Why is he glowing like a romance novel cover?" I asked, chewing a cold bun.
Mu Lian stood beside me in the arena stands, squinting toward the center stage. There, bathed in holy light and surrounded by cherry blossoms (that were not native to this region), stood the final tournament contestant.
Prince Li Shen of the Celestial Jade Pavilion.
Chiseled cheekbones. Flowing hair. Sparkling eyes that looked like they charged rent. He smiled and three girls in the audience fainted. A small deer trotted up behind him and laid down, as if claiming itself his spirit companion.
Mu Lian looked at me, expression unreadable. "They say he reached the 8th stage of Qi Disciple at age nine. By twelve, he mastered the Heavenly Pulse Reversal Art. At fifteen, he singlehandedly tamed a sky whale with flute music."
"...I once scared off a goose with a mop."
"Not helping."
She folded her arms. "This guy is bad news. If he wins, he might demand that the Broken Heaven Sect be absorbed. Or worse—disbanded."
"I'm starting to think winning was a mistake."
She scowled. "Do you really want our sect gone?"
I looked around at the crooked roofs, half-missing walls, and the old man in the corner spoon-feeding rice wine to a chicken.
"...Yes?"
Mu Lian slapped my arm.
"Kidding! Kind of."
Inside the Arena
Prince Li Shen stood across from me, hands clasped behind his back.
"Greetings, fellow cultivator," he said, his voice smooth and radiant with spiritual resonance. "I have heard much of your unorthodox techniques."
"I take naps."
"And yet you stand here."
"Mostly by accident."
He smiled. "Let us both do our best."
"Sure," I said, and sat down.
System Alert: Entering Calm Recline Mode
Qi gathers like slow rain.Heart rate slows. Joints loosen. Bones whisper poetry to the clouds.Skill unlocked: "Slothful Insight — Dreamstep (Stage 1)"
While dozing, anticipate opponent movements based on spiritual intent resonance.
Li Shen raised a single hand. Around him, jade lotus petals bloomed mid-air. Each one hummed with cultivated grace and elemental precision.
"The technique I shall use," he said softly, "is the Emerald Blooming Sky Waltz."
"That sounds like a perfume ad."
He tilted his head. "Pardon?"
"Nothing."
He moved. Effortless, elegant, like a dancer sculpted from starlight. His lotus petals formed a spiral, narrowing in toward me like a beautiful, shimmering blender of doom.
I did what I do best:
Absolutely nothing.
System Alert: Passive Aura Activated
The Dao of Slack resists all forms of dramatic buildup.Incoming Technique: Style Disruption in progress...
As his lotus spiral closed in, the petals started… slowing.Falling out of sync.Losing rhythm.
Li Shen blinked. "That's… impossible."
I opened one eye. "I think your technique got sleepy."
Suddenly, the spiral collapsed into a messy pile of fluttering green leaves. They dropped harmlessly onto my chest.
The crowd gasped.
One of the petals landed on my cheek like a feather.
I sneezed.
BOOM.
The air rippled.
Li Shen staggered back, arms raised defensively. "What… what manner of cultivation path are you?!"
"The kind that doesn't want to be here."
He gritted his teeth, for the first time losing his composure.
"I underestimated you. No longer."
He drew his sword, its blade gleaming with celestial light.
Mu Lian gasped from the stands. "That's his spirit-bound weapon! If he uses that, you might actually—!"
But I wasn't listening.
Because something flickered in the crowd.
Someone. A man in black robes, sitting casually under an umbrella, sipping tea while everyone else stared at the match. He had no sect emblem. No cultivation badge. Just a face I knew.
A manager.
My old one.
From Earth.
Mr. Fujimoto.
I blinked. Looked again.
Gone.
Was I seeing things?
A sharp buzz of Qi snapped me back.
Prince Li Shen's blade glowed with jade script.
"Final Form: Petal Rain Judgment."
"Alright, alright," I said, standing and dusting myself off. "Guess I've got to try something."
I reached deep—not into power, but into stillness.Into that space between breaths, between heartbeats.Where time slows and effort becomes optional.
Where the Dao of Slack sleeps with one eye open.
I raised my palm.
System Alert: Technique Unlocked — "Palm of Quiet Quitting"
A strike that carries the full weight of disinterest, apathy, and suppressed burnout.Effect: Reduces opponent's spiritual motivation by 70%. Chance to cause existential questioning.Bonus damage if opponent uses flashy names for their moves.
Li Shen rushed forward, sword shining like a small sun.
I flicked my palm toward him.
Soft. Lazy. Barely a movement.
BOOM.
Not an explosion, but a silence that hit like thunder.
His sword stopped.
Mid-air.
Frozen.
His expression changed—from focused intensity to… doubt.
"Why… am I… even doing this?" he whispered.
He dropped the sword.
Then he sat down.
Cross-legged.
Staring into space.
"I… should try poetry."
The crowd gasped. A pigeon landed beside him and cooed solemnly.
The referee raised a trembling hand. "W-winner… Kaito of Broken Heaven Sect."
After the Match
Mu Lian stared at me like I'd just rewritten history with a yawn.
"You… made a prodigy quit cultivation."
"He seems happier."
"You weaponized apathy."
"That's the Dao of Slack, baby."
Grumblebeard stumbled into the stands holding a sack of buns. "Did we win?"
"Yes," Mu Lian muttered. "Somehow."
Later That Night
I stood outside the sect pavilion, watching the moon rise.
That vision—Mr. Fujimoto. My old boss. It couldn't have been him. Could it?
But something in the way he sat… the way he sipped tea…
It was the exact same.
And in his eyes—I saw recognition.
System Prompt: Hidden Quest Unlocked
"Corporate Shadows in Celestial Skies"Objective: Investigate the anomaly from your past.Warning: The heavens do not forget.Optional Reward: Office Closure Plan (Divine Tier)
I stared at the screen for a long moment.
And then, for the first time in this world, I didn't feel like sleeping.
Not yet.