Since the incident, which still clung to my mind, I had stayed in my room, feeling my bones weaken.
I cried again, tears falling.How cruel of you, Keith… to hurt me this much.
I understood your reasons, but I couldn't understand your actions.It had been two days since then, yet I still couldn't forgive you.
Knock… knock…
A knock sounded at the door; it was likely Dorothy. As the head maid of Xerta's estate, she frequently brought me food, even when I had no appetite. At that moment, however, I regretted my actions. I wasn't in a place where I even wanted to consider marriage, and I certainly didn't want to. I knew I never would.
"Lady Leyla…"
The voice came from behind the door — a voice I never expected would come to me right now.
"May I come in…" said Xerta.
I froze. His words felt calm, yet I still couldn't bring myself to open the door. So I simply said shortly, "Come in…"
The door opened, and there was Xerta, holding a tray of food in his hands."Miss Leyla… I brought you porridge."
"Ah… Lord Xerta, you didn't have to trouble yourself," I said awkwardly. I never expected him to come himself instead of asking the head maid to deliver it.
"Are you still feeling sad?" Xerta asked as he set the porridge down on the table beside me. It seemed he was trying to comfort me.
"I just… as you know, I've never been apart from my knight for so long… so maybe it's just until I get used to it… As for the wedding, don't worry — I'll have my feelings in order when the day comes."
Then Xerta gently patted my head."I don't know how to comfort people… but I just don't want you to dwell too long on something that's already happened."
He said it with a serious face. Perhaps from the start, Xerta never understood why I was acting so excessively. I might have been troubling a lot of people.
"I also want you to know… that maybe that man had a reason behind his actions," he added.
I turned to look at him. Did he know something? When I was about to ask, I stopped myself. Looking at his expression again, I thought he was just saying that based on Keith's personality.
"Do you know how Keith feels about me?"
Xerta flinched at my question, rubbed the back of his head, and then nodded."I already know… I mean, it's obvious. And he's said it loud and clear before…"
So Xerta already knew. No wonder. Maybe I'd just been the oblivious one all along. I hadn't realized Keith's true feelings and instead slapped him that day in a moment of anger.
'I feel bad…'
I didn't think Keith could suddenly turn to Cynthia's side without a reason. There had to be one — and I'd find it out.
"Thank you, Lord Xerta. I feel a bit better now."
I got up from my bed.Two more days until my wedding — I would go out and socialize.
"I'll do my best not to embarrass you." I smiled at him.
Xerta looked a bit awkward before leaving my room.
------------------
"I wanted to inform you about my wedding… I thought it would be proper to deliver the invitation in person, Lady Remy. I also wanted to apologize for the incident at the tea party."
Remy, who was standing in front of her fiancé's residence — Viscount Aberoth — went silent.
"I'll consider us even," Remy whispered. "You didn't spread those photos, did you?"
"I wouldn't be so disrespectful," I replied. Upon hearing that, she looked relieved.
"My dear, why don't you come inside…" Viscount Aberoth's voice came from behind the gate. He opened it and looked surprised to see me.
"Greetings, Viscount Aberoth… I came to deliver my wedding invitation." I bowed politely.
His face turned red. "Ah… I see… I've already heard you're marrying Duke Xerta von Helming. Good for you."
Viscount Aberoth was one of those who once proposed to me, giving me a formal letter of proposal when I was just ten years old. I was sure he still had feelings for me. He even made his awkwardness obvious right in front of the woman who was supposed to be his fiancée.
"Would you like to come in? I can serve tea," he said.
"I'm afraid I can't — I still have to deliver invitations to others. So I'll excuse myself here."
"Why trouble yourself delivering them one by one? You could just send a guard or someone else."
"I simply want to meet each guest personally as a way to show my gratitude. No one would have guessed I'd be marrying Duke Xerta, after all."
At my words, his expression changed. I recognized that look — jealousy. He probably felt frustrated that he couldn't marry me. But what could be done? He was too old, and my father, a Count, strongly opposed it.
After delivering invitations to the noble houses, I headed to the palace. Sunlight glinted off the polished stone as I approached. The air hummed with distant chatter. Palace guards, their armor gleaming, met me, their voices sharp as they asked my purpose.
"I wish to deliver my wedding invitation directly to the king and the crown prince."After hearing that, they allowed me inside.
The palace hadn't changed much since the last time I was here — just two days ago, with Xerta… and Keith.
'I'm thinking about it again…'
Before I realized it, my eyes grew misty. Then, a hand holding a handkerchief appeared before me.
"Please use this, my lady."
I looked up and saw a man I didn't recognize. I took the handkerchief and thanked him.
"Why is it I always see you when you're crying?"
'Eh… when has he seen me cry before?'
"Ah… forgive my rudeness. I am Nicholas Eldoria, introducing myself to Lady Leyla Nerwine."
'Eldoria? Is he of the royal bloodline?'
If I recall, the king had two children… don't tell me he's the eldest.
"My apologies for not recognizing you… may I ask what you meant by having seen me cry before?"
He seemed to think for a moment. "Ah… perhaps you don't know, but I happened to overhear your argument with your lov— pardon me, your knight, that night on the balcony."
"Oh my… how embarrassing… I never thought someone saw that."
"Haha… no need to feel embarrassed. It was my fault for eavesdropping in secret."
So this was what Lord Nicholas was like… I never expected it. He rarely appeared in public.
"Ah… since I've met you, I'd like to give you my wedding invitation…" I offered it to him.
He accepted it with a curious look. "Duke Xerta von Helming? You're marrying him?"
