Chapter 341: Four of Them? Yes, All Four.
🎵 Colorful~ Colorful~ Shoo-bee-doo-wop~ 🎵
🎵 The melody of love~ Metallic iron~ 🎵
🎵 Doo-doo-doo~ Cha-la-la~ 🎵
🎵 Shoo-bee-doo-wop~ Cha-la-la~ 🎵
🎵 Bite down hard, it's sweet honey~ 🎵
🎵 Cha-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la~ 🎵
🎵 Shoo-bee-doo-wop~ 🎵
As Gajeel belted out his song from the stage, the majority of the guild members felt like their eardrums were physically tearing apart.
"What the hell is he even singing?!"
"It sounds awful!"
"What the heck is a 'Shoo-bee-doo-wop'?!"
Only a tiny fraction of the audience offered any praise:
"It's... not that bad!"
"Keep going, Gajeel-kun!"
"Nice effort!"
Jason, however, was absolutely ecstatic. "These nonsensical lyrics are full of improvisational charm! This is definitely going to be the smash hit of the year!" he declared loudly.
"Is there something wrong with your ears?" Max asked the reporter, clutching his own ears in agony.
Jason ignored him, furiously scribbling in his notepad with stars in his eyes.
"It's so bad!"
"Someone get up there and stop him!"
The guild hall was in an uproar. Almost everyone had their hands clamped tightly over their ears. A few members, pushed past their breaking point by the auditory assault, grabbed whatever was closest and began hurling objects at the stage with expressions of pure agony.
"COOL—!" Jason shouted, smoothly dodging the flying projectiles while continuing to take notes.
"Ah... well..." Lucy watched the chaos unfold, entirely speechless.
"Oh my, it really did turn out like this," Mirajane chuckled, shaking her head. She glanced toward the bar counter. "The Master probably isn't going to be very happy."
"Haha, I think we're way past 'unhappy' at this point," Lucy laughed awkwardly.
Makarov was frozen in place. His jaw hung open as he stared blankly at the descending chaos, entirely incapable of forming words.
"I've never heard a song so awful in my entire life!" Natsu roared, pressing his hands hard against his ears.
Up on stage, Gajeel heard Natsu's insult clearly over the din. He didn't care what the others thought, but criticism from a fellow Dragon Slayer stung his pride.
Fury boiled within him. He ripped the guitar off its strap and hurled it with all his might straight at Natsu's face.
SMACK!
The guitar nailed Natsu perfectly, snapping his head back and leaving a bright red, guitar-shaped mark on his face.
"What the hell are you doing, you bastard Iron Dragon?!" Natsu roared, recovering his balance and glaring furiously at Gajeel. "You wanna fight?!"
Without waiting for an answer, Natsu leaped into the air. Gajeel jumped from the stage to meet him. Their boots collided in mid-air with a resounding crash.
BAM!
Before even landing, the two engaged in a rapid, brutal mid-air exchange. The sound of their fists and kicks colliding echoed like gunshots, generating shockwaves that blasted outward.
"Hey! You two! We're in the middle of an interview!" Mirajane yelled at the two Dragon Slayers as they crashed to the floor, still exchanging furious blows.
"OHHH!! A fierce, neck-and-neck battle right in front of me! A transcendent clash between Dragon Slayers! This is definitely going to be the cover photo!" Jason screamed, practically dancing with joy as he rushed toward the brawling duo.
He raised his camera and began snapping rapid-fire photos of their fight.
"COOL—!"
Mirajane sighed upon seeing Jason already documenting the violence. Since the reporter was actively taking pictures, there was no stopping it now.
"Get him!"
"Go Natsu!"
"Don't lose, Gajeel!"
"Put your backs into it! You won't beat each other hitting like that!"
Seeing the two fighting in earnest, the guild members enthusiastically cheered them on from the sidelines. The hall erupted in deafening roars of encouragement, the atmosphere reaching a fever pitch.
"Ohhh! COOL—! Look over here, please!" Jason circled the fighting Dragon Slayers, his camera flashing continuously.
"HAH—!" Natsu and Gajeel exhaled sharply in unison, ramping up the intensity of their clash.
Flames erupted around Natsu's fists, while Gajeel's arms transformed into solid iron clubs. They were no longer holding back; they were using magic.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
The explosive sounds of iron meeting fire rang out endlessly. The shockwaves generated by their magical clash whipped through the guild hall.
"COOL—!"
Jason, completely absorbed in capturing the perfect shot, unknowingly wandered closer and closer to the epicenter of the brawl.
At that exact moment, Natsu threw a flaming punch, and Gajeel swung an iron club, both aiming for the other.
Jason had stepped right into their line of fire. Both attacks were barreling straight toward him.
Jason couldn't react in time. He watched wide-eyed as the devastating blows closed in.
Suddenly, someone yanked hard on the back of his collar. Jason was pulled backward several steps, narrowly avoiding the simultaneous strikes.
BOOM!
