Sakura's mother's face twisted in pure, murderous rage as she glared down at Naruto. He, of course, paid her no mind. Casually, he flipped another page of his book, his posture relaxed as he leaned against the building with one foot propped against the wall. A few students scattered, sensing the incoming meltdown and wisely choosing to save their eardrums from irreversible damage.
"How dare you attack my daughter, you little monster!" the councilwoman screeched, clutching Sakura tightly as if shielding her from some mortal threat.
Her daughter, of course, played the innocent victim flawlessly, sniffling into her mother's embrace while peeking out every few seconds to see if Sasuke was watching.
Naruto continued to ignore them, turning another page with the same level of interest one might show a particularly boring lecture. This, naturally, only infuriated the woman further.
"I'm talking to you, you runt!" she snapped, her voice rising in pitch. "My daughter has told me plenty about you! What a disgrace you are to your clan—"
And just like that, she launched into a full-blown tirade. Right in front of all the students, their parents, and several clan heads. Some of the students snickered—Menma and Mito included—while Minato and Kushina stood frozen, their dirty laundry being aired for the entire village to hear.
"No wonder your parents abandoned such a disgusting boy! Only a failure would raise a hand to a young lady!"
For a moment, silence reigned. Then, a booming laugh shattered it. Naruto.
For the first time that day, he laughed—really laughed—clutching his stomach while the older banshee gawked at him in stunned silence. His shoulders shook as he wiped away a stray tear from the corner of his eye. When he finally calmed down, he looked at her, amusement still dancing in his sharp blue eyes.
"Do you think I give a fuck about my clan? I don't."
Minato and Kushina flinched. Hando, Menma, and Mito bristled with rage. The murmurs from the crowd grew louder, disbelief rippling through the gathered clan members and parents.
The Hokage's expression darkened as he turned his gaze toward Minato and Kushina, his disappointment evident.
Naruto, meanwhile, smirked. "I've outgrown them. And after today, I won't be a part of them."
Gasps spread through the audience like wildfire. The councilwoman sputtered, but Naruto cut her off before she could so much as draw in another shrill breath.
"And for your information, Councilor," he continued, his smirk widening, "your daughter isn't a lady. She's a hormonal teenager who's sexually frustrated because the focus of her obsession couldn't care less about her."
Laughter exploded from the crowd. Sakura went redder than her dress, her mouth opening and closing as she struggled for words. Her mother? Foaming at the mouth.
Naruto didn't give her time to recover.
"You really shouldn't fill your daughter's head with delusions about becoming the next Lady Uchiha," he added with an exaggerated sigh. "I doubt Emo Lord over there is even interested in girls."
Kiba snorted. Sasuke's fan club, on the other hand, erupted into angry screeches, hurling their usual insults in Naruto's direction. The duck-butt in question shot Naruto a murderous glare, while Mikoto, standing among the other parents, giggled behind her hand.
"As far as I know," Naruto went on, completely unfazed, "the Uchiha respect strength and power. No respectable Uchiha would even give Sakura a second glance."
The councilwoman gasped as if she had just been personally offended by the gods.
"My daughter is worthy of any Uchiha!" she huffed, puffing up with indignant fury. "How dare you say otherwise!"
Naruto merely smirked, watching her with all the amusement of a cat playing with a particularly stupid mouse. He lifted his gaze from his book, one eyebrow arching slightly.
"Really?" he drawled, shutting the book with a soft thud. "She spends most of her time picking out outfits and perfecting her makeup, all to ensnare Sasuke in her little web. She cares more about her appearance than her skills as a kunoichi. She's weak—" his voice turned cold, unimpressed "—and yet she thought hitting me would win her some approval from her little obsession."
The crowd of students tensed.
"I merely retaliated," Naruto continued, voice even. "I won't be her punching bag. And if she attacks me again, I'll break every bone in her body."
