Lillian faltered as she thought about the possibilities.
If Denise were here, she would surely tell her to grab this chance and not let it idiotically slip by again.
"Lillian, if you marry me, I will support you in whatever you want to do and do my duties and responsibilities as your husband as best I can. If you are concerned about my financial capability, I assure you I have the financial ability to support you and our future family we choose to create. I work in tech and AI ventures, which are very productive right now. I have savings and investments in various areas. And I promise, I won't intentionally make life difficult for you. I hope you can believe in me a bit more," Leo said.
Lillian did. She did believe his words more now. Sure, he had his circumstances and must get married as soon as possible, but he truly did like her, and it was not just from the previous night. He had liked her far longer than she thought.
After all his words, Lillian was tempted to say yes.
She was about to say yes, but then, memories of that day in Tricia's room resurfaced.
Lillian recalled the pain she felt the day she witnessed Tom and Tricia betraying her in the worst possible way. Since then, she had refused to trust people sweet-talking her.
Was she prepared to face that possibility again? And this was marriage Leo was asking of her. If Leo ends up hurting and betraying her, too, could she get out of this marriage safely, like she broke up with Tom?
Lillian asked herself, 'In the worst case, am I ready to get hurt again?'
She gulped with a lump in her throat when she realized the answer was no.
Lillian immediately hardened her resolve and did not give her trust so easily to this man in front of her.
After all, what if Leo was lying? He said some facts, but what if he did it to manipulate her? What if she accidentally hurt his pride when she rejected him, and he wanted to play with her as revenge?
Lillian did not want to be betrayed and cheated again.
With a flurry of thoughts and painful memories filling her mind, Lillian concluded, "I'm sorry. I still can't marry you."
"..."
Leo became silent.
He was visibly hurt and down this time since her rejection this time was truly final.
Without saying anything for what felt like hours or years, Leo just kept staring at the table. He looked like he had a lot going on in his mind since he frowned from time to time as if pondering something so serious.
Lillian thought she should leave and give him privacy to deal with his emotions, but he was still holding her hand.
She began regretting her words, but irresponsibly comforting him and telling him she changed her mind without being able to follow through would only make things worse.
Wouldn't it hurt more to get one's hopes up only to be crushed? Thus, Lillian remained silent and waited for him to speak again. But he didn't. He only squeezed her hand from time to time, still lost in thought.
When Lillian could not take the silence and the awkwardness anymore, she finally rose and gently pulled her hand away. But Leo quickly clasped her hand with both of his.
"Don't leave!" he said, wide-eyed. "We're not done talking yet."
Lillian once again seated herself. But what else was there to talk about after she seriously rejected his proposal after everything he said?
The panic in his eyes when he thought she was leaving made her chest hurt. It also hurt and felt bad to reject someone.
"Will you return to the bar tonight?" Leo asked, with eyes as if he feared her reply.
"Maybe. Maybe not. But I believe, it won't be your business anymore," Lillian said frankly, so as not to give him any false hopes. After all, they were not dating.
Leo's lips pursed into a thin line before smiling with pained eyes.
Lillian discovered they had one more thing they had in common. They smiled even when they were in pain.
"You must be an enchantress who can cast spells freely. What kind of spell did you cast on me for me to feel this way?" Leo said.
Lillian was speechless for a second at the comparison. Was he finally showing his true colors? But the way he said it didn't sound like he was insulting her. More like, he was simply asking an honest question.
"I'm not a witch, and I can't cast any spells. I won't return to the bar if that makes you feel better. But I will eventually, perhaps after I return home."
Leo smiled painfully once again, and said, "You're so considerate. Thank you. But I don't want you to return to any bar looking for a man to sleep with. If you must sleep with someone, why not let it be me instead?"
Lillian recalled that they hadn't gone all the way yet. "Oh, right... I'm free tonight. We can continue where we left off yesterday if you're still interested. But wouldn't it be making things more difficult?"
Wouldn't it be easier to forget about each other if they parted without going all the way? Or would it make it easier so they won't have to wonder what it was like to have been together even once, and kill any fantasies about it?
Further, Lillian only went to the bar to find someone to experience her first time with. If Leo still wanted to do it, then it should be okay. But wouldn't it give him false hopes? Would it seem like pity to him? He's a man who doesn't need pity, and it might insult him. Surely, there are other ladies out there more than willing to do it with him anytime. If it must be her, does he seriously like her? Not in the shallow sense, but deeper? Is it why he asked her if she was an enchantress?
If he kept acting like this, Lillian had to wonder if she could interpret it as him having deeper feelings for her. Like love? Could she dare to think he loves her? Or does he simply want to go all the way with her before they part?
Lillian did not want to assume things or overestimate herself. She was afraid to have expectations only to be crushed. Thus, whatever was happening, her heart was still surrounded by thick walls even after Leo had brought down a lot of layers.
And yet, the way Leo looked at her with a pained expression made her chest hurt.
What was the right thing to do here?
Lillian did not know. But must she follow what was right or wrong instead of simply listening to what her heart was telling her? Must she worry about the future instead of only the present?