TW: This chapter contains mature themes and potentially triggering content (dubious consent, manipulation). Read at your own discretion.
It's been a week since the last time we met, and I've started to miss James's touch unbearably.
I keep imagining that moment—when his sculpted hands trace my face and his murderous, yet magnetic gaze locks with mine.
I just want to feel him near me again.
"Your coffee, sir."
A guy around my age approached with my order.
"Thank you."
He placed it on the table and walked away slowly.
For a weekday afternoon, the café was almost empty.
No noise, no chatter—just me and my thoughts.
Maybe I should text him? But… how would I even start that conversation?
The same question kept rolling through my head.
"Shit," I muttered to myself.
I hoped he'd somehow text me first—like, magically—but that was obviously impossible. Still, my mind kept feeding me stupid fantasies of James walking through those doors, scanning the room, and then spotting me from across the café.
What if I did text him?
I must be an idiot.
But… what if I'm wrong?
No, I'm being ridiculous.
What if he's actually waiting for me to text, and I'm wasting my chance?
That doesn't even make sense.
Fuck.
As I drowned in my own indecision, someone unexpected walked into the café.
Ryan.
I was surprised—he's not the kind of guy who hangs out in places like this, especially not this early.
He usually sleeps till noon and complains about being tired for the rest of the day.
He waved at me; I waved back.
Ryan glanced around at everyone in the café, and his face twisted in mild disgust.
I stayed quiet and lowered my eyes to the table.
"Who are you waiting for?" he asked.
His speech was slow and lazy—like he was high on something.
Ryan looked different than usual. His cheeks were pale and hollow, dark circles carved under his eyes.
He'd grown a bit of a beard, which was strange—he's normally obsessive about shaving the moment he sees even a hint of stubble.
"Actually, no one. Just… sitting here," I said.
Outside, a heavy storm had broken out. Trees bent violently in the wind; people covered their heads with bags and ran for shelter.
A sudden chill swept through me, and I started to shiver.
"It's cold."
"…"
"And you? What are you doing here?"
"I need to pick up some cookies."
"Cookies?"
"Yeah. I'm going to my aunt's place with my mom tonight. She sent me to grab them, so…"
"Oh, yeah, that's fine," I laughed awkwardly, swallowing hard.
Ryan gave me a strange look, turned toward the counter, then back to me.
"But I can stay for a bit, if you want."
"Sure," I said, surprised. "Honestly, I've missed having company."
I pointed to the seat across from me. "Sit down."
"So this is what you do now?"
"What?" I coughed.
"Spend your days hanging out here?"
"I'm rarely here. Maybe once every few weeks."
Silence.
"…"
"Have you texted James?" Ryan asked.
I sighed.
"No… not today. You?"
"Yeah, but we still need to talk about Friday. I don't know what I'm supposed to bring…"
"Friday? What's happening then?"
"A party."
No one had told me.
So I wasn't invited.
Why?
Did they already shut me out?
What did I do wrong this time?
"I didn't know about that."
"James mentioned something about… gay stuff," he said, changing the subject.
Those last two words caught my attention.
Gay stuff?
Did he mean what happened last week?
But he was the one who came on to me, not the other way around.
He must've made something up—and of course, everyone believed him.
"Gay stuff?"
"Yeah."
"What do you mean by that?"
"James said you tried to kiss him. Right on the lips. He said he felt, like, molested or something. That's why he doesn't want to invite you.
But don't tell him I told you, okay?"
What the hell?
That's bullshit.
That's not what happened—he's twisting everything!
He was the one acting weird around me!
I wasn't trying to kiss anyone, but now it doesn't even matter.
I started breathing heavily. My heart stopped for a second.
All I could hear was Ryan's voice echoing in my head.
"That's a lie. Fucking bullshit—I didn't try to kiss him!" I shouted without meaning to.
Everyone in the café turned to look at me.
I wanted to sink into the chair and disappear.
"Calm down, Mike," Ryan said, studying me with that same judgmental look.
"I'm not judging you."
"You believed him?"
