"You always broke my heart into pieces when you left, Poyraz! Every single time, you stabbed me in the back! You tore your hands away from mine!" I said, pressing hard on every word. I was in so much pain that I didn't even know what to say. I had truly fallen in love with him. I didn't want to be a stab wound somewhere in his soul—I wanted to be the scent of flowers in his heart.Now, there was such a softness in his gaze, as if he wasn't the one who had committed any of these crimes, as if I had made them all up in my head.
"Enough," he said in a low voice, one that dripped with intolerance.
He just kept pushing, refusing to stop, even if it meant breaking me completely.
"Enough, Sinem, enough! You're always right! You're always the one who suffers, fine! You're the one who always waits, okay, I accept that too! But is it always easy to be the one who leaves?"
Looking straight into my eyes, he tried to justify himself.
Because of him, I was drifting further and further from who I was. A sharp pain stabbed at my temples.
"What the hell are you even thinking, Poyraz? What are you saying?" I snapped, my fury boiling over."What do you think my heart is?" I said, slamming my clenched fist against my chest."What is this place to you? A shelter you run to whenever you want, a place you can plunder whenever you feel like it?"
I was in pain. Every breath I took joined in on the agony.
I didn't want to fall into this state in front of him.
But why had I fallen in love with someone who felt like a stranger to me?
Why had I loved someone I couldn't even cry beside?
What kind of organ was the heart, really?
His gaze locked into mine, burning me like fire setting the bushes ablaze.
I kept speaking, forcing the words to belong to me."Either stay or go! Don't stay and then leave!" I shouted, my voice fading into a whisper.I had no strength left—my scalp was drenched in sweat and blood.I clenched my jaw as tightly as I could to stop myself from crying and finally gave in."That's all I've got!"
What else could I possibly say while he stood there, so silent?
While he stood there, without a trace of regret?
"You're afraid of attachment," I said suddenly, eyes clouded with tears.The sentences wanted to burst out of me.The injustice I had endured was too much to bear."You're afraid of loving me. Afraid of belonging to someone—and of someone belonging to you…Not even for a moment do you stop and think about what you've put me through, do you?About what I feel each time you give me hope, then just leave like that?"
"Sometimes," he said, as the wind blew between us.
For a moment, I thought he meant sometimes he thought of me—just for a second.But no, he was about to speak of something else entirely.
A short while passed, filled with a noisy silence.
"There's no difference between staying and leaving."
Words weren't enough anymore.
I wished—oh, how I wished—there was a way for me to make him understand me.A way for him to truly see me.
On the verge of losing my mind, I said, "Fine."I was shaking my head without meaning to, every part of me trembling. I had almost lost touch with myself."So there really is no difference between playing with someone's hopes and not playing with them at all..."
It felt like he was going to agree to that sentence without a second thought—but he didn't answer.I wasn't surprised.Sometimes, you reach a point where nothing someone does can shock you anymore.At that point, they're no longer a savior pulling you from your own hands—they're a poisonous claw.
Without trying to control my anger, I said with disgust, "I'm sick of you.Sick of you. Disgusted by everything we've ever been through."
My face had twisted into a grimace.
I kept yelling, waving my finger in the air."You brought me to the edge! You made me lose myself!You made me forget who I am!While you were manipulating me over and over again, tying me to yourself with your poison every moment,you made me forget everything—my life, my job, my family, my health, my heart, my soul..."
The words caught in my throat."But it's not going to be like that anymore, Poyraz."
He was looking at me calmly.Only his chest was rising and falling rapidly.
But I was certain—he didn't care about me in the slightest.He never took me seriously.
Nothing ever changed in his life.
I was always the one who got hurt.I'd memorized this from every wound carved into my heart since childhood.
"This won't go on.Everyone, one day, gets ruined just as much as they've ruined others."That was all I could say.
I felt like a helpless child, lost for words in the middle of a fight.
"You want to get rid of me," he said, his deep gaze narrowing.Yet the only thing I had ever given him was love.Worth.Attention.
Inside his pupils, there was a fortress of rage—and I could never get past it.It was always those dark, thick walls that blocked me.
I shook my head furiously."Let it end already! You won't poison me anymore, do you hear?I won't let you destroy me any further."
I thought I was defending myself.
But then he took a step toward me—sneakily.
"You're going to mourn me," he said, laughing with fury."Mourn me!"
I tossed my hair aside in refusal.
"I will not!"My hand, without meaning to, touched his chest and pushed him back.
The warmth of his chest stung at my fingertips, and I tensed—my nerves pulling tight like wire.
He stood there, still looking at me with that smug expression,as if he really believed he could pull me back into his cage.
"If I mourn you, then shame on me!" I spat, mercilessly.I even hated myself for caring so much, for valuing him this deeply.But it wasn't me who deserved that hate.He did.Even more than that.But my character could only allow me to go so far.
"You're going to wake up to a morning like no other..."This time, the smug grin was on my face.
It was a poison now—one brewed from pain.
A smile...Filled with the sorrow of helplessness.
Maybe I had never cursed anyone this deeply in my entire life.
"You won't even be able to look at your own face anymore..."
When I finally said everything I had to say, with all its weight crashing down,somehow, despite it all, a coolness spread inside me.Yet my throat was still dry, and my lips were burning like fire.
It was over.
His gaze latched onto me like handcuffs.I could almost feel the poison he wrapped around me dancing on my skin.
Was he really going to allow this?
I didn't even know him that well.I had fallen in love without even knowing whether he was someone worth loving.I had never truly come close to letting him go.Other than those looks, I had never seen his harsh face.I had no idea what he would do if something was taken from him—if his pride was wounded.
The fragments of his vengeful anger were raining down on my face through his eyes.
To me, he was already over.And I had no idea that, with just a few words,I had awakened the danger that slept inside Poyraz.
After that day,everything became even more complicated.