When I imagined being isekai'd, I pictured a majestic awakening.
You know—the usual stuff: ancient magic circles, floating gods with too many wings, maybe a glowing sword calling my name.
What I got instead... was a wet floor, a pulsing headache, and a creepy voice whispering directly into my brain.
[Initializing System... Please wait.]
[Booting: Minion Subroutine... Error: Path not found.]
[Assigning role: "Disposable Minion (001)"]
[Congratulations! You've been reborn! Estimated survival time: 2.3 minutes]
"...What?"
The air smelled like moldy socks and regret. The walls around me were damp stone, glowing faintly with violet runes that pulsed like an exhausted heartbeat. I sat up and immediately hit my head on the low ceiling.
Perfect. Reborn in a fantasy world... as a trash mob with a concussion.
I blinked a few times and took in my majestic surroundings. My "room"—if you could call it that—was a stone box barely bigger than a janitor's closet. A single wooden plank stuck out of the wall like a bed made for punishment. There was a bucket in the corner labeled "Emergency Use Only."
Truly, the hero's journey.
"Lin!" a familiar voice called.
I turned just in time for a ball of black fur to leap onto my shoulder with terrifying precision.
"You're alive," said the cat.
Correction. Talking cat.
Correction again. Talking black cat with attitude issues, now casually grooming her paw on my shoulder like she owned the place.
"You," I said, still not quite breathing right. "You actually talk."
She yawned. "I told you that already. You were just too busy dying to process it."
"Where are we?"
"The Dungeon Labyrinth," she said. "Congratulations, Minion 001. You've been hired by evil."
[New Role Assigned: Tutorial Cannon Fodder]
[Primary Function: Die loudly to alert others.]
"Okay, no. Nope. I didn't die to protect a cat just to come back as bait."
The cat—my cat now, I guess—perched proudly on my shoulder. "Actually, you did. Also, your room smells like goblin feet. Might want to talk to management."
I rubbed my temples. This had to be a dream. A hallucination. Some weird fever-induced coma thing. But the cold was real. The smell was real. And worst of all...
So was the system.
[Status Window – Minion 001]
Name: Lin
Race: Human (???)
Class: Disposable Minion
Level: 1
HP: 10/10
MP: 0
Strength: 2
Agility: 3
Intelligence: ?
Charisma: 1
Luck: 4 (dubious)
Special Skills: Grit (Passive), Scream (Lv.1), Trip Over Own Feet (Passive, Unremovable)
"…My charisma is lower than my luck," I muttered. "And my only offensive skill is screaming?"
"Oh, don't sell yourself short," the cat said, tail flicking. "You also trip like a professional."
"What's your name anyway?"
She paused mid-lick. "Hmm. Good question. Let's save that for when you earn it."
"Earn it?"
"I don't just tell my name to any disposable minion. I have standards."
Great. I died, got reincarnated in a dungeon, and now I'm being insulted by a cat with mystery lore.
[Alert: Assignment Received]
Minion 001, your patrol shift begins now.
Area: First Floor - South Wing
Objective: Stand around and die appropriately.
"Wait, patrol? I just got here!"
"Welcome to the dungeon economy," the cat said, already walking ahead. "No union. No benefits. Only death."
I stepped out of my room—sorry, cell—and into a corridor that looked like it hadn't seen a mop since the last century. Torches flickered on their own, casting eerie shadows that danced like drunken goblins. The walls were damp, and occasionally, something squeaked in the distance.
As I walked, more rooms appeared, and soon I wasn't alone.
"Oi! New guy!"
I turned and instantly regretted it.
A goblin waddled toward me wearing a bucket as a helmet. Literally. A rusty metal bucket with eyeholes crudely stabbed into it. He carried a stick with nails on one end and what looked like a half-eaten muffin on the other.
"Why you lookin' like that?" he asked. "You a cosplay or somethin'?"
Another voice chimed in. "He's got skin. Weird skin."
A blob of jelly slithered out from a nearby crevice. It looked like a slime, except it was… dry? And it wheezed like it had asthma.
"That's a human," said a third voice—this time from a floating eye with wings. "Haven't seen one of those since... last week. He exploded."
"Cool!" Buckethead laughed. "Let's poke him and see what happens."
"I'm not a piñata," I said.
"Too late," said the cat. "You look like one."
We reached the south wing—basically a slightly wider corridor with a big metal door at the end. A sign above it read:
HERO INCURSION ZONE – Please Die with Dignity
I stared at it. "Is this a joke?"
The cat tilted her head. "You think they spend budget on comedy?"
A loud metallic clang echoed through the hallway. The door groaned… and began to open.
No alarms. No countdown. Just immediate, raw danger.
"Uh… do we get weapons?"
[Skill Suggestion: Scream (Lv.1) Ready]
"Of course we don't," I whispered.
Footsteps. Voices. Three of them.
From the darkness emerged a trio of adventurers—probably rookies based on their armor. One held a sword too big for his arms. Another had a staff with a glowing tip. The third looked like he wasn't even sure where he was.
"Dungeon Level One," said Sword Boy. "Let's clear it fast. I want to reach the boss room by tonight."
"Time to farm XP," the mage muttered.
I backed away, heart slamming against my ribs.
"Scream," the cat whispered.
"What?"
"Use your skill. Scream. It's all you have."
"Are you serious—"
[Skill Activated: Scream (Lv.1)]
"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
The adventurers stopped. Looked directly at me.
"Oh look," said Sword Boy, "it's a human. Or something that screams like one."
Mage Boy raised his staff. "Shall we test a fireball?"
I ran.
I tripped.
[Passive Activated: Trip Over Own Feet]
The floor slammed into my face like it was personal.
"Unbelievable," the cat muttered. Then, casually, she pressed a paw to a nearby stone.
The wall groaned and slid open, revealing a hidden tunnel.
"In here, idiot!" she hissed.
I scrambled in, bruised and breathless, just as the fireball detonated behind me. The blast pushed me forward, and I landed in a pile of bones that smelled like despair.
We lay there in silence for a few seconds. My body ached. My pride was in shambles. And my stats were still garbage.
But I was alive.
Barely.
The cat looked at me and snorted.
"Well done, Minion 001," she said. "You've survived your first hero encounter. Kind of."
I panted, staring up at the jagged ceiling.
"This place is insane."
"Nope," she said. "This is just Monday."
I closed my eyes. Just for a second.
Then I opened them again, and something inside me burned—frustration, fear… maybe a pinch of determination.
"I'm not dying like that again," I said.
The cat purred.
"Oh? Got a plan?"
"Yeah." I sat up, wiping dust off my face. "I'm going to survive. No matter what. And if I have to become the worst villain this dungeon's ever seen to do it…"
I stood up, wobbly but stubborn.
"…then so be it."
The cat's eyes sparkled.
"Atta boy."