Ryan lowered his eyes to the floor.
That was enough of an answer.
"You believed him," I repeated, gripping the edge of the chair.
"Mike… James is my friend…"
"So am I."
"I'm sorry, but James said it so seriously—he couldn't have made it up. I'm really sorry."
Tears stung my eyes.
Why was James doing this to me?
What the hell did he want to achieve?
"I'm not a predator."
I could still feel Ryan's gaze crawling all over me.
I yawned nervously and ran a hand through my hair.
"I think you should talk to James about it, not me," Ryan sniffled.
"Yeah…"
A tear slid down my cheek.
It felt like the whole world had turned against me.
I thought James actually felt something for me—something real, like I did for him.
But I guess we saw things very differently.
I'm so fucking stupid and naive to think this could've worked.
I feel like absolute garbage.
"I'm not saying you're a predator…" Ryan added quietly.
"But don't you think it's weird? Like, why would he lie about something like that?"
"I don't know."
"…"
"Why didn't you tell me earlier that he was saying those things?"
"Well… James said he was really embarrassed about it and felt kinda uncomfortable, so he told me not to bring it up."
"Then why are you bringing it up now? I'm the one being accused."
"Erm… I thought you should know."
Something about this felt wrong.
Too wrong.
He wouldn't have told me this for no reason.
What if he was trying to manipulate me, too?
I wiped my tears and sat up straight.
"Oh…"
I grabbed my phone and texted James to meet me.
He replied almost immediately—but his answer wasn't what I wanted.
He refused.
"I have to go," Ryan said, standing up and heading toward the counter.
"Liar," I muttered under my breath.
"What?"
I looked up at him.
"Nothing."
"I thought you said something."
"You misheard."
Ryan smiled faintly. "Maybe."
I bit my lip and replayed everything Ryan had said over and over in my head.
I kept checking my messages, hoping James had written something new—but every time I refreshed the chat, disappointment hit harder.
Nothing.
No replies.
Even if he did say those things, why wouldn't he just meet me and talk it out?
Unless… he's afraid of me.
***
I couldn't see anything.
I felt someone entering and leaving me one after another. I didn't feel like a human being; they didn't even treat me like one anymore. More like their own doll.
The drug made the pain less and less noticeable, which allowed me to survive it all. Even when their penises entered my ass, it wasn't that painful. It was as if my body had started to get used to it.
"Mike."
James spoke. He touched the cloth that prevented me from seeing. Suddenly, in a second, darkness illuminated my eyeballs. My head was throbbing and hurting as if someone had hit me. I wasn't sure if we were still in the same room as usual or if they had moved me somewhere else, but I could still smell cigarette smoke and the stench of beer in the air.
I was lying on the bed, and James was leaning over me.
"Where am I?"
"At my house."
"When did we..."
He put his finger to my lips.
"Be quiet," he said.
I began to recognize certain shapes that are characteristic of his room, a large TV on the wall, a small rug by the bed in the shape of a road with cars driving on it. I always laughed about it in my head because I imagined them stuck in traffic and yelling at each other.
There was a small shelf above the desk with two teddy bears on it, both of which had half a heart.
The window was open and a cold wind was blowing into the room, causing the curtain to flutter back and forth,back and forth.
"Do you remember what happened?" he asked me.
My mind was blank. I wasn't sure what exactly he was asking.
"What do you mean?"
"Jeremy hit you pretty hard," he said with a quiet laugh.
"What?"
"He was drunk and I think he wanted something from you," James touched my lips. I quickly pushed his fingers away.
"What did he want?"
"You know," James turned on a small light that illuminated a part of the room. I could see that the makeup on his face was still in place and I couldn't see even the slightest smudge, everything was where it should be. "That's what he wanted," he suggestively showed me with his fingers, making a circle with one hand and putting his index finger of the other hand inside the circle.
"That's not true."
"Of course it is. The brutal truth."
"..."
"You shouldn't lie to yourself," he touched my cheek.
I didn't believe a word he said, Jeremy couldn't do that to me, not him.