"Yes, I'm marrying Lord Xerta."
He stroked his chin for a moment, then smiled. "I see…"
For a moment, I thought there was something behind that smile. Could it be he was also acquainted with Lord Xerta? But considering Xerta wasn't close to the king or the crown prince, could it really be possible he was close with the first prince?
"Leyla… why are you here?"
Xerta's voice came from beside me — I hadn't realized he was also in the palace.
"Lord Xerta! I came to deliver invitations to the king and crown prince, so—"
For a moment, Xerta's expression turned cold and intimidating.
He quickly stepped between me and Nicholas, greeting him."Greetings, Lord Nicholas. Is my fiancée disturbing you?"
"Ah… no, I just happened to meet her. So you're getting married too, Xerta? I thought you'd be a bachelor forever."
"Don't joke, Your Highness. If you'll excuse us, I'll be taking my fiancée now…"
Xerta took my hand and led me away. I didn't even have the chance to bid Lord Nicholas farewell.
"I hope you don't speak with Lord Nicholas again," Xerta said as we walked.
"Why?"
"It's better not to be seen as too close to him…"
His tone was so cold it frightened me a little, but I didn't press him for more.
---
"You really didn't need to go to all this trouble delivering invitations in person—why didn't you stop her, Solum!" Xerta said as soon as we reached the carriage I had parked outside the palace.
"I tried, but my lady was insistent," Solum replied.
Solum was the knight Xerta had temporarily assigned to guard me. He was rather shy and reserved, always seeming to weigh his words carefully around me.
"I asked him to let me do it. I wanted to be useful too. Besides, keeping myself busy is my way of trying to forget…" I said, stepping in to stop Xerta from scolding Solum.
"But won't you be exhausted tomorrow for the wedding? We're holding it in a church quite far from my estate, and afterwards there's the reception at my place. I don't want you to be too tired," Xerta said.
I understood his concern, but I didn't want him to restrict me. Still, his reasoning was valid.
"Thank you for your concern, Lord Xerta," I said, taking his hand and brushing it gently, "but I can manage the fatigue. You don't need to worry about me."
Xerta looked embarrassed. He quickly pulled his hand away and turned his back to me. "If you're done, go home. I'll follow later; I still have work to do."
"You're right… oh, but I still haven't visited the Duchess's residence."
Xerta turned back with a scowl. "So you're telling me you plan to go there? Alone?"
'Eh?'
He walked over to the guards at the front, seemed to give them instructions, then returned to me. "Let's go!"
"But didn't you say you had work—"
"I said I had business, but that can wait."
'Why the sudden change?'
"Well? Get in, what are you waiting for?" Xerta said.
I quickly nodded and climbed into the carriage. Even inside, Xerta's expression didn't change. Maybe he really wasn't thrilled about going to Cynthia's estate.
"Umm… Lord Xerta, are you angry?"
"No… I'm just disappointed that you'd rather do this alone instead of trusting me with it. And wearing a cloak to hide your face? Were you afraid I'd notice you?"
'But you recognized me instantly at the palace earlier.'
"I thought that since you were delivering invitations to Nerwine, which is far from the capital, you'd be overwhelmed, so I just wanted to help."
"I feel like our arrangement isn't balanced. I feel like you just drag me along however you please."
'What does he mean by that?'
"I'm sorry… you're right. I was only thinking about myself and not considering your feelings. But I also wanted to contribute."
"To me, just seeing you happy and smiling is enough," Xerta said, finally turning to face me.
"Are you saying you just want me to act like some kind of decoration?"
"And what's wrong with that? Decorations are useful too. Because of their beauty, they can make people happy."
I didn't like that. I didn't want to be married just for my looks. Did Xerta really think my only value was my appearance?
"I don't want that. I believe I have more to offer than just my looks."
"Sigh… arguing with you is endless. The important thing is that you're not crying anymore. If you go to Duchess Cynthia's place now, won't you just end up crying again? I don't like clingy women."
"I'm not asking you to like me!" I said sharply.
"You always twist my words."
"And you're always like this! Can't you trust me even a little?"
"I do trust you." Xerta looked at me seriously. "Of course I trust you. What I don't trust is Cynthia. What guarantee is there that she won't hurt you again?"
There was no guarantees. That woman hated me so much she even stole the knight I considered like a brother.
"As for Keith moving to Duchess Hemser's side, I've already informed your father," Xerta added.
He had told him so quickly… I was afraid Father would be angry or disappointed. How would he feel? Father cared for Keith deeply. And Lord Rajir might not believe it, especially since the one who told him was Xerta.
"We're here."
I looked outside—this was Cynthia's estate. My first time seeing it. The place was enormous, full of trees. I guessed green was the theme, given Cynthia's hair color—she must love it.
"You should wait in the carriage."
"What? Why? I want to go with you," Xerta began to protest.
"I don't want to look like I'm relying on you too much." Xerta's face showed clear disapproval.
I reassured him, "I can handle her now. Do you think I'm not angry?"
My serious, focused expression must have been quite intense, as even Solum, who was about to assist me, seemed taken aback.
Xerta, however, simply smiled. "Alright then, be careful. I'll wait in the carriage."
I nodded, the rumble of the carriage receding as I stepped onto the cobblestones. The iron gate loomed, and Cynthia's sly smile, a flash of white teeth, greeted me.
"I've been expecting you, Leyla Nerwine," she said, her voice a silken rope.
Frustration welled up within me, fueled by that infuriating face and the cloying sweetness of her perfume.
'Wicked woman,' I thought, plastering on my warmest smile, the muscles of my face aching in the cold air.