Ami's eyes snapped open.
…Those heavy lids strained to plunge everything back into darkness…
No, no, no! Don't you dare! Don't sleep. Not back there. We'll end up in the same place. It'll all continue.
"Oh no-no!"
…It all felt far too real.
Spirits. They wouldn't materialise in this darkness… would they?!
Or her frantically pounding heart would thump against her ribs one last time and… stop forever.
"Don't be silly. There are no spirits here."
I'm… not so sure.
Amelia shivered.
It was chilly. Cold wind, cold sweat. Her back was vulnerably uncovered.
The breach was quickly remedied.
…as if a blanket had ever saved anyone from an immaterial threat passing through objects and time…
"Enough!"
Ami sat hunched, the plaid pulled over her head. Logical arguments aren't very convincing when you are totally terrified…
…It would be much better if she knew how to make witch-fire.
It wouldn't be so dark. She could illuminate the surrounding space. And see there were no spirits in the house. Or… see if one was standing in the corner. Or… looming over her bed now?!
"Ooooooh... No-no-no… Stop it!!"
…No one's there… No one's there… Calm down, silly…
She began rocking involuntarily, as often happened when severely agitated.
"Pull the blanket down, and you'll see there's no one here."
Ami shook her head sadly at herself.
No. The blanket stays in its place. Even if… No one's there. No. One. Is. There.
"The rustling is just the wind under the entrance drape."
Maybe.
"The voices are echoes from the outside."
I'm not sure.
"Don't be scared. Check. No one's there. I promise."
…Oh, well…
Amelia cautiously lowered the blanket, bracing for the worst… But…
No. No one was there. Only an indefinite darkness and the ominous rustle of the entrance drape. And the horror. Diffused within it. Waiting for something. Everything seen in that dream still felt real and lurking nearby.
She… desperately needed the loo, by the way.
"Don't be scared. Please, don't be scared."
I wish I could… Nevertheless, I don't want to deal with cleaning our bed on top of everything else.
"It's a good reason to act. Be brave. You have no choice."
I actually have.
"It's an unwise decision. You're an adult servicewoman, you can handle anything. You're the one to be frightened of. No magical or parental tricks can frighten the grumpy village rotter."
True. You're a great immaterial adviser, voice.
"Scoffing, aha. So, you're fine. Just go then."
Not fine, but the situation is not unusual. Habitual, I dare say.
She exhaled and straightened up, leaning against the cold but rough solid – and thus seemingly reliable – wall, still clutching the plaid convulsively.
Her travelling cloak, laid over the sleeping ledge, slipped off and flopped onto the floor.
Ami flinched and glanced sideways at the wall behind her.
It smelt… dusty? Dust? On the wall? Are you serious, Kotti?
Her back was probably covered in dust now. Everything is covered in dust here… It scarcely mattered. Being dusty wasn't so terrifying as being paralysed with terror.
That's what she thought as she scrambled off the bed, tossed the plaid aside, and marched resolutely towards the sanitary bucket.
There and back to bed! Here and now. No ancients! Toilet truce!
Trying to distract herself with thoughts, Ami walked to the loo, resisting the urge to run, then bolted back to the bed, leaping onto it feet-first and diving back under the plaid.
Quietly without screams. Spirits or not, they wouldn't get that from her.
Despite all the tricking and luring, the fear didn't subside entirely upon returning to bed.
The sleep, however, had vanished without a trace, leaving nothing but to ponder the dream's meaning before finding the strength getting up again to wash.
She needed to start getting ready for work. No time to waste.
Let's do the old usual trick of distracting ourselves with rationalisations since we calmed down a little bit.
Nooo… Not the wooork… Not whenshe feels bad enoooough…
"Theeen going back to Kanteeeeneee.."
Noooo… Let's get ourselves going… After a while. Just a moment. The night was hard.
"Don't be too relaxed."
I wish I could relax... Everything is under control, though. It's too early to go to work.
Amelia slid into a lying position. She wrapped the plaid over herself and scowled.
Pray tell me... What utter rot? Why am I dreaming this? How does it relate to predecessors? Who preceded mother? Omillians? Omillians do honour spirits, by the way… So, the Ancient Omillians... Selva's spirits…
"But you are not Selva at all, based on your pale skin, unroyal posture, and coarse features."
