The morning light filters through the curtains, soft and golden.
Pero ayaw ko pang dumilat.
Mainit yung braso ni Calix sa bewang ko, and his breath tickles the back of my neck. He's still asleep, thank God. Kasi kung gising na siya, baka naman magmadali na naman siyang pumasok.
I shifted closer, wrapping my arm around his torso, fingers splayed across his bare back. His skin felt warm. Real. Solid.
"Calix…" I murmured.
"Hmm?" his voice was low, groggy.
"Stay."
Bumukas agad ang mga mata niya. “Ha?”
“Stay,” I repeated, this time more clearly. “Huwag ka munang pumasok.”
He blinked at me, then laughed softly. “Aurora, you never—”
“I know,” I cut him off. “Pero ngayon, gusto ko lang… dito ka muna. With me.”
There was a pause.
Then he smiled.
And nodded.
We stayed in bed a little longer, my head on his chest, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair. No words. Just the sound of the city waking up, faint honks from below, someone singing in the hallway.
It was the kind of peace i didn’t know i was allowed to have.
Hindi ko na maalala kung kailan ako huling nagluto ng breakfast para sa isang lalaki.
Well, hindi pa siguro nangyari.
But here i was, standing in our tiny condo kitchen, hair up in a messy bun, wearing Calix’s old white shirt habang nagpiprito ng bacon at scrambled eggs.
I was humming.
As in humming. Sino ba 'to?
“Good morning,” he said behind me.
I jumped a little. “Hala, you scared me!”
He just laughed and wrapped his arms around me from behind. “Ang bango,” he said.
“The food or me?” I teased.
He grinned. “Both.”
After breakfast, he was already fixing his hair in front of the mirror.
“Office?” I asked.
He nodded. “May morning meeting. Pero kung gusto mong sumama—”
“No,” I said quickly. “I mean… no, stay pa.”
He chuckled. “Aurora, ‘di ka ba nagsasawa sa’kin?”
“Sobra,” I deadpanned. “Pero ayoko pa rin na umalis ka.”
I meant it.
There was a strange heaviness today, like a part of me needed him nearby not for company, but for clarity. Para hindi ako matukso na magbalik-tanaw sa mga alaala na hindi ko na dapat balikan.
Minsan, kapag nag-iisa ako, bumabalik sa akin si Paul.
His voice. His eyes. That stupid laugh.
Pero hindi na gaya dati.
Mas mahina na siya ngayon.
Parang echo na lang.
Parang multo na unti-unti nang nawawala.
At gusto ko siyang palayain.
Hindi para kay Calix.
Hindi para sa kung sino pa.
Para sa sarili ko.
At para sa katahimikan ng kaluluwa ni Paul.
He decided to stay.
Nagbihis siya ulit ng pambahay, and we spent the rest of the morning lying on the sofa, half-watching something on Netflix, half-napping like two old people.
Around noon, I found myself staring at his profile habang nanonood siya. His jaw, the curve of his nose, the light stubble.
He looked at me.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I smiled. “Just memorizing your face.”
He rolled his eyes. “Cringe.”
“Cringe ka d’yan,” I said, smirking.
That afternoon, we visited his parents.
Back to that stiff, formal world where smiles are calculated and silences mean more than words.
Pagpasok pa lang namin, his mother kissed his cheek and gave me a polite smile. His father shook my hand like i was a boardroom deal.
“We were just discussing your civil union,” his mother said habang nakaupo kami sa formal sala. “Will you be making it official soon?”
Calix tensed beside me.
“We’re taking our time,” I said calmly, holding his hand under the table. “We’ve agreed to go at our own pace.”
I saw the quick flicker of judgment in her eyes.
Of course.
I wasn't the wife she imagined. I wasn't demure. I wasn’t from their circle. I wasn’t… controllable.
Pag-uwi namin, tahimik lang kami sa sasakyan.
The silence was comfortable, but heavy.
Nasa loob na kami ng unit nang nagsalita siya.
“Sorry about earlier,” he said. “They can be…”
“Predictable,” I finished for him.
He looked at me. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Better than okay.”
We stood in the living room.
The city lights cast soft shadows across our furniture.
“I’m letting him go,” I said suddenly.
“Who?”
“No one,” I smiled. “Just a ghost.”
He didn’t press.
That’s what i liked about him.
He didn’t need to understand everything to stay.
Later that night, habang nasa balcony kami, ako nakasandal sa glass railing, siya naka-hoodie, holding a beer, i told him i was scared.
“Of what?” he asked.
“Na baka hindi ko kaya maging asawa. Baka hanggang papeles lang ako.”
He turned to me, serious.
“Aurora,” he said, “If this us, was just about a contract, I would’ve walked away a long time ago.”
My throat tightened.
He stepped closer.
“I stayed,” he whispered, “because i want you. In all your messy, moody, brilliant glory.”
That made me laugh, through the lump in my chest.
“And i’ll wait,” he added. “However long it takes for you to feel free.”
Sa gabi, habang natutulog na siya, ako gising pa.
Nakatalikod siya, humihilik ng bahagya. I reached out and touched his back, fingers tracing the line of his spine.
I whispered into the dark.
“Goodbye, Paul.”
And for the first time, wala nang bumigat sa dibdib ko.
Wala nang guilt.
Wala nang sakit.
Just a quiet kind of peace.