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Trying To Get Myself Killed: Westeros Edition by NotAHero101
TV » Game of Thrones Rated: M, English, Humor & Adventure, Robert B., Eddard S., Words: 71k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 1k+, Published: Nov 25, 2021 Updated: Oct 6, 2023
279Chapter 17
...
The Faceless Men were broken. And that was coming from the guy who spitballed a god in the face and stole all of his essence.
Now I wasn't particularly sure if they had this particular power in the canon timeline- Both of them at that- Or if it was due to them pledging their beliefs and in essence strengthening them to the point the law of The Black Plot Armor coefficient actually took hold. Ie if one believes in a fucked up entity enough the believer's powers will strengthen inexplicably. My adventure as Sirius Black truly did get out of hand towards the end. Needless to say, this isn't the first time I was deity-fied for doing the unreasonable and I doubted it was the last.
Back to the Faceless Men being broken, however, I was actually starting to believe in that ignorant ass law.
Evidently, they didn't all just share the semblance of a hivemind, but rather they were more akin to shadow clones in a way- In that the information that went between them came down to a practical interval of a delay. And they certainly didn't need to have their clones popped for said information to travel. Akane Uzumaki would be jealous considering the number of failures he'd had to go through before he achieved a semblance of that without a sealed wristband.
But that alone, while broken for the world they inhabited itself, wasn't what convinced me they were broken.
It was the fact that as their so-called 'god' or messiah or whatever, I had the ability to temporarily take hold of their agents. Albeit by killing them through prolonged use obviously, but that was neither here nor there. They had plenty of those and a surprising ease at making more for that matter. Apparently all they had to do was put one of their faces on an initiate and boom Faceless Man number something was created, given they shared all of their talents with each other.
Ignoring the shock, awe, fear, and in Doran's case, prays to his eventually non-existant god, that swept around my body in Dorne- Given I'd turned their pool into a visual to what I was seeing, made of fire at that. Doran hadn't been too pleased, and Sandor had facepalmed at my explanation for it.
In my defense, part of R'hllor's powers surrounded visions, which basically meant I became a visionary for eating him.
The pun hurt my soul as well, or it would've if I'd had a normal one.
I was getting off track.
The Faceless Men had had an agent in the red keep- Well technically they had agents everywhere- And given Robert, though likely written by Tywin, had sent a black raven requesting I return to the Red Keep for a conversation, I had obliged.
Surprisingly it had no threats in it, not for Dorne or me, for some reason.
The controlled agent idly walked up towards the lone Kingsguard situated outside the council chamber and gave him a friendly wave.
Barristan took out his sword.
I didn't blame him. The agent had my face on it.
"I am here on behalf of his Grace- He did call for me, didn't he?" The agent grinned, raising his hands and twirling on the spot to show the lack of weapons on him.
Barristan twitched a few times at the show.
"Karma..." The man rubbed his nose with his free hand, an incredulous aura pouring out of him.
"In my defense, I did promise I wasn't a threat to the king himself."
He took in a deep breath and let it out.
"Why are you naked?" He questioned with a deadpan face.
"So you can see the lack of weapons!" The agent gave him a thumbs up. I made the agent pointedly look downwards at nature's sword. "Well besides that one, I am sure Renly Baratheon would consider it a great weapon for that matter."
He twitched again.
Oberyn Martell laughed beside my real body. Arianne Martell probably wanted to bed the agent, I wasn't sure.
It took a few more minutes of Barristan sending in a very confused servant, his own blade still held out warily, into the council chamber itself to detail the nobles inside before the agent was let in- After covering myself in a set of hastily brought clothing, though judging by the rambunctious laughter from inside the room Robert Baratheon had had half a mind to let the agent in naked.
...
"You called?" I questioned, crossing my arms as I stared down a wary Tywin, a somewhat angry Stannis, an utterly confused Renly, a sleeping Pycelle, and an exasperated Bobby B in the room.
Apparently, they still haven't replaced the rest of the council.
Needless to say, that was the moment the guards promptly flooded into the room, their swords pointed directly at my face, only held back by the rolling eyes of a hand-raised Baratheon.
"Just so we're clear," The agent remarked easily. "I am not actually here- So if you do actually kill this body, I would appreciate it if you didn't stop sending men after the real me. It's gotten exceptionally hard to die recently, so perhaps you might need to send a little more than usual." Following my words, I temporarily cut off my connection to the agent, letting his face return on it momentarily before resuming said connection.
Needless to say that put the fear of God into most of 'em. Mostly Renly and Tywin. Renly because he probably thought his sword-swallowing days had caught up with him, and Tywin was pretty self-explanatory.
Robert Baratheon simply twitched at said agent.