Ami sighed. Yes, she fell short in many other ways too. Though…
…Who knew? In Omill, Nordic and Selva traditions were so closely intertwined that they could no longer be separated. It's a genuine culture. A society in which individuals select whatever resources they like from the ones that are available and dismiss everything else.
It's possible that her mother had Selva ancestry. It is understandable why Ami herself found the Selvas' enthralling practices and half-mystical worldview appealing. Though nothing Nordic was alien to her either. A true child of this place.
"And a part of this dust. Someone utterly devoid of witchcraft in addition."
Sigh.
If only things were different. She wouldn't be stuck in Kantine. And her mother too. She wouldn't be this Ami. Or there wouldn't be any Ami at all. It could be for the best; no Ami, no problem, but there's no use in thinking about it now.
Knowing where her maternal grandmother dwelt in Omill could be useful.
But the very knowledge that she exists was discovered by accident on another sleepless night, sneaking down the corridor towards her room after using the outdoor loo. Trying to go secretly without being noticed and carefully skirting a patch of light from the kitchen, she heard Auntie and Father whispering about Mother's latest absurdities and… Ivette's aversion to her own kin.
Ivette's Omillian ancestry and her relationships outside of Kantine were never brought up before. Rather, the complete lack thereof.
…As though it were as embarrassing as remaining up late.
…Amelia was reading, though! And what did these competent construction and field personnel do? Huh?
Anyway... Apparently, barely grown, Ivette left home, permanently erasing from her life at least her mother. And Omill.
Amelia didn't blame her. She would do exactly the same if she had a small chance. It's unfortunate they didn't mention the grandmother's name. Perhaps… It would be interesting to find her here. Not about asking for some help, but simply to talk. But how… But why?
Ami was a complete disappointment and a nuisance to her family. She definitely doesn't want to be the same to anyone else.
But if… Well… If, hypothetically, Granny could tolerate a burden. Couldn't they have given her to Granny? Instead of dealing with an unwanted daughter?
Perhaps such a dubious prize is unwanted anywhere on the Mainland.
There's no use in thinking about that. Their worst enemy is here. Dawn broke.
…What?!
When she opened her eyes, it was far too bright. Likely the third luminary had risen long ago…
…Aaaaaah!
It's happened again. She fell asleep right before time to rise for work! As always. Nothing is changed here.
The sleepyhead leaped to her feet, swiftly adjusted her top drape, and was about to run. But remembering the night's cold sweat, , she hurriedly grabbed her travel bag, pulled out the first underdrape she came across, and flung her own upon the side of the sleeping ledge.
"Need to organise a laundry sack here."
Yes, yes, they need to do so many things…
"We've been here long enough and still haven't bothered. Yet found time for so much else."
"We've been busy! Gnat off."
Yes, bog off, please, my head is totally gnat-swarmed now. And that "tidy up tomorrow" that never comes. It's always this light with something again undone and uncomfortable instead. But I'm absolutely not in the mood.
"And there's no use of whining now. Go-go-go."
The clumsy servicewoman briskly left the kotti, hoping memory wouldn't fail her and she wouldn't waste time wandering lost.
Whizzing past the coffee shop, the sweet tooth decided she deserved something tasty and calming.
"We're late, you know."
Gnat off. A moment here wouldn't change anything – it'd be unnoticeable against the overall time late for work. However, it has the power to alter our mood. And that's what matters, not depriving ourselves of a straightforward pleasure that requires little effort.
The Archivist quickly traded a few grains from her dwindling supplies for indescribably pleasant smelling early coffee and some flat leaf-biscuits. Briefly sweeping her gaze over the beautiful murals of the lovely coffee kotti, she smiled contentedly and, with a satisfied soul and belly, left that charming premises and dashed on.
It's a crazy luxury for her to buy coffee on the way to work in misty fresh and smelling of pine Omill. For some happy creatures here - it is the lightly basis. But not for her. Unfortunately. But… She can only sweetly inhale this dizzyingly pleasant smell of freedom. And envy. Herself. Finally. She wasn't mirebound. For a while.
Though this was extravagant – spending the last barter goods on what one could easily get for free at work. But if she really wanted it. So. It is fiiiine.
And it will be so. Another light, another biscuit. And if it turned out starvation came for her due to extreme impracticality – well, so be it also. She'd take responsibility for this and manage somehow. As she always did. That was the very Ami approach to life, and she knew no other. And she'd do even better with some doping.
