He grabbed the shovel and started digging the grave quickly—he wanted it done and gone. "This'll be my last time, my last time disposing of a body!" he shouted in his head, but there was no guarantee. People would notice Sami Bernthal's absence; loved ones would ask questions and trace his steps. Those thoughts weren't on Brian's mind yet—his only goal was to get rid of the body.
After two hours of digging Brian was exhausted; his arms felt dead. He sat leaning against the car tire, catching his breath. The trees around him felt like cover but he couldn't relax; even while resting he was alert. After taking the last drag of his cigarette he stood up and picked up the shovel. Just as he was about to dig, he noticed Vivian watching him. She had been crying—her eyes were reddened and swollen. The gag in her mouth prevented her from screaming, forcing her to hold everything inside. She had her head against the rear window, watching Brian.
Brian stared at her for a while, then went back to digging. After no more than two minutes he suddenly dropped the shovel and let out a low, powerful sound: "Ughhhhhhh!" He sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands. "Why?! Huh?! Why me, fucking world?! Why me!" he mumbled. Tears came to his eyes; his hands shook as he clutched his head.
He quickly stood, pulled Vivian out of the car and removed the gag from her mouth. "Look me in the eye, Vivian!" he said, bringing his face very close to hers. "Look me in the eye and tell me this isn't what I deserve!" he added.
Vivian leaned back against the tire and closed her eyes, drawing a deep breath. "You deserve everything that ever happened to you," she said very calmly. Then she opened her eyes, came toward Brian's face and said, "You are what they say you are, Brian. You're a murderer, you are a serial killer."
They'd more or less dug what could pass for a grave. Brian shoved Sami Bernthal's body into it while Vivian watched. Then he continued filling the hole with soil. He'd stripped off his jacket because he was sweating; he remained in a white sweater.
"Light me a cigarette," Vivian asked, the smoke still in her mouth. Brian handed one from his pocket—one for himself and one he placed at Vivian's mouth because her hands were tied, and he helped her smoke.
"When's my turn?" Vivian asked between puffs. Brian crouched in front of her, stared at the surroundings and replied, "I told you already, I ain't gonna kill you. Your turn's never gonna come." He put his cigarette to his mouth and hers to hers, then kept filling the grave.
After a shower, Brian collapsed into bed—completely worn out. It was three in the afternoon; he'd returned without getting caught. "I'll never bury a body again, damn it!" he muttered and fell asleep.
The family scene looked very warm. It was one of the things anyone might always wish for: going somewhere with people you love, laughing with them, maybe simply having dinner together. Brian sat there trying to eat with Love in his lap. Noticing Brian's difficulty, Margaret said, "Next time, bring Love's high chair so you can eat comfortably." Julia agreed with her mother and offered, "If you want, I can hold her, I'm already full." Maria wasn't much on their side. She wore a green hooded sweater, her left hand between her legs, eating with her right hand as she kept her head down. It was obvious something had put her in a bad mood.
"Thanks a lot," Brian said, "but it's okay, we're used to eating like this, right, girl?" He smiled first at Love, then at the whole table.
"Oh my god!" Brian thought to himself, looking at each person around the table. He thought, "You thought you didn't want this life, but this is life Brian, sitting around a round or square table with forks in hand, waiting with hungry eyes for a woman to serve food. One of them might be your wife, another your sister-in-law, another your mother-in-law, another your own daughter-whoever they are doesn't matter. Life is about gathering loved ones around you, losing them, even killing them, and then finding new ones and valuing the new ones. So Brian, no matter what happens, you'll keep Julia in your life. Because she cares about you, she makes you feel like you deserve all this good stuff. You… you're gonna be happy, you're gonna let Vivian live, because right here, right now, you're starting a brand new life…"