"Bloody sorcery..." The man muttered easily. "If you didn't have your skill with a blade, I would've denounced you to the faith already." A single beat passed at the silence and incredulous reactions from his fellows before the man let out a shrug. "Though I don't blame you for seeking other talents- There's only so many ways to swing a sword." The man remarked good-naturedly.
"Brother-"
"Man's a bloody god Renly, don't give him a reason to look into your sins." Robert instantly remarked, leveling Renly with a stare before he turned back to me. "It's Lannister that called to meet you, ignore my brother." The last part came out as an order, the man leveling a look towards me.
Let it not be said that Robert Baratheon wasn't a family man- Hell he helped increase his bloodline by quite a bit.
Something about secretly wanting unconditional love or some shit.
"Not a god by the way- I'd have to lose a lot of everything before I'd consider myself one of your freakin' seven." The agent remarked easily before my view focused on Tywin himself. "So what da cat want with me now? Got another disappointing relative you want me to slice the neck off?"
Tywin didn't have a response to that, well besides resisting the urge to stand up abruptly judging by the somewhat shaking hands on the table and overall just tenseness oozing out of him.
Robert side-eyed Tywin at my words, his face barely hiding his amusement at the words. The rest of his council's, barring Tywin, settled for not looking in the man's direction. Pycelle sprung up from his sleep, fearful eyes staring at me as he fumbled with something hidden under the table, the tip of what looked like a seven-pointed item hovering in view.
"Oh, I'd be careful with whatcha say- I am not the only one watching," The agent grinned, while Doran Martell grumbled beside my real form.
...
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Trying To Get Myself Killed: Westeros Edition by NotAHero101
TV » Game of Thrones Rated: M, English, Humor & Adventure, Robert B., Eddard S., Words: 71k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 1k+, Published: Nov 25, 2021 Updated: Oct 6, 2023
279Chapter 18
...
"Oh come now Tywin," The Agent rolled his eyes at the lack of response, walking further into the room, completely ignoring the guards hesitating before him. Robert Baratheon's orders had been clear enough, though I had a feeling a tad of it may have been the face change and my reputation playing a hand into it. Still, that didn't stop them from, instead of attacking my Faceless goon, electing to reposition themselves around the nobles, who were currently filling up the other half of the table, each sat to the right or left of Robert Baratheon.
Oddly enough it was only now I realized Varys was nowhere to be seen.
With said realization, I promptly had the Agent visibly blink before he feigned looking around. "Whatever happened to the Spider- I don't remember killing him."
Something flashed across Robert Baratheon's eyes for a moment before I had the agent let out a shrug.
"Anywho, Tywin, buddy, old pal-" Robert Baratheon couldn't help the snort that time. Even Renly had to look away momentarily, while Stannis simply frowned. "-why so serious?" I questioned, mock bemusement echoing out of the Agent's tone. "So angry, as if someone had killed your flesh and blood-" I mock gasped. "-oh dear I completely forgot about that."
I made the Agent calmly take the empty seat on the opposite end of the table from Robert and kick his feet up, ignoring the fuming Lannister and sputtering Renly and Pycelle as my view turned towards a somewhat gaping Baratheon king. "Miss been able to do this I imagine?" I questioned, the Agent wiggling his feet on the council table that governed millions of fuckin' lives.
A genuinely annoyed look quickly filtered across the king's face before he simply shook his head and figured it wasn't worth taking up my attention.
I turned my attention back towards Lannister.
"Nothing to say?"
After a noticeable deep breath, the man let out a sigh towards me.
"My son told me the queen-"
"Former~" I singsonged as a correction. "Former queen- But go on," The Agent shrugged a hand.
He stared at me for a few seconds too long.
"Former queen..." He managed through grit teeth. "Sent assassins after you and that you elected to repay her when you found out she was their source." He paused again, narrowing his eyes at me. "Is this true?"
"Not at all." A strange expression crossed over the man's face at that, his eyes momentarily going towards the youngest Baratheon as well the guards surrounding them for their protection before they swept back towards me. "I killed Cersei because she was a mad cunt." I paused for a single beat as the words were processed. Robert Baratheon shrugging his agreement subtlety in the process.
"Which is the same reason I killed Joffrey for that matter- Arguably he was probably worse." I had the Agent shake his head. "Do you wanna know something cool?" The agent questioned, immediately removing his feet from the table and putting them back on the floor before he leaned in, his hands crossed with each other.
"I know exactly what would've happened if I hadn't interfered." I had the Agent look them all in the eyes. "Down to the last detail- Bobby B over there," The Agent tipped his head towards a blinking Baratheon, the nickname evidently unfamiliar. "Dies in a hunting accident to a giant boar a few months from now-" Disbelief filled the man's face, a clear interruption about to come out. "-but only because his mad queen decided to have her helpers make sure he was as absolutely fucking drunk as possible during it."
