Chapter 16: Pizza Conundrum and the Karaoke King
[Morning – 99th Precinct Bullpen – Day 155]
The air in the bullpen was thick with the scent of coffee and desperation. Not a normal day, but a Friday before a long weekend, which in Jake Peralta's universe meant one thing: the grand finale of "The Great Brooklyn Pizza Hunt." A whiteboard, scrawled with a chaotic flow chart of pizzerias, was Jake's magnum opus. He pointed to a sticky note with a dramatic flourish. "Alright, team, listen up! For 155 days, we have been on a quest. A quest for the perfect slice. The last known clue, delivered by the mysterious 'Mr. Crusty,' points to this very pizza box!"
Jake held up a grease-stained cardboard box like it was the Holy Grail. Charles Boyle, a man whose love for pizza was second only to his love for Jake, was already misty-eyed.
"It's beautiful, Jake. A true work of art," Charles whispered, dabbing at a tear. He gestured to a small platter of perfectly shaped pizza-slice cupcakes he had brought in. "I baked these for moral support. They're a work in progress, so please be gentle with my dough."
Adam, perched on the corner of a desk, wasn't looking at the box. He was peering at the residue on the inside of the lid, a small glass slide and a pair of tweezers in his hand. "The residue isn't just oil, Jake. It's a blend of oregano, basil, and a very specific type of paprika. It's a signature blend. This isn't just a pizza; it's a message."
Right, because a pizza place would use specific paprika. This world is a fever dream of food-based detective work. I miss the simple days of just... eating pizza.
Amy Santiago, meanwhile, had her own spreadsheet open. "Based on the forensic analysis Adam provided yesterday, I've narrowed it down to three targets. 'Little Italy's Finest,' 'Brooklyn's Best,' and a new place called 'Papa's Secret Stash.' The paprika blend points to 'Brooklyn's Best,' but the crust composition is a perfect match for 'Little Italy's Finest.' I've prepared a 47-point plan to tackle all three, factoring in traffic patterns and potential perp-related alibis."
Rosa Diaz simply grunted, her eyes fixed on the chaotic whiteboard. "I've got a gut feeling about 'Papa's Secret Stash.' It's an obvious name, which means it's a trap. Or a double bluff. Either way, I'm ready for a fight."
Gina Linetti, leaning against the doorway, looked at the entire scene with a theatrical sigh. "You guys are a literal cartoon. All this for a pizza? The only thing I'm impressed by is Adam's ability to turn a simple food item into a CSI episode."
[SYSTEM: Analysis Complete. Host has linked food-based clues to a wider network. System recommends pursuing the 'Papa's Secret Stash' lead, as it has a 78% probability of containing a hidden message.]
Adam looked up from his work, catching Holt's eye. The Captain stood silently, observing the chaos with his usual stoic expression. He didn't interrupt, but a slight tilt of his head was all Adam needed to know he was on the right track. "Hold on. This isn't just about the pizza. Look at the flour residue. It's not from a standard commercial mill. It's from a small, specialized one in Queens. And it has trace amounts of a preservative only found in a type of paper used for classified documents." Adam pointed to a small, nearly invisible speck. "This isn't just a pizza box. It's a message from the Shadow Broker. The flour is the clue, and the pizza is just the distraction."
Holt's face remained a blank slate, but a barely perceptible glint in his eye confirmed Adam's deduction. "Stiels," Holt said, his voice a low monotone, "Adequate. Follow the breadcrumbs, if you will."
The squad looked at Adam, then at the pizza box, then back at Adam, a new respect dawning in their eyes. Jake's pizza hunt had just become a full-blown investigation.
[Afternoon – MacLaren's Pub – Day 155]
MacLaren's was abuzz with a nervous energy that could only mean one thing: karaoke night. Barney Stinson, perched on a bar stool, was meticulously polishing a microphone with a silk handkerchief. "Tonight, gentlemen, is not a night for amateurs. Tonight, I shall once again prove my karaoke supremacy. My voice, Adam, is like a fine wine—full-bodied, complex, and will make everyone want to spend the night with me."
Adam just shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "I'm not a wine expert, Barney, but I'm pretty sure you're more of a cheap, mass-produced beer. Loud, aggressive, and leaves a bad taste in your mouth."
