Remus felt numb. It was like his whole world had been turned on its head. He thought it had been bad before but going to meet the werewolf colony had been truly enlightening, not to mention Greyback himself. The alpha had been nothing but attentive to Remus all day, taking him down to see the healer and staying with him all through the tests. It had been slightly chilling to get the results and he found himself breathing a sigh of relief that his irregular Wolfsbane intake had managed to minimise the damage and Remus had found it surprisingly comforting to have the alpha's strong, quiet presence next to him while the healer and Snape explained the situation. Apparently he had managed to only get away with damaging his kidneys but a course of cleaning potions and his werewolf physiognomy should have that healed with time.
Link, the healer, had been amazing throughout the whole ordeal and the idea that a country as close as France allowed his kind to not only get an education, but also to the extent of training to be a healer was frankly mind boggling. He had always been told how dangerous his kind was, that he, Remus, was an exception to the rule which is why he'd been given the opportunity to attend Hogwarts but that he should be grateful for the opportunity because Dumbledore was putting himself at great risk letting Remus be around 'normal' people.
Only that wasn't true either. Greyback had given Remus a tour of the werewolf colony afterwards and it had been eye opening to see them all working together; a true community. Everyone had their duties and the place was a well oiled machine, making sure that there were plentiful supplies of everything that could be needed at the castle. But it was the schooling that came as the biggest surprise. Eric had had a lot of questions for Remus about his time at Hogwarts, trying to figure out how best to set up a schooling system for the children in the colony. The previous lessons had apparently been suspended while they worked out a new schedule that would make the most of the skills of all the adults who had arrived.
Remus had been floored to realise just how many people had missed out on an education because people were under the misapprehension that they were monsters, because they weren't. They were people. He was a person, and that was probably one of the most shocking realisations of the day. All of his life he'd taken precautions, worrying that he might actually say or do something that would alert people to what he was, constantly walking on eggshells. As much as he appreciated his time at Hogwarts, seeing the happy, carefree faces of the children who had never had to deal with any kind of persecution made him think that maybe he might have been better off if Greyback had taken him with him as a child. Sure his life would have been vastly different but, having seen Jennifer positively glowing as she waddled around with her huge bump, and the way that Link had doted on her, he couldn't help but think it wouldn't have been as bad as he'd formerly envisioned.
The only benefit to come out of him attending Hogwarts had been meeting Sirius, but that, he realised, was entirely selfish of him. He could offer Sirius nothing. The man already had an heir in Harry, an heir who was apparently already making plans to have a family of his own and Sirius had even found himself a better partner as well. Remus had found himself frequently jealous throughout the day, although whether he was jealous of Sirius or Greyback it was difficult to tell.
He had always pictured a pack alpha as being a belligerent dictator, making demands left, right and centre and bashing the heads in of anyone who even looked at him wrongly. Greyback couldn't be further from that picture if he tried. Even when getting the test results, Greyback had simply stood there offering support but not making any comments except when Link had asked if Remus wanted to know about his reproductive system.
He had frozen. It had seemed easy enough to denounce his ability in conversation, years of being told how wrong it was had ingrained the words in his head, but the idea of having what he'd done to his body confirmed by a medical professional. When Link just continued to look at him inquiringly, Greyback had stepped up telling him that Remus had no interest bearing children anyway so that wouldn't be an issue. That had certainly pulled him out of his stupor.
"That might be the case but I would still like to know for sure so kindly don't put words into my mouth!" he'd hissed.
Greyback, instead of hitting him or even chastising him, had immediately apologised for his behaviour, going so far as to say that he had overstepped and that he would remember his place from now on. Remus had been floored and had nearly missed Link explaining that there was some scarring on his uterus but it was impossible to tell what affect it would have on his ability to conceive or carry the baby until it happened and that, if he did get pregnant, Remus should tell him as soon as he found out to make sure they could monitor the situation in case there were any complications.
Remus had expected Greyback to be relieved on hearing this but the alpha was as ambivalent as he was on the subject. He was sad that the potion could well have done its job and destroyed that part of him yet surprisingly relieved to hear that it was possible that he hadn't completely ruined any chance of bearing children in the future. Something of his feelings must have shown on his face, however, as Greyback had put a comforting hand on his shoulder. It had felt nice to think he had all that strength to lean on and he was definitely starting to understand why Sirius was so taken with the man. What had really set Greyback's character in Remus's mind, though, was after he'd been shown around the colony.
Greyback had taken Remus back to his own house and Remus could admit that his nerves had jumped at that but it was nothing at all like he might have feared.