I wasn't gonna throw Lancel Lannister under the bus. Was just gonna let life do that to him really.
The disbelief disappeared from the king's face.
"Did I at least kill the boar?"
"Skewered it right through the eye."
He nodded in satisfaction.
"...Even if we did believe you," Renly to my surprise was the one that started. "That's hardly a guarantee it would work... My brother is... rather capable even when drunk." The man finished, uncertainly.
"True, but that was the beauty of it- If it worked, great, unlimited power." The agent deadpanned. "If it didn't, try again next time, hunts happened every other week." There was a brief pause. "What was important, was the plausible deniability that she was trying to have him killed in the first place."
Tywin openly frowned as he narrowed his gaze at me, his eyes searching for something.
Probably couldn't believe his daughter would come up with something so smart- For her at any rate.
"But, she made a mistake."
Oddly enough, that made the frown disappear, a hint of resignation filling the man's face.
Wow. He's really lost all hope for her...
"Robert Baratheon lived long enough to write a will." The Agent snorted, leaning back into the seat. "Weren't one to go down so easy."
"Damn right." The man nodded amusedly.
I mean still died to a boar but he was surprisingly happy for some reason.
I turned my focus back towards Tywin Lannister.
"Your king named Eddard Stark as Joffrey's regent." Surprisingly, the name didn't actually get a reaction out of the man besides... Was that approval?
What the fuck? Why would he approve of Ned freaking Stark?
"Your daughter disagreed." I moved past the strange occurrence, my words bringing about so much more resignation and worry in the man before me, it was almost hilarious.- Maybe the two were pen pals? I naturally snorted at the thought. "In fact, she disagreed so badly she literally had Littlefinger pull off a goddamn coup, ripped the will after Barristan Selmy proved its authenticity, given he was a witness to it, had Lord Stark's guards executed, and threw him in a cell, for treason." A single beat passed. "She had Barristen Selmy kicked out of the kingsguard a week later, citing he was too old."
Tywin Lannister was holding the bridge of his goddamn nose.
The others? We're too freaking shocked to believe it.
"Cream of the fucking crop- You wouldn't believe it, but her son? Outdoes her completely." The Agent's words immediately filled most of them with disbelief, and in Tywin's case, pure horror, for what could be worse right?
"After making a deal with Eddard Stark, where he was to admit to his so-called treason in front of the Sept of Baelor- He did it to save his daughters who suddenly found themselves hostages- and then be sent to the Wall for his 'sins.'" A single pause passed as I let them digest the words. Tywin Lannister the first of them to immediately realize where I was going with this as he grit his teeth like Stannis- Renly Baratheon on the other hand was just shaking his head, the words 'no way' mouthed out silently. "Your grandson changes his mind and instead elects to execute Eddard Stark. In front of everybody."
Robert Baratheon was absolutely fucking furious.
Stannis refused to believe such a thing could possibly happen.
"And just like that, a few days into power and your daughter and grandson decide to kick off the biggest, baddest, bloodbath of a war since the Dance of fucking dragons." A single beat passed. "And that's why I killed them."
The Agent's face quickly grew a grim smile.
"Because believe me, they get so much fucking dumber with every moon that passes. From humiliating one of the Stark Girls every time the war goes badly- Which given the Lannisters are literally surrounded means it was always going to happen- To almost killing the girl when Jaime Lannister gets his arrogant ass captured by Robb the green fucking boy Stark's battle plans."
The last part practically melted through Robert's anger as he started laughing his ass off, Renly joining him after a moment- Even Stannis had the semblance of amusement filling his face at the words.
After the king calmed down, Tywin Lannister not so much as reacting towards it, his eyes narrowed- No longer wide-eyed at the sheer stupidity of his daughter that is.
"My house was surrounded?" He questioned tersely, his gaze monetarily going to Robert's brothers before landing back on the Agent. "What of the other kingdoms?"
"Oh you know, no one wanted to be ruled by Aerys the Third, and your dumb descendants had effectively shown them all that Joffrey was definitely not fit for the crown. Which by extension, included Tommen and Marcella."
"...How?"
I tilted my head at him.
"Oh, wait, you thought she made that deal in private?" A single beat passed as a calm fury quickly filled the Old Lion's face. "Oh no, that was in public. By the time Eddard's head hit the ground, half the Kingdom had found out." The Agent faked a shiver.
"The Mad King had come again, only this time he was going through puberty."
The Agent started conveying my laughter. "Shit went to utter hell."
The Agent indicated Renly Baratheon with a nod. "That dumbass decided to raise the Reach and the Stormalnds to back himself for king over his elder brother after that."
