I am leaving my school, but I saw a crowd in front of the school gate. When I reached there, I saw a luxury car parked in front of the school. There's a woman standing in front of that car, Kurosawa Rina san. My father's secretary and my caretaker. She sees me and waves her hand towards me. I went near her.
"Kurosawa san, why are you here?" I whispered.
"I'm here to pick you, Amane kun,"
" But why?"
"Did you forget, Amane kun? Today, we need to see the doctor to get your medical report."
"We? Did... did dad come too?" The moment I said this, Kurosawa-san got a shocked expression, then sighed.
"No, Boss is busy with something, but it's not like he didn't care about you, Amane kun. If he didn't care about you, why did he send me here?"
"I know, let's go." I went towards the car, the driver open the gate for me, and I sit in the back seat. After Kurosawa san sat beside me, we moved towards the city hospital to get my report.
'If dad hates me, he is doing the right thing. After all, if I were not there mom wouldn't die, and the dream they both see together could be complete. Now, he has completed his dream of becoming a big businessman in a short time, but because of me, the partner he saw the dream with, she is dead.'
I was thinking about this, but then I feel someone hand in my shoulder. I looked toward it and I saw Kurosawa san, looking at me with pity in her eyes.
'I hate that look. Why do they pity me? They should hate me, if I weren't there mom would be alive. I need to die in her place. Why was she the one who died?'
"Amane kun, I knew what you were thinking. You need to stop hating yourself; that was not your fault-"
"I knew, Kurosawa san, I knew I was thinking something else."
"So- Sorry, I thought you were thinking about that."
I lied to her, but I don't want her to tense over me, so I pretend to look outside the car window, but in reality, my mind is still thinking the same thing.
'Why am I alive and not her?'
After a while
We reached the hospital, and as soon as we entered, Miss Kurosawa went to the reception to inquire about my report, while she instructed me to wait in the waiting area. After a while, the doctor called us inside his cabin. He was reading my report and had a very serious expression. The doctor told us to sit in front of him.
"Good afternoon, Amane kun, how was your day?" The doctor asked me with a smile, and both Kurosawa san and I knew that a big truth was hidden behind it.
"Can we get straight to the point, doc?" Kurosawa-san said, and the doctor got shaken. Then he sighed and got a serious expression on his face.
"Amane kun, you had an accident two years ago, right?"
"Can we not talk about that?" Kurosawa san said to the doctor with a serious expression.
"Unfortunately, what happened to Amane kun is related to that accident." Kurosawa san and I got shocked by hearing it.
'That accident already made my life hell by taking mom away due to my fault, and even after two years, it still hasn't left me.' I thought while digging my nails in my own palm in frustration.
"How... how is that accident related to Amane kun's health?" The doctor got a serious expression.
"Sometimes, we get injured from an accident like this, but we didn't know about it because the wound is too small to see or feel. A similar thing happened to Amane kun. In that accident, Amane Kun was struck in his chest, which made his ribs broken, but that's not the only thing that happened to him. That impact is so strong that it reaches Amane Kun's heart, but at that time, it's possible that no one notices it because the wound is too little, but in the past two years, it's grown, and due to that," doctor looks towards me and sighs" got a hole in his heart." A pin drop silence fell in the room for some while.
'I... I had a hole in my heart.' I thought, but instantly came out of it when I saw Kuroswa san stand up and grab the doctor by his collar.
"You are lying, right? There's no way Amane kun has a hole in his heart. SAY THAT YOU ARE LYING!" Kurosawa san shouted at the doctor and shook him by his collar.
"I wish I could say this, Miss Kurosawa, but that's true." Kurosawa san fall back on her chair.
"Their... their might be a way to save him, right doctor?" Kurosawa san said with teary eyes.
"There it is, but first I need to ask him, something."
'Me?'
"Tell me the truth, that's not the first time you faint, feel dizzy, or have pain in your chest, right?"
"..."
"Amane kun, say something." Kurosawa San said while looking towards me.
