Depression. That's the one word gnawing away at my mind right now.
Despite the incredibly romantic setting where I confessed that night, I never got an answer.
Instead, Leyla lowered her head and plainly said, "I'm sorry," then walked away, leaving me there... laughing bitterly at myself.
Clown of the Year. Yeah, that's a fitting title for me.
But... did she really have to be that cruel?
I haven't seen Leyla since. It's been three days.
I've noticed she's been avoiding me, and the truth is, I haven't found the courage to speak with her either. The only time I do see her is from afar, sitting on a garden bench, chatting with Xerta.
Then the male lead looks at me. I think he's smiling... inside. Maybe it's just in my head. Or maybe it's not. With each passing day, I loathe myself more, no matter what.
Right now, I'm staring into a mirror. Dark circles. Dull eyes. It looks as if life has drained from my face. During sparring practice, I let my frustration explode, the sounds of our grunts filling the room as I beat my opponent senseless.
"Monster."
"Can he even get stronger than this?"
"I heard he's a man who can't use mana."
"What's the point of mana if he can use sword aura?"
I can hear them whispering, loud as thunder. They're envious, envious of Keith, the knight chosen by the Count to safeguard his daughter.
Jealous that I'm Rajir's favorite.
"You're in good spirits today?"
'Damn it. Is it that obvious?'
Rajir plops down beside me as I drink water, chuckling softly. "In such a short time, you've even surpassed my swordsmanship."
He's exaggerating. The truth is, the novel's Keith dies young. Consumed by Epsilon's magic, Keith vanishes; his body is never found. Rajir, grief-stricken, plunges a short dagger into his stomach, the cold steel meeting flesh.
'The Way to Save Her' was always a tragedy. What else could I expect?
But I don't want to die. And I sure as hell don't want Rajir to die either.
"Rajir..."
"What is it, Keith?"
"I... I care about you."
His face scrunches with surprise, then he chuckles and taps my head with his palm.
"What's gotten into you?"
"Ow—hey, that hurt." Still... I do love him like a father. Same goes for the Count.
"I understand that Lady Leyla departs for the capital city today. She's preparing for the wedding. She's also on the guest list for the crown prince's engagement celebration. The celebration is with Stella, Marquis Lejiro's daughter."
What?! They're speeding up the events—damn it!
In this part of the story, Xerta presents Leyla to the king as his future wife, which angers Cynthia, who feels humiliated within the palace. It's also when the real second lead appears.
Nicholas, the king's illegitimate son, was denied the title of crown prince.
Despite this, he plays a significant role in the novel, portrayed as a caring and intelligent man who openly expresses his affection for Leyla.
Though known as the "king's fool," this persona is merely an act, concealing a sharp and cunning intellect. Nicholas encounters Leyla when she is distressed after a confrontation with Cynthia, triggered by Xerta announcement. He offers her a brief comfort, but she remains unaware of his true nature.
"Keith...? Are you listening?" Rajir's voice pulls me from my thoughts.
"Yeah... what?"
He looks concerned, probably because I zoned out mid-conversation.
"You're going with Leyla, aren't you?" Ouch. That question stings. He doesn't know Leyla's been avoiding me for three days.
"I don't think I'll go," I reply curtly.
Sad? Not really. I just don't want to watch another chapter of this damned novel unfold in front of me in full 4K.
"Are you and Lady Leyla fighting?" Rajir's voice is gentle.
"..."
"I remember when you two were kids, you'd fight over the smallest things But, after that time Leyla fell from the tree and got hurt, and you got scolded by the Count... you cried your heart out, begging for forgiveness. That's when you swore to protect her."
He still remembers that?
But the real story wasn't quite so sweet. We were competing—to see who could get the Count's attention first. Leyla played dirty and won. But even so, that's when I saw her resolve for the first time.
Leyla was never weak. As a kid, I underestimated her. But she's the strongest woman I've ever known. That was the beginning of my fondness for her.
Could it be the novel's plot affecting me?
"Well... even if you're fighting, don't stay angry too long. Make up. You two respect each other. So..." Rajir pats my shoulder. "If you were in the wrong, apologize."
Why does he assume I'm the one at fault? Leyla crushed my heartfelt confession like it was nothing! She's the one who was wrong. I won't apologize. I won't do a thing.
"I'm sorry, Leyla..." That's what I whisper at her door.
I don't even know if she's inside.
But then... the door opens. Leyla steps out.
"Keith?"
"I'm sorry. About that night... just forget it. I was joking. Please, don't avoid me anymore."
I feel like I'm about to cry. It's as though I'm begging my teacher to return the novel they took from me.
'I just want her to forgive me...'
"What's this all of a sudden? You didn't do anything wrong. Why would you apologize?"
She notices the tear slipping down my cheek.
Huh? She's... not mad?
"Are you leaving for the capital today? Leaving me behind?"