Stannis's gaze promptly snapped to a rapidly disagreeing and vehemently glaring Baratheon.
Which I, of course, instead now had the Agent indicate the middle child. "This dumbass-" I ignored the twitch. "-as a result of Renly's stupidity, elects to have his red priestess assassinate Renly with blood magic, using his own blood at that. Kinslaying with style."
Stannis, stone-hard fucker that he was, didn't even bother denying it like his younger brother.
"An utter clusterfuck... That Eddard Stark could've easily prevented. If not for your mad cunts of a daughter and grandson."
I leveled a look with all of them- The only passive expression amongst them was Robert Baratheon's.
Renly was shaking his head, the urge to call me out for a liar heavy on his face.
Stannis was just staring at the Agent coldly.
While Tywin seemed to be freakin' shell-shocked.
"And that is why I killed them." The Agent leaned in once again. "But do you know what really dooms your house Tywin?" The words seemed to snap the man out of his dazed expression.
"I am aware of my chil-"
"Oh no, I am talking about you here." The words quickly shut him up, disbelief rapidly filling the man's face up in response as he narrowed his eyes again. "The man who sent the Mountain and Lorch after a frail woman and her kids." I forced a challenging look on the Agent's face. "What, you gonna deny it?" I questioned with a snort. "I saw you do it." Which was obviously a lie, that is me actually seeing him do it. But he certainly didn't know that.
To my surprise, Robert Baratheon actually gained a somewhat worried expression on his face, with a hint of surprise, almost as if he'd forgotten the freakin' ordeal.
I paid it no mind, my focus still on Lannister.
"But let's just focus on the future that could've been aye? You see, the war against the Starks? Doesn't really go well for ya... So in your infinite wisdom, you decide the best way to subjugate the North, is to kill most of its leadership, most of its nobles by orchestrating a bloodbath in Robb Stark's wedding."
It was telling that, while he probably refused to believe such a future could occur- That part, his own actions at that, practically helped convince him.
"You, Tywin, are the man that would've pissed on the gods themselves by breaking guest right so brazenly." The Agent started chuckling. "Honestly, I would've respected it, if you didn't try to have your son found guilty, a few moons later, for either an execution or to be sent to the Wall and out of your sight, for a crime he never committed."
"...What crime?" Robert Baratheon questioned when I refused to elaborate.
"The death of Joffrey what else?" The agent snorted. "You didn't think the psychotic little shit would've survived now did ya?"
"...Why should we believe you?" Stannis followed, his expression filtering between disbelief whether because he was unwilling to believe it for his sanity, or because it was so farfetched.
"I really don't give a shit." The Agent remarked. "Truth be told there's a bit of Joffrey in all of you really." I deadpanned. "You're all assholes at the very least, so I have no particular investment in whether you believe me or not." A beat passed as the agent tilted his head. "Just, you know, stick to being cunts, don't throw any madness into it and I won't have to kill you." The Agent pointedly looked at the Baratheon brothers, both of whom were sitting on Robert's left.
Turning back to Tywin, I had the Agent grin at him.
"You on the other hand..." I made the Agent stand up, before quickly taking a step on top of the table itself, a single finger pointed at the man in question. "I really recommend burying whatever grudge you've got against me- Because you might think of it as a battle... As a war for your pride..." The Agent's hand dropped, my hold over the body reaching its limit as fire literally started burning it from the inside. "To come after me... But the truth is, for me anyway, it won't be a war-" Horrified expressions filled my audience as they took in the burning, still talking form. "-There won't be any effort on my part... I won't go into it to fight for my life or some other nonsense... All it'll involve as far as I am concerned-"
The Agent, despite the ash filling the room from his own body. His fingers burned up to his wrist as it turned dark, the smell of burning flesh not even filling the room, slowly started moving towards the old man.
"-is teaching an old man, that no matter how big his purse is... No matter how big his invisible crown may be... Pissing off the embodiment of the literal Stranger is something only the maddest cunts would consider common sense." The Agent started chuckling.
The Agent was half across the table, with stumps for hands and half-burnt legs unable to move any further.
"All the gold in the world... All the soldiers you can muster... All the gods you can serve... Won't save you from the fact that there are always bigger fish in the sea."
Tywin Lannister slowly stood up, realization filling his gaze as he presumably took this for what it was.
An olive branch to avoid destruction.
"...What about you?" The man questioned after a moment, his gaze unable to hide his horror as he watched the Agent's torso catch flame. "Does that not apply to you?"
I couldn't help the chuckle.
"Do I look like a fish to you?" The Agent finished with a raised, now burning eyebrow. "Take a page out of your father's books Tywin- Because for once, humility, as the Laughing Lion always chose, at this moment, is finally the smartest fucking thing you can do."