"Where is he?"
"He's not with us."
"What do you mean? Then where is he?"
"He went home," he replied emotionlessly, as if it were a normal conversation about nothing. If he went home, he might call someone for help.
"Home..."
"Yes."
But how can I be sure he's not lying to me right now? That bastard lies like the worst of them and can come up with anything to his advantage. Just like the rest of them. They're all the same.
"He left you."
"..."
"But I'll never leave you."
"..."
"Because I love you."
"..."
"And I want to be with you forever."
He put his tongue in my mouth and our tongues met. The characteristic sound of lips touching passed through my ears. I was breathing heavily through my nose, feeling his chest getting closer and closer to mine, his warmth enveloping me completely.
James' tongue slid deeper, and I thought I was going to suffocate, but after a moment, he returned to normal.
He lifted my legs up and placed them on his back without breaking away from me. He clung to me and didn't want to let go. James began to make short moans from kissing, and after a long pause, the same thing happened to me, and I can't explain why it happened.
"Does this remind you of something?" he said.
"Mhm..."
He spoke between kisses.
"Do you remember when you came to me..."
"Mhm..." The air escaped from my lips quickly and directly onto him.
"I had a fight with Mary."
"..."
"You sat on that bed..."
"..."
"I kissed you then... and..."
We stopped kissing. Through the black makeup around his eyes, I could see only emptiness.
"Boom," he added.
Confusion appeared on my face.That was the day the sexual stuff started. I still suffer from it to this day.
"What?" James asked, confused.
"I think..."
"Don't say anything."
He silenced me again. It started to annoy me. Suddenly, a tear fell from my eye.
"No."
He wiped the tear from my eye.
"You look really beautiful when you cry," he said to me. "Like an angel."
"An angel...?"
"An angel."
He returned to my lips and sucked on them lightly. A cold autumn breeze from outside blew between us and tried to change the atmosphere.
I dug my toenails into his shirt. I noticed that I had quickly become erect. James saw it too.
He slid his lips down to my neck and kissed it slowly and gently.
"I want to eat you now," James said, moving lower and lower. He put his hand on my neck and his head went down to my pants. He pulled down the elastic with his teeth, never taking his eyes off me. As he he pulled it down, I saw a smile on his face.
"Ugh..."
He threw my pants on the floor. He grabbed my member in his hand and licked the tip of my penis.
"Agh..."
"Do you like that?" He licked the tip a few more times. "Do you want me to take it all in my mouth?"
"Ugh...aaa... Agh..."
He did it. James had my penis in his mouth. I couldn't believe it, I didn't think it would happen.
I arched my whole body under the rising wave of heat and strange pleasure.
My legs magically appeared on his shoulders, I grabbed his hair and closed my eyes. It was completely different from what it had been before. I opened my eyes.
I saw his head moving up and down.
James looked at me and took penis out of his mouth, licked it, and began to jerk it back and forth.
"Do you like it?"
The long strand of saliva connecting his mouth and penis instantly broke. James stuck out his tongue and put it back in his mouth.
"James... Ugh..."
What's happening to me?
I couldn't recognize myself. This man had done so much damage to me, and now I... I can't think because of it.
"Just don't come yet, it's not time yet."
James grabbed me and carried me over to the desk and laid me down on it.
He pulled down my shirt and touched my bony hips.
"You're getting bruised here," he noticed.
James slowly pulled his cock out of his pants. "Spread your legs," he said in a commanding tone.
***
I had no idea how many times we had done it, he came inside me once, then twice, it seemed like it would never end, and outside the window it was still night. I started to worry that I had been here for several days, because this night was lasting too long.
"Fuck," James gasped.
His cock was thrusting into my insides with increasing force. I moaned. The desk shook from the pressure of both of us. James's panting grew louder, he touched my nipples and began to play with them. His balls slapped against my ass. It was probably audible throughout the house.
"Agh... James... stop... aaa!"
The cigarettes that were lying on the edge of the desk fell to the floor with a small crash.
His eyeballs slowly rolled to the other side. I touched his stomach.