So. She has her coffee. She took care of herself; she didn't run in her perpetual rush or deprive herself of coffee and biscuits like usual. That's why this girl is doubly victorious this light.
Did it mean the chronic masochist rusher was finally learning to live? Well, at least it was the first step. Well. Cross the square – and we're there.
Cheered up and inspired, Amelia even managed not to get lost and found her way to the Temples quickly. Now… The only thing was to pop in to Milo and not get killed or, worse, sacked. That would be so daft.
But of course. Having flown into the Station, the Secretary immediately bumped into the Chief. And the whole just started improving world is panicky, stopped for a moment…
…But the smiling Omillian just pointed imperiously towards her workstation after a warning finger-wag.
Guiltily nodding, she obediently ducked into the cubbyhole, plonking her lovely water-bag of coffee and the embroidered pouch of cheering contents onto the desk.
"Awkward."
Awkward. We have to ask him to unseal the office anyway.
"True."
It didn't stop her life from improving. The boss didn't look angry, she had a nice walk and wasn't too late. Plus no Kantinian landscapes outside her outer window and no loitering outside her work window. Perfect.
She sank limply onto the chair. The adrenaline rush from rushing began to dissipate.
Soon everything around her slowly started to warmly blur… A whitish haze, like steam from coffee, crept across the floor and rose higher…
…Gradually, the pale veil began to cover everything… The world grew brighter…
It was even… hypnotically pleasant.
Especially against the contrast of the night's darkness and nightmare.
The very dim light inside the Archive was actually rather cosy… And the darkness no longer felt so threatening… On the contrary, it felt… like a light.
A soft light spilled everywhere.
— Lucy!
The sound sliced through the space, halting the flight. Amelia jumped.
…Who's Lucy?! Is she… here? Why is she here?!
— Oh, Ami! I need some tablets from last month, — boomed a voice from somewhere distant.
…That was… her! Oh, yes… She came to work here. Damn insomnia…
The owner of two names shook her head, trying to shed the semi-hallucinatory state, and automatically tried to jump off the chair, nearly falling off it.
Right. Seems she'd nodded off.
And her coffee? The coffee bag is laying on a table. And it's cold. But it didn't spill, being at the bag, at least. Great. The rest of this light will be bearable.
— What?.. What can I… — she managed to force her sluggish tongue to respond, eyeing the coffee bag.
Apparently, obtaining the artifact was more important than drinking it.
— What's wrong? Are you alright? — Came from somewhere on the opposite side of the coffee bag.
Ami struggled to shift her gaze to the window.
The concerned voice belonged to… Kimi. Yes. That was her name. The very dark-skinned Selva, beautiful as a starless night sky.
"Ami, wake up. Now."
If only I could.
— Ahem… no. And yes. Yes, didn't manage a proper nap this light, — the flustered impostor Archivist nodded weakly, catching a momentary dizziness. — Must be… the stress. What… what's for you?
She leaned on the desk, exhaled sharply, and tried to open her eyes wider to prevent them from sticking… The world continued to shimmer and sway lazily, but a single act of willpower could stop it interfering with work for now.
— A stack of inventory lists from the recent warehouse checks, — the officer sighed so heavily even sleepy Ami grasped that Kimi wanted to do this task about as much as Ami wanted to find it.
The Kantinian snorted.
— Righto. I'll look. And bring it. — she replied monosyllabically.
Her head wasn't working, but words somehow formed and flew out by themselves. How kind of them to help her simulate working.
— No rush, — Kimi smiled conspiratorially before leaving Ami to her own devices.
"And you complained no one cares about you."
…Holly gnats…
Well. Wake up and find ghouls-knew-what. Two impossible tasks at once.
— Kimi! — Ami called out abruptly at the girl leaving.
— What?
The Omillian returned to the window.
— Do you… do you know any way to protect against unwanted spirit visits?
— "Protect"? Why, Ami? — the Selva asked, perplexed. — Well… If you wish… Asking them not to come is the most effective way in my experience.
— That's… it?! Just… ask? Really?
— Yes. That's it.
— Th… thanks, Kimi. I'll think about it.
— You're welcome. Only… Ami. Why send them away?
— Because… They are… mighty scary?
The dark-skinned service woman snorted sceptically, rolling her eyes.