I let the words fill the room, though most of the occupants were somewhat distracted by the light show.
"Your pride will burn everything you hold dear into ash, from your legacy to your family- For let it not be said I am not a family man!" The agent gave a slowly melting grin. "I'll burn you all together!"
Everything barring the Agent's eyes and mouth was currently on fire.
"Pride or Humility? The choice is yours!"
With widened eyes, Tywin Lannister waited until the absolute last moment, until the fire covered the body in its entirety before he begrudgingly chose.
"...Humility..." He'd remarked with closed eyes.
The burning agent laughed in response.
When my consciousness swept back into my body in the Water Gardens, I found myself surrounded by a sea of different emotions.
Sandor Clegane was the only that just shook his head at me.
"You know if you'd just told the king from the start all that he would've likely believed you and you wouldn't be in this mess?"
"Where's the fun in that?" I snorted. "Funny thing is though... I was gonna give Tywin a few days to decide, have him send his answer with a raven you know? Though I suppose I might've taken it a little to-"
"Absolute not." Oberyn Martell interrupted me, his hands grasping hold of my shoulders, his eyes gone absolutely fucking wild. "That was perfect."
Yeesh, even the faceless men didn't look that fanatic!
...
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Trying To Get Myself Killed: Westeros Edition by NotAHero101
TV » Game of Thrones Rated: M, English, Humor & Adventure, Robert B., Eddard S., Words: 71k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 1k+, Published: Nov 25, 2021 Updated: Oct 6, 2023
279Chapter 19
Bit of a filler chapter to get back into the pacing of this story. Very Raw, will fix any mistakes in the morning!
...
It's been a rather quiet few days since my dressing down of the Old Lion- Which to my surprise had actually worked in getting the fucker to back off.
It was a very unfortunate turn of events really.
The Faceless Man had been very disappointed to allay the news about Tywin actually ordering his army back on their way home, after canceling the bounty on my head.
...I wasn't entirely sure how to feel about it- On the one hand, it meant nobody was going to be stupid enough to go on a suicide mission which was... Good for them I guess? On the other, it meant I wasn't going to be getting any willing volunteers for Noodle magic any time soon.
Noodle magic of course been Rhaenys' nickname for my new 'powers.'
All in all, it was pretty tame since-
Well besides the constant drinking contests, the constant poison contests, the parties, the celebrations, and overall lack of subtlety being throwing at me by one Oberyn Martell.
So far, he's tried to have me engaged thirty seven times, tried to get his daughters to sleep with me and go for a half-god-slaying baby about fifteen times, and in one very drunken stupor earned himself a black eye for trying to french me in a banquet.
It was all very eventful.
Sandor was enjoying it more than I was considering he took up most of the Sand Snakes offers on my behalf.
"Please?" Arianne Martell broke me out of my stupor, causing me to blink at her as I stopped on my way to meet the undeaded princess who'd... For some odd reason refrained from most of the partying.
I was rather intent on leaving soon and wanted to know when she'd get her depressed ass off the floor and start packing.
"What?" I questioned absentmindedly, looking around the hallway, trying to remember which room Elia was staying in- Ah, it's probably the one with five guards stationed outside.
Arianne twitched at me.
"You have any idea how many times I've used that word?" A single beat passed as I turned to stare at her. "None. Outside of family."
"Okay."
She twitched again.
"...Stop been an ass and let me come with you already." She huffed. "Father says I can't leave without your acceptance."
"Which means he obviously doesn't want you to come with-" I snorted. "If he's leaving it up to me."
She nodded at that, flicking her hair behind her rather...
I blinked again, having finally noticed her rather informal dress.
I don't think Westeros fashion was supposed to show that much skin.
Good on her, for going against societal norms- And I was getting sidetracked again.
One unfortunate circumstance of having slurped up the firey prick was picking on said prick's ability to sidetrack himself... Presumably anyway... I don't recall ever getting too distracted in my past lives... I think.
"..And I figured given who you are- I doubt you'd want to be so predictable." She bat her eyes at me and snaked forward, her hands landing on thin air as I turned to the side.
Credit to her she didn't miss a step as she spun on her toes and landed her arms against my chest anyway.
I tilted my head at her.
"...But on that logic, agreeing to let you come with because I know it'd annoy Doran also makes me predictable-" I grabbed her shoulders and gave her a thin smile. "And worse, predictable by you as opposed to the Martell known for his planning."
She gave me an innocent-looking expression.
"I could never predict-"
I picked her up, walked a few feet and threw her into a nearby empty room, and closed the door.
Well, empty if one ignored the sprawled-out forms sleeping off a hangover.
Judging by the muttered curse words, she hadn't seen that coming.
I idly noticed the guards guarding Elia's room exchange hands between themselves with one of them, having gained a bag of coins, outright grinning like a loon.
