Everyone I've met in life says that they want to grow wings or be a bird. I wonder if it's because they think it will make them free. The reality is, it makes you a prey, a target. For me, freedom is death. The only gift for me.
Or maybe I just want someone to prove me wrong.
I've never imagined a future for myself after 18. I never thought I would live past it. So, I never did anything for my future and only prepared for my life to end. But here in present, I'm now 19, soon to be 20.
I try to find a meaning to life and a reason to go on but I don't think I've felt anything real the past months. I find my solace in isolation. I always look for a way to leave. I try to leave in fear of keep getting haunted by my guilt and fear. I don't deserve an escape, I know. I never did anything right and so someone did the most cruelest act one can do. Left. Die. It wasn't selfish but cruel enough to make me regret not taking every single chance I can think of now.
People said as time pass by, I'll slowly stop feeling it. But now I'm not sure anymore. All I can feel is the numbness inside me. The feeling of too much emotion at once.
Even though I don't have any reason to go on to live an undeserved life, I don't end it. Not because I'm waiting for anything but I'm just a coward.
A girl in her 19s who's soom to be 20, walks through the school halls. Everyone avoids her as she walks past each of them. They are looking at her, judging her, whispering something in each other's ears and some bumps onto her. After going inside her classroom, she sits in her place. The sit which is behind the one who's always absent. More likely, will never return. She plugs in her earphone.
'(name)'
By- Unknown.
Suddenly a notification pops up on her screen. It's a news. 'More people dies after falling in coma due unknown reasons.' Her eyes widen as she quickly clicks on it and starts reading.
"More people die after falling in coma due to unknown reasons.
In the past 2 months in Korea, almost (number) amount of people have passed away. The doctors try their best to find the unknown reason but they are not near to any information. According to the (World health organization), this has been going for over years now. But it was always less in number for anyone not to give a care. The sudden increase in number is giving a panic among the citizens as they demand solution and answers. A word has been going around about it being a secret attack from a rival country. As there's no answer to this unknown curse, the president is taking every theory in consideration. Few of the very symptoms have been noticed:
• Hallucination
• Depression
• Isolation
• Hearing unknown voices
• Slight pain in the whole body for over a week
And most importantly,"
"Park Jihye!" She looks up as she sees the homeroom teacher standing in front of the classroom, "What are you thinking while being in class? I've been calling your name so many times."
She stands up slowly and not looking at anyone knowing every single eye in this room is on her. She can imagine the things they are thinking right now.
"Your phone. Now. You know it's mandatory to hand over the phone once the class starts."
She nods and walks over to the teacher with her phone. She places it on the box hesitating because of not being able to finish reading the article. After, she goes back to her desk.
The classes go on like this one after another until lunch. Jihye keeps her head down. She doesn't feel like having lunch. Not like she ever did.
"Where's the girl named Lee Yeonhee?" A girl shouts as soon as she steps inside the room.
"I am." Someone announces.
The other girl scoffs, "How shameless. Did you really thought you could get away after annoying my friend?"
"No idea what you're talk about." Yeonhee shrugs.