Chapter 2: The Useless Goddess and the Scummy Kazuma
"Waaaaaahhhhhh!"
"Waaaaaahhhhhh!"
On the streets of Axel, Kobayashi and Aqua were tangled together, staring at each other and screaming.
Kobayashi was screaming in anger; Aqua was screaming in pain.
Because Kobayashi was mercilessly pinching and stretching Aqua's cheeks. (Imagine the 'furiously petting a dog' meme).
"Waaaaah!! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!"
Tears streamed down Aqua's face from the pain. She pleaded for help from the tracksuit-wearing boy who was just watching the show from the side.
"Help! Help me, Kazuma, quick, save me! Kazuma!!!"
The boy in the tracksuit was completely bewildered.
"What... is going on here?"
"Help me, Sir Kazuma!!!"
"Alright, alright, I'm coming."
Their squabble had already attracted the attention of passersby. To avoid drawing any more attention, Satou Kazuma quickly stepped forward and rescued Aqua from the merciless iron grip.
Kobayashi felt a slight sense of regret. The goddess's soft, smooth cheeks were as flawless as a peeled egg, and their squishiness was comparable to a fluffy ball of dough. The feeling was just too good. For a moment, he was reluctant to let go.
Satou Kazuma turned his head and asked in a low voice, "Hey, Aqua, do you know him?"
"Who knows him?!"
Aqua used her divine power to heal her swollen cheeks, looking at Kobayashi with a mixture of anger and resentment.
Satou Kazuma nodded in agreement. It had been less than two hours since he and Aqua arrived in this world, and they hadn't interacted with anyone else during that time. They shouldn't know this person...
Thinking this, Satou Kazuma said, "Excuse me, my companion and I just arrived in this town. Is it possible you've mistaken us for someone else?"
"That's right! I don't know you at all!" Aqua protested loudly from behind Satou Kazuma's back, as if she were the one being bullied... though judging from what just happened, that was indeed the case.
"Hehehe... is that so, is that so? So you've forgotten about me... even though it's only been three months..."
Kobayashi's smile looked a little broken.
Imagine this: the person responsible for his miserable life was standing right in front of him, and what's more, she acted as if she couldn't remember him at all. It would be a miracle if he were in a good mood.
However, having just vented his frustration, Kobayashi felt much better.
He looked at the brown-haired boy in the green tracksuit and extended his right hand.
"Let me introduce myself. My name is Kobayashi."
"Kobayashi? Could it be...?!"
"That's right. Just like you, I'm a transmigrator."
"Oh! My name is Satou Kazuma! It's a pleasure to meet you, Senpai!"
"A pleasure to meet you too, Kouhai."
The two shook hands in a friendly meeting.
But Satou Kazuma was still a little curious. "Senpai, you must know that Aqua is a goddess, right? So why were you bullying her?"
"Well now, why indeed..."
Kobayashi then explained everything: how he met Aqua, received a cheat ability, how the goddess's carelessness prevented it from activating, and how miserable his life had been since arriving in this world.
"And so on and so forth."
"Mmm, this is without a doubt Aqua's fault."
Satou Kazuma gave the goddess a deadpan look. Although they had only been together for a short time, he already had a full grasp of just how infuriating and unreliable Aqua was. If it hadn't been for this idiot goddess provoking him, he wouldn't have chosen to bring her to the mortal world with him in a fit of anger.
Of course, he also felt sympathy for what Kobayashi had gone through.
Aqua, however, was very unhappy and yelled, "Why?! Why is it my fault?! It's not my fault at all! If he had just reminded me, none of this would have happened!"
She was still trying to shift the blame! It was her job that she hadn't done properly!
Kobayashi's anger meter instantly filled, and he once again grabbed her face. "Three months... Do you have any idea how I've lived these past three months, do you?!"
Digging ditches, planting crops! Sleeping in stables, eating toad legs!
He had taken on any job that could earn money, no matter how difficult or tiring. He had painstakingly saved up one million Eris in three months; only he knew how much hardship that entailed.
"It hurts, it hurts, it hurts! I'm sorry, I know I was wrong!" Aqua begged for mercy with tears in her eyes.
