(Yuuta POV)
Right in front of me stood the infamous urban legend herself—the slit-mouthed woman. Her jagged smile stretched far too wide, gleaming under the streetlight. Behind me towered the Dragon Queen, Erza—my dear wife—whose very sneeze could probably end life on this planet.
And both of them wanted to kill me.
All because of one stupid question.
"Am I beautiful?" the slit-mouthed woman asked, her voice like nails dragging across glass.
Now, here's the problem.
If I say yes, Erza will kill me. Why? Because apparently, "honest compliments to murderous ghost women" count as infidelity in dragon law. And Erza is… well… let's just say she's extremely dedicated to me. Obsessively so.
But if I say no, then the slit-mouthed woman herself will slice me into sashimi, because—according to urban legend—anyone who says "no" doesn't live long enough to regret it.
So basically… I'm doomed either way.
I rubbed my temples. Think, Yuuta, think. There has to be another way.
Oh! Of course! When in doubt—summon the demon.
I snapped my fingers dramatically and declared,
"Hear my voice! Your master has remembered you! Heed my command and appear before the invincible Divine King! Allen, son of Veronica!"
The air split open with a thunderous crack. Black wings spread wide as Allen descended from the sky like some villain from a dark fantasy. He landed on one knee, head bowed low.
"My master," he intoned gravely. "This humble servant has failed to locate the young princess—"
"Idiot," Erza cut in sharply, rolling her eyes. "Why the long speech? Mortal, you could summon him with one word."
I puffed out my chest and jabbed a finger at her. "Silence, peasant! How dare you question your king like that—"
WHACK!
Her fist slammed into my skull with enough force to make the pavement shake. I collapsed, clutching my head.
"Guhhh… I-I'm sorry, my queen," I wheezed. "I was just trying to look cool for once. I'll never do it again."
Allen, still kneeling, peeked up with an awkward cough. "…Master, shall I… deal with the scary woman? Or should I wait until your wife finishes killing you first?"
"Shut up, Allen," Erza and I snapped at the same time.
Allen looked up, his golden eyes immediately locking onto Elena. "Princess… are you okay?" His voice was trembling, almost painfully sincere. "I… I was heartbroken when I couldn't find you..Princess—"
Elena puffed out her cheeks, crossing her tiny arms. "Uncle Allen! Elena is angry right now!"
Allen clutched his chest dramatically, as if the world itself had just been restored. "Uncle… Allen…!" His voice cracked with joy. "To be called that… by you…! This uncle will avenge you! Tell me… who dared to make you angry, young princess?"
Elena pointed, her finger trembling slightly but full of authority. The slit-mouthed woman stood there, scissors glinting, like some nightmare waiting for its prey.
Allen's eyes burned with a crimson light. "Master," he said to me, voice low and deadly, "please allow me to deal with this wretched woman myself. She dared to frighten the young princess—she deserves no mercy."
I swallowed hard. Honestly… I was curious too. Ghost versus demon—who would come out on top? "Permission granted," I said, trying to sound like a king while secretly feeling like a frightened child. "Let's see… who's stronger."
Allen's wings spread slowly, black as midnight, catching the light in a terrifying shimmer. He stepped forward, his presence alone making the air feel heavy. My skin crawled, and yet I couldn't look away.
The slit-mouthed woman's voice cut through the tension like a blade. "Am I beautiful?"
Allen didn't flinch. He stared at her with pure disdain. "Fuck off, lowly ghost," he said, his tone colder than ice.
And that… might have been a mistake.
The woman screamed, stabbing at him with her scissors, over and over.
Stab! Stab! Stab!
"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Her shrill voice filled the street.
My heart stopped. For a moment, it felt like time had frozen. She was stabbing Allen—multiple times—and yet he barely flinched. Elena shrank behind Erza, her little face pale, while Erza herself looked… shocked. A rare expression for her.
"Allen!" I yelled, panic rising. My voice felt tiny compared to the chaos unfolding.
Then came the laugh. A deep, mocking, almost playful sound that sent shivers down my spine.
