Chapter 73 Amanda's POV
Morning sunlight barely filtered into the dimly lit hallway outside Onyi's secure chamber. I stood there for minutes, watching Onyi through the small window in the door. He was pacing slowly, shadows dancing on the walls as weak sunlight struggled to reach him. I wanted to go in, hold him tight, tell him everything would be okay despite the turmoil brewing inside him.
But Onyi had been pushing me away lately. Every time I tried to get close, he'd say words that cut me deep. "I'm evil," he'd whisper, eyes filled with torment and self-loathing. "You shouldn't be near me. I burn things. I hurt people." His words sounded like a plea to leave him be, to save me from the darkness he felt consuming him.
Hurt swelled in my chest like a living thing. Why couldn't he see I didn't care about those things? I cared about him. I loved him despite the darkness growing inside him, despite the strangeness of his touch burning everything around him. Didn't he know that? Didn't he see how much I wanted to be his anchor in this storm?
Tears pricked my eyes as I stood there watching him. I wanted to scream at him to stop pushing me away. I wanted to tell him I wasn't afraid. But I knew Onyi. When he got like this, lost in his fears of being evil, he needed space to fight his own battles. He needed time to maybe come to terms with what was happening to him.
I turned away from the door slowly, leaning against the cold wall outside his chamber. I hurt because he hurt. Because he didn't see how much I wanted to be with him through this darkness. I thought of all the times we'd been together, the bond we'd formed. Now it felt like he was slipping away from me into shadows he couldn't control.
In my mind, I went over what I could do. Stay close despite his pushing? Give him space despite wanting to hold him? I didn't know what was right anymore except that I loved him. And that love hurt now because he was hurting.
I stayed there awhile longer against the wall, lost in thoughts of Onyi and me and the darkness claiming him. What would happen next? Would he let me in again?