She then suggested, "Oh, right! I'll help you activate your cheat ability, then you can forgive me! No, wait, you should be worshiping and fawning over me instead!"
"What did you say?!"
"I'm sorry, I got carried away!"
Aqua backed down instantly.
"That's your job in the first place, you idiot," Satou Kazuma muttered from the side with utter disdain. The moron before him had none of the grace of a goddess, completely shattering any fantasies he had about them.
--- Half an hour later ---
Aqua wiped her tears and whimpered, "There, the ring is activated."
"Ah, thank you for your hard work."
As one of the black crystals on the ring lit up, Kobayashi knew his cheat ability had been successfully activated. The gloom in his heart was swept away, and his mood brightened considerably.
Satou Kazuma asked doubtfully, "That's it?"
"Of course! I am a goddess, after all. A little thing like this is a piece of cake! So, Kazuma, you should start fawning over me right now!" Aqua stuck her little nose in the air after showing off her skill, her signature smug gesture.
But Kazuma just scoffed.
"A piece of cake, she says. A useless goddess who doesn't even know where the Adventurer's Guild is. That's hilarious."
"Ah! You called me a useless goddess!"
"Well, aren't you? You can't even do your job properly. How can a goddess like you exist? You're a disgrace to goddesses! Goddess disqualified!"
"...I'm sorry, I was wrong."
Having only just arrived in this world and still untainted by its hardships, Satou Kazuma easily had the upper hand on Aqua. In time, however, their dynamic would likely be completely reversed.
"By the way, Kobayashi-senpai," Satou Kazuma asked, "do you know where the Guild is? We just arrived, would you mind taking us there?"
"No problem, I'll take you."
Kobayashi was in a good mood, and since he had nothing else to do, he readily agreed.
Upon arriving at the Guild, they were once again greeted by Miss Luna. As the most popular receptionist, her outstanding looks and gentle personality were widely praised... though one had to wonder if her equally generous bust contributed to her score.
Satou Kazuma, who could argue endlessly with Aqua, immediately clammed up in the presence of a mature beauty. In the end, Kobayashi had to step forward and explain the situation.
"Please register them as adventurers."
"Of course, please come this way."
As expected, the penniless duo looked extremely awkward and stared pitifully at Kobayashi. He deftly pulled out 2,000 Eris, allowing them to successfully become adventurers.
As a goddess, Aqua naturally chose the advanced class [Archpriest]. Satou Kazuma, on the other hand, had stats that were too low and had to choose the same class as Kobayashi, [Adventurer (Beginner)], for which he was mercilessly mocked by Aqua.
After leaving the Adventurer's Guild, Kobayashi told them, "Alright, let's go get you some equipment."
Hearing this, Kazuma was slightly surprised. "But we don't have any money..."
"Don't worry, I'll pay. Think of it as a gift for my kouhai," Kobayashi said generously.
Although Satou Kazuma was scummy, trashy, lewd, and shameless, he was still a good kid at heart. His occasional flashes of brilliance were often a pleasant surprise, and his personality of always repaying a favor made him a junior worth investing in.
"Thank you, Kobayashi-senpai!"
Satou Kazuma wiped the corners of his eyes, moved. He couldn't help but think that this senior he had just met was a truly great person! Without his help, they would surely have ended up like him, digging ditches and planting crops. If their luck was even worse, they might have ended up working as masons at the city gate.
After winding through the town's streets, the three of them arrived at the entrance of a certain blacksmith shop.
Kobayashi kicked the door open.
"Bill, you've got business!"
"Oh, welcome!"
The one who greeted them was a one-eyed, bald, muscular man of about 40. His bulging muscles and fierce appearance gave off an intense, intimidating aura. He had the look of a man with a mysterious past, but in reality, he was just an unscrupulous, profiteering old man.
There were some interesting stories between Bill and Kobayashi, but due to space constraints, they will be told later if the opportunity arises.
Kobayashi pointed at Satou Kazuma and said, "Pick out some suitable gear for him."
"No problem, leave it to me!"
Bill efficiently selected appropriate equipment for Kazuma: a short sword, a longbow, and leather armor, the full set. Although he was still a level 1 rookie, his equipment was now on par with that of an experienced adventurer, which would make his future adventures much easier.
