The clock.
The clock, that very one. The one that moves in the direction it was shown. Yes, it ticks or makes noise. Or simply irritates someone trying not to hear. I don't know, I only know that it's damp here, empty. And, damn it, lonely.
I don't want to be lonely.
The cold, it's everywhere. In the walls, in the air, in the breath. I didn't think about this before, why? Probably because there was no time. Though, wait... does this even need time? The body doesn't need time to understand it's freezing. Or does it?
A strange question.
Stranger still is the answer.
I'm in pain.
Not from the cold. Though... perhaps from it too. I only know the pain is burning, hellish, turning everything inside out. Cold shouldn't be hot. So it's not that.
Yes. It's them, the blades hanging behind her back, like a flock of predatory birds ready to swoop from a branch. Ah, if only they'd miss. Aiming at me, but hitting her pride instead. That damn icy, impenetrable pride.
But no. Thoughts don't come true, and wishes even less so. Mine seem to have a defect.
One of the blades trembled, as if held back by an invisible hand, and now the fingers finally unclenched.
But before it falls, her lips, yes, those very lips that love pronouncing others' sentences, decided to play with me a little more.
"I heard your story more than well. Even too well. And even what had no relation to my question. So," she smiled as if you could drown in her smile. "I want to hear your verdict."
Verdict?
What is she even talking about?
Is this circus even allowed to have performers speak, not spectators? Or does she just want to cut me off, not physically, no, but morally. For her collection.
"Don't be silly. I'm not planning to do anything like that," she said, theatrically waving her hand. "Though, I won't hide it, it would be fun to watch you writhe from mental pain again!"
"Don't recall the defendant having the right to occupy the jury's seat," I squeezed out, with pain in my body, but sarcasm on my face.
"Not at all," she squinted. "And I won't lie, you're right. Only, you know, you're forgetting yourself, my dear storyteller."
She tilted her head, like an actress awaiting applause.
"Look around. And tell me, where do you think we are? In your damn story!"
Her voice — poison spreading through veins.
Overwhelming.
Corrosive.
Memory is part of you, part of your world. A world where you're the narrator, where you lead the reader by the hand, show where to look. But if the key to your own door was taken from you, are you still the narrator? Or just a lost ghost between the pages?
Back then I was still alive. Back then I had a "yesterday." And now there's only "now," and this "now" is a trial.
Yes, my trial.
"So," Mariana's voice cut through space like a scalpel. "What is your verdict? Who was the cause of the misfortune?"
The cause... The cause of pain, misunderstanding, all this decay. The cause because of which everything collapsed.
Avaley Le Fay!
And again.
Avaley Le Fay!
And again.
Avaley Le Fay!
A name become a sentence. A name that, repeating, I seemed to pull from myself the remains of air, the remains of will, the remains of meaning.
"Ykhh-khykh... Agh-ha-gha-ha-ha-gh-kha-hah..."
Laughter.
Again that laughter. It sounds regardless of meaning, of whether you were right or wrong. It sounds because it can.
"Even after death you continue to carry this pathetic drivel," Mariana hissed, not hiding her pleasure.
And... one of the blades, tired of waiting, broke loose.
With unimaginable speed it flew into my right leg.
"AAAaAa AaaaAAa! Sh-ShIiTt!
I-i-tHhuUrRtSs ItHhUuRrTtSs! HuUuRrTtSsaaAAa!!!AAAaAaa AAaAAAAA AaAaaa aaAA AAAaaAAAAAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaAAAAaaAAaaaaa aAAAAaaAA AAaaaAA AAaAaaAAa!!!
MoOmMm! MoO oMm! Mooo MaaAaMm!"
"Kh... what a pathetic sight."
The witch said mentally. Or, maybe, it just seemed so.
What did I do wrong? Where did I make a mistake? Someone... tell me. What should I have done for everything to be different?
I don't know. I know nothing. And, probably, I'll never know.
Enough.
Please.
I'm in pain.
I can't anymore.
Quiet, uncontrollable crying. Like an attempt to drown out yourself.
Please...
No more...
Can't take it...