Maiden Yu and Cui Er loved each other deeply, yet they were separated by life and death so early in time. Even if the road ahead was a long journey, to her, it was simply mourning her late husband. However, that shameful incident was a nightmare prolonging until the present, for even a bastard was produced.
During a thundering storm through the night, she found it difficult to sleep. One moment, she felt that she had betrayed her husband and wanted to ingest some medicine to abort the baby, yet in the next, she felt that the child was innocent for it was not his choice to choose such a terrible biological father.
At the same time, grievous news came from the Yu family. When Father Yu came to the village to visit his daughter, he had experienced a fall. It hadn't been too severe in the beginning, but his situation turned for the worse all of a sudden.
Once Maiden Yu heard of it, she abandoned everything to hurry back to her own family to accompany her father by his bedside. She didn't even tell him what happened, fearing that her father would pick a fight with the Cui family and worsen his condition.
However, even having the light of his life by his bedside could not heal him. After all, he was in his senior years and that fall had caused him to hit his head. Not long after, he passed. Mother Yu suppressed all her grief as she made arrangements for his funeral, and very quickly she too fell ill and never woke up.
The Yu family was sustained by only sons for a few generations, but when it reached Yu Mo, she was the only daughter. Yu Mo lived apart from her family in foreign lands, so even if she had the heart, there wasn't much she could help with, and she definitely could not counterbalance the Cui family. Yu Mo did not wish to burden her mother more, so she swept this under the rug.
"When women encounter these sorts of incidents, they would usually mourn and weep from sorrow or simply submit to fate and allow themselves to be pushed around by everyone. Maiden Yu was like any other wise and fragile lady, she had never even roamed the province of Jianghu, yet she managed to weather through this all with a tough heart even after one tragedy came after the next. This is truly respectable."
Feng Xiao raised his head to look at the sky. The rain abated; light drizzles diminished into little flying needles that dampened their clothes. However, Cui Buqu's shoulders and back were all heavily wet.
Naturally, Feng Xiao was nowhere near better. Had it been on usual days, he would have already furrowed his brows, returned to take a bath and changed into a new set of clothes. Tonight, however, he could miraculously stomach it as he stood here. He has surprised even himself.
He did not pester Cui Buqu to return, because he knew that today, the reason Cui Buqu came here wasn't just to tell him a story. More than that, he was giving a sense of justice to the owner of the grave.
Additionally, Feng Xiao was very curious about the next part of the story.
Since he guessed the beginning wrong, then there would be incidents taking place later on which were also beyond his expectations.
Cui Buqu said plainly, "Her heart was definitely tough, however, things may not be as people wished all the time."
Father Yu's death caused Maiden Yu to lose her closest family member. It made her completely reject the decision to abort this child.
Because then, at the very least, she would still have someone blood-related to her in this world.
As Yu Mo was still a widow of the Cui family, she couldn't conceal the truth from everyone when it came to giving birth to a child, therefore, she paid Cui Yong a visit and told him everything.
Originally, Cui Yong had thought that by putting Cui San under house arrest, this matter would end, but since there was subsequent follow-up like that, he had been so shocked that he couldn't speak.
He strongly objected when Maiden Yu proclaimed that she was determined to give birth to the child, because if Maiden Yu gave birth to a child now, then everyone would know that the child wasn't the child of Cui Er. Even if Cui Yong understood that the child was a descendant of the Cui family, the affair between an uncle and his sister-in-law was such a shameful matter, it can never be exposed in front of others.
However, Yu Mo had enough arguments to persuade Cui Yong. She said that if even she did not have this child, she would have adopted a son of the Cui family in future so that she could continue the bloodline of Cui Er, but instead of picking that choice, why not just allow her to give birth to this child in secret? And tell everyone that he was adopted from a distant branch of the Cui clan, then place him under the name of Cui Er. This would have been perfect.
Maiden Yu was determined not to abandon the child. The words she had spoken were also quite movable. After spending a very long time thinking, Cui Yong finally agreed and allowed Maiden Yu to live in the village for a longer period of time. Cui Yong even sent people whom he trusted to attend to her.
Unfortunately, there was no secret that wouldn't be unraveled in this world. The news of Maiden Yu's pregnancy spread and finally reached the ears of Cui San's wife, Maiden Lu.
Maiden Lu herself came from a prestigious clan. How could she stomach her husband giving her this kind of shame? Naturally, she was furious.
She knew that even a little wind of anything regarding the child's background in the future would be like a slap to their face. Since she is Cui San's wife, then she would also be shamed. So, Maiden Lu switched out the medicine meant for Maiden Yu in secret. Yu Mo did not realize this and nearly had a miscarriage. Thankfully, she was lucky and was discovered early. But unfortunately, her body had been damaged, and even the child inside of her was incomplete. It made Maiden Yu's birth extremely difficult. After the child was born, illnesses harassed him inconsistently.
