"Although it's a female cat, I still have to make time to get it sterilized."
Kanbaru rubbed his chin and muttered thoughtfully.
"Meow meow meow???"
As if the black cat understood, it instantly frowned and started flailing wildly in protest.
"Not willing?"
The black cat suddenly stopped struggling, tail twitching.
"Then why don't you find a male cat to settle down with?"
Kanbaru grinned with the signature smirk of an experienced degenerate.
"Meow meow meow???"
The cat exploded again—hissing, flailing, spitting pure cat fury.
But it didn't matter.
Kanbaru swiftly set the black cat aside, clearly ready to leave.
"I'm afraid this current body won't survive the next Quincy Holy Ritual."
"Urahara Kisuke, Kurotsuchi Mayuri… or even Aizen Sōsuke."
"With the scientific and spiritual research capabilities of those three, one of them might be able to offer a solution."
"But what I lack the most right now… is time."
"I don't have much left."
Kanbaru murmured slowly, eyes narrowing in thought.
The system entries were useful, yes—but in the end, the decisions had to be his alone.
"So."
"I still need to find Urahara Kisuke's whereabouts."
"I need the Hōgyoku that he's hiding."
At that moment, Kanbaru's eyes shifted toward the table.
There was a framed photo. Ishida Ryūken had seen it once before.
Kurosaki Masaki, bright and carefree, clung to Kanbaru's back in mid-laughter.
The closeness was undeniable.
No wonder Ryūken had been so suspicious.
Kanbaru shook his head and chuckled lightly, then opened the door and walked out.
For a while, silence returned to the room.
Then, with a puff of smoke—
The black cat lying smugly on the couch transformed.
A low, sultry voice—hoarse, teasing—echoed in the space.
"How very interesting."
Mist wafted through the room.
A shadowed figure emerged, shapely and poised.
Her voice twisted sharply with fury:
"But wait just a second—"
"You wanted to neuter me?"
"Are you trying to die, bastard?!"
There sat Shihōin Yoruichi, completely naked, cross-legged on the couch, face puffed with outrage.
To think he dared disrespect her like that.
Sterilize her? Pair her with a random tomcat?
He was courting death.
Does he really think Shihōin Yoruichi, former Commander-in-Chief of the Onmitsukidō, would take that lying down?!
Did he want a cat punch to the face?
"But he does pose a problem…"
"It's not just that he knows Aizen has high-level research capabilities."
"He even knows Urahara Kisuke is hiding in Karakura Town… and that he possesses the Hōgyoku."
"Where is this brat getting his intel?"
Yoruichi tilted her head, lips pursed in deep thought, the shape of a tiny question mark practically floating above her head.
She looked adorable. Truly.
Although, most people focused on something else entirely when looking at her—
Well. Buttons, or lack thereof. Not ties.
Not that she had a tie.
Or any buttons.
"Anyway..."
"Staying here was the right call."
"I still need to keep collecting information."
"Only..."
"Has that little brat already figured out my identity?"
"That doesn't make sense."
"How would some punk like Kurosaki Kanbaru see through me?"
"Illusion. Definitely an illusion."
"That teasing earlier—he must've been bluffing."
Thinking of Kanbaru's totally intentional provocations, Yoruichi suddenly started scratching her hair with her toes.
The ancient feline performing art: frustration grooming.
...
The black cat had been taken in by Kanbaru a few weeks ago.
She'd seemed pitiful at the time.
(Shihōin Yoruichi: Pitiful your face, bastard!)
So Kanbaru brought her home.
Only later did the system entries completely expose her identity:
Shihōin Yoruichi!
Former Captain of the Second Division of the Gotei 13!
Former Commander-in-Chief of the Onmitsukidō!
Head of the Punishment Force and Stealth Corps!
And the last head of the Shihōin Clan, one of the Four Great Noble Houses!
Honestly?
Kanbaru had been hesitant.
You can't just say you want to lick a cat and then… really lick the cat.
He had to test the waters first.
Thus began his blissful, if chaotic, cat-petting lifestyle.
Kanbaru didn't know the intricacies of rural short-hairs, or bicolor exotic breeds, or flashy wild leopards, or sultry golden-furred divas, or intellectual chubby Garfields.
What?
You think he's perving on her?
Shut up!
He's just petting a cat. A CAT.
...
The real reason, of course:
Kanbaru wanted access to the Hōgyoku through Yoruichi and Urahara Kisuke.
...
Meanwhile.
BOOM!
Downtown Karakura.
A sudden explosion sent tremors through the city.
Smoke billowed. Pedestrians ran screaming. Some stared up in horror as dark smoke filled the sky.
In that chaos—
A high school girl with short orange hair fell from the sky in a blur.
"Damn woman."
"I'm going to eat you!"
BOOM!
Another explosion.
Flames spiraled.
A Gillians-class Menos Grande charged in pursuit.
"So fast!"
The girl vanished with a flicker of movement.
A second later—
Sharp claws tore through steel and concrete like butter.
"Ran off?"
"You little bug!"
The Hollow's eyes burned with fury.
With a roar, its massive body released a wave of pressure—
A sudden crimson glow.
That was a Cero!
"Damn it!"
The girl's eyes widened.
Behind her—civilians. If she dodged, they'd die.
She had no choice.
A bow of reishi formed in her hands, trembling under pressure.
But the Cero—was faster.
The wave of destructive light consumed everything in its path.
Am I going to lose?!
Kurosaki Masaki clenched her teeth. Bloodlines stirred faintly beneath her skin, glowing just barely—
Then—
BOOM!
Right before the Cero hit, she thought she saw someone appear in front of her.
"...Kanbaru?"
She barely managed a gasp before the blast flung her backward.
Smoke slowly cleared.
"I gotta say, your entrance could use some work."
Kanbaru crouched on the ruins, eyes locked ahead.
Before him—
Half-buried in splinters and debris—
Was Kurosaki Masaki, flushed red, skirt in chaos.
Bridge beans sack!
This scene looked… familiar!
"What the hell are you staring at?!"
Masaki clutched her skirt, furious.
"Help me up already!"
Kanbaru: "..."
Why are you acting like I'm the pervert?
Do I look like someone from a forbidden doujinshi?
Like some overused adult tag?
What parents? What creepy academy? What hypnosis? What time stop?
None of that applies to Kurosaki Kanbaru, thank you very much.
"Now!"
Masaki was still beet red, squirming.
This is so embarrassing. So humiliating. Waaahhh!
> [Most women are drawn to handsome, rich, cool guys. But this one? She's got a brother complex. Just saying.]
> [Wait, you like that too?]
> [Damn. That's double the family value.]
The system entry was as toxic as ever.
Ignoring the nonsense, Kanbaru crouched in front of the flustered Masaki and asked, dead serious:
"I can pull you out."
"But answer me one thing first."
"Why do I always feel my razor smells funny?"
"Did you use it?"
Masaki: "???"