"Where are you putting your hands?" He touched my penis. "Something for something."
"AAA!"
I came. My semen flew onto his naked chest and dripped down to the floor. I saw his muscular thighs move with every thrust of his cock inside me.
"Can you stop cumming on my stomach?"
My erection, just as it had disappeared, reappeared.
"I see you're not done yet," James added.
"I don't know..." I wasn't able to think logically at the moment. I wasn't sure of anything, and it crossed my mind that this was a dream.
"Good boy."
A shiver ran down my spine. I could see sweat running down his arms and his chest was wet.
"This... isn't..." I started to say.
"What isn't?"
"This... isn't... a dream," I finished with difficulty.
"You think this is just a wet dream, really?" He brought his face closer to mine, "and this would be in your dream?" He pulled me closer to him, allowing his cock to go deeper.
"Fuck!" I shouted and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"You see..." he laughed.
It was hard to bear, and I dug my fingers into his shoulders. James whimpered for a moment. I heard him clench his jaw and start to move his hips more vigorously.
"Ah!" I bit his neck, to which he responded with harder thrusts.
My teeth dug into his skin hard enough to leave a mark. The mark wasn't that big and could probably be covered up somehow, but it gave me a certain kind of satisfaction.
James pulled out of me.
I saw his cock standing still, erect as a rock. I got up slowly and semen mixed with some oil found somewhere in the room began to drip from my hole. I approached him and knelt down. I moved closer to his genitals, which were huge.
"Now it's your turn to lick," he began stroking my hair.
I leaned my head forward and reached my hand toward his genitals. I looked at them for a moment; I had never actually looked at them up close before.
"I know you like to look, but they also have another purpose."
I nodded. I stuck out my tongue, my gaze fixed on his face with makeup. I licked them once, then twice, then three times. I kissed them with my lips. I heard James moan. That turned me on. I started jerking his penis with my hand and caressing his genitals with my mouth. It was my first time doing this. So he must have liked it, a lot.
"Ah..."
Another moan escaped from his lips.
I didn't leave my lips off his testicles for a minute, caressing them for quite a long time before moving straight to his cock.
He slid right into my throat, his penis was all wet with oil that was sweet to the smell and even sweeter to the taste.
"I love you, Mike."
I started choking, he was moving my head too vigorously, I could feel vomit rising from my stomach to my throat, trying to get out.
I scratched his butt, but James didn't feel a thing. He didn't even react.
"Come on," he grabbed my hands and laid me down on the bed, still kneeling on my knees. "Take a good look at this bed, because soon you'll be spending all day on it."
All day? What?
"What?"
He grabbed my hips and lifted me up a little. I sat on his cock, arching my back for the umpteenth time. I let out a short cry.
"Say I'm better than Malachai, Ryan, and Joshua..." he said through clenched teeth.
"..."
"Just say it, bitch."
"..."
"Mike..."
"You're better," he clenched my hair tightly in his hand.
"I didn't hear who?"
"You're..." I felt a huge pain in my lower abdomen. "Fuck... you're... better than Malachai, Ryan, and Joshua."
I said it. But he "didn't hear."
Suddenly, warm semen flooded me inside. James began to breathe heavily, slapped me on the butt as I got up, and smiled at me. Sperm dripped onto the floor, wherever I went, it was right behind me.
***
James took me by the hands and led me to the bathroom. He laid me down next to the bathtub and turned on the water.
"You need to take a bath," he said, throwing a little rubber duck into the tub. The water filled the tub slowly, and I could see that only the bottom was full.
There was still semen in my ass, and with every movement, little drops fell out of the hole.
The effects of the drugs were wearing off, allowing me to return to normal, and the pain I hadn't felt before filled me again, and an even greater fear took hold of my thoughts. I wasn't sure if the situation that had taken place a moment ago had really happened or if I had imagined it, or if it was the effect of the drugs. I know I can't endure any more sexual acts.
"What time is it?" I ask. James poured some liquid into the bathtub and small particles of foam formed.
"3 AM," he replied immediately.