His blue eyes turned to ice, the frigid intensity of his gaze pinning both the councilwoman and her daughter in place. It was eerily reminiscent of Minato's glare—the very one that had sent enemy forces fleeing for their lives during the war.
A few of the students gulped audibly and took a cautious step back.
"Do me a favor, Councilwoman Haruno," Naruto said, his tone laced with disinterest. "Withdraw your daughter from the Academy. She's not here to learn how to be a housewife—she's here to become a shinobi. And the world outside Konoha's walls? It won't care that she's a girl. Out there, they'll do much worse to her than I just did."
A hush fell over the training grounds. Then, he turned his gaze to the pink banshee herself.
"Sakura," he said, voice low but cutting. "If you don't shape up and get stronger, you'll be a liability to your team. And when that happens? You'll end up dead. Or worse."
Ms. Haruno scoffed, shaking off her initial hesitation. "What do you mean by worse?"
Naruto didn't blink.
"Kunoichi have it harder in the shinobi world," he stated flatly. "There are bandits. Missing-nin. People without morals. They wouldn't think twice about raping your daughter and selling her into slavery."
A chorus of gasps erupted from the students. But the older generation? The veteran shinobi? They nodded grimly. Because they knew he was speaking the truth.
Iruka stiffened. He let out a slow breath before clearing his throat. "Naruto, this isn't the place to talk about such things."
Naruto merely shrugged, but Iruka pressed on, addressing the stunned mother. "Councilwoman Haruno, please take Sakura to the medic tent so she can be treated. We need to move on with the test."
Ms. Haruno shot Naruto one last burning glare but complied, guiding her sniffling daughter toward the small white tent near the Hokage's desk.
The moment they were gone, whispers spread like wildfire among the students. Naruto? He simply flipped his book open again and kept reading as if nothing had happened.
The second test continued as usual. Some students passed; others failed. Conan Namikaze, ever the prodigy-in-training, performed his test flawlessly. He executed an earth release: earth-style wall jutsu for extra points, earning nods of approval from a few instructors.
Menma, as expected, strutted onto the testing ground like a peacock, his arrogance filling the air. But when he tried to perform a Clone Jutsu, he nearly fumbled. His chakra control was that bad.
Naruto smirked behind his book.
Unable to manage a proper clone, Menma defaulted to the Shadow Clone Jutsu instead. In an instant, the training ground exploded with a hundred identical Menmas. His ever-loyal fan club squealed in delight.
Naruto? He scoffed, barely sparing them a glance. What an idiot.
"What?! You think you can summon more clones than me, loser?" Menma shouted, his voice brimming with arrogance. His clones stood behind him, nodding in unison, like a makeshift army backing up their commander.
Naruto barely spared him a glance, his voice dripping with boredom. "Your ability to summon that many clones isn't a testament to your power—it's proof of your lack of control. You can't regulate your chakra properly, which is why you defaulted to the Shadow Clone Jutsu."
Menma's face twisted in anger, his skin turning a shade of crimson that almost matched his mother's hair. "Tch! You're just jealous that I can do the jutsu and you can't!"
The crowd murmured in agreement, a few students even booing in Naruto's direction. He ignored them, flipping another page of his book.
Menma smirked. "Ah-ha! You didn't deny it! You're still a loser!"
Naruto lazily lifted his gaze. "Mmm? Did you say something, Menma?"
That did it. Menma snapped, his composure shattering like brittle glass. He let out a furious shout, and his clones charged at Naruto, fists raised in blind rage.
"Enough!"
Iruka's voice boomed through the training ground, his head suddenly twice its normal size. "Menma! Dispel your clones immediately! You've already passed!"
Menma grumbled under his breath, but a second later, all his clones popped out of existence before they could even reach Naruto.
Iruka exhaled sharply before turning his fiery gaze on Naruto. "And you! Stop antagonizing your fellow students!"
Naruto shrugged, barely affected. "Didn't you tell us, Sensei, that a shinobi should never show their emotions? So, really, it's not my fault they're so easily angered."
