I wasn't supposed to go.
Not when the whole country was just starting to accept me again.
Not when the industry had finally stopped whispering my name with caution.
Not when I'd finally learned how to smile without my lips trembling from all the weight i carried.
But i went.
Because no matter how far i ran, how high i climbed again, how brightly the lights around me shined… a part of me was still tethered to a boy i once broke, the boy i never stopped loving.
Sebastian Blair Gutierrez.
My ex.
The Global Icon.
The man who didn't look at me the same way anymore.
Tonight was his group's final stop on their world tour. SOLSTICE: The Eclipse Tour – Manila.
The name alone carried the kind of gravity that made stadium walls hum and even though i had no place in his universe anymore, my heart told me i needed to see him—just once.
So, I disguised myself.
I wore an oversized hoodie. Black. No logos. Paired it with a navy blue cap and a medical mask.
I tied my hair up.
No makeup.
I even brought a second mask in case the first one slipped.
I didn't use any VIP privilege. I lined up like everyone else, bought a last-minute resale ticket from someone online, just to blend in. No team.
No assistant.
Not even parents knew.
I chose a seat far from the stage.
Section 311.
High enough to hide in shadows but close enough to see every movement, every breath, every beat.
-
When the lights went out, the arena erupted.
Thousands of blue lights waved in unison. The screen burst into life, and then,
He appeared.
God. He looked… unreal.
Sharp black suit. Silver chains glinting at his collarbone. Hair slicked back but tousled enough to frame his face. Eyes cold, distant, yet piercing as ever.
The crowd screamed his name.
I almost did too.
My throat closed.
Because no matter how much time passed, I still remembered the way he looked at me like i was the only girl in the world.
But now he was looking at everyone and no one all at once.
He danced with perfection.
Sang like he was born to command galaxies.
And yet, through all of it… I searched for traces of the boy who used to knock on my door just to bring me strawberry milk.
I didn't find him.
But i stayed until the final encore.
The whole stadium was crying by the time they sang Until We Burn.
Their farewell ballad.
And for a second, I wondered if he knew i was there.
The lights hit his face, his expression unreadable.
Then it was over.
No one saw me leave or so i thought.
-
Back home, I stared at my phone as it buzzed violently on the nightstand.
Trending: #SebastianConcertPH, #SolsticeManilaFinale, and—
"His ex is watchinf."
What?
I opened the thread.
There i was.
In the audience. Hoodie. Mask. Cap.
Zoomed in, pixelated, but unmistakable.
Margaux Imperial.
"Guys, tell me I'm not seeing things. Isn't this MARGAUX???"
"OMFG. She watched the concert. They're ENDGAME."
"No way she came just to watch her ex. No way they're not back together."
"Did y'all see Sebastian glance up there during the last chorus???"
Attached was a video.
My heart dropped.
It was a fan cam from a few rows in front of me.
During the final verse of Until We Burn, Sebastian looked up, exactly toward my section.
For two beats.
Three.
His lips twitched, just a little.
Not a smile.
But not neutral either.
I didn't know what it meant.
But the internet did.
"They're looking at each other. Don't play with me."
"You can literally feel the pain in his face. The longing."
"This is a K-drama."
"The 2 Icons. One Global Icon. One the Philippines' Precious Actress.
Please just get back together."
It would've been funny… if it didn't hurt so much.
I didn't post anything.
Didn't clarify.
Didn't deny.
I locked myself in my condo and turned off my lights.
The screen glowed with TikTok edits as the world spun a new narrative:
"While Margaux was giving her speech at the AAA awards…"
[Cut to me clutching the Best Actress trophy, tears in my voice, looking into the crowd.]
"…and he was watching her."
[Cut to Sebastian, in the audience, expression unreadable, but unmistakably present.]
Someone captioned it: "Sometimes, you don't need words to say everything."
Another one: "They never moved on. They just moved away."
The edits flooded my feed.
I didn't stop them.
I just let myself feel the ache again.
Because they were right.
We never really ended.
We just got good at pretending we did.
-
I received a text.
Unknown Number:
You were there.
Why?
I froze.
Because i knew exactly who it was.
I didn't reply.
But that night, I stood by my window, watching the rain paint the glass with silver streaks and whispered,
"I wanted to remember what it felt like to be proud of you. Even from afar."
Meanwhile, Sebastian was also trending.
But this time, it wasn't for his music.
It was for the possibility of us.
An old article resurfaced—The Global Icon Who Dated a Non-Showbiz Girl—with my blurred silhouette now clearly connected to me.
Speculations filled the void.
"What if they never really broke up?"
"Maybe they were just protecting each other."
"They deserve another chance."
But what people didn't know… was that i broke his heart to protect his future.
And even now, I didn't know if he could ever forgive that.
-
The days that followed felt heavy.
My management told me to lay low.
That any comment, even denial, would only fan the fire.
But i didn't want to deny it.
Because it was real.
We were real.
And no matter how much i tried to erase the feeling, the night at the concert reminded me, I would always love him.
Quietly.
From behind the mask.
From a few rows too far.
But this wasn't just about me anymore.
This was about Sebastian, too.
And whether he still felt the same.
Because i didn't know if he saw me and felt nothing.
Or if seeing me cracked him open the way it shattered me.