The Mango War of Planet 67
Far beyond the Milky Way, orbiting a lemon-scented star, lay Planet 67. A peaceful planet, 67 was shaped like a donut, floated gently in space, and smelled vaguely of mustard at all times. This was no coincidence—for the native species, the Mustard Men, were yellow, gooey, and obsessed with spicy condiments.
The Mustard Men lived in perfect harmony. Their cities were made of pretzel sticks, and their cars ran on pickle juice. They spent their days sunbathing under sodium lamps, practicing aggressive interpretive dance, and inventing strange flavors of potato chips. Life was weird. But it was good.
Until the Mangoes came.
It started as a splat.
At exactly 3:14 p.m. on a Thursday, a loud "PLORP" was heard in the capital city of Saucia. Citizens turned their heads as a massive, overripe mango crashed into the Center Fountain of Flavor, reducing it to a sticky pulp.
"Was that… a fruit?" gasped President Dijon McZesty, watching from his mustard-drenched office.
Within minutes, more mangoes rained from the sky—hundreds, then thousands. But these weren't just juicy fruits. They had eyes. And legs. And… attitude.
The mangoes stood up, shook their golden peels, and began yelling in some fruity dialect.
"SALSA DOMINATION!" one shouted, throwing a glob of mango puree at a passing Mustard Man.
"They're flinging themselves!" screamed Vice President Spicy Brown.
"They're ALIVE!" cried Colonel Grainy Dijon, head of the Mustard Defense League.
The Mangoes spread quickly.
With their fibrous muscles and vitamin-C-fueled rage, they marched through towns, spreading stickiness and chaos. Their weapons? Mango pits launched from seed cannons and juice grenades that exploded in tangy, tropical blasts.
Mustard soldiers, armed only with bottles and hotdog spears, tried to fight back—but it was no use. The mangoes were agile, slippery, and immune to the Mustard Men's usual attacks.
"Get the relish cannons!" shouted General Honey Mustard during a desperate defense at Bun Hill.
"But sir," his aide whimpered, "we only use those for holidays…"
"This IS a holiday now—the holiday of DOOM!"
Chapter 3: The Gooning Begins
The Mangoes had a secret weapon: Gooning.
Gooning was their special tactic. Instead of destroying cities directly, they sent waves of mangoes who just… ran around causing mayhem. These were known as the Goon Squads.
They flipped furniture.
They sang off-key tropical songs.
They bounced off rooftops screaming "MANGOOOO!" at the top of their fibrous lungs.
They weren't smart. But they were annoying. And soon, every city on Planet 67 was full of them—gooning through shops, licking buildings, and starting conga lines that never ended.
"Make it stop!" sobbed Mayor Honey Mustard III as a mango did cartwheels through her living room.
It looked like the Mustard Men were finished. But then, from the underground tunnels of Relishvania, a hero emerged:
Captain Zing, leader of the Spicy Underground.
He wore a pickle cape and rode a galloping sausage.
"We must fight fire with flavor!" he declared. "Time to ketchup!"
The resistance used new tactics:
Traps made of dry toast (mangoes HATED dryness)
Dehydration rays
Large blenders disguised as fruit spas
Bit by bit, they pushed the mangoes back. They even captured a few Goon Leaders and made them watch boring documentaries about potato storage.
But the war was far from over.
The final stronghold of the Mangoes was Salsa Falls, a tropical zone where they built their headquarters using juice cartons and tiki torches.
The Mustard Army launched a surprise attack at dawn. Thousands of mustard jets soared above while foot soldiers marched with waffle shields and pretzel tanks.
The sky turned yellow.
The rivers ran sweet.
The Mangoes, led by their king—Mango Maximus the Juicy—fought back with sticky fury.
The battle was messy. Mangoes slipped, Mustard Men squirted. At one point, someone summoned a giant guacamole monster that attacked both sides.
Amid the chaos, Captain Zing confronted Maximus in the Great Pit Arena.
"Why have you attacked us?" shouted Zing, dodging a mango pit missile.
"You Mustards spread yourselves on everything!" roared Maximus. "You control all the sandwiches! There's no room for MANGOES in this flavor empire!"
Zing paused. "So this… is a condiment war?"
Maximus nodded. "We just want equal shelf space. Maybe even a mango-flavored soda."
Zing lowered his blender-blade. "You could've just asked."
Maximus blinked. "We tried. We sent emails. You spam-blocked us."
"Oh… that's awkward."
After much sticky negotiation and several fruit smoothies, the two sides formed the Treaty of Toppings.
Terms included:
Mangoes would get their own Fruitopia region on Planet 67.
Mango salsa would be served with nachos every Tuesday.
Gooning was only allowed during public holidays.
In return, Mustard Men would stop throwing mangoes out of their hotdog carts.
And so, peace returned to Planet 67.
The mangoes settled down, opened smoothie bars, and started a reggae band called "The Goon Squad." Mustard Men learned to appreciate tropical flavors and even created a new sauce called "Tangy Sunshine Dip."
Epilogue: Legacy of the Mango War
Years later, kids in schools across Planet 67 would read about the war in their condiment history books. Statues of Captain Zing and Mango Maximus stood in every park, dripping slightly in the sun.
And every year, both species came together to celebrate Unity Day, where they danced, dipped, and gooned in peace.
Because in the end, even the messiest wars can be cleaned up—with a little sweetness and a whole lot of flavor.
The End.
Let me know if you want a sequel like "The Banana Rebellion" or "Pickle Pirates of Planet 68."