— You desperately need them now, if you ask me! Or any other Selva. — She said it in a didactic and caring tone. — They advise. They help and protect. And they don't come without reason, over trifles. Usually, they want to point out something very important. Something you've missed yourself. It can be tricky to understand what they want, you know, but trying is always worth it!
— Thanks, Kimi. I'm… just having issues on receiving help. From anyone.
— Then… stop being like that!
The service women looked at each other for a moment and then burst into laughter.
Kimi's saluted cheerfully, and soon her steps faded away.
And Ami, who had woken up a little and felt better, could sink back onto her chair. Or the floor…
…But rustling sounded again from the window side prevented it. Surprisingly.
— Ami, how goes it? — came a lively greeting.
"Bogged down. Again. Thanks for asking."
It was Donny. An irritatingly buoyant chap of sturdy build.
Was he… was he ever morose?.. Not that it seemed much suspicious, but… this light it was just… grated? And stirring thick feelings laced with envy and a slew of questions. What's wrong with me? Why can't I be like that?
— I can't say. Words fail me, Donny. — the Kantinian sighed aloud. — Can give you only a long, mournful howl.
— That bad?
— No. Could be worse. Honestly.
— Haha, — Donny chuckled uncertainly. — Not sure whether to laugh or feel sorry for you.
— Both. I'm in no position to be picky right now.
— As you say…
Donny wasn't inclined to ponder others' ambiguities deeply or dwell on little personal tragedies. Probably his secret to energy conservation and cheer. Light of character and unburdened by his own or others' sorrows, he made to flit off carefree, as usual.
— Want to hear a joke I heard recently? — he squinted slyly.
— Go on, then.
— Right then. Who wins an argument between two seasoned sods?
The officer smiled slyly and made a dramatic pause.
Ami looked up at him, showing the sincere interest.
— The most miserable one! — Donny proclaimed triumphantly.
Ami grinned approvingly.
— Smashing! — she smiled.
— Feeling brighter?
— A little. Thanks. Appreciated.
— There. Take the documents and consider I've shared the mood. Cheers.
Ami mustered all her strength to smile again and gave a touched snort.
— Cheers!
She didn't know what else to add, but it wasn't needed. The carefree Donny, already forgetting about the very Amelia's existence, flew off.
"They're really frightfully nice here, huh?"
Yeah.
And Ami… what else was left but to dazzle everyone from her cramped, dark den with her sparkling wit. Since nothing more spectacular was available.
If only she could dazzle with a lightning bolt. She wouldn't have to work here then. But she could be a witch in a Witchium. What a dream…
Speaking of which.
…How could one arrange a little nap here?
If she stretched out on the floor. Could she sleep? No. Because someone's clomping down the corridor. Again. Swamp it! Hope they'd just pass by.
We need to do something anyway. Sleeping here will lead to more awkwardness if Milo find us.
"There's no motivation."
…Not being fired. And…
Ami's sight fell on the coffee bag, reminding her that she's the happiest miserable girl on the Mainland. Doesn't work well with a deadly tiredness, but still better than nothing.
So. Not sooner but later, the warehouse inventory lists for Kimi were, by some miracle, eventually found. Apparently, all parts of the Kantinian servicewoman's consciousness were so terrified of losing her job that even those parts that shouldn't have… joined the "collective" search.
And that's how the whole light in general passed under the white veil. Beside a growing pile of unsorted tablets on the desk.
Any attempt to engage a single brain cell resulted in Ami completely blanking out into empty unconsciousness, utterly unable to think.
Finally leaving work, the Secretary still felt desperately sleepy. She dragged herself home on her last legs, barely remembering how.
The Kantinian just came into the kotti with a heavy relief, moved the dirty drape from the sleeping ledge to a chair, and plunged into heavy sleep.
"We could've amused ourselves this idiotically back in Kantine too."
She didn't evenhave the strength to argue with herself. So it was the last thought to flicker through her mind before oblivion.
Moreover, the tidying process did not occur in this light, the mountain of unpacked items was now neatly bagged on the table, the sad picture did not offend the eye now.
They were closed tightly.
The unsettling surroundings and inadequate lighting of the dwelling did not bother her in the slightest.
Probably, even if spirits gathered and started to haul near Ami's bed, she'd just wave them off irritably.
Can't die twice.
No strength or time left for doubts, fears, self-recrimination. Isn't that a type of happiness?