Looking down at me with dark, sunken eyes, Nagisa said:
'Where do you think you're running off to?'
That detestable Seia, it seemed, had seen in her dream exactly what had happened to me and had also told Nagisa that I would try to hide it. As a result, I was apprehended by Nagisa without any chance of escape.
Thanks to Seia tattling not only about the clash with the Pandemonium executives but also about the bet I made with Makoto, Nagisa had erupted like a volcano, which was very unlike her. So, for my part, I had no choice but to meekly accept my punishment, if only to calm her down.
But for that punishment to be kneeling with my hands up, isn't that a bit much…
Ah, I'm really craving some coffee today. If I'd known this was going to happen, I would have asked for a cup back at the Disciplinary Committee headquarters.
I decided not to whine any further while Nagisa and Seia were both busy with work. To be honest, I wasn't entirely without feelings of injustice regarding the bet, but it's not like I could explain that to them.
My inner Michael got worked up and accepted the bet!
As if they'd ever believe such a ridiculous excuse.
For a while, the only sound was the scratching of pens on paper. I decided to calm my mind and try to meditate a little. It's a good thing they sent the aides away. If they hadn't, how could I live with the shame?
I tried to meditate and clear my head, but I had too many stray thoughts and failed miserably. These days, it's no exaggeration to say I spend all 24 hours of the day worrying about the future. It's gotten to the point where I'll see a cutscene of Saori taking off her mask and smiling coldly in my dreams.
After what felt like less than 30 minutes, Nagisa put down her pen. It seemed she had finished her work for the day.
"Seia-san, I'll be taking my leave now. You've worked hard today as well."
"You've worked hard too, Nagisa. But please, if you would, take that thing with you when you go."
That thing?
That thing…?
Seia, don't you think you're treating me a little too harshly? I thought we'd gotten pretty close. Was that just my own delusion? I suppose it must have been, for you to sell me out to Nagisa without a moment's hesitation.
"It's because if you're here without Nagisa, it's obvious you won't stop talking for a second, Mika. So stop looking at me like that."
"Mika-san… when you break the Tea Party's mystique and reveal yourself at an official function as you planned, who do you think will have the biggest headache?"
"…The person designated as the next Host?"
"If you know that, then apologize."
"Ahaha, uhm… sorry, Seia-chan☆"
Seia was to take over as Host this September. It was much later than I had expected, but now that I had started all these projects, it felt like an incredibly near future, to the point where I thought, 'Oh, isn't this too soon?' It was, after all, a matter of less than three months from now.
The reconciliation with the Arius Branch School that I had set in motion. And the abolition of the Tea Party Host's mystique that I would soon set in motion. If the progress of these matters was delayed, the cleanup would effectively become Seia's responsibility, so I was in no position to talk back to her.
To be honest, it's not like I could just not do them, so I guess I'll just have to wrap them up nicely and hand them over. What else can I do?
"You may get up now, Mika-san."
Thankfully, Nagisa was not so cruel as to make me serve out the full two additional hours. Though, if you were to ask what the two and a half hours before that were for, I'd have nothing to say.
I took the hand Nagisa offered me and stood up. I considered playfully pulling her toward me, but I felt a sense of crisis that if I did, I might genuinely not be able to get up afterward, so I restrained myself.
"…How are your legs?"
Seeing Nagisa brush off the hem of my uniform for me, I figured her anger had all subsided. I had, after all, served my punishment without a single word of complaint for that long. In the first place, if it were anyone but Nagisa who had ordered it, I would have ignored it.
"What's this, are you worried about me? Nagi-chan, you're so kind! Yes, though I would have been even more grateful if you had let me up before my legs went completely numb…"
"From the way you're talking, you seem perfectly fine. Let's go. For dinner tonight… hmm, if you're alright with it, Mika-san, I was thinking of cooking for you."
"Oh, a meal made by Nagi-chan…? Yes, I'd love to try it! I really want to try it!"
Nagisa sometimes bakes her own sweets, so her cooking skills should be decent, right? At the very least, she has to be better than me, who can barely make a few dishes that someone living alone might cook for themselves.
"It won't be anything grand, so please don't have high expectations. We can do some simple shopping on the way to your place. And… before we go, it would be best if you changed into something proper. I can lend you a spare uniform, so please go and change into that first."
Hmm, she really is an angel when she's not possessed by the demon of suspicion. In that sense, I must protect our Nagisa. I hope she never loses that kind heart of hers.
"…You two, if I keep watching this, I think my teeth will rot out. Please just leave. Honestly, it's so frustrating I can't even live."
Seia, on the other hand, needs to be a little kinder, I think. I feel like something similar has happened before, but I don't know why she's so determined to pair us up. Neither Nagisa nor I see each other as romantic partners in the first place.
As if to prove her academy was based on Britain, the menu Nagisa decided on was Shepherd's Pie. A simple yet delicious dish made by stir-frying minced lamb with vegetables, then baking it in the oven with potato salad.