Seeing Kazuma get new gear, Aqua became incredibly envious. Even though she didn't need equipment as a goddess, she still didn't want to be ignored.
"Hey, hey, hey, what about me? Where's my equipment?"
"Hmm? Do you even need equipment?"
"Hmph..."
Aqua looked up at Kobayashi pitifully, her eyes welling up with tears. The look on her face seemed to say, If you don't buy me something, I'm going to cry.
"No, I want equipment! I want equipment!"
Aqua hugged Kobayashi's leg tightly and began rolling back and forth on the ground, her legs kicking wildly in the air.
Are you a child?! Hey! Let go, this is so embarrassing!
Kobayashi and Satou Kazuma stared blankly at Aqua. She looked nothing like a goddess; she was a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum on the floor because someone else got candy and she didn't. Bill had never seen anyone like this either and was at a loss for words.
It wouldn't do to just let her keep this up.
Having no other choice, Kobayashi had to buy her a symbolic staff worth 5,000 Eris. It had no stat bonuses; the only thing it did was make the flower bud at the tip of the staff bloom when she cast magic, making it look prettier. That was it.
Even so, Aqua was overjoyed. She was already silly to begin with, and now her smile made her look even sillier. She was the very definition of an easy-to-please goddess.
It was getting late by the time they left the blacksmith shop.
Looking up at the moon hanging high in the sky, Satou Kazuma looked troubled. "It's already dark. This is a problem."
Nightfall meant they couldn't do any quests, which had a chain reaction: dinner and lodging for the night were now an issue. Unlike the idiot goddess, he had many things to consider.
Kobayashi smiled. "It's fine. Dinner's on me tonight, and you can crash at my place as well."
"Really? Thank you, Senpai!"
Satou Kazuma was at a loss for words for the kind man before him. He pushed Aqua forward and said, "To express my gratitude, you can have her."
Kobayashi retorted, annoyed, "Hey, are you repaying my kindness with malice?"
"What, what?"
Aqua, who had been pushed and stumbled, still didn't understand what was happening. She leaned against Kobayashi's chest, looked up, and stared innocently at the man who was holding her.
"It's nothing."
Kobayashi let her go and flicked her forehead, causing her to cry out in pain.
"Why did you flick my forehead!"
"Because I felt like it. Let's go, time for dinner."
"Yay!" the other two cheered.
For adventurers, the best place to have dinner was the Adventurer's Guild. It was cheap, the portions were large, and it was lively. Many adventurers who enjoyed the cheerful atmosphere gathered there, singing, dancing, and making a racket. Kobayashi was no exception.
Unlike usual, he didn't order the cheapest fried toad legs. Instead, he chose expensive beef, fine bread, and seafood soup—a welcome meal for the newcomers, Satou Kazuma and Aqua.
The two of them wolfed down the food while once again expressing their gratitude to Kobayashi.
After eating and drinking their fill, the three of them staggered out. Kobayashi was supporting a drunk Aqua. Satou Kazuma was still relatively sober, but Aqua had no concept of restraint and had downed several mugs of sparkling liquor.
Isn't any liquid she touches supposed to turn into pure water? I really don't understand how a Goddess of Water can get drunk. It's too baffling.
"Honestly, this idiot goddess..."
Satou Kazuma looked at Aqua with disgust. He now deeply regretted bringing a goddess with him. If he had known, he wouldn't have let her provoke him and would have just chosen a powerful cheat ability.
"Kobayashi-senpai, why don't we let her..."
"I'll punch you if you dare say it!"
"I'm sorry."
Satou Kazuma apologized at lightning speed. He had just thought of pushing his trouble onto someone else, and not just anyone, but the Kobayashi-senpai to whom he was so grateful. How could he do that? He was deeply ashamed.
To ease the awkwardness, Kazuma changed the subject. "Kobayashi-senpai, will it be a bother for us to stay at your place?"
"No bother at all. Because I live in a stable."
"HUH?"
"You heard me right. I live in a stable."
The feeling was like seeing someone wearing designer clothes, driving a luxury car, and eating gourmet food, only to find out they live under a dilapidated bridge. The sense of disparity was immense.
