Chapter 13: Escaping and Being Captured
It's been… how many days now? Ten? Twelve? Thirty-seven? Honestly, Zach had lost track somewhere between his third mental breakdown and fifth.
The days blurred together like a poorly edited flashback montage. Zach had been doing what he did best in his past life which was overthinking while doing absolutely nothing productive. Each attempt to cook up a brilliant escape plan fizzled out faster than his will to live.
His first masterstroke? Pretend he needed to take a dump.
Classic. Elegant. Time-tested. Who wouldn't let a guy go poop in peace? Heck in most anime, movies and mangas, it always works. But not his!
Apparently, the Master-level knight leader, who had the enthusiasm of a constipated accountant and the preparedness of a doomsday prepper. Without missing a beat, the man pulled out a space ring containing over fifteen mud pots, another with purified water, and some disgustingly soft cotton that screamed noble butt privilege.
"Take a dump inside while the carriage moves," the knight said, handing Zach the pot like it was a family heirloom. "And when you're done, place the filled one inside this ring. Sanitary, isn't it?"
Zach nearly passed out, not from the smell, but from pure, concentrated rage.
He didn't even get the chance to offend everyone's nostrils in protest.
Turns out, the carriage had a natural rune formation that filtered out bad smells. That's right magic Febreze. The one damn time he wanted things to stink, the world said "nope."
Plan = failed.
Mood = ruined.
Hope = circling the drain.
So, Zach gave up and did what he did best: eat, drink, poop, sulk, spiral into existential dread, repeat.
One might reasonably ask: "Hey, why doesn't he just meditate to boost his mana and, you know, actually do something after becoming stronger? Nice plan right?"
Well, here's the kicker. Based on Main Zach's memories, the moment this body was famous for being magical trash and if suddenly started glowing with mana rushing into it, people would scream "DEMON!", and probably light him on fire before asking questions.
So no, he wasn't ready to be publicly executed just yet. Pass on the cultist cosplay.
Eventually, they reached the forest. Trees. Monsters. Mosquitoes big enough to qualify for citizenship. You know the vibe.
The first two days were peaceful, almost suspiciously so. Zach got to play "Nature Watcher" from the safety of his window, spotting all sorts of magical creatures that runs away the second they felt the knights' auras. Even the bear that looked like it could bench-press a horse ran off like it had meet it's great Grandpa.
This did not inspire hope. Zach prayed, yes, actually prayed for a beast at least High-level to crash through the trees, tear everyone apart, then dramatically offer Zach a ride on its back like some feral Uber driver.
He wasn't picky. Just wanted a little murder and salvation. Was that too much to ask?
And then... something actually happened.
It was night already. The knights were chilling by the fire, roasting low-level beast meat in a leisure pace. The demonic horses were being fed (they neighed in Latin, probably), and the knight leader sat near the carriage flipping his knife like an edgy teen with no screen time.
Suddenly he jumped to his feet as his eyes narrowed and an almost oppressive aura burst out from his body.
Making Zach froze inside his carriage.
Was this it? Was something finally going to happen?
Was his journey to power, girls, and excessive plot armor finally going to end?
"ALL KNIGHTS! BATTLE FORMATION! NOW!!" the knight leader roared.
His aura flared like an anime boss about to drop the first cutscene, and every knight scrambled abandoning food, grabbing weapons, and forming a line with their backs to the carriage and their fronts to the forest.
Which was, by the way, completely silent. Creepy silent. Horror-movie silent.
One knight, clearly tired of the mood lighting, fired a special arrow into the sky. It exploded with a blinding mana flash, illuminating the forest like divine pyrotechnics.
Zach gasped upon seeing whatever they were on trees.
About five hundred monkeys came into view. Sharp teeth. Red eyes. Hairless bodies. Basically the stuff of nightmares—and possibly one very illegal experiment.
"DEFECTIVE HUMANS!" one knight shouted making Zach's brain short-circuited.
'Wait... what? Defective humans?! Aren't these monkeys? Did someone try to update the species and forget to hit "save"? Or are they from same species as the western people that claimed we came from animals?'
Apparently, yes.
"Don't panic," the knight leader ordered. "A few mid-level threats. The rest are garbage. Kill as many as you can."
And just like that, chaos erupted. Zach, meanwhile, wasn't interested in watching the battle as he was inching toward the opposite window, silently praying that the knight leader didn't notice him unscrewing the door handle to escape.
...
20 Minutes Later...
Thump! Thump! Thump!
Huff! Huff! Huff!
Zach ran like the IRS was after him.
Branches slapped him, leaves scratched him, and his breathing sounded like a dying vacuum cleaner. Graceful? No. Efficient? Also no. But desperate? Absolutely.
The "Defective Humans" were annihilated in under five minutes. Turns out 500 hairless apes were no match for bloodthirsty knights with magic weapons and pent-up aggression. However, something worse came sniffing the smell of blood brought in bigger beasts. Smarter beasts. Scarier beasts.
Wolves in packs. Some four-eyed monster freaks with Master-level power. One of them even took out Gerald, a move that made him sighed, now that concubine might also be killed to meet her lover in the next world.
The knight leader, of course, got locked in a duel with one of the smart ones, buying Zach the ultimate opportunity.
So he ran into the forest. Into freedom. Or into a bigger mess. Who knew? All he cares about is how far he can get from the knights and hopefully stumbled into a cave with a ring with a old man inside it. Hehehe, just kidding.
All that mattered was getting far away from the psycho knights and their blood-splattered horses.
"Huff… Let's see how you'll kill me now! Huff… I'll get stronger, and then—Huff… Huff… I'll kill you all! Huff… No, wait, bad idea… I'll sleep with all your wives! Even the King's! Then I'll kill you!"
It was stupid. It was insane.
And it was all Zach had to motivate him to run faster.
Petty revenge fantasies were the caffeine of the damned, after all which MCs from revenge fantasy tropes never promise to end their enemies?
A move Zach was mistaken after all he was never the MC to begin with...
"Oh… you sure have a deep imagination," said a voice. A very chilling, very murdery voice.
Zach screamed upon hearing those voice, tripped over absolutely nothing, and faceplanted into the dirt. He turned around slowly, praying it was just a hallucination brought on by fatigue.
which wasn't.
There stood the knight leader who was covered in blood, possibly Injured with his armor shredded. Looking at his smiling face which screams, kill-now-ask-later vibes, Zach gave up on escaping.
"I've fed you enough," he said, smiling like a dentist who enjoyed his job a little too much.
"Time to harvest you."