There's no dramatic backstory here, no tragic explosion, no grand betrayal of any sort and nothing lost. Just the slow, quiet kind of loneliness that clings on to you after being as unwanted as I am for too long. Just the quiet kind of pain….the kind that sticks with you, like a bad habit.
By the looks of it, I'm late for the first day at my new school. I guess all the work I had done yesterday got me so tired I overslept. But, now is not the time to get lost in thoughts. I release a sigh and get up, making my way to the bathroom.
I'm Philip Blue. Seventeen. Alone, technically. My parents abandoned me when I was twelve, and I have ever since been by myself.
Now I live in a cramped apartment with peeling paint and about only three working lightbulbs. I make rent with two part-time jobs and stretch every dollar like it's elastic. I paid for this private school out of my own pocket, thinking I might finally catch a break. I wanted my peace above everything else. I needed Structure. Maybe it would even guarantee the future.
I ate half a granola bar I found under a stack of mail. Caught the bus by the skin of my teeth, and ended up sitting next to a guy who blasted music through his phone speakers like the rest of us needed to suffer with his horrible taste in music.
Standing in front of what I might call my new school, I have a feeling I am finally prepared to do this….. I think. Well, at least I am mentally prepared….. I hope so.
I'm not dressed like everyone else. They wear khakis and pressed polos with the school crest stitched proudly on the chest. But Me? I've got a lavender hoodie, a pair of faded black jeans, and shoes held together by hope… Because the ropes alone are not enough to hold it together. It was basically the kind of outfit that makes rich kids stare.
This school is supposed to be a second chance. A new beginning. I told myself it would be quiet. That no one would notice the poor kid with shaking hands and a perfectly average GPA. And by all means I want it to be just like I plan.
I told myself a lot of things.
What I didn't expect was for the guy who should've been on a magazine cover and not here in this school to notice me. Not five minutes into my first day, and somehow, I've already become the center of the kind of attention I'm not ready for.
It would be okay if he was just looking alone and then took his face away after some time. I mean, I get the fact that people observe their surroundings. But this particular model had a smug look plastered on his face.
I quickly tear my eyes off him when he leaves the group of boys he is talking to and strides my way….. What in the seven worlds is going on. I was already late and I needed to rush into the principal's office. And more importantly I needed to avoid whatever this was that was playing out before me.
I turn and walk in the opposite direction. No way I'm getting myself acquainted with that type of guy. Yes, I'll forever judge a book by its cover, and this one had danger written all over it.
A few seconds into my escape, I lose my balance.
..........
All I can think about is the heat of his breath brushing over my skin and the heavy weight of his muscular body pressing against mine.
My heart pounds so loudly from my chest in my ears it's all I can hear.
—thump-thump, thump-thump—
With each beat taking up my anxiety to the next and next and next level. We are so close that even the smallest and tiniest movement would make our lips touch.
...…
The bell just rang, which means I'm more than just a little late for my first day of school. The only reason I am this late is because of none other, but me.
"Why don't we play a game."
My eyes flicker up to his dark ones. God, that voice just oozes sexual appeal.
"Why would you even want to ever play a game with me when you know you'll lose?" I speak back. I don't know the type of game he is talking about, but one thing I'm very sure of is the fact that I would lose. . And to make matters worse, the fear in my voice gives that away.
"Why don't you come to my party? Huh, new kid? Let me show you the type of game I'm talking about," he whispers his words directly into my ear, his lips brushing my skin as he does.
≈Silence≈
He uses his hand to touch the back of my neck, making me focus all my attention on his eyes.
My face gets red due to the intense eye contact we are having. And besides, I wasn't a party person. Hell, I have never been to a party with kids my age willingly. I am going to definitely get pigs blood on me if I show up. But with all that running around in my head. My reply or question was. "Why?"
"Well, mainly because I want to have fun with you. But don't worry, once I get what I want from you. Which is most likely your confusion and then embarrassment of what YOU want, I'll leave you alone." He doesn't speak for a moment, his eyes moving over me. "I'll get to it then. Mainly because as of right now, your body is craving for me. But your mind on the other hand you mind wants me as far away as I can get from you." His right hand grabs my shoulder to press me harder into the wall.
MY BODY CRAVES FOR HIM? Who in the seven heavens does he think he is? On a normal day, he'd get a gigantic piece of my mind. If I weren't so scared of him. "N-no, it doesn't." I speak then let out a very very small scoff. Sounds like I was choking.
"So, what you're trying to say is you'd feel nothing, nothing at all if I leaned in to kiss you right now." He leaned in a little, half of me wanting the dodge the other half is extremely stupid in my opinion.