Hope
I clutch my backpack and stand at the house entrance for more than thirty minutes, deciding if I should go to school or not.
The chances that Vanessa has found out I applied to Brookshigh are very high. I swallow hard as my chapped lips thin with anger.
Tears slowly find their way down my cheeks, and I crouch down to cry under my own palms.
I gulp hard, hot tears slipping down my cheeks.
My mouth has become as pale as my face, but I can't even afford makeup to conceal the evidence that I cried all night.
"I'm going to kill Vanessa today!" My thoughts are jagged and painful as I grit my teeth
When I lift my eyes, the pain still flickers there. My life has become a bitter battle.
I go back inside, grab a cutlery knife, and shove it deep into the inner pocket of my backpack.
Not because I truly intend to use it—but God help Vanessa not to do anything funny with me today.
My fingers tremble as I zip up the bag. I stare at the cracked mirror hanging above the table, my reflection a ghost of myself.
"I can't keep living like this," I whisper. I'm going to fight back today.
I step out again, into the grey morning mist. The cold slaps my skin awake.
In less than two hours, I'm in class, staring at Vanessa, who is seated on top of my desk.
"The loser is here again!" she says loud enough for the whole class to hear, tossing her silky hair back as if she were on a stage. Laughter echoes from her clique, their painted lips curling into smirks as they eye me like a roach crawling into their territory.
I grip the straps of my backpack tighter, my knuckles turning white. The knife is still there, and my eyes are only on her jugular vein.
"Get off my desk," I say, glaring at her with burning, reproachful eyes.
Vanessa's eyes narrow, and she leans forward. "What did you say, charity case?" She sounds caught off guard by the sudden vibrancy of my voice.
A murmur runs through the class. I feel their eyes on me again. Everyone has always been watching, always judging, and never helping.
Because they feel part of the fees they pay was summed up to pay mine? Fucking assholes.
I take one more step forward. "I said, get. Off. My. Desk."
She laughs. I bet she's shocked when my eyes are suddenly filled with fierce sparkles.
"What exactly do you think you can do if I don't?"
"I'm gonna fucking s—"
"Good morning, class," Principal Huckleberry's voice cuts through the tension, and I grit my teeth.
"Good morning, Principal Huckleberry," the class echoes.
His eyes narrow at me, and for a moment, he scoffs in rage.
"Miss Vanessa, kindly return to your seat," he says, his tone calm but firm.
She rolls her eyes, scoffs loudly, but obeys, sliding off my desk with exaggerated grace.
Principal Huckleberry's eyes linger on me with a wrinkled nose. "And you, Hope," he says. "Follow me. Now."
My stomach sinks. Well, not that I wasn't expecting this—but must they always meet my expectations? Like every single time?
Principal Huckleberry doesn't wait for me to respond. He turns on his heel and strides out of the classroom. I hesitate before following him.
He doesn't take me to the usual office. Instead, we turn left—toward the East Wing of the school that's usually locked off unless someone's in real trouble.
Damn. My feet drag. Fine. Fuck this unfair treatment. Fuck Brookshigh. I'll just start working as a bartender after high school—but what about my sister? Does that mean I will never know what exactly happened to her?
We stop in front of a door. He knocks once and pushes it open.
Inside is a small room with a tiny windows and air condition. At the center is a long table. On one side, an unfamiliar woman sits with her arms folded. She has sharp cheekbones, no makeup, and a stare so intense it freezes my heart. Her silver-grey hair says she should be old, but her strong and wrinkle-free appearance increases my doubts.
"Sit," she says without looking at me.
I glance at Huckleberry, but he's already stepping out and shutting the door behind me.
I take the seat slowly, my hands in my lap.
The woman finally looks at me.
"I'm Ms. Kavari. External board examiner for Brookshigh Academy," she says flatly. "And you, Miss Hope Kendrick, are making quite the impression."
"Thank you."
"That wasn't a compliment, miss."
I roll my eyes stubbornly. The worst has happened already. Huckleberry bringing me here means he wants me off the candidate list. What does she want me to do? Kneel and beg for mercy? For what exactly? What I didn't do?