The chilling wind bellowed and Cui Buqu coughed twice.
"When I was young, my body was never well. I refused to speak. My reflexes were slow. I seemed to love sitting alone on my own most of the time, paying no one any attention. It was as if something was wrong with my brain. I might have been a mute."
Feng Xiao sighed deeply, "Your background was never meant to be something proud. If your health was unwell, it was very difficult to make it to adulthood. Whatever was spoken about succeeding Cui Er's bloodline would not have been much use at all. So, Cui Yong definitely regretted it."
Cui Buqu smiled, "That is right. He did regret it."
Cui Buqu's existence required depleting the manpower of the Cui family to suppress all rumors revolving around it. They needed to make up a false branch of the Cui clan to cover his identity, and they even needed to console Maiden Lu to avoid her from reaching out to her family and triggering unrest between the Cui and Lu families. Additionally, this child was born riddled with illnesses. They were wasting resources to do something with no guaranteed end.
However, if he died, then everything would be well. The Cui family's disgrace would no longer exist.
So Cui Yong finally had the intention to kill.
It was easy to solve the problem of a child. He did not even need to do it himself. The only obstacle in his way was Maiden Yu alone.
Although Maiden Yu was ill, she could feel that her child wasn't in a prime condition, so she kept him with her at all times, never leaving his side day and night. With every meal given to the child, she would taste it herself first. She kept track of everyone by her side getting in and out one by one. Maiden Yu knew that it was impossible for her to protect her child, so she dragged herself to look for someone.
She did not look for Cui Yong, neither did she look for the eldest son of the Cui family, Cui Da Lang. She instead sought out the youngest son of the Cui family, Cui Pei.
Maiden Yu begged Cui Pei. She told him that she didn't have much time left, and begged him to take care of Cui Buqu.
Cui Pei's heart was soft, so he agreed.
Not long after, Maiden Yu passed away. Cui Pei wasn't married yet and fearing that since he often left the house, he was unable to protect the child, so he took Cui Buqu to pay Cui Yong a visit and begged him to spare him as Maiden Yu's dying wish, even if he was sent far away to hide his name.
Among all his sons, Cui Yong loved this youngest son of his the most. Although he thought that he was soft, under the pitiful begging of the other, he finally agreed to let this child remain. The only requirement is that he shall be recorded as a servant of the Cui family and grow up under that identity. No one should ever tell him his past.
A few years passed. The rumors of that toiling year died down. The younger generations of the Cui family had grown up. Although they knew nothing of what happened a few years ago, they knew that there was a child of the Cui family that was raised among their servants. The seniors mentioned him from time to time, but once he was mentioned, their expressions were always strange and their words were scarce as if there were a lot of things they were unable to tell. When curious folks asked the seniors, they would even be lectured.
After a long time, they knew that this child who didn't even have a name, contained a lot of secrets and that the seniors of the Cui family did not like him.
Children were ignorant and yet they were sensitive. They would notice and surmise the thoughts of their elders and thus knew that they could unrestrainedly play pranks on that little child, giving him a variety of names like A-Cao and A-Hua, A-Mao and A-Gou. They gained entertainment by being mischevious, placing all kinds of creepy crawlers on his body and mixed dirt in his meals, even going so far to punch and kick him.
That child was obviously born with an ill body. He struggled to survive and fell ill every two to three days, dragging a broken body as he worked with the other servants of the Cui family. Yet he refused to die. He knew that it was pointless for him to report his bullies, because the only one who could protect him, Cui Pei, was often out traveling. He could not remain by his side around the clock to protect him. So gradually, he learned to fight back, however, it was still unavoidable for him to be bullied at least a few times a month.
Fevers and colds came regularly. Even if his frail life was ravished back from the hands of the Judge of Hell, his body still became weaker and weaker.
He could not even attend classes regarding the Cui family's ethnology and could only use his sweeping chore as an excuse to hide outside the house, eavesdropping on a few sentences from the adjacent wall. No one could see him using the couch grass broom as he drew lines on the ground, using his fingers to write the words 'Spring and Autumn', 'Turn Left' in the sand.
Once in a while when Cui Pei returned, there came his good days. Cui Pei would bring him to Doctor Sun's to mend his health, and he would also bring him to the villa to pay his birth mother a visit. He would tell him of the things that happened in the past. Cui Pei had considered bringing Cui Buqu with him when he went out traveling, but Cui Yong objected to it. Cui Pei could not make an enemy of his own father for the sake of his nephew with a shady past since after all, Cui Buqu's body couldn't have withstood the strain of long journeys.
Even more members of the Cui family, unlike the little children who bullied him, would still stare at him with queer, disdainful gazes, ironically remarking right in front of his face about how tough this child was. It was a miracle he could live until the age of nine without dying.