"Ahahahahahaha! Subharshi… Subharshi, little ghost…you actually make my master worry?"
Allen's hands shot out. With a single motion, he grabbed her head and slammed it against the pavement. BOOM! The impact echoed through the street, the ground cracking beneath them. Her body flattened under his strength, her long hair splayed across the shattered stones.
"You stinky little bitch," Allen growled, leaning closer, eyes blazing. "How dare you ruin the outfit my Eternal Mistress gave me!"
He kicked her back again, and again, each stomp echoing like thunder. I could feel the vibrations through the ground. For a second… I actually felt bad for her, pity ghost. But .. the slit mouth women didn't stand a chance.
And just like that… she was gone. Dust. Nothing remained. No scream, no movement, no trace. It was like she had never existed.
I stumbled back a step, blinking. "Uh… what just happened? Did Thanos snap again?"
Elena peeked out from behind Erza, still scowling but slightly relieved. "Uncle Allen… strong!" she said.
Allen turned to her, wings folding slightly, and gave a small bow. "Your anger has been avenged, young princess. Fear not, for Uncle Allen will always protect you."
I rubbed my forehead. Yeah… this is why I probably should not summon demons casually.
Erza's eyes narrowed dangerously, her aura flaring like a storm about to break. "She's gone," she said coldly. "Now… tell me. Who was she?"
Before I could answer, she pinched my ear. Hard. "And what's the story with this… weird woman? Why did she ask you if she were beautiful?"
Her voice dropped, sharp as a blade. "Tell me, did you… secretly have an affair?"
"W-what? No! Of course not!" I yelped, clutching my ear. "How can you even think that? My heart… it only belongs to you!"
Erza raised an eyebrow, her expression skeptical. "Oh really?"
"I swear… to heaven… I have never looked at anyone except you," I said, raising my chin and trying to sound like some righteous hero from a legend. "If I am lying… you will hear the thunder sound!"
For a brief, glorious second, it seemed like the universe held its breath. And then—CRASH! A thunderclap tore across the sky.
Erza's eyes widened slightly before she unleashed her aura fully. "So… you were lying, after all," she said, her voice low, dangerous, and full of restrained rage.
I waved my hands frantically. "N-no! It was… it was a coincidence! Pure coincidence, I swear!"
Her gaze pierced me like a spear. "I am eager to see," she said, her voice dripping with fury.
I gulped and pointed toward the clouds. "If I'm lying… may rain pour from the sky!"
And just like that, a sudden downpour began. Large, heavy raindrops pelted the street, soaking me instantly. I slipped, flailing my arms. "F-fuck, fuck! Why now? Why is it raining suddenly? Why, God, are you taking revenge on me?!"
Erza's knuckles clenched. Her aura flared brighter, lightning flickering around her. She hissed, "You cheating mortal! Horny dog! Come here!"
"R-right! I'm innocent, I swear!" I shouted, dodging her grasp. "Trust me, Erza! How could I cheat on you? She's a thousand years old!"
Erza didn't slow down. "So… you prefer old women, huh? You MILF pervert!" she screamed, charging at me like a speeding meteor.
I bolted. "Help! Allen! Save me!"
Above us, Allen hovered effortlessly, black wings spread wide. In his arms, Elena clung tightly, tiny fists gripping his chest. Her voice trembled but held a hint of excitement. "U-uncle Allen… chase… chase papa before mama turn into ice-cream!"
Allen's expression was calm as ever. "Master! Don't worry. This servant will make sure you reach Hospital… on time."
I skidded around a corner, soaked and slipping on the wet pavement. "Why does my life always turn into a cartoon whenever she's angry?!"
Erza's furious voice thundered behind me, echoing through the rainy streets. "You will pay, mortal! You… will pay!"
And just like that, the chase was on. Rain poured, lightning streaked, and I ran for my life like a very wet, very panicked cartoon character, with Allen and Elena flying above, and Erza's storm of wrath closing in fast.
To be continued…