Dinner time in the Great Hall was a lively affair, filled with the chatter of young witches and wizards. They savored delicious French cuisine while swapping stories about their summer adventures and the latest buzz for the new term.
Ding ding!
The sharp sound of a fork tapping a goblet cut through the noise.
The hall fell quiet as all eyes turned to the figure rising from the staff table: Professor Gilderoy Lockhart.
One of the hottest topics at Hogwarts lately.
This famous bestselling author, making his debut in the education world, was already teetering on the edge of disaster—though he'd never admit it.
Tonight, Lockhart was decked out in a vibrant violet satin wizarding robe, complete with a matching wizard hat. His gleaming golden hair was styled in a perfect wave across his forehead, so slick a fly would slip and do the splits if it landed there.
He looked radiant, like he was about to strut into his own book launch.
Once he had the full attention of the school, Lockhart set down his goblet and fork, flashing a grin that showed off his dazzling white teeth.
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have a moment of your time?"
"I, Gilderoy Lockhart—Order of Merlin, Third Class; Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League; five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award; and six-time reigning champion of the bestselling book charts…"
The hall buzzed with whispers.
Anyone who'd sat through his classes had already heard this spiel—nothing new here.
Ahem.
Lockhart dropped the self-aggrandizing titles and got to the point.
"As you all know, my ultimate dream—besides ridding the world of all evil—is…"
He held up a violet crystal bottle, adorned with his own face and a fancy, swirling logo.
"…to promote my exclusive line of haircare products!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm thrilled to announce that my Lockhart Professional Haircare Solution is about to hit the market in a big way!"
"As the product's creator, I understand some of you might doubt its effectiveness."
He gestured to his own hair. "Using my hair as an example wouldn't do it justice. My locks are naturally flawless, so you couldn't tell if it's the product working wonders or just my fabulous hair!"
He gave his golden waves a confident toss.
"So, I had a brilliant idea!"
Lockhart raised his voice, ensuring everyone could hear.
"Right here at Hogwarts, at this very moment, I extend my most heartfelt invitation…"
He grinned widely, pointing at the infamous greasy-haired man.
"…to my esteemed colleague, Professor Severus Snape!"
Lockhart beamed, gesturing toward Snape.
"As the special trial user and brand ambassador for Lockhart Professional Haircare Solution!"
"I believe Severus will help me demonstrate the extraordinary power of this product!"
…
Buzz buzz… buzz buzz…
Whatever Lockhart said next was drowned out by an overwhelming wave of excited whispers.
The entire hall—hundreds of students, plus a few ghosts—was set ablaze with gossip.
Everyone was eager to dissect this bombshell, share their shock, and voice a shared anticipation.
Lockhart, oblivious, kept hyping his product, repeatedly inviting an unresponsive Snape.
"Oh, dear Severus, trust me, this haircare solution is worth a try!"
"It's gentle, with no harsh additives—perfect for sensitive scalps!"
"Even for someone like you, who's never used shampoo or conditioner, it's incredibly user-friendly!"
"Top-quality ingredients! Worth every Galleon!"
"I guarantee, use it for just one month, and you'll say goodbye to greasy hair, limp strands, frizz, and hair loss!"
Chuckle chuckle…
Snort snort…
Giggle giggle…
Quack quack…
At a corner of the Gryffindor table, Leon and his crew were hunched over, hands covering their mouths, shoulders shaking as they tried to stifle their laughter, letting out all sorts of weird noises.
Leon dramatically traced a triangle over his chest.
"Let's pray for Professor Lockhart. May Merlin protect him so he doesn't meet his end before Snape says goodbye to his hair troubles. Amen."
Wooo~ Wooo~
His words sent the group into hysterics, sounding like air-raid sirens.
Seamus Finnigan was laughing so hard he slid under the table.
Harry took off his glasses, wiping away tears of laughter.
When he put them back on, he got a clear view of Snape's long, drawn face, practically touching the floor.
"Snape's about to lose it!" Harry said, his voice brimming with anticipation.
Ron's face matched his hair, red with excitement, as he stared at Lockhart, still digging his own grave.
"Come on! Get him! Left hook! Right hook! Let's see a fight!" Ron muttered under his breath.
Ginny, sitting next to Leon, was giggling uncontrollably while quizzing the second-years.
"We haven't had Snape's class yet. You and Fred keep saying how mean and scary he is."
She giggled again. "But right now, he's kind of… hilarious!"
Ginny wasn't wrong. This was probably the funniest moment of Snape's life.
His long, pale face, paired with that greasy, center-parted hair, made him look like a human mop.
Almost identical to the one Kreacher had been using to clean Leon's secret chamber the past few days.
"Hahaha… snort snort…"
Leon cracked himself up with the mental image.
His laugh was a bit too loud, and Hermione quickly clapped a hand over his mouth.
"Stop laughing! I'm freaking out here!"
"What if they actually fight? Lockhart's no match for Snape!"
Leon tilted his head to dodge her hand, grinning.
"What, you finally see Lockhart's a fraud who can't take on Snape?"
Hermione's face was pure panic as she kept glancing between the two professors.
"Don't say that without proof. Lockhart's a gentleman, he'd never fight a colleague. But Snape…"
Snape was about to explode.
At his limit, he shoved Lockhart's arm off his shoulder, stood up, and stormed toward the Great Hall's doors, his black robes billowing dramatically behind him.
Lockhart, seeing his test subject escaping—and with him, a pile of potential Galleons—panicked.
"Severus! Don't be shy!" he shouted, stretching his neck.
"I know you want to help me! You're just too embarrassed to say yes in front of everyone!"
"Severus! Wait for me!"
Maybe his brain got squashed in a door before dinner, because Lockhart—clearly the fitter of the two—sprinted after Snape.
He twisted open the crystal bottle and, in one swift motion, dumped the entire contents of violet haircare solution onto Snape's head.
Silence.
Utter silence.
A silence so profound it might've been the quietest moment in Hogwarts' history.
Time itself seemed to freeze.
The universe held its breath.
Every eye in the Great Hall—students, teachers, ghosts, portraits, every living and non-living thing in the world, the universe—was locked on one thing:
Snape's greasy head, now drenched in violet haircare solution.