There was nothing different in the things he wore and ate compared to the servants of the Cui family. Cui Yong did not torture him on purpose, but he was deliberately neglecting him. He knew that Cui Yong was curious. He was curious as to why his body, despite being so ill, could still sustain one hardship after the last.
That was because he wasn't the slow, stupid kid that everyone said he was. He knew how to protect himself, using strategies to avoid troubles and working hard to stay alive.
However, he was still young. The sky above his head restricted him, even after beating around the bush and fumbling in circles, all he wanted was to find a way to live.
Cui Pei told him that he actually had a name. His grandfather had named him Cui Jie, hoping that he would resemble a stepping stone, taking one step at a time as he moved forward.
He knew that the meaning behind these two words was not the one he was told.
He would rather be called A-Mao or A-Gou, but he was not willing to be called Cui Jie.
During his ninth year, he fell heavily ill, worse than any previous time he experienced, and yet he was abandoned on the bed alone with no one to care for him. Thankfully, Cui Pei came back on time and carried him on his back to Doctor Sun's.
The Zhou Dynasty was still reigning during that year. Cui Pei was noticed by the Emperor for his outstanding talents and was requested to have an audience with him in the capital. So Cui Pei left him in Doctor Sun's care temporarily.
He knew that his chance finally came. He begged Doctor Sun to let him go and tell the world that he died from an illness. Since every single person within the Cui household looked forward to his death.
If he vanished, then the knot in the Cui family's heart would be undone. They would heave a long breath of relief on this matter.
He knew that Cui San's wife, Maiden Lu, had always wanted him dead. Cui San obviously knew, but he chose to step aside. Even if he could escape it once or twice, he could not escape her forever. He considered his grandfather, Cui Yong, to still have a silver of sentiment for him, but Cui San and Maiden Lu wouldn't have been so compassionate.
He needed to leave. Even if he died out in the open, he was free.
Doctor Sun was vaguely informed about his past. He could not bring himself to reject his plea, so he finally agreed to tell that lie to the world. He even made him a few pellets to bring around with him, gave him clothes, and delivered him to a merchant group that was traveling south.
Cui Buqu spoke calmly, and Feng Xiao listened silently.
There were no bombastic exaggerations in his words, but hidden in it was thrill.
Feng Xiao had seen people that experienced worse than Cui Buqu, but they had not managed to live until adulthood. He had also seen people who were more determined and stubborn than Cui Buqu, but those people, including himself, had never experienced even one or two-tenths of the hardships Cui Buqu experienced.
When Heaven bestowed a great responsibility upon someone, they would be exhausted, beaten, starved and find everything against their favor, for it was only through such experience that it could strengthen their hearts and enhance their abilities.
Everyone could recite these words from books, but how many of them could stay determined until the end?
How many people have given up before the end? How many have given up themselves due to fatigue?
"Since Doctor Sun pitied you, why didn't you remain by his side?" Feng Xiao asked.
Cui Buqu replied to him plainly, "Doctor Sun also has friends and relatives that lived locally. How would he make an enemy of the Cui family for my sake? To do his best and listen to Fate is already his greatest kindness. I am already grateful for this favor of his."
Feng Xiao, "So, you renamed yourself Cui Buqu, meaning that you would never return to the Cui family for life?"
Cui Buqu shook his head. He balled his fists and coughed in a low voice, "Maiden Yu's original intentions for me was to be the offspring of Cui Er. The reason I used the surname Cui was to honour her wish. As for Buqu, every one of them wanted me dead, they were waiting for the time I would die—"
A profound smile appeared on his lips, "Yet no one can make me choose that path. I chose to live. Even if living with illnesses hurt, even if my life was torture, this determination still burns."
He looked at the tombstone, yet Feng Xiao was looking at him from behind.
It was as if a fire had suddenly ignited in his heart, burning wordlessly.
After a long time, Feng Xiao turned his gaze away, "Then when you travelled south, where were you heading?"
Cui Buqu, "Looking for a place to belong."
The world was chaos. Even if a child like him was wary enough, it was still very easy for him to meet nefarious people. Doctor Sun had been meticulous enough to deliver him to the care of a group of trustworthy merchants so they could guarantee his safety more. However, when the group of merchants arrived at their destination and made their exchanges, he would still need to be on his own. No one can protect him forever.
The leader of the merchant group admired his sharpness, so he offered to let him remain and help out. Cui Buqu considered the pros and cons and felt that since he was alone, it would be difficult for him to care for himself, so he agreed. From then on, he followed the merchant group in their travels. From the leader, he learned how to take care of inventories, how to observe a man's language and countenance. He learned more and more words and he met more and more people. However, the condition of his body did not turn better because of this. The burden he experienced in his early years followed him into adulthood as he aged and worsened. The leader adored him and his talents, so he pitied him. Since he did not have any children of his own, he nurtured him like one of his own, even bringing him to very famed physicians.
