Songlan was a transmigrator. Three years ago, a freak accident had brought him to the world of Teyvat.
But unlike most transmigrators, he hadn't come with any kind of cheat skill. No divine artifact, no superpower—not even a Vision. All he had going for him was sheer dumb luck.
Thanks to the mentorship of Uncle Tian and a certain edgy Zhongli hater, he eventually rose to become one of Liyue's Qixing—the Tianshu Star.
Still, Songlan had always seen himself as just an ordinary guy. He figured he'd spend his days like Uncle Tian did: maybe hit a few bumps along the road, but mostly lead a peaceful, uneventful life.
In fact, he was supposed to go on a blind date today—some political matchmaking arranged by Uncle Tian. Settle down, get married, have kids... That was the plan.
Then, just as the meeting ended...
Boom—his cheat skill finally kicked in.
White-Haired Auntie (September):
> "Oh? We've got a new guy. 'Sea King of Teyvat'? That doesn't sound like someone respectable."
Stalker (Cynthia):
> "Maybe he's literally the king of sea creatures? Hey newbie, wanna buy a Pokémon? Baby Rayquaza—only 888 points! For 888 points, you won't regret it! For 888 points, you're getting a bargain! Don't think—just act! Call the Cynthia Pokémon Hotline now!"
American Cockroach (W):
> "You Sarkaz-censored! You little Sarkaz-censored! Ugh, now I'm pissed off again. You had me thinking it was some powerful Legendary, and it turns out it's just trash-tier like an Originium Slug. Just wait—once I save up enough points, I swear I'll come over there and Sarkaz-censored you so hard your Sarkaz-censored will need a resurrection!"
Expression-God Hero (Emilia):
> "Y'know, is it possible that W just… isn't strong enough to beat Cynthia?"
Cancer of Earth (Fujiwara Chihua):
> "For real. I mean, Cynthia might act a bit off sometimes, but she is a Champion. Her power speaks for itself."
American Cockroach (W):
> "Tch. One day, I'll scatter that woman's ashes to the wind!"
Neet Princess (Kaguya Houraisan):
> "Uhh, where's the new guy? He hasn't said a word this whole time—don't tell me he's out being 'Teyvat's Sea King' for real?"
Lewdest Spirit (Kurumi Tokisaki):
> "Now this guy's username oozes chaotic energy. Seems like a dude. Hey W, how 'bout dropping a lewd pic for the new guy?"
American Cockroach (W):
> "Why me?! If we're talking about lewdness, you're the queen here!"
Lewdest Spirit (Kurumi):
> "But you have more to show~ You know what they say—for guys, bigger is always better~!"
American Cockroach (W):
> "Eat dirt, Lei!"
After scrolling through the group announcements, Songlan finally pieced together what this "chat group" was about.
Apparently, the group was created by some ancient cosmic powerhouse to help prevent the destruction of various worlds.
Anyone invited into this group could earn points by signing in, completing missions, or exchanging goods—and then use those points to grow stronger.
At first, Songlan planned to lurk and observe for a while. But then W, despite all her salty Sarkaz cursing, actually did upload a lewd image.
Not of herself, of course—but of her teammate Ines. And damn, those thighs were something else.
As a red-blooded male, Songlan downloaded it without hesitation... strictly for critical analysis, of course.
Teyvat Sea King (Songlan):
> "Sorry, I was in shock for a minute. Just processed everything. By the way... got any more of those pics? Send more, please!"
Neet Princess (Kaguya):
> "Lewdness is bad!"
Lewdest Spirit (Kurumi):
> "Look at him—still typing with his pants pulled up. Respect. So, newbie, care to introduce yourself?"
Teyvat Sea King (Songlan):
> "Oh—right, my bad. Name's Songlan. I'm one of the Liyue Qixing. Specifically, the Tianshu Star."
Cancer of Earth (Fujiwara):
> "Liyue? Tianshu Star? Isn't that from Genshin Impact? I thought that position belonged to Uncle Tian?"
Fujiwara Chihua had been gaming like crazy ever since her parents finally lifted her childhood gaming ban. She was obsessed with Genshin and knew its lore like the back of her hand.
So hearing Songlan call himself "Tianshu Star" immediately raised some red flags for her.
Teyvat Sea King (Songlan):
> "Uncle Tian was the previous Tianshu. He retired and passed the position on to me."
White-Haired Auntie (September):
> "I thought Uncle Tian was planning to hand it off to Yelan?"
Teyvat Sea King (Songlan):
> "Yelan's more like Danzo—she's way more effective working from the shadows than being in the spotlight."
Cancer of Earth (Fujiwara):
> "Ahhh, gotcha."
Feng Xiaomai (Feng Baobao):
> "But... Teyvat doesn't have Naruto, right? How do you even know who Danzo is?"
Teyvat Sea King (Songlan):
> "Because I'm a transmigrator too."
Lewdest Spirit (Kurumi):
> "???"
White-Haired Auntie (September):
> "???"
Cancer of Earth (Fujiwara):
> "???"
Neet Princess:
> "Bro... spill your story right now. I'm using this for tonight's... ahem, 'evening reading material.'"
Teyvat Sea King (Songlan):
> "???"