"So tell me. How often do you find yourself at odds with the school rules and regulations?"
"I don't know why I'm here."
"I understand that you've been accused of multiple bullying violations, and I want to understand why you did it."
"Well... I am the victim here."
Her blue eyes narrow suspiciously.
"I'm sorry—you mean you've been bullied instead?"
I drop my eyes before her steady gaze. I blink, suddenly feeling lightheaded.
"How long has this been going on?"
"Since I stepped my feet in this school. And this is not the first time this has happened."
"The first time you've been bullied or…?"
"Not the first time I get bullied and punished for being bullied. The apocalypse has got everyone insane, and I bet you too have someone you have to kiss their ass so you won't be left out. While people like me…"
"Miss, do you have a family? A guardian? I would love to meet them."
Her contemptuous tone sparks my anger.
"No. I'm all alone," I say, blinking back tears.
"Where do you live?"
"At an abandoned farmhouse." I bite down hard on my lips. Thinking of how I went from living in a palace to that dungeon fuels another rage within me. My uncle deserved his death!
"Alone?"
"Yes," I say.
She types on her laptop again, stealing glances at me on occasion.
"Wow... so I understand that you have no family, you've been living alone, and you are bullied in school?"
"By every fucking one of them." I try to keep my fragile control. Just thinking of it shatters me.
"Okay... Miss Hope. I'm sorry if I'm taking this a bit personal. What's going on with you? You look very… uhmm…"
"A lot," I laugh to cover my annoyance.
"You can trust me, Hope," she hesitates, blinking with bafflement.
"Humans are unbelievable," she mutters under her breath in dazed exasperation.
"My parents passed away when I was ten." Or should I possibly say, my mom killed my father the moment he found out she was cheating on him, and she fled with her lover. So basically, she's dead to me. My adopted brother disappeared from home few days later, the night after I stupidly confessed I had feeling for him.
It's totally his fault for calling me his sunshine. He fucking lead me on with his sweet voice.
"Ever since then, it's been from one problem to another. I don't even have tears in my eyes anymore because everything I loved was taken away from me. I don't have a proper shelter, no health insurance. I was only clinging to the hope of being on scholarship in Brookshigh to continue my education. But guess what? Nothing is merited in this 21st century."
"I understand that…" Her coolness is evident—she isn't amused.
"I've been trying to do things the right way all this while. I've endured every mistreatment with the hope it would get better, but it keeps getting worse. I'm tired. I need some type of miracle or... I don't know… I don't know… whatever." I turn away and swallow hard, trying not to reveal my rage. I try to calm the tears blinding my eyes and choking my voice.
"You sound like you've given up." Her aloof manner irks me.
"Why shouldn't I? I feel like I'm being punished." A hot, exultant tear trickles down my cheek.
"Punished for what?"
"I don't know!"
"I've done everything right, and I'm here being questioned as a bully by an external body." My tears are fucking choking me, and I hate it.
"You don't shout at me, Hope," she rips out the words impatiently.
"What if I don't? Would that increase my chances of being admitted?" I rigidly hold my tears in check.
"You are just like every other person. People look at me like I'm a disgust."
"You know what I say? To hell with the people. If they ain't gonna look out for you, they don't have the right to judge you a dime." She bites down on her lips with a vague hint of disapproval.
"Okay... You can say all these things and still choose a candidate the school has presented for you, someone that has greased the palm of both schools and I will be stuck in here." My clamped lips imprison a sob.
"Hey, hey… Calm down, Hope. I'm a fan of justice."
"You can't help me. I know." A suggestion of annoyance hovers in her eyes.
She takes a quick, sharp breath and scoffs.
"You're quite the stubborn one. And with this attitude of yours, I think you need a new school to start all over again. Somewhere no one knows you. It will give you that fresh opportunity not to make the mistake of being the weak one who's trampled on. Congratulations, Hope Kendrick. You have been selected as the candidate for Brookshigh."