It was a pity that the leader unwittingly offended a group of gangsters that called themselves the Qixing Gang. They were pursued by the chieftain to be killed. Cui Buqu lost his support and was alone ever since and led a wandering life, all until he met Fan Yun who later became his teacher.
He was born intelligent with a photographic memory. He remembered most of the things that happened when he was young, even if some of them were slightly blurry in memory. Once he succeeded the Zuoyue Bureau, he managed to seek out the truth when he sent his men to investigate.
Feng Xiao said, "Then, the Qixing Gang surely had a very miserable end."
The corner of Cui Buqu's lips curled, "The Qixing Gang's chieftain was supported by the Demonic Sect, Hehuan Sect, from Jianghu. They thought that no one would dare to make an enemy of them. I deployed a small tactic, provoking the fury of the number one organization of the Chen Dynasty, the Linchuan Palace Academy, to attack the Qixing Gang. They were annihilated."
Who said that people who didn't know martial arts could not live in the province of Jianghu? Whoever made an enemy of Cui Buqu would not even realize what they had done until the day they died.
Feng Xiao, "So these years, you weren't just tolerating the Cui family, but you were looking for a chance?"
Cui Buqu, "People who are concerned over fame and names like Cui Yong, would find it worse than death to watch the entire Cui family crumble piece by piece, watching himself fall from the seat of power in the Cui family. There was also Cui San. These years, he was also held under house arrest in Boling, not allowed to take even a step outside. His wife was disappointed in him. Both of them squabble every day. He couldn't stand the loneliness and got himself a mistress, yet this was also found out by his wife. The Cui family never had a day of peace. To live their lives in this way was even crueller than killing them with a single strike. Only in this way, they can experience suffering."
Feng Xiao, "So, last time you said that Cui Da Lang was financially aiding the Chen Dynasty's Linchuan Palace Academy. Was that the truth or a lie?"
Cui Buqu raised an eyebrow and coughed, "Naturally, it is the truth. I originally had my own ways of dealing with the Cui family, but since Cui Da Lang gave me his own evidence, there was no need for me to waste my strength."
Feng Xiao smiled, "Good. Very good. I love listening to stories like these. This is the Cui Buqu that I know. Taking vengeance without mercy!"
Cui Buqu's coughing didn't stop. He coughed repeatedly until he bent his back.
"Alright. The story has ended. Maiden Yu has also heard it. This time, you would definitely avenge her!"
Feng Xiao couldn't bring himself to turn away from him. He reached out to help him, "Look at the way you cough. I fear that if you stand a while more, you won't be able to see the next sunrise. I still wish to see what happens when we return!"
He hadn't used much strength at all, but Cui Buqu was dragged until he almost fell.
Feng Xiao reached out in time. Heavy and damp robes fell into his hands, he could almost squeeze the water out of them.
"If I wasn't here, would you still be able to go back?" Feng Xiao twitched his lips before forcibly carrying the other person on top of his back.
"If you weren't here, the one with me would be either Qiao Xian or Zhangsun. Worse come to worse, there would still be Zuoyue Guards." Cui Buqu coughed as he spoke, his tone and expression were both very calm. "The Cui family is definitely looking for us everywhere now. If we go back now, we might be able to watch the show."
"Can your Qiao Xian and Zhangsun compare to one out of ten thousand of me?" Feng Xiao laughed coldly, complaining as he walked, "They're all just bones. Fortunately, I am still willing to condense into a simple man and carry you on my back in person. I am wet all over, this set of robes is also done for."
Since someone was carrying him, Cui Buqu would also try to avoid being contentious. He had suffered the wind and rain. His head was also all wet and he felt a little dizzy. Unbeknownst to him, he placed his head on the base of the other's neck. Through that, he felt warmth flowing in him, melting down the cold.
He comfortably sighed, "It is your honor to carry me."
Feng Xiao, "Would you believe me if I said I'd let you fall right now?"
Cui Buqu, "Then you wouldn't be able to see the excellent show later."
As both of them walked further away, their shadows also disappeared.
Yu Mo's grave was all alone, wordlessly facing the lantern in front of it.
As the rain dissipated, the moon reappeared once again, painting both the grave and the lantern a colour of silver.
Green leaves fell from trees and landed on top of the tombstone; raindrops that gathered in the heart of leaves also trickled down the side of the tombstone, melting the frost, like the tears of a maiden through her smile.
A-Cao and A-Hua, A-Mao and A-Gou: A-Cao (Grass), A-Hua (Flower), A-Mao (Cat), A-Gou (Dog) it's like calling Cui Buqu names.
Fan Yun: Just in case, Fan Yun was mentioned in Book I when Cui Buqu and Feng Xiao first met. Although Cui Buqu was bullshitting for the greater part, he wasn't completely lying.