PAGE 02
Sometimes, I convince myself that I was there.
That I was fast enough, present enough, strong enough...
But the truth?
I wasn't there. Not really.
I was on the rooftop when I heard her scream.
Just one scream. Short.
As if she wasn't calling for help... but saying goodbye.
I saw the Green Goblin holding her above the George Washington Bridge.
She was unconscious, her head dangling in his grip like a puppet.
I was screaming inside, but my body didn't move fast enough.
I got there too late.
He looked at me with that filthy grin.
He said something—I didn't hear it.
Then he dropped her.
I don't know how long it took me to shoot the web.
A second? Half a second? Less?
But all I know… is that I caught her.
I felt relief the moment the web touched her.
Then I heard it—SNAP.
A sound I will never forget.
The sound of her neck... breaking.
She didn't hit the ground.
She fell into my hands.
For a moment, I thought she'd open her eyes.
Smile.
Say, "You caught me."
But she didn't move.
I lowered myself to the ground with her, trembling.
Placed her down gently... like something sacred.
There was no blood.
No visible wound.
Just... stillness.
I shook her.
Called her name.
Screamed—like even the air refused to carry my voice.
"Gwen…"
"Please…"
"Wake up…"
But she wasn't asleep.
She was gone.
And my hand still held the web line.
In the moments that followed, I remember only fragments.
The Goblin laughing as he escaped.
My hands shaking.
My heart racing so fast it felt like it would burst.
Then... numbness.
I put the mask back on, but I couldn't see clearly.
Tears fogged the lenses from the inside.
I chased him.
Fought him like someone who didn't want to win—but to die.
I hit him, asking why.
He didn't answer.
But he understood.
For the first time, he was afraid of me.
I almost killed him.
My hand was on his throat, staring into his eyes, seeing my own broken face reflected.
Then I stopped.
I'm not a killer.
Not even now, after losing everything.
I went back to where she was.
Sat beside her on the cold asphalt.
And it hit me: I didn't save her.
I killed her.
I caught her too hard, too fast.
I broke her.
I should've caught her in my arms.
I should've been faster.
Stronger.
Smarter.
But I was just... Spider-Man.
A teenager who thought he could be a hero.
Who thought strength alone was enough.
Who wasn't there.
Since that day, everything changed.
The world wasn't the same.
I wasn't the same.
I became afraid of heights.
Not because they lead to falling—
But because they remind me of who I couldn't save.
Every scream brings me back to that night.
Every time I shoot a web, I fear I'll kill someone again.
My hands became deadly, even when my heart meant to save.
I write this today… not because I've moved on.
But because I never could.
Gwen died, and she stayed dead inside me.
Not a day goes by that I don't see her.
Don't hear her laugh and feel something inside me break.
I blame myself every time I see a face that resembles hers,
Every time I smell something familiar,
Every time I hear a word she once said.
I loved her.
And I was supposed to protect her.
But I was the reason she died.
Do I deserve to be a hero?
To wear this suit?
To even write these words?
I don't know.
But what I do know is this isn't closure—it's confession.
I wasn't there... when Gwen died.
Even though I stood just a few feet away.
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