Before everything became a mess, life was already difficult — but manageable. I was juggling a lot, always had. As the elder daughter, there were expectations I never asked for but somehow always carried. I was rebellious, often lost in my thoughts, and constantly overthinking everything. I never thought I was pretty enough, never thought I was enough. People complimented me, yes, sometimes even adored me. But I never believed it.
I had dreams. Big ones. I took science in high school because I imagined a future where I wore a lab coat, or maybe walked into a hospital as a respected doctor — or a tech company as an engineer. Everyone in my family was business-minded, but I craved the stability and recognition of a job. Something I could call mine. Something secure… but grand.
But the truth? I was confused. I had both Biology and Maths — double-edged sword. The pressure was exhausting, and the future looked like a fog I couldn't clear. I wanted to prove myself, to break the lazy-girl stereotype everyone silently gave me. I had potential. I knew I did. But I procrastinated. I was tired. Life was overwhelming — school, coaching, endless travel, family functions, projects, exams, the noise, the rush — time slipped away from me like water through fingers.
And then came him.
Shresth.
He wasn't just a person. He became a question I carried everywhere: Did he eat today? Is he okay? What's he doing right now? Is he safe?
I was obsessed, not in the way people get with crushes — no, this was something unnamed. Something intense. Something dangerous.
And just like that, my academics took a hit.
Math, the one subject I always found comfort in, began to haunt me. I had backlogs piling up in September. My priority had shifted — not to studies, not to exams — but to meeting Shresth. That's what I woke up for. That's what made my heartbeat race faster. I was on calls more than on books. I started writing diary entries, venting things I couldn't tell anyone — though that didn't start until later, on the 28th. Before that, it was all in my head, or worse — left unsaid.
Back in 11th grade, life felt a little easier. The subjects were the same, but the distractions were fewer. I had a close-knit group — Anuska, Prem, Raj, and others. We had fun. We had rumors too. Like the one about me and Raj dating — that rumor spread fast. Girls who had a crush on him used to look at me like I'd stolen something precious. But Raj was never "my type" — at least not in that way.
He was kind though. Soft. Gentle. A guy who brought flowers, left compliments, gifted things for no reason. He wasn't the brooding alpha or mysterious sigma — no, Raj was a sunflower in a world that admired thorns. He was extroverted, cheerful, someone who made everyone feel seen. Maybe that's what held me back. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Or maybe, deep down, I was always waiting for someone else. Someone more chaotic. Someone like Shresth.
Everything changed with him.
Before, life had its own rhythm — parties, projects, sleepless nights. But now, whenever something went wrong, I had a home to run to. A person. My person.
He became the moon during my darkest nights. He walked into my storm and stayed. He had his own struggles — goals, ambition, pain, heartbreak — but I cared for him deeply. Almost too much.
Even when he talked about Samriddhi to Priyanka… even when he admitted he still loved her… I stayed. I still rooted for his happiness. And that's when I began to doubt if I was the only one feeling this way.
The second week of September was a blur.
I was all delulu, as Priyanka would later call it.
Especially during math classes — I wasn't there. I was dreaming with my eyes open. On September 10th, Priyanka finally confronted me. I still remember the exact words. She had sent me a message:
"Charu, don't overthink. I know you love him, but what's the point of thinking so much about something that can no longer happen?"
She had seen right through me.
Even Shresth once told me, "Priyanka really cares about you." And he was right. She did. My friends were amazing, my parents were trying to understand me in their own way… but I was slipping. And fast.
Shresth knew about the chats with Priyanka, he asked me the screenshots and I did send him that, where she wrote "Charu you are really so kind". As I said if Shresth loves Samriddhi, he should be with her, If he really wants her, I can't just pray god to make him mine that will be wrong, and when Shresth knew those things, He said me the same thing : Charu you are so kind-hearted. It was not I was doing all this so that to be very great or good in front of anyone, because that was all I could do for him at that moment, I knew if he would have been with me I would have given everything I could but if he chose to be with someone else, I can just happily let him go that was the purest form of love, I could show him. Priyanka and Shresth discussed sometimes about I used to get upset at times when I heard him talking about Samriddhi, So he just didn't talk about her, he didn't take that topic out.
Once he and Vidya had a fight about which he told to Priyanka. Vidya confronted him that he was playing with someone's heart and all, He was giving someone else hopes, because yes to be honest at this stage we met almost 4 times a week and We talked almost everyday, sometimes call sometime texts that was that, So Vidya said him that you are playing with someone innocent and everything, It's your habit to talk to multiple girls, and all you don't have a good character, Basically She claimed allegations about him and that hurt him somewhere.
It was because he loved Vidya, I knew their bond he cared so much about her and when He listened such things about her, he was hurt. And Priyanka knew everything about all these as She was connected to all the characters me, Shresth, Vidya, me.
You know what Shresth told her about me?
He said
"What can I do Priyanka, if Charu is after me"?
You know that line hurted so bad. I never told or asked about it to him or Priyanka ,I just read that message on Priyanka's phone this is the first time, I am revealing this.
I never knew I was being this desperate, because I was not that person, I was someone bold, straightforward, someone who didn't care about what others thought, I never chased someone this way but till now he knew too that I had fallen, Fallen so hard, but he thought may be it was a crush and I would just get over it. That one call he did after that made me realise so many things about him and myself too. You would know soon what things he told me and what he meant by them.
Mom once asked about the late-night notifications from Shresth — I just said he was a close friend. But how could she believe that? We had different subjects. Different schools. Different localities. There was no logical explanation.
There was just a girl.
Losing herself in a boy.
And trying hard not to drown.
[End of the chapter]:
I didn't know it then, but life was about to teach me the hardest truth — that not every connection leads to a destination. Some just exist to change you forever.