"Really?" I took a step to the side with my body. A strange heaviness remained on my shoulders and it was difficult for me to make any movement, and my legs refused to obey me. "I don't know..." I said to myself.
"What?" James took a cigarette from the pack and lit it.
"Will you... go outside with that?" It was hard for me to get the words out. My throat was throbbing, and I sounded like I was sick.
"I don't need to."
The red circle grew smaller with each drag on the cigarette.
My lips were dry, probably because of what was in the syringe, and I had to drink something as soon as possible to make it go away, but when I asked for just a little water, his voice uttered a magical no and told me to wait a little longer.
"You'll get water in two hours," James took a drag.
The smoke rose under the light of the lamp above. A thin line of cigarette smoke was reflected in the mirror behind James.
"Why then?"
"Because... It'll be for emergencies."
"What does that mean?"
"When you're so thirsty... You'll drink something else..."
"What do you mean?"
"You know, you can drink my piss," he laughed. He pulled out his penis. "I need to take a piss right now."
"..."
"What, you're not thirsty anymore?"
I am thirsty, very thirsty. But this is another humiliation for me. Maybe I can survive these two hours of drought.
The bathtub was slowly filling up.
"You can also choose this water or my water," he pointed to the bathtub and himself.
Neither of these two options suited me, but it wasn't a difficult choice. The best and only possible choice was the water I would be bathing in. "So what do you choose?"
I put my hand on the handle of this thing to support myself and get up. However, it was much more difficult with every physical movement. For a moment, I thought that my internal organs were about to fall out of my butt, and he would leave me to die in agony.
"So what?"
"The bathtub, but help me up."
"I can't, you have to do it yourself, you're the one who wants to drink," his protruding genitals moved from side to side with every movement of his speech.
It didn't work. I didn't have enough strength to handle it. I felt like the worst piece of shit in the world.
"Try harder," James urged me. "I really want to pee."
Stupid bastard... I thought I'd like to kill him, so I could see him suffer and watch him in agony just like he was watching me now. I want to see him suffer like I am.
"I can't."
I saw a few more bruises that had appeared out of nowhere. It was alarming and abnormal.
"..."
"Okay, I'll do it."
James' eyes widened and a smile appeared on his face. It was different from his everyday smiles; this time it was quite psychopathic.
"I didn't expect you to give up so quickly," he said, grabbing his hair.
He took a few steps toward me. He brought his cock close to my face. I clenched my fists, it was hard for me to open my mouth, I didn't want to do it. It was a disgusting sight, and I didn't want to see what was about to happen. "Open your mouth wide."
I tried, but something was stopping me.
"Hey, you said you'd do it, right?"
"..."
"Open up."
My lips opened slightly, I had to prepare myself for this. James' psychopathic smile didn't disappear from his face.
"Say aaa..."
James opened my mouth himself and started running his finger over my teeth, inside my cheeks, and put his finger deep into my throat. He hit the spot where it hurt the most.
"You have a deep throat," he pulled his finger out of my mouth.
I stuck my tongue out and waited for it to happen and be over, but with every second that passed, it didn't come. The embarrassment and stress in my stomach kicked in immediately.
"Just kidding."
James burst out laughing. I moved back a little, even though I didn't have much room here, but I managed to move a few inches into the safe zone.
"I'm not going to piss in your face, who do you think I am?" He walked over to the toilet, lifted the lid, and started to pee. "Are you crazy, thinking I would do that?"
***
James and I sat down in the hot water in the bathtub, and I saw in the mirror that my body was covered with unidentified bruises. Was it possible that they all appeared on the same day? One wound looked recent, and it bothered me.
I sat on his thighs and he told me to lean against his chest. He took a sponge that was lying next to us, soaked it in water, and started cleaning me, saying he wanted every nook and cranny of my body to be clean.
Water vapor was flying through the air, and the whole mirror was fogged up from it.
It was terribly hot in the room and I became sleepy, but I couldn't go to sleep, I couldn't, I had to be alert because I know that James is unpredictable and capable of anything.