What happened next would be studied by business schools across forty-seven galaxies as the worst quarterly review in corporate history.
Brad clicked to the next PowerPoint slide, which showed a detailed breakdown of Jack's "Key Performance Indicators" with little red and green arrows indicating whether he was above or below target.
"So let's dive into your Q3 numbers," Brad said, completely oblivious to the fact that Jack's nanomachine count had just spiked to 18.4 trillion and was climbing exponentially. "Civilian casualties are down 47% from projections. That's... concerning."
Tim nodded sagely. "The liberation of enemy fleets is particularly problematic. Our models show that should be physically impossible. Can you walk us through your methodology there?"
Jack's consciousness was now operating on frequencies that existed in seventeen different dimensions simultaneously, but he managed to keep his voice level. "You want me to explain how I freed enslaved species... so you can make sure it doesn't happen again?"
"Exactly!" Jessica said brightly. "We need to understand the process so we can patch those loopholes in future universe builds. Can't have entities going around liberating people willy-nilly. It completely breaks the suffering-to-enlightenment pipeline we've spent eons perfecting."
The multiversal chat had reached levels of outrage that were literally causing dimensional barriers to crack:
THEY CALLED LIBERATION A LOOPHOLE
SUFFERING TO ENLIGHTENMENT PIPELINE I CANT
THIS IS ACTUALLY EVIL
JACK PLEASE DELETE THESE NPCs
Dave pulled up another slide: "Jack's Anomalous Behavior Pattern Analysis." It showed a detailed chart tracking Jack's "deviation from standard protagonist parameters."
"See, the issue is," Dave explained, pointing at various data points, "you're supposed to suffer more. Classic hero's journey calls for at least three major psychological breakdowns before achieving final victory. You skipped straight to 'cosmic overlord' without hitting your mandatory trauma checkpoints."
Sarah added, "Our focus groups really respond to prolonged internal conflict. The whole 'embracing your power immediately' thing doesn't test well with audiences aged 18-34 across seventeen galaxy clusters."
Brad clicked to the next slide: "Corrective Action Plan." The header read: "Getting Jack Back On Track: A 12-Point Performance Improvement Strategy."
Point 1 was: "Reintroduce family trauma through multiverse alternate reality exposure."
Point 7 was: "Implement mandatory suffering quotas (minimum 3 existential crises per quarter)."
Point 12 was: "If subject continues non-compliance, initiate Protagonist Replacement Protocol."
Jack's nanomachine count hit 20.6 trillion as he processed what he was reading. These entities—these middle managers—had planned every moment of his pain, calculated every loss, and were now critiquing his recovery like it was a budget shortfall.
"You want to give me a performance improvement plan," Jack said slowly, his voice now carrying frequencies that were causing the PowerPoint presentation to glitch, "because I'm not suffering enough for your quarterly targets."
"It's not personal," Brad said quickly. "It's just business. The Senior Partners have very specific ROI expectations for protagonist development projects."
Tim nodded. "Plus, your recent behavior is affecting other projects. The Mind Flayer Liberation Event has inspired copy-cat liberation movements in seven other galaxy clusters. It's completely disrupting our established suffering ecosystems."
Jessica leaned forward conspiratorially. "Between you and me, the Zephyrian Division is seeing liberation requests increase 347% since your GalacticTok went viral. Their quarterly suffering metrics are completely tanked."
That was the moment Jack's humanity index went so far into negative territory that it created a new mathematical concept. These weren't cosmic entities managing reality—they were middle managers treating sentient beings like quarterly reports.
And he was about to show them what happened when the main character decided that some meetings really could have been an email.