"Now, Cub, I'm sorry to say that it isn't safe for you to leave here. I don't want you to feel like a prisoner though and I understand that things at the castle may be a little awkward for you so I wanted to let you know that you had options. You are more than welcome to stay out here with the rest of the pack and I know that Deliah and Eric will take good care of you, especially as you seem to be planning on helping to teach. We are building some new houses but it's a little tight around here at the moment but you are more than welcome to take my house."
"Where will you be staying?" Remus had scowled.
"I honestly don't know," Greyback had replied blankly, "but I would find somewhere to give you your space if that is what you want."
"Are you just trying to get me out of the castle so you can spend more time alone with Sirius?" Remus had huffed.
"Not at all Cub. I'm sure Puppy would be more than happy to have you there, I know he has missed you and would at least like to renew your friendship but I didn't want you to feel like you had to stay there if you didn't want to. This is not a time sensitive decision either. If you decide to stay somewhere and then change your mind that's fine as well. I just want you to be as comfortable as you can in this situation."
The fact was that Remus was more comfortable here than he could ever remember being before, even at Hogwarts. The whole pack had been immensely welcoming and it was refreshing to interact with people knowing he didn't have to hide anything about himself. But as much as he had enjoyed being with the pack, a part of him yearned to go back to Sirius so, using the excuse that his meager possessions were still at the castle, the pair made their way back.
The problem was that Sirius had had an amazing afternoon reconnecting with his family. His mood was beyond jubilant and it only increased when he heard that the damage Remus had done to his body could be reversed. He had held off on saying anything about his reproductive system, not wanting to risk souring Sirius's mood, and the trio had made their way to dinner which was one of the most awkward meals that Remus had ever eaten. Not because of anything that anyone said or did directly, but because it was obvious that they were becoming a unified group and Remus was very much an outsider.
He was being selfish again, he realised. He was clinging onto Sirius as the one constant in his life but he was doing it for his own comfort and was once again not thinking about what was best for his mate. Sirius had his own life now: a son he was slowly starting to build a relationship with and a partner who was clearly supportive. Greyback had listened avidly to Sirius talk about the various family members and had even expressed a desire to meet them, if only to thank Arcturus again and to let him know how his generous actions had helped the colony. Remus, on the other hand, was the man who had caused their relative nothing but trouble, who hadn't even wanted to complete their bond, something that the relatives with creature blood would likely scorn him for.
And he would deserve it. He had been a terrible mate. Utterly selfish in thinking about his own concerns as opposed to Sirius's. Not once in their whole relationship had Remus ever really considered what might be best for Sirius. If he was honest with himself he hadn't even tried to do anything to make Sirius happy. He hadn't been truly happy in the relationship because of his own concerns so he hadn't so he hadn't bothered to try and make it work. Sirius, on the other hand, had bent over backwards to try and accommodate Remus's needs and, in return, Remus had simply thrown him aside, turning on him at the first suggestion that he was dark. His heart broke when he looked over to see Sirius and Greyback talking. His mate had never smiled that brightly when they were together and it was hardly surprising.
He didn't deserve a second chance with Sirius, he realised, he had messed up far too much the first time round. He could sit here forever going around the various 'what ifs' in his head but the fact was that the reason he, Remus, was miserable right now was his own fault and his alone. He had acted terribly in the past and it was time to start making changes and thinking about the needs of others above himself. He would stay here, but not because it was too dangerous or because he had to, but because there were a whole bunch of children here who were missing out on an education because of people's prejudices. Things needed to change and he had the chance to be part of that, be part of something truly good for once. It might help atone for all the evil he'd done in the past.
He also needed to give up on Sirius he realised. Trying to hold on to their relationship might be nice for Remus but it would only hurt Sirius again in the long run and after all that man had been through, spending over 10 years in that jail for a crimehe didn't commit, Sirius deserved to be happy. Greyback could give his mate so much more than him. He was a failure, but that meant changing who he was not wallowing in self pity. It was time he showed himself and the world why the sorting hat had chosen Gryffindor for his house. He needed to be brave and forge a new path, free of the ties of the past, free of Sirius, so they could both heal. With that in mind he followed the other two back to Sirius's suite and went to the room he had used to pack.
Sirius and Greyback were sat together on the sofa when Remus came out, not cuddled up but sitting close to each other with Greyback's arm casual stretched out behind Sirius's shoulders. It was clear they were purposely keeping their distance for his benefit which would be so like Sirius, he realised, and it only cemented his decision in his mind.
"Thank you for your kind hospitality but I think its best for everyone if I go. Greyback, if it still ok I would like to take you up on your offer and stay in your house at the colony while I'm here."
Sirius's head whipped around to look at Greyback as quick as lightning, a look that was a cross between fury and betrayal on his face.
"When did you decide this?" Sirius hissed.
"After seeing Link," Greyback admitted. "I didn't want my cub to feel like he had to stay in this castle if it made him uncomfortable, I wanted him to know he had options."