I didn't know the detailed cooking process myself, but watching Nagisa make it from the side, it didn't look that difficult. Unless there was a mistake in the seasoning, it's a dish that's honestly harder to make taste bad.
There's a common prejudice that British food is bad. But if even a dish made with a recipe like this tasted bad, you'd have to assume the country itself was cursed.
"Mmm~ Nagi-chan! Will you marry me?"
"W-What?! What are you suddenly saying!"
"Ahaha! It's just my way of saying it's that delicious. I only thought you were good at making sweets."
"…"
"Huh? Nagi-chan, what's with that face all of a sudden? Did you bite your tongue or something?"
With a strange expression, Nagisa put down her spoon and covered her face with her hands.
…No, why? She was eating just fine. Did I say something wrong?
"Nagi-chan…?"
"Just a moment, please just be quiet for a moment. Please, I'm begging you…"
Hearing Nagisa's words, I put down my spoon as well. We generally grasp another person's emotions from their expression, but sometimes, you can feel their emotions from other places.
For instance, like right now, when the other person's voice trembles faintly, as if they're about to burst into tears at any moment.
Yes, Nagisa's voice was exactly like that right now.
Was it because she had let her emotions out in a big way yesterday? I had no way of knowing. However, I felt that if Nagisa was going so far as to beg me, it would be best to stay quiet for now. If she acts as if nothing happened after this, then I'll have to press her for the reason.
"Mika-san, you still haven't regained your memories, have you?"
"…No."
After asking that, Nagisa fell silent again. It seems something I said was the problem. I just can't figure out which part it was.
By the time the food had grown so cold that we would have to microwave it to continue eating, Nagisa, revealing her reddened eyes, opened her mouth again.
"Sometimes, I would think about what would happen if your memories returned, Mika-san… if everything would go back to the way it was…"
Nagisa confessed the inner thoughts she had hidden, her voice calm yet holding a fragility that felt like it could shatter at any moment.
"The Mika-san before she lost her memories was a friend more precious to me than anything… but a precious friend and a good friend are different things, aren't they? The past Mika-san was always selfish, terribly self-centered, a troublemaker who only ever received consideration rather than giving it, who wasn't incapable of thinking but still caused trouble thoughtlessly."
So fragile, yet she does not break. The problem is that seeing that doesn't just make me feel proud of her.
"If Mika-san were to return to that state now… I don't have the confidence I could welcome her back. Don't you find this side of me disgusting, hypocritical, and two-faced? If I can't even welcome back my most precious friend with open arms, was she really a precious friend to me at all?"
Even as she said all this, Nagisa did not shed a single tear. Seeing that, I thought that Nagisa must have agonized over this matter so much that she had grown used to it.
"If you were to ask me if the changed Mika-san of today is a good friend, I would answer yes without a moment's hesitation. And if you were to ask if she is a precious friend, my answer would be no different. Did you know? The Mika-san before she lost her memories never once praised the sweets I made."
Oh… that's a little harsh. Knowing Mika's personality, it was probably just a matter of her not giving a compliment, but it's natural that it would bother Nagisa.
"That's why. When you told me my cooking was delicious, that I was good at making sweets, I was so grateful… and in that moment, I thought that I wished your memories would never return… I…"
Hearing that, I reached out my arm and took Nagisa's hand. It was the soft hand of a lady, without a single callous.
"Hey, Nagi-chan."
I gently rubbed the center of her palm with my thumb as I spoke. I hoped that Nagisa wouldn't beat herself up over this too much.
"Even if I do regain my memories, the time I've spent with you and Seia-chan won't disappear. As long as those experiences remain, a person can't help but change. Yes, it would probably be a lie to promise that everything will change for the better… but there is one thing I can answer for certain."
Today, I commit another sin.
Even though I could confess my sin and ask for forgiveness… I lack the courage, the courage to be hated, and so I choose to continue deceiving this girl.
If this one day comes back to me like a boomerang, it can only be seen as the karma I have built.
"If I get my memories back, the very first thing I would do is apologize for not being a better friend to you, and tell you that it's not your fault, so please don't think such things… I can promise you at least that much."
"…Do you really think so, Mika-san? Do you not find this side of me disgusting—"
"Nagi-chan, stop it. If you keep putting yourself down like that, I'm going to get angry too. In the first place, no one has done anything wrong in this situation."
Yes, no one has done anything wrong except for me, who is spinning this clever web of lies to deceive you. So Nagisa… I want you to smile.
If anything, it is I who is truly selfish, hypocritical, and two-faced… a filthy adult who hopes that the day Seia spoke of in her dream, the day I reveal everything, will never come.
"…Thank you for saying that, Mika-san."
So please, I just hoped that the smile I was showing her now would not be revealed as nothing more than a dirty, hideous lie. I just hoped that Nagisa would not realize the truth.