Walking up to the guarded door, I was rather surprised to watch them step aside quickly to they let me in.
Who knew poking Tywin Lannister's tail got one so much respect around the Water Gardens?
Ignoring that, I idly took in the closed door, considered knocking for a moment before I snorted and promptly waltz in like I owned the place.
And immediately regretted it on account of Rhaeny's latest prank.
I pointedly twitched at the little girl grinning at me and ignored the now wet hair cascading around my face and the bucket it'd come from that was strewn about.
The guard who'd won the large bag of coins cursed out loud from behind me.
...Yup.
Why do I even bother with these people?
I idly pat the girl on the head as the water dried off of me before noting the fact I wasn't even in the main room- Judging by the three sets of doors that seemed connected to this one.
As much as the Water Gardens seemed to be a place for relaxation, that didn't stop it from being a literal maze to an outsider.
I idly noted the fact, though they were decorated to look weak and flimsy- Most of the walls themselves were actually rather sturdy.
It'd be really easy for someone to find themselves trapped here...
I couldn't help but wonder why I hadn't really noticed that part before I'd swallowed up R'Hllor... The thought itself was rather unnerving if I was honest.
Still, the show of minor magic earned a minor gasp from one of the guards as steam poured out of me. Rolling my eyes at the surprise, I idly turned around and closed the door before turning back down to the girl.
"Where's your mother you little shit?"
"Only I know the secret passage!" She snorted at me, earning an 'uhuh' out of me, before she grabbed my right hand with her own and led me to the middle door, her gaze tilting upwards to meet my own, the earlier smile dying down in favor of a frown.
"Karma?"
"Hm?"
"Do you know why my mom's so upset?"
I blinked at that, raising an eyebrow in the process.
"I wasn't aware she was."
The girl shrugged at me as she turned her attention towards the door, somewhat hesitating as she stood in front of it.
"That's because she's not always upset... She keeps changing." A single beat passed as I took in the words. "It was kind of funny at first-" The girl remarked, a small smile on her face. "The way her face kept changing randomly... I thought she was doing it on purpose to make me laugh but-" Another beat passed as the six-year-old let out a sigh. "I dunno... I don't think it's on purpose anymore. She's more upset recently."
I nodded at her before patting her on the head again.
"That's okay. It just means she's depressed." I deadpanned. "Or crazy."
Rhaenys didn't seem to find that funny.
"Can you fix it?" She questioned me, absolutely seriously before a very thoughtful look took over as realization seemed to set in. "With your magic!?"
"Depression?" I snorted. "Nope, ain't no magic powerful enough for that." I waited for a single beat. "But if she's crazy? That's more my area," I gave her a thumbs up.
She stared at the thumb for a moment before she grabbed it with her right hand and nodded.
She had no fucking idea what a thumbs up was.
...
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Trying To Get Myself Killed: Westeros Edition by NotAHero101
TV » Game of Thrones Rated: M, English, Humor & Adventure, Robert B., Eddard S., Words: 71k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 1k+, Published: Nov 25, 2021 Updated: Oct 6, 2023
279Chapter 20
Also raw, do mention any mistakes!
...
"Mother, Karma wants to see you!" Rhaenys sped forward, energy figuratively radiating out of her as she dragged me into the smaller... Bedchamber?
Was that what the uncultured fucks called it?
I mean really, the fact a child didn't know what a thumbs-
My gaze narrowed as I took in the scene, Rhaenys' energy wilting down as she slowed down to a stop.
Idly staring at the girl, I took in her bemused, blinking, expression as a strained smile slowly grew on her face.
Looking back up I took in the slumped woman, currently holding a flagon of wine in one hand as she brushed her unkempt hair out of her face with the other, that slowly raised her gaze towards the two of us.
"Uh..." Rhaenys started as she slowly took a step forward before another, once again dragging me with her, though somewhat more forcefully and with more strain from her grip. I watched as she tilted her head and raised her gaze towards me, a questioning look on her face before-
"Rhaenys?" Elia whispered, a smile growing on her face as she swept her arms to the side, the flagon of wine splashing some of its contents onto the bed the woman was currently sitting, hunched over, on. Her clothing reeked off the drink and looked to be the same as the one she'd been wearing the past few days.
It was rather unnerving to think about the fact the little girl beside me had been the one spending most of her time with the woman. Even if it was her mother.
After a moment of no movement from the still confused girl, the woman on the bed raised an eyebrow at her.
"Come here, darling... Let me fix your hair for you..." She slurred. "It's really messy."
I simply took the scene in and watched as, after waiting for a single beat, the girl let go of my hand, plastered a smile on her face, and started walking forward toward the woman.
