I stared out the window of the black SUV, one hand resting on my lap, the other pressed against my temple like i was physically keeping myself from exploding.
"Ma'am, traffic po sa EDSA. Do you want to reroute?" tanong ng driver.
"No," I muttered. "Let it crawl."
The longer the ride, the better. Mas gusto ko na 'tong trapik kaysa umuwi agad. Kasi pag-uwi, I'll be alone again. With my thoughts. With that night playing on loop sa utak ko—like a movie i didn't even audition for.
Nag-crack ang knuckle ko as i stretched my hand, restless. Naramdaman ko pa rin yung mainit na daliri ni Calix sa wrist ko kanina. That barely-there touch that still managed to feel like a slap.
Or a kiss.
I scoffed.
Putangina.
Of course, siya na naman.
Hindi ba puwedeng kahit isang araw lang, hindi siya ang laman ng utak ko?
A red light bathed the car's interior.
My reflection in the tinted window looked exactly how i felt—tired, tight-lipped, unbothered kunwari pero bagsak ang shoulders ko sa loob.
I hated this.
I hated that he still had this power.
Six years. Six freaking years since college.
Since that stupid October breakup sa UP Oval habang umuulan, both of us soaking wet and screaming things we couldn't take back.
Akala ko tapos na.
Akala ko wala nang matitira.
But here we are.
Married. Legally. Technically. Emotionally?
Tangina, what even are we?
I leaned back, my head hitting the leather headrest.
Should've let him sleep on the floor.
Should've let myself slap him.
Should've said yes when he leaned in.
Hindi ko alam kung alin doon ang pinaka-nakakabaliw.
"Ma'am, almost there."
"Take the long way."
"Ma'am?"
"I said take the long f*cking way. I don't care if we circle Makati ten times."
"…copy."
Silence again.
Save for the low hum of the engine and the beating of my own regrets.
I opened Spotify and blasted Arctic Monkeys in my earphones.
"Do i wanna know?
If this feeling flows both ways..."
No.
Yes.
Shut up, Alex Turner.
-
I arrived at the condo around 9:30 PM, but i didn't get out of the car until 10.
I just sat there, staring blankly at the security lights outside the drop-off, letting the music fill the silence i didn't want to deal with.
I wasn't tired.
I wasn't sad.
I was… somewhere in between.
The kind of limbo only Calix freaking Montemayor could push me into.
The guard finally knocked gently on the window. "Ma'am, okay lang po kayo?"
I blinked, tugged off one earphone. "Yeah. Sorry. Pumasok na ako."
Pagpasok ko ng unit, everything was exactly how i left it—quiet, cold, curated.
Minimalist.
Sterile.
Emptier than i remembered.
I threw my purse on the couch and went straight to the fridge. Water. One bottle left. Figures.
Habang umiinom ako, I leaned against the kitchen counter and stared at the digital clock. It glowed 10:04 PM.
The last time i stared at a clock like this was in college. Waiting for Calix to text back.
Sorry babe, na-late lang ng practice. Miss you.
Love you.
What a fucking joke.
Tumawa ako mag-isa, but it sounded hollow.
Parang kaluskos lang ng multo ng past ko.
And yet… here i was. Haunted.
We broke up.
That was final.
But we never really closed the door. We just slammed it shut, but forgot to lock it.
And now, years later, someone opened it again. Someone in the name of marriage contracts and signatures and gold-plated expectations from two families too rich for their own good.
I stripped out of my heels and walked barefoot to the bathroom, twisting my hair into a bun as i went.
I needed a hot shower.
I needed to burn the night off my skin.
I needed to stop thinking about the way his eyes looked when i told him i didn't need him.
Because they looked like he believed it.
And worse—like he didn't care.
Somewhere along the sheets
Midnight.
I couldn't sleep.
Again.
No surprise.
I kept tossing, legs tangled in silk sheets, my heart doing this weird thing where it speeds up for no reason.
I was hot.
Not in a sexy way—more like, bothered.
Maybe it was the humidity.
Or the memory of his hand at the small of my back while walking me out of the ballroom earlier.
Or maybe…
Maybe it was just the nightmare.
That dream.
Same damn one that's been haunting me for years now.
Fire. Screaming. Running barefoot on wet grass. My chest tightening. Someone yelling my name.
But i never see the face.
I just hear the voice—deep, urgent, familiar.
And it's always the same ending.
I fall.
I scream.
And i wake up.
Gasping.
Sweaty.
Half out of my mind.
Just like now.
"PUTANGINA!"
I shot up, hand clutching my chest like i could stop my own heart from jumping out.
My breathing was ragged.
My shirt damp.
My fists clenched tight.
And then i heard it.
A knock.
Wait, no—footsteps.
Fast.
Then the front door unlocking.
I froze.
Wala akong ininvite.
Unless—
"Aurora?" His voice cut through the dark.
I whipped my head toward the door. Calix.
Hair tousled. Shirt barely hanging off his shoulder. Eyes wide, scanning the room like he expected to see blood.
I blinked, still panting.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I hissed, my voice raw from the scream.
"I heard you," he said. "From my unit. You were screaming again."
"You—" I gritted my teeth. "How the fuck did you get in?"
"May spare key ako, di ba?" He held it up, annoyed. "Emergency use daw sabi ng mommy mo. Guess what? This sounds like a fucking emergency."
I exhaled shakily, palms pressing on my face. "It's just a dream."
Calix stepped forward, his brows furrowed. "You looked like you were dying again."
I didn't reply.
I just stared at him.
The way his jaw tightened.
The vein at his temple that only popped when he was pissed or worried.
Shit.
I hated that i still knew these things.
"I'm fine," I snapped, dragging the blanket up to my chest.
"You're shaking."
"I said i'm fine."
He didn't move.
Just stared at me with that infuriating expression—equal parts worried and wounded. Like he didn't know what to do with me.
Finally, he sighed and walked to the kitchen.
I heard the kettle switch on.
I waited.
Still shaking.
Five minutes later, he came back with a mug.
"Chamomile," he said. "Wag kang matigas ang ulo. Drink."
I glared at him.
He glared back.
Our usual routine.
I took the mug.
Not because i wanted to.
But because part of me knew i'd need it.
He sat at the edge of the bed, back turned to me.
Neither of us said anything.
Until—
"You still have the nightmares?" he asked quietly.
I stared at his back. "Sometimes."
"Same one?"
I didn't answer.
"Yung last week…," he trailed off, looking at the floor. "You screamed my name and paul's name."
I stilled.
My grip on the mug tightened.
Fuck.
I was hoping he didn't hear that part.
He looked over his shoulder. "Were you dreaming of me?"
"Baka," I said nonchalantly. "Or maybe i just wanted to yell at you even in my sleep."
He snorted. "Figures."
We fell into silence again.
Only this time, it wasn't awkward. Just... heavy.
Finally, he said, "You wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Calix," I said sharply. "This—us—whatever this arrangement is? It doesn't include heart-to-hearts. So if you're done playing savior, you can go back to your unit."
He stood up slowly, nodding.
"Got it."
But he didn't leave right away. He walked to the balcony, looked out into the city, then back at me.
"You screamed like you were dying, Aurora! Is he haunting you?."
I didn't reply.
"I don't know what's between us anymore, but…" he paused, voice low, "...if something's hurting you that bad, I want to be the one to take it away."
I turned my face away. "You already did. A long time ago."
That shut him up.
He left.
I heard the door click shut behind him.
But his scent lingered in the hallway.
On the balcony.
On my skin.
Like the memory of a fire you barely escaped.