"Of course not. I was planning to take you with me. You're my knight, remember? You swore to always stay by my side and protect me. How could I leave you behind? Besides, I'm leaving tomorrow."
'Rajir, you lying bastard...'
Leyla reaches for my face and wipes my tears.
"Since when did you become such a crybaby?" She smiles softly.
"Don't cry."
"I'm not crying." I quickly wipe my tears away. "Just something in my eye."
Leyla giggles. "Well, I don't know why you're apologizing, but I forgive you. So don't cry anymore."
"A man crying—how pathetic."
"I'm not crying!"
At least... I'm talking to Leyla again. Things are going back to how they were. As if nothing happened.
That's a relief, truly.
-------
"Damn it!" I staggered under the weight of Leyla's luggage, my arms aching as I tried to keep everything from falling. We had just gotten off the horse-drawn carriage, our boots clicking against the stone pavement.
The smell of leather and dust from the long journey still clung to us.We were finally here—in the capital. More precisely, at his mansion. The male lead's.
"Xerta, is this really just a temporary mansion? Isn't this a little too big?" Leyla asked, standing beside Xerta with wide eyes.
This place is at least twice the size of Leyla's home back in Nerwine...
The capital of the Raythinez Kingdom, Terrafox, wasn't just grand—it was overwhelming. A metropolis teeming with 700 million people, utterly dwarfing our hometown Nerwine with its modest 10 million. The scale, the noise, the very air here buzzed with a kind of weight and importance that Nerwine simply didn't have.
But even so, the man before us… he was on an entirely different scale himself.
Let's recall the novel's description: His face, a stark landscape of winter, sent shivers down the spine. Silver hair, barely grazing his neck, defied gravity in a wild wolfcut, each strand a rebellious wave. Gray eyes, bottomless pits, held a chilling stillness. The air crackled with the unspoken weight of his kingdom's riches, and the whispers of his strength, powerful enough to shake the very ground.
I used to think all that was exaggerated. sure, he had his iconic moments in the novel—but let's be honest: the readers' true favorite was Keith, not this guy.
I was abruptly pierced by a sharp, stabbing sensation, as if someone's intense gaze had physically struck me.
Wait… Since when has that bastard been looking at me? Does he know I was mocking him in my head?
I forced a smile, stiff as cardboard.
"Lady Leyla, please do come in." Xerta's voice, oddly warm and polished, caught me completely off guard. It didn't match his frosty appearance at all.
Now that I think about it… This guy's persona isn't so much "cold northern duke" as it is "sweet-talking playboy."
His eyes flicked to me sharply, and I nearly flinched.
Does he know what I was thinking?
"You too. Come inside," he said, voice firm.
Uh oh. First time he's spoken directly to me...
"Ah—yes, Duke Helming," I replied as naturally as I could.
After Leyla was whisked away for a tour of the mansion and I had finally unloaded all her bags, she mentioned wanting to rest in her room—preparing for the crown prince Rodhius's engagement party later.
I made my way to my own assigned room. It wasn't bad, honestly. Spacious, tidy, the scent of fresh linen still lingering. But I really hoped I wouldn't be staying here too long. No matter how grand this place was, it wasn't home.
My room back in Nerwine was still my first choice.
Knock knock.
The sound made my chest tighten. When I opened the door, I found one of Xerta's guards standing outside. If I remembered right, his name was Solum.
He was a minor character in the novel—rarely mentioned. But when Xerta was busy, he'd often assign Solum to watch over Leyla. After Keith's death in the novel, Solum began appearing more frequently.
"What is it?" I asked, voice low.
"Lord Xerta would like to see you."
What? Why?
"Why would Duke Helming trouble himself to meet with me?"
"There's something he wishes to discuss."
His voice was flat, mechanical, short, precise, almost robotic. Honestly, I didn't get it. In the novel, Xerta and Keith barely interacted. But one thing was clear, Xerta didn't like Keith. Not even a little bit.
Jealousy. That's what it was. Jealous of how close Keith and Leyla were.
He doesn't want to pick a fight, does he?
I followed Solum through the corridors, the thick carpets muffling our steps. When we arrived, he knocked once.
"Come in," Xerta's voice echoed from inside.
Solum and I stepped in.
There he was—Xerta. Sitting calmly on a high-backed chair, his ever-present fur cape now draped over the armrest.
"Keith, is it? Please, sit," he said without looking up. "Solum, leave us."
I sat down as instructed. Solum bowed politely and stepped out, closing the door with a soft click. The silence that followed was so heavy, I could hear the faint ticking of a nearby clock.
Then Xerta leaned forward, resting his hand on the desk, his gray eyes locked on mine with an icy stillness.
"Let's get straight to the point, Keith," he said. "Can you stay away from Leyla?"
Just as I thought… this guy really wants to pick a fight.