Credit where credit was due, the little girl had balls. Or her brain was filled with naivety.
Regardless, I promptly put a hand on the girl's head and stopped her from taking another step forward. The action, to Elia's credit, startled her as she stiffened.
"Rhaenys," I remarked gently, lowering myself down to a knee. The name earned a rapid turn from the girl, as her... Uncomfortable expression, to my surprise, was replaced by relief as she stared at me.
Turns out I wouldn't even need an excuse.
Regardless, I gave her one.
Using a small part of the energy from a literal god that once lived on this planet- That once ruled out of ego and arrogance alone. A god once capable of resurrecting the dead even!
Using parts of that firey energy, I idly created a magical snowglobe.
The girl's relieved expression changed to one of surprise and joy of all things given the situation as I handed it to her.
"Why don't you go play with this for a bit, while I have a chat with your mother?"
It was a lost cause asking really- The girl's focus was entirely taken up by a snowglobe, her drunken mother completely forgotten.
I couldn't help the chuckle as I watched her take it in one hand and just stare at it.
"You're supposed to shake it." She nodded mutely before doing so and quickly raised her gaze back up to me. "Noodle magic is awesome!"
And that was another word she'd picked up.
"You don't even know what that word means," I deadpanned.
"Sure I do, it means awesome." She deadpanned in return, before her gaze fell down to the floor, her smile straining to stay in place as she subtly took a look back towards her mother and turned right back towards the ground. "Awesome..." She muttered under her own breath.
Elia Martell let out a sigh, disappointment oozing out of her.
"So much for all those lessons about trusting strangers." The woman snorted. "Just like your father," She shook her head. "One magic trick and all caution goes out the window-"
Every word cut through the little girl like a knife as her smile practically broke into pieces.
"Ignore your mother," I cut the woman off. "She's drunk and clearly not in the right state of mind to be speaking right now."
Rhaenys didn't pay me any attention, instead simply holding the globe with one hand that trailed down to her aside and walked off past me.
When I heard the door shut, I simply let out a sigh and walked over towards the bed, Elia's gaze stuck to the door behind me as a frown and realization made their way into her face before she let out a curse under her breath as I idly took a seat on a nearby chair.
Looks like some therapy was in order.
I didn't break the silence that took over first, instead electing to just stare at the woman whose gaze was locked onto the bed or the ground when got bored of the blend cover.
Eventually, it grew a little too much for her as she let out a sigh and took another drink from the flagon.
"I am a terrible mother." She remarked casually before letting out a snort at some thought that made its way into her head as she took another long gulp. "I can't believe I used to think Rhaeger was the problem." She added on snarkily before finally locking gazes with me.
I simply stared at her.
At the lack of response, the woman let out another snort as she laid back against her bed's headrest. "Maybe you should've brought him back instead- Seven knows he would've taken it better than I did."
I just kept on staring, no word coming out of my mouth, the action alone turning the woman's expression uncomfortable.
"...Aren't you going to say anything then!?" She snapped. "Help me, berate me- Anything!"
I leaned back into the seat as I watched her throw the flagon of wine to the side, causing it to crack and spill onto the carpet.
"You can't help yourself." I deadpanned. "What makes you think I've got a shot at it?" I raised an eyebrow at her, watching as she blinked in bemusement at the words before she let out a curse and simply narrowed her eyes. She opened her mouth for a moment to say something before she closed it and set her gaze on the bed instead.
"...Do you think I am grateful?" She questioned emotionlessly. "...I could've been." She added on quickly. "...If only you'd just..." She grit her teeth, tears building up in her eyes. "...I can't stop thinking about it."
"I know." I interrupted her, not getting much of a reaction. "That particular afterlife's not very sustainable for a mortal mind." I shrugged. "Personally I'd just stop thinking about it. Real easy, depression solved in an instant."
Her gaze narrowed further as she locked eyes with me again.
"...What would you know of what-"
"You're going through?" I snorted. "I don't have a clue. I've obviously never had an asshole bring me back to life without my permission- Obviously never had to go through a shitty corrupt afterlife system. And obviously never been dragged to a time period that'd forgotten about me." A single beat passed. "No really you're the only one who's ever gone through it so how could I possibly understand?"
She stared at me for a few seconds, the anger in her eyes dying down as she simply set her gaze back on the bed.
"...I can't tell if you're mocking me or not."
"Oh my bad, I'll lower my lack-of-fucks operator for you." I deadpanned, earning another glare. "Hows about I just speak plainly- What I know, for a fact, right now is that you really want to kill yourself." She stiffened. "But you can't bear the thought of doing it."
She let out a shuddering breath as she raised her gaze back at me, a wild look in her eyes as she searched my expression.
