The place was a madhouse. Chef's knife working overtime in the kitchen to prep and stow the vegetables I'd just "harvested". I hoped she appreciated her clean underwear. If she did she'd been to busy to voice it. I offered to help but she insisted I'd only get in the way. I'm sure she was right.
Braja and Pantsu had watched the whole ordeal outside while hauling rubbish. The howling I heard from the woods shortly after made me think they'd liked the performance. I hoped it was Pantsu on top this time. She needed a turn.
With all of this going on, we also had a sentient skeleton trying to inventory the inn and getting in everyone's way. Braja had "accidentally" shattered Sir Durian twice already.
In addition to the writing pad and pen, Xar included a book, "Powdered, Powered & Plowed: Experiences Inside the Maids of the Realms". I'd been too busy to take a look, but with Durian now performing my stocking duties, I found a moment next to a window and cracked it open.
The inside cover was stamped in red, "If found, return to Xar'Bor The Lustful's Library of Erotica," followed by an exhaustive list of threats if said finder neglected to do so. There was an emblem of a circle of irises beneath it.
God bless her, a whole erotic library. I'd let her edge me for a week just for a chance at a card.
The author, Havaretto, was described in the foreword as "A student of the sensuous arts who's developed a reputation for rapid, vigorous affinity expansion." The foreword was written by Ellie Frit, who I hoped also went by Elizabeth Frit, the Archmaid of the Maid's Guild.
Is this guy still alive? If so, tutor me Daddy.
I was fairly certain The Network could track him down if I found the right way to beg for it.
The book was a series of accounts, each an intimate encounter he shared with a maid in some far off land. They were sectioned by affinity, then rank, and then instances where he'd seen them paired with each other affinity.
This installment, unfortunately, only covered the ranks of F through D plus. I had been hoping for tales of S+++ rank ass and pussy communion.
If our sky-high fuck session hadn't convinced Xar I was ready, what would it take?
I skimmed through the work one handed, gently ruffling my folds with the other, looking for something that stuck out.
In his section on pussy radiance he described the affinity as "The Vestibule of Purity, Comfort, and Wonder." That tracked. Well maybe not the purity part, mine enjoyed a little muck. I parted my lips and gave her something to suckle on.
Provided in the side-notes were various attributes and applications of radiant essence, pussy juice, by rank:
"F - Standard variation, no difference from a Barbarian or Cleric of equal rank.
F+ - Lighter, with floral notes.
E- - Noticeable increase in volume."
I pulled out my fingers, stretching them apart to watch my "radiant essence" web in the space between. I thought he was right, I hadn't always been this juicy. Sticking them in my mouth, I could taste it, my muff was floral as fuck!
Reading on:
"E - Essence no longer stains textiles
E+ - Slight radiance in complete darkness, can be channeled into to provide dim light.
D- - Essence suffuses skin and vaginal interior, providing additional elasticity."
Boom, there we go! D- coochie wizard right here, that's what I'd felt with Xar. Okay, now how to track my level up?
"D - DANGER: Maids that achieve this rank are hyper-fertile. It is recommended that they utilize some sort of prophylactic or receive tutoring from a professional such as myself until they attain rank C and gain control over this attribute."
The fuck!?
I liked the thought of getting knocked up, but just the thought of it, the fantasy, I didn't want my sweet stuffing hole getting put out of commission. It'd been five days now since I'd abandoned my birth-control back in the real world. I'd probably need to figure that out.
I noped right out of the pussy section.
Let's head back to thighs, good ol' farming magic.
I was pretty sure I'd ranked that up earlier, and I couldn't get knocked up fucking an ear of corn, right?
There were numerous accounts of us gardening maids getting plowed in the dirt. Apparently, D- thigh maid-grown fruits and veggies weren't just big and fast-growing, they were also power-packed with nutrition.
Okay, I'm not a deviant, I'm a provider, a nurturer.
"Keep telling yourself that, slut," came Xar's voice, from directly above me. I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Oh my God!" She saw everything...
Fuck me, please!
She hovered down, upside down next to my shoulder. "Not right now. You get to the part about magical healing cunt-carrots yet? I dog-eared it for you."
Huh-what?
I found the dog-ear, she wasn't lying. An affinity pairing of D- rank thigh and pussy magic, that involved growing a carrot, blasting yourself with it, and then eating it for magical healing nutrition, handles minor cuts and scrapes.
"For your friend," she said.
"She'd never eat that!" I gasped, I was slick getting slicker, the idea was so out there.
"Eat what?" Sadie was at the top of the stairs, arms wrapped around herself.
How do I-
I flipped down my skirt. She'd not seen this side of me yet.
Xar didn't let me think it through, "If you don't tell her, I'm gonna."
"Sade- My maid job comes with like, domestic... slut magic..." I groaned, pulled my knees together.
"What," she asked, she just looked confused.
"I didn't pick it for that! Everything's slut magic here!" Xar grabbed the book out of my hands, began gliding toward her, "Master please!"
I didn't want her to read it in a book.
"It's like a healing potion...I use a carrot as a dildo, and then it works when eaten. I was telling Xar it's not worth suggest-"
"I'm going to kill Van when we get out of here," she said, shaking her head.
I'm going to thank her, ask her to send me back.
"Yeah..." I stared into my knees.
She descended the stairs, her voice lowering, "And you're going to enjoy watching me eat it?"
God yes!
"B-But you wouldn't..." I turned to her. Her face was stern.
"I tried doing this place my way and ended up like this. If it's slut magic rules. Then it's slut magic rules." She pulled off her tattered pink t-shirt and orange mesh shorts, revealing her b-cups and hips in a matching purple bra and panty set.
Xar shouted, "Yes bitch! Baptize her! Chef, we need produce!" She rotated midair toward my ear, "It works better if you cum."
Braja and Pantsu walked in the front door, glistening. Braja carried Sir Durian in one hand by his spine. He held out the shopping list. Pantsu was carrying one of the banister pins, grinning.
Braja shouted "Hang on now! First floor is cleared, this bastard finished his list, and I'm not taking sloppy seconds from a carrot!"
I turned to Sadie, "Sorry Sade, I did promise..."