Satou Kazuma was very confused. "Why?"
"Because all my money went to buying magic crystals. One million Eris worth," Kobayashi replied.
"I see, I understand now."
Satou Kazuma expressed his sympathy. If Aqua hadn't messed up and prevented his cheat from activating, Kobayashi-senpai would probably be a famous adventurer by now, well on his way to the pinnacle of life. Yet here he was, forced to live in a stable...
Thinking about how unreliable Aqua was, he once again felt deep anxiety about his future.
Just then, the drunk Aqua suddenly shouted, "A stable? I don't want to live in a stable! I'm a goddess, a goddess, you hear me?! How can I possibly live in a stable?!"
"Hey! Idiot goddess! This is no time to be picky!" Kazuma scolded Aqua, then stole a glance at Kobayashi's face, afraid he would get angry and abandon them on the street.
But after hearing her, Kobayashi seemed to be seriously considering it. He had been saving money for the sole purpose of buying magic crystals. Now that his cheat was activated, why should he continue to live so frugally? Money was meant to be spent!
Kobayashi waved his hand grandly. "Alright, we're staying at an inn tonight!"
"Yay! An inn! We're staying at an inn!" Aqua cheered drunkenly.
Kazuma, however, was conflicted. "Kobayashi-senpai, you don't have to spend the money. A stable is fine..." He also hated the idea of a stable, but he couldn't bring himself to make such a shameless request. He wasn't a certain idiot goddess.
Kobayashi clapped him on the shoulder and showed him the ring, signaling not to worry. "It's fine. There's no need to save anymore."
"Is that so? Well then, thank you very much, Senpai." Kazuma nodded, accepting his senior's kindness and resolving to repay him one day.
However—
"Sir, I am truly sorry, but the inn is fully booked. We only have one room left at the moment."
"Only one room left?"
"Yes. But not to worry, it's a premium single room, so it can accommodate three people. It's just... two guests will have to sleep on the floor."
The clerk explained the room's situation.
"What should we do, Kazuma-kun?" Kobayashi asked.
Kazuma sighed helplessly. "Traveling with this burden is a pain. We have no choice. Let's stay here."
"If you say so."
With his agreement, Kobayashi told the clerk, "We'll take it. Also, could you please prepare some thick blankets for us? Thank you."
"Yes, right away."
The clerk quickly prepared the paperwork.
They were led to their room. It was spacious, but there was indeed only one bed. Kobayashi naturally claimed it. As for Aqua... let's just say she didn't deserve to sleep on the bed.
After a long and tiring day, they could finally rest.
"Goodnight, Kouhai."
"Goodnight, Senpai."
They turned off the lights to sleep, ready for a good night's dream.
...was impossible.
Kobayashi was incredibly excited. The cheat ability he had been waiting for could finally be used. His mind was already imagining the vast landscapes he would see as he traveled through worlds, the top-tier experts he would meet, the powerful skills he would learn, and so on.
A chaotic jumble of fantasies filled his mind, making him too excited to sleep. After tossing and turning in bed for a long time, he finally drifted off into a hazy slumber.
But even so, he was fighting a powerful enemy in his dream, and the battle was incredibly intense. A terrifying, unfathomable god unfurled countless tentacles, binding him tightly like an octopus.
He couldn't breathe, he was suffocating!
...Wait, suffocating?
He opened his eyes from his dream to find that Aqua had latched onto him like a sloth, pressing his head firmly into her chest.
"Mmphhmmphmmphh!"
He desperately slapped Aqua's arms and back, but getting hit only made her hug his head even tighter.
Apart from her intelligence and luck, all of Aqua's stats were top-tier. At his current level, Kobayashi had no hope of breaking free!
This is torture! I'm going to suffocate!
Being held in the arms of a beautiful girl with a fantastic figure should have been a wonderful thing, but all Kobayashi felt was a desperate lack of air as his consciousness began to drift away.
When he opened his eyes again, it was the next morning. Satou Kazuma and Aqua were standing by the bed, looking at him with awkward, helpless expressions.
Kobayashi had a feeling he knew what had happened, but he wisely chose not to ask.
After all...
Death by suffocation-by-bosom... was just too embarrassing!
(End of Chapter)