"Not because it'd damage your daughter's second chance at life-" I shook my head. "Not because you miss your little, grown-up, boy currently waltzing about Essos." I waited for a single beat before snorting. "Hell, it's not even because you're afraid I'd just bring you back- I am certainly the last person with any leg to stand on about the whole idea, now ain't I?"
She wanted to shake her head. She wanted to deny what I was saying. She wanted to say anything really, based on the expression on her face.
Instead, her gaze settled on the broken flagon and spilled wine to the side with forming regret.
"No. It's none of those loving reasons." I continued my point. "You're not going to do it because you're a loving mother- Matter of fact, right now, you living, in your current state, is more harmful to them than you dying-"
"WHAT'S YOUR POINT!?" She promptly screamed at me, before huddling in on herself, her knees raised, as she clasped her hands around them, her head practically hiding in them. "...Why are you doing this... Why did you do this..?" She started sobbing. "Why did you bring me back with my memories?"
I shrugged at her.
"Because, if I didn't- You'd have definitely killed yourself by now." I waited for a beat. "A child's... Mind is rather imaginative- The thought of death isn't as... Keenly built in. Really, it's like waking up from a nightmare for Rhaenys right now." I waited for a beat. "A decade-long one at that." I shrugged
"Rhaenys didn't need a reminder of what's waiting for her if she decides to off herself." Her sobbing was growing louder. "She doesn't need to know that... As bad as this life... This second chance really is, there's something so much worse waiting for her out there."
She raised her gaze at me- Her tears doing nothing to hide the anger behind them.
I locked my eyes with her own, not backing down.
"Those memories are the only thing keeping you alive right now." I waved a hand at her. "Ignorance might be bliss Elia, but don't think for a second it's mercy."
I let the words wash over her for a moment, her expression for a moment wincing before settling back on anger.
I... Really couldn't care less what she thought of me in truth.
"If you wanna self-destruct over them, by all means, you're welcome to- You certainly know your consequences for them." Her lips trembled. "Just don't do it in front of your daughter- Who by all accounts should be happier than she's ever been." I narrowed my eyes. "And you're pissing all over that mood."
Her anger grew by leaps and bounds, her hands twitching, her chest heaving out of the labored breathing before- It all crashed down as resignation filled her gaze. As everything barring that disappeared from her eyes.
"You died because you died. You're alive again," I shrugged. "Simply because you're alive again." I snorted at her. "There's no grand quest, there's nothing to do with fate- Truth be told, I chose to bring you back on a whim- Because I thought it'd be interesting. I chose to take Rhaeny's memories of that night away, because she was a child, and children that aren't Joffrey are allowed to be ignorant." I said with wholehearted conviction.
"Just as I chose to let you keep yours because I didn't want you to off yourself again and cut off the entertainment your life brings about. The potential for stupidity on behalf of everyone else. The potential for discovery on behalf of me-" I paused to take in a breath. "But most of all, I find you fascinating simply because the Seven, for some sordid reason, chose to give you the absolute shittest hand in Westeros history."
She'd simply blinked through my tirade, though judging by the barest hints of her expression changing, she'd taken it all in and yet chose to stay silent through it all- And for a long moment after even as she simply stared at me in... Resignation?
I took that as a positive sign of her thoughts of me, right about now.
Eventually, she simply shook her head at me.
"...You're worse than them... You know that?"
Nevermind.
Still, I nodded rather easily.
"Why do you think they're so scared of me?" I stood up from the seat. "For all that. There is an ironic silver lining to staying alive... One that practically came out of Aerys Targaryen's own mouth even." She blinked at me in bemusement and a tad hint of terror. "It was your self-called gods that put you in your position... It was the Whitewalkers and Euron Greyjoy that ensured you suffered for eternity..."
I let a smile grow on my face as I reached her bed.
"And you are one of two damned souls... That gets a front-row seat to watching me-" I leaned in, the manic look in my eyes setting a very uncomfortable expression on her face. Placing both hands on her shoulders, I let a faint memory of my true powers flow through.
"Burn. Them. All."
And suddenly, Elia Martell found something scarier than the afterlife that was waiting for her.
I let go of her shoulders and watched as she took in a breath of relief and held in the urge to back away, her hands clasping around the bed cover with an iron grip as she brought it up around herself.
I turned around to leave her to stew on it all before to my surprise she let out a whisper that asked me to stay.
Which... Well, was fair really.
Keep your friends close, and your demons closer I suppose.
Rhaenys chose that moment to knock on the door and loudly ask if I'd made her mom feel better yet and whether it was safe to come in.
...Hold up, what the hell was her plan to fix her broken mother exactly!?
I held in the urge to ask what Rhaenys thought Noodle magic actually meant...
I was definitely going to give Oberyn another black eye. I had a feeling he had something to do with it.
...
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