Natsu and Gajeel's attacks collided right where Jason had been standing a second ago. The magical shockwave blasted outward toward him.
Jason, however, was unfazed. His face was lit up with pure adrenaline, and he didn't stop snapping photos for a second.
Before the shockwave could even reach him, an invisible magical barrier materialized, neutralizing the blast completely.
"COOL—!"
CLICK! CLICK!
Jason snapped two more photos of the clash before finally turning his head to see who had pulled him out of harm's way.
"Noah! COOL—!"
It was Noah. Having finished his work behind the counter, he had stepped out to check on the reporter. Seeing Jason about to get pulverized, Noah had intervened.
CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!
Seeing Noah, Jason instantly abandoned the fighting Dragon Slayers and began circling Noah, snapping photos furiously.
He had already gotten plenty of shots of Natsu and Gajeel; photos of Noah were vastly more valuable.
"Could I please ask you a few questions?!" Jason asked eagerly, shoving his notepad toward Noah after finishing his photoshoot.
"Sure." Noah nodded. He had fully expected to be interviewed; it was unavoidable.
"During the war between Fairy Tail and Phantom Lord, you were the one who ultimately defeated Master Jose! Tell me, does this mean you possess the strength of a Wizard Saint?!" Jason fired off his first, highly anticipated question.
"I have no idea," Noah replied vaguely. His battle record was public knowledge; they could speculate whatever they wanted.
"COOL—!" Jason scribbled down the non-answer furiously.
"Next question! Does your strength currently surpass that of Master Makarov, who holds the title of Wizard Saint?!"
"No. My strength is nowhere near Gramps's level. He is vastly stronger than I am," Noah answered decisively, without a hint of hesitation.
"Pfft!"
Over by the tables, Sorano burst out laughing upon hearing Noah's blatant lie. Ultear, Mirajane, and Erza couldn't help but smile in amusement as well.
Makarov, still sitting at the bar, felt his face darken. Vastly stronger than you?! What kind of absolute nonsense are you spouting?!
Jason, completely oblivious to the reactions around him, dutifully recorded Noah's answer.
"Next question! There are incredibly persistent rumors that you are currently dating Ultear, Erza, Mirajane, AND Sorano! Is this true?!" Jason stared intently at Noah, pen poised.
The moment the question was asked, the entire guild seemed to go quiet. Ultear and the girls in the distance, and Mirajane standing nearby, all turned their eyes to Noah, waiting for his response.
"Yes. We are dating," Noah answered with a bright, unashamed smile.
"All four of them together?!" Jason asked, his eyes practically bulging out of his head in shock.
"Yes. All four of them," Noah nodded, his smile unwavering.
"COOOOOOOOOL—!!!" Jason shrieked, scribbling furiously in his notepad as if his life depended on it.
Hearing Noah declare their relationship so openly and proudly to a national magazine reporter, Ultear, Mirajane, Erza, and Sorano all blushed a deep, radiant red. They felt incredibly shy, but their hearts swelled with an overwhelming, sugary sweetness.
"Damn it!"
"Damn you, Noah!"
"I'm so jealous I could die!"
"That bastard Noah!"
The male guild members nearby erupted in a chorus of enraged, intensely jealous groans.
Noah completely ignored them. They were in the middle of an interview; responding to their taunts would likely spark another massive brawl, which would probably make Makarov actually cough up blood in frustration. It was best to just let them seethe.
CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!
Having recorded the scoop of the century, Jason raised his camera again. He took more photos of Noah, the still-brawling Natsu and Gajeel, and several other prominent guild members.
"Fairy Tail is the absolute best! COOL—!"
After spending a long time excitedly interviewing and photographing the chaos, Jason finally left the guild hall, thoroughly satisfied with his haul.
Meanwhile, Natsu and Gajeel were still fighting with boundless energy. It looked like they wouldn't stop until they physically couldn't throw another punch.
Makarov surveyed the utter ruin of his guild hall, wanting to cry but lacking the tears.
He hadn't expected the guild to sit quietly for the interview, but he had at least hoped they could portray a slightly better image than this. Just imagining the chaotic, destructive photos and the ridiculous quotes that would appear in next week's issue of Weekly Sorcerer made Makarov's vision go dark.
"Natsu! Gajeel! You two absolute idiots!"
Unable to hold back his frustration any longer, Makarov used Titan magic to expand his fists to a massive size. He slammed both fists down squarely onto Natsu and Gajeel's heads, driving them straight into the floorboards.
"OW!"
Massive, smoking lumps instantly formed on their heads. They finally stopped fighting, mostly because they were buried up to their necks in the floor, with only their heads sticking out.
"Oh my, the Master is actually angry," Mirajane giggled.
"Well, seeing the guild like this, it's only natural he'd be upset," Lucy sighed, shaking her head.
Just listening to Makarov's strained, PR-friendly answers during his interview, it was obvious he had desperately wanted to use this opportunity to salvage Fairy Tail's reputation.
Unfortunately, his hopes and dreams had been spectacularly crushed.
~~~
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