Barney feigned offense, clutching his heart. "A low blow, my friend. A low blow." He then looked at a disheveled microphone stand. "Speaking of low blows, this stand is a tragedy. A masterpiece like me deserves a stage. Adam, fix this monstrosity."
Meanwhile, Ted and Lily were poring over a song list, debating the merits of various ballads. Lily, with a glint in her eye, was a force of nature when it came to planning. "Gina, we need a theme. Something powerful, something… legendary. Like a show-stopper. We'll start with a power ballad, then transition to a classic rock anthem. We'll be unstoppable."
Gina, for her part, simply scrolled through her phone. "Lily, your plans are cute. They're like a child's drawing of a rocket ship—sweet, but it's never leaving the ground. My plans are already in orbit."
Ted, however, was lost in his own world, staring at the front door. "I just... I can't stop thinking about the scarf girl. What if she comes tonight? What if she hears me sing 'Achy Breaky Heart' and falls in love with me? It's the perfect song! It's relatable, it's classic, it's a little bit ridiculous, just like me."
Adam, with a screwdriver in his hand, expertly re-tightened the microphone stand. "Ted, I admire your optimism. But you're going to sing 'Achy Breaky Heart' to a woman and expect her to fall for you? That's not a fantasy, that's a self-inflicted wound."
Ted's face fell. That's a fair point, Adam. He's right, isn't he? A woman with a scarf like that is probably a connoisseur of things that aren't… achy breaky.
[SYSTEM: Attraction Detected. User has successfully generated a positive emotional response by offering assistance. New connection established with Lily Aldrin.]
Adam felt a subtle shift in the air, a hum of something more than just karaoke jitters. He looked around the bar, his mind still on the pizza. "Guys, listen. I've got a feeling about tonight. The Shadow Broker's clue mentioned a song. It's a long shot, but what if the song list itself is a cypher? The pub, the music… it's all too perfect. This whole night could be one big clue."
Lily's eyes lit up. "A music-based mystery? Adam, I'm in. Gina, scrap the ballads. We're going full-on forensic karaoke."
[Night – Luigi's Pizzeria – Day 155]
The air outside Luigi's Pizzeria was thick with the scent of tomato sauce and urban grime. Adam and Jake were huddled in a parked car across the street, their eyes fixed on a man in a delivery uniform. "He's our guy," Jake said, his voice a low, excited whisper. "Delivery logs match the pizza box from the precinct. We're about to nail this thing down like a nail to a... thing."
"Yes, Jake, we're nailing it. But let's not get poetic. We're a few minutes from a pizza-related felony. Don't jinx the crust," Adam replied, his gaze sharp and focused on the delivery guy's movements.
Inside the van, Charles Boyle was on stakeout, his mouth full of a pizza puff that was making an unholy crunching sound. "My pizza puffs are the perfect stealth snack! The loud crunch is a double bluff. No one will suspect a thing!"
The crunching noise, however, was so loud it startled a stray alley cat, which hissed and fled. Rosa, who was on the roof with Robin Scherbatsky, looked down with an expression of pure, unadulterated fury. "Boyle, you're a foghorn! Knock it off!"
Rosa and Robin, meanwhile, were a study in effective teamwork. Rosa's sharp, analytical eye and Robin's quick, journalistic mind were a potent combination. "The guy's talking on a burner phone," Robin observed. "He's not ordering a pizza. He's getting instructions."
"Exactly," Rosa said. "Look at the pattern of his head movements. He's not just listening. He's confirming. This is a dead drop."
[SYSTEM: Environmental Anomaly Detected. A sub-frequency of audio from the perp's phone is a perfect match for a song on the MacLaren's Pub karaoke list. A connection has been established. Clue confirmed.]
Adam's phone buzzed with an alert. He showed the message to Jake. "Jake, we have to go. The perp isn't just a delivery guy. He's a signal. The real drop is tonight. At MacLaren's. The karaoke song list is the key."
Jake's eyes widened. "Of course! He's using the music as a code! This is the greatest mystery of all time! A musical puzzle box! I knew this pizza hunt was about more than just food!"
Okay, Jake. Let's not give too much credit to the pizza. I think the villain just really likes karaoke.
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