Boom boom boom!
"Open the door!"
"Don't think you're safe just because you won't come out! Wait until I go in—see if I don't do it! You're done!"
In the dark of night, Kurosaki Kanbaru stood at the neighbor's door, knocking with a blank expression.
[This door isn't locked. You can go in directly.]
Oh? A hint?
Do you think I, Kurosaki Kanbaru, am the kind of person who just walks into someone's house uninvited?
Am I?
Kanbaru snorted, opened the door, and walked in anyway.
And then... he saw a woman in a bathrobe.
Her long blond hair was loose, slightly damp, cascading in alluring waves.
"Matsumoto Rangiku?"
"You moved in next door?"
Kanbaru paused. So this was what Kurosaki Masaki had tried to tell him earlier?
"Yo, it's the Kanbaru kid."
"Someone was thinking about screwing me earlier. Was it you?"
Matsumoto Rangiku stretched her back lazily, resting a hand lightly on Kanbaru's shoulder, leaning in with a teasing grin.
Her blonde hair had a faint floral scent, and she radiated a powerful feminine charm.
He had to admit...
She was really seductive.
But—
Kanbaru took two steps back with a face full of righteousness.
"Don't come here messing around! Am I, Kurosaki Kanbaru, that kind of pervert? Am I?"
Matsumoto Rangiku gave him a hurt-puppy look, blinking with mock tears.
"Stay back. Emotional manipulation doesn't work on me."
If it doesn't work... then don't keep doing it.
Still, he was kind of fun to tease.
Rangiku chuckled, bumped his shoulder lightly, and smirked:
"So, what's up? Showing up at my place this late... Don't tell me you really came to do something unspeakable to a weak, defenseless woman like me?"
She struck a mock-innocent pose, ready to cry.
"If you keep that up, I'll call the Soul Society Police."
Kanbaru deadpanned, completely unimpressed.
(Ishida Ryūken: That's an advanced-level tactic. I recognize it.)
"..."
Can't you just talk like a normal person?
Did he butter his mouth this morning?
Rolling her eyes at Kanbaru's deadpan response, Rangiku walked further into the room.
"Where's the young widow next door?"
Kanbaru frowned, catching himself mid-thought.
"Wait, I mean—my former neighbor, the young woman. Where is she?"
"Neighbor?"
"Wake up, you never had a neighbor. Let alone a young widow."
Matsumoto crossed her arms and huffed.
She had been stationed in the human world for a while due to Soul Society orders. When she found out this apartment was available, she decided to move in directly from the temporary Shinigami base in Karakura Town.
And apparently, at Shiba Isshin's enthusiastic insistence, he'd be moving nearby again too.
"That's impossible."
"The lady next door taught me all kinds of things. She always said: 'If you hesitate, you give it away for free,' and she warned me about some guy named Gao Yi."
"You're lying!"
Kanbaru looked genuinely suspicious.
"..."
I swear I'm going to strangle you—believe it or not!
Matsumoto was silent for several seconds, unable to even begin unpacking his nonsense.
Eventually, she sat on the sofa, crossed her legs elegantly, and brushed her hair aside with a practiced gesture.
"You probably came here to check me out. Make sure I'm not up to anything suspicious."
"I saw your serious face earlier. Honestly... not bad looking."
She shot him a smile laced with interest.
A woman's intuition. Her sixth sense as a long-serving vice-captain.
During the last soul burial simulation exercise, Matsumoto Rangiku had already noticed—Kanbaru wasn't just some carefree fool. He was a guy with very clear goals.
"???"
Kanbaru, previously staring into emotional abyss, now looked up like a confused goldfish.
"Just say it directly."
"I agreed to help keep Nemu's situation quiet, but I'm still a Shinigami. I have my responsibilities."
"So during this time, I'll keep an eye on her to make sure nothing serious happens."
Rangiku propped her chin on one hand, then winked exaggeratedly.
"Don't act cute just because you're old!"
Kanbaru snapped.
Then—
THUD!
Kanbaru was suddenly knocked down!
"Kanbaru brat!"
"I, Matsumoto Rangiku, am not human tonight!"
She grit her teeth, straddling him with fury.
"Wait! Wait! What are you doing?"
"What am I doing? What do you think I'm doing?!"
"Wait, wait, why are you pulling out your Zanpakutō?!"
"Shut up! Tonight, one of us lives, one of us dies!"
---
Early morning.
Kanbaru yawned as his communicator buzzed. He rubbed his eyes and answered drowsily.
"Hey hey hey?"
"Miss me, Vice-Captain Rangiku?"
On the other end, Shiba Isshin's loud voice boomed with cheer.
"Shiba Isshin?"
Kanbaru scratched his head in confusion.
"Wait... who are you? Why are you answering my vice-captain's communicator?"
"Where's Rangiku?"
Isshin's voice glitched in disbelief.
"Rangiku...?"
Kanbaru glanced to his side—and instantly woke up fully.
Your vice-captain... is on my bed.
Wait, I'm technically your vice-captain now... Eh, same difference.
"This voice... are you that brat, Kanbaru?"
Isshin narrowed his voice suspiciously.
He'd memorized Kanbaru's voice recently due to frequent meetings.
"Yeah, that's me."
"I stayed over to play video games. It got late, so I crashed here."
Kanbaru coughed and tried to sound casual.
"I see... I thought—"
Suddenly, a hand draped across his shoulder. Rangiku, hair tousled and eyes half-lidded, leaned over.
"Last night was fun."
Kanbaru: "..."
Shiba Isshin: "..."
The communicator fell silent. Absolutely, soul-crushingly silent.
Like Cambridge on a snowy night.
"You two... last night..."
After a long pause, Isshin's voice trembled.
"Don't think weird things!"
"We just had drinks!"
Kanbaru snapped, shooting Rangiku a glare.
Why did she always say such damn misleading things?!
It was just a drink! Why was this turning into a whole damn drama?
"Ah, I get it. I understand now."
Isshin said, voice full of heartfelt emotion.
You understand jack squat!
Kanbaru's face twitched.
Isshin was still rambling dreamily.
"Rangiku's a great woman. You should cherish her."
"Where are you going?!"
"To give this old man a knife!"
Isshin rambled on.
"She's just a little older than you."
"And why are you following me?!"
"To kill that idiot too!"
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