A tick mark appeared on Iruka's forehead.
Some of the parents and clan heads chuckled, including the Hokage, who took a leisurely puff from his pipe.
Iruka, now thoroughly exasperated, rubbed his temples before calling the next name. "Moving on! Mito Namikaze-Uzumaki!"
Mito performed even better than Menma, completing the basic Clone Jutsu without breaking a sweat. As an added bonus, she used the Water Whip Jutsu, earning five extra points—though the medic on standby looked less than pleased when she completely drained the water barrel next to the tent.
"Alright, Naruto, you're up," Iruka grumbled.
Naruto shut his book and strolled over, hands tucked into his pockets. He took his place beside Iruka, while Mizuki stood a few feet away, wearing his usual fake smile. But just for a second, a subtle glare flickered across the man's face.
Naruto caught it. He smirked under his mask. Oh? Someone's bitter.
"You may begin," Mizuki announced. Without warning, a kunai flew straight at Naruto's throat.
A split second later—poof! Naruto vanished, replaced by a log that clattered to the stone slab, a kunai embedded in its surface.
The crowd blinked in shock. From among the students, Naruto casually stepped forward and returned to his spot next to Iruka.
Iruka grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. "Good job, Naruto! A seal-less Substitution Jutsu."
Naruto barely reacted, but his lips curled into the faintest smirk.
"Now, onto your Clone Jutsu," Iruka continued.
Naruto's grin widened beneath his mask. Oh, this was gonna be fun.
He held up a cross seal with both hands.
"W-What?!" Menma stuttered.
A thick cloud of smoke exploded around Naruto, swallowing both Iruka and Mizuki in its dense fog. For a moment, nothing was visible. Then the smoke cleared—And twenty Narutos stood in perfect formation, smirking at the stunned crowd. The students gawked.
Menma foamed at the mouth.
"So much for holding back, huh, Naruto?" Vision sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he floated nearby.
Naruto scoffed. "You know this isn't even my real ability. Shadow Clones are outdated."
Menma visibly shook with rage, his glare burning holes into Naruto. Probably furious that he kept getting upstaged.
Iruka, despite looking a little pale, managed to shake off his shock. "Great work, Naruto! Now for your last jutsu—"
Naruto's smirk deepened. Oh, this is gonna get me in a lot of trouble. He formed the Ram sign. "Super Sexy Bi-Sexual Harem Jutsu!"
Poof!
The twenty clones vanished in a burst of smoke. Only to reappear as impossibly gorgeous adults. The women wore barely-there bikinis, their voluptuous figures gleaming in the sunlight, while the men stood shirtless in tight swim trunks, their sculpted six-packs on full display.
The effect was instantaneous. Chaos erupted. Blood spurted like geysers across the training field as students and shinobi alike collapsed into giggling, nose-bleeding heaps. Iruka and Mizuki were sent flying, slamming into trees with brutal force. Even the Hokage, usually so composed, shot into the air like a rocket, crashing onto the academy roof with a loud thud!
And Jiraiya? Jiraiya was unconscious before he even hit the ground.
Naruto cackled internally. Too easy.
Then. A wave of pure, unfiltered malice flooded the training grounds. The laughter died instantly. The students froze. Naruto felt the hairs on his arms rise as a chilling presence made itself known.
Slowly, he turned his head toward the gathered parents—
And his blood ran cold.
Standing at the front, holding a very large frying pan in one hand, was Kushina Uzumaki. Her crimson hair flared wildly behind her, shifting like a living entity. Several glowing chakra chains lashed out from her back, slicing through the air like whips.
The people who could have stopped her—namely Minato, Shikaku, and a handful of other senior shinobi—were all lying unconscious on the ground, blood leaking from their noses.
Oh, shit.
To make matters worse, Mikoto Uchiha stood right beside Kushina, her arms crossed, a dark murderous glare on her face.
Naruto swallowed hard. "I'm so dead."