"And, what, I'm supposed to just stay here on my own?" Sirius queried, his voice laced with hurt.
"Of course not," Remus smiled sadly. "Greyback should stay with you. I'll be fine on my own."
Greyback frowned. "You're giving up on your mate, Cub?"
Remus nodded, feeling his eyes becoming wet at the thought. "Sirius deserves to be happy and you can give that to him in ways that I can't. It would be selfish of me to try and take that away from him so yes, I'm bowing out. I honestly wish you all the best for the future."
Now Sirius was scowling again, only this time at Remus. "So you're making decisions for me again! And here I was thinking you were starting to change, Remus."
Remus frowned in confusion. "I'm trying to do what is best for you Sirius, what will make you happiest. I love you too much to hurt you anymore and I know that Greyback will make you happier than I can which is why I'm walking away."
"How do you know that Greyback will make me happier?" Sirius fumed. "Its not like you actually bothered to ask me."
"I don't have to," Remus growled, "I can see it plainly on your face. You never smiled as brightly when we were together as you did at dinner today, or pretty much all the time I've been here. Its obvious how happy you are and the difference between now and then is that you have Greyback in your life now instead of me."
"Not instead of you, as well as you, you idiot!" Sirius yelled. "I'm happy because I have both of you here. You leaving isn't going to make things better, its just going to leave me with a new hole in my heart."
Remus gaped at his mate. "You're saying you want both of us!"
Sirius shrugged, looking sheepish. "Yes. Its selfish I know but if you want to know what will make me happiest then that is the answer."
"Ok then," Remus said, looking Sirius in the eye, causing Sirius's mouth to drop in shock.
"Do you understand what you're agreeing to Cub?" Greyback asked, standing up from the sofa and stalking over to Remus. "Are you sure you want to try a relationship with both of us?"
"If it will make Sirius happy," Remus replied but Greyback shook his head.
"That's not good enough Cub, I will not be with someone who is unwilling."
Remus grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down into a hard kiss.
"Who said I was unwilling!" Remus stated when he pulled back.
Greyback smirked and shook his head. "Oh no Cub, that wasn't a kiss. This is a kiss."
He swooped down and covered Remus's lips with his own, soft but insistent, as a hand moved into Remus's hair, pulling his head to a better angle. Sharp fangs grazed Remus's lips causing him to gasp, only for it to be swallowed by Greyback who made the most of the opportunity to pysh his tongue in and proceed to try and devour Remus through his mouth.
Remus actually mewled with disappointment when the kiss was broken which only made Greyback smirk more.
"That was so hot!" Sirius said, breathlessly as he came over to kiss Remus himself. It was no where near as domineering as Greyback's: Sirius still took control of it but it was much sweeter, much softer. Teasing Remus into compliance as opposed to blowing him away with its force.
Remus sighed as Sirius pulled away, remembering how much he had enjoyed nights of just kissing the man silly when they were at school.
Greyback hummed in approval. "I could definitely get used to watching that. One last test then." With that Greyback pulled Sirius into a deep, consuming kiss.
Remus gulped as he watched them feeling himself grow hot as he heard Sirius moan.
Greyback looked at him when he pulled away and smiled. "It looks like we won't have to deal with feelings of jealousy which is a good start but we will have to take care to be open and honest with each other about our feelings if we really want to make this work."
"I do," Sirius said emphatically. "Remus?"
"I do," Remus agreed, trying desperately to get his mind out of the gutter. "Although I have no idea on how to proceed from here."
"We get to know each other," Greyback smiled
and gently tucked Remus's hair behind his ear. "How far are you willing to go tonight?"
"I thought you meant sittings on the sofa talking!" Remus explained, causing Greyback to chuckle.
"Why? You and Puppy have a history together already, and you're mates, which means that you're already compatible on some level, and Puppy and I know that we get on. The little intricacies don't matter that much if there is enough chemistry."
"Greyback is the sort of person to build a relationship from sex up," Sirius chuckled.
"Nothing wrong with that," Greyback grouced. "I just don't see the point in wasting time getting to know someone only to find out the sex is unsatisfying. Better to find out straight away then its easier to walk away since there aren't any messy feelings involved."
"Ok," Remus nodded hesitantly, "I suppose we can give it try."
Sirius grinned and practically dragged Remus into his room with Greyback following behind, laughing at his antics. A part of Remus was apprehensive; he'd only ever had sex with Sirius before and that had only been after they'd been dating for years. It had also been over a decade since he'd done anything at all. The idea of jumping straight into bed with Greyback was a little daunting but also exhilarating. It was an idea that spat in the face of everything his father had told him and that only made it more exciting. If he was planning on starting a new chapter in his life then he may as well do it in style.