"You are right, doctor." As soon as I said it, Kurosawa san grabbed me by the shoulders. Her eyes have tears in them, like she will cry in a moment. I look sideways because I can't maintain eye contact with her. I felt like I did something wrong, again.
"W- why didn't you tell me sooner about this? WHY DID YOU HIDE IT FROM ME?"
" I-I don't want Dad to know about this, he's already very busy."
'And I am sure he doesn't even want me to live, he's just keeping his promise to mom by taking care of me.'
"And, what about me?" A drop of water falls on me. When I look towards the source of the water, I got shocked by seeing Kurosawa San crying.
"Tell me, what about me? I have been taking care of you since your birth. Did you think I only did that because your father said so, or that he gave me money to take care of you? After all these years, did you only see me as a caretaker who only talks to you or takes care of you and your daily needs because of money?" I got shocked hearing this, as far as I remember, I spent most of the time with Kurosawa San. She is more than just a caretaker for me; she is like a family to me no, she is like a second mother to me.
"No, Kurosawa San, you are more than a caretaker than me-" Beofre I can complete my sentence, Kurosawa san shouts.
"THEN, WHY DID YOU HIDE IT FROM ME?" She said while holding me tightly by the shoulders. I never saw her like this; she was always so composed, even in panic situations. Looks like hiding things from her is not a good idea.
'I hurt one more person who is close to me. Is that the only thing I am good at, hurting people who care for me?'
"Calm down, Miss Kurosawa. There is still a way to save Amane Kun." We both look towards the doctor at the same time.
"What tells me, what you need if it's about money, we have-" The doctor interrupts Kurosawa San.
"It's not about money, Miss Kurosawa. Look towards it," The doctor opens my report and brings out an X-ray scan of my heart.
"Because of Amane kun hiding his heart problem from us for a long time, the hole in his heart grew larger. We can't do a catheter-based repair or an open heart surgery; the only option left is a heart transplant surgery."
"Then we will do it, nothing more important than Amane Kun's life." The doctor sighs, hearing it.
"It's not that simple, Miss Kurosawa. First, we need to find a donor, but finding a donor who has a heart that matches Amane kun is nearly impossible." Kurosawa san stomped her hands in the table, shocking me and the doctor.
"Why? Why is it impossible?"
"Amane Kun's blood group is hh blood group(Bomba blood group). It's one of the rare blood groups in Japan, and that's not all, he is suffering from pulmonary hypertension. In simple words, due to the hole in his heart, excessive blood flows from his arteries to his lungs, which makes them stiff and narrow. Even if we find a heart suitable for him, his lungs have gotten stiff and narrow because of pulmonary hypertension. That makes it hard for the heart to push blood through the lungs, and it can turn into acute right-sided failure right after surgery, and if that happens, it will be fatal for him. We first need to check if we can reverse the pulmonary hypertension; only then can we put Amane Kun's name on the transplant list."
"Then do it, doctor. I am sure we can reverse it, and about the heart, I will find it no matter what." Kurosawa San said with a determined look on her face.
"Ok, admit Amane kun to the hospital, go to the reception, I will call them, they will allot a room for Amane kun." The doctor said, and we left the cabin. Kurosawa San left in the waiting area while she went to reception. I took a seat there and lower my head.
'So, I had a hole in my heart and a disease that will make it more hard to get a heart transplant.' Tears started to well up in my eyes, not because I am going to die, but how much I will hurt the people who care for me.
'Will I ever stop hurting them? Can I ever give someone happiness?' Tears are going to leave my eyes, but someone came towards me. My head is down, that's why I only see their legs, and I don't have the energy to look towards them.
"Hey, what happened? Why are you crying?"
Flashback
"Amane"
'Who is she?' I started slowly walking towards a girl who was calling my name. She had long black hair and wore a simple white dress with a straw hat.
'I didn't know how I came here, but all I want now is to reach her.
"Amane"
Flashback ends
'That's the same voice the girl in my dreams had.' I immediately look towards her to get more shocked. The same simple white dress, same straw hat, long black hair, and pale skin. The girl got confused by my staring at her.
'The only difference is.... I can see her face clearly now, and she is beautiful.'