Read ahead of public release on P atreon at: p-atreon.com/Knockturn_Alley
Check out Chapter illustrations on Pixiv at unhinged_uchiha
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The rooftop of the Hokage Building…
Hiruzen stood by the balcony, a pipe resting between his lips as he gazed out over the village. Just then, Kanzou, accompanied by his subordinate Satoru, casually approached from behind and greeted him.
"Yo… Hokagay-sama. I heard you booked an appointment to see me. So, what's this about?"
Hiruzen frowned slightly and turned to face him. He didn't like the way the boy addressed him; it felt mocking, but he wasn't entirely sure. In any case, he chose not to react. Reacting would only let Kanzou know that his mockery was having some effect, and that would encourage him, which was not what he wanted at all.
Compared to someone like Uchiha Kanzou, an immature and arrogant teenager, Sarutobi Hiruzen considered himself far more mature and experienced.
Petty insults, that too from someone almost one third his age, wouldn't have much effect on him.
So instead of responding to the tone, he asked calmly, "I summoned you yesterday afternoon. Why did it take you so long to come?"
Beyond discussing the budget, Hiruzen wanted to know exactly where Kanzou had been and why he had delayed for an entire day.
"Why didn't I meet you yesterday?" Kanzou asked, blinking innocently before turning to Satoru. "Satoru… did I have any appointment with Hokage-sama yesterday?"
Satoru shook his head. "No, Patriarch. There was no such appointment yesterday." He then added quickly, "In fact, the request to schedule a meeting with you was only made yesterday by the Hokage Building."
"Well, that's how it is," Kanzou nodded, satisfied with the answer. He turned back to Hiruzen. "Since the appointment was only made yesterday and I came today, this is actually the earliest possible time. I assure you, Hokage-sama, I came as quickly as I could."
Hiruzen pressed his lips together, clearly unconvinced. "And yet, you're still a day late."
He was also deeply unhappy with this sudden 'appointment' routine Kanzou had started. What was he trying to imply? That he was such an important, busy figure that even the Hokage had to schedule meetings in advance?
It was nothing but hubris and arrogance, Kanzou thinking himself special.
Kanzou merely shrugged and walked over step-by-step, then, without the slightest regard for decorum, sat down on the balcony railing.
"Well," he said lazily, "I've only recently become the clan patriarch, after all, so I'm a busy man. I have a lot of things to do."
"Things to do?" Hiruzen repeated, watching how casually Kanzou lounged there, completely unguarded. The sight tempted him for a moment, just a single strike, a blade to the heart, and Kanzou would be gone. Perhaps all the trouble originating from the Uchiha Clan would end with him.
But they were in the middle of the village, on the rooftop of the Hokage Building. Worse still, Kanzou's subordinate, Uchiha Satoru, a jōnin, stood only a short distance away. If anything happened to Kanzou, Satoru would not stay silent.
Although Hiruzen had his own Hokage Platoon watching over him and was confident they could handle Satoru, it would still spark an open conflict.
Whatever happened here would never go unnoticed.
So he suppressed the temptation and continued calmly, "What kind of matters would make you ignore the Hokage's summons for an entire day, and even turn it into something like an appointment?"
"As I said… I had things to do," Kanzou repeated with a faint smile, clearly unwilling to explain further.
He didn't believe Hiruzen was truly ignorant of where he had been the previous day. After all, Kanzou had made sure to be seen when he returned to the village with Mikoto through the front gate, going so far as to step inside while casually slapping the captain on duty.
By now, Hiruzen should have figured out exactly where Kanzou and Mikoto had gone. If he had, then fine. If not… that would be unfortunate, and would only suggest incompetence.
Though Kanzou doesn't really think Hiruzen is that incompetent.
Just as he had expected, Hiruzen already knew the answer. Danzō had provided it to him, and honestly, it hadn't been difficult to uncover, given the commotion Kanzou had caused in Sora-ku.
A place like Sora-ku, being a black market, naturally attracted Konoha's intelligence agents to keep their eyes and ears open. Intelligence from there was readily available to him… and especially Danzō. Still, Hiruzen chose not to reveal that he already knew the truth. He wanted to investigate the matter further and had his own plans in mind, so he decided to remain silent about it for now, feigning that he had no idea.
Instead, he simply gave Kanzou a displeased look. At the very least, he had to act dissatisfied that Kanzou wasn't giving him a straight answer.
Kanzou ignored the look entirely and said casually, "Anyway… I don't think you called me here just for that. So what did you actually want to see me about? Don't beat around the bush, say it directly."
Hiruzen pursed his lips, then replied just as bluntly. "It's about the budget. That's why I summoned you. I've considered your request for an increase… and I'm willing to approve it."
"Oh?" Kanzou murmured, looking mildly surprised, though not truly so. He had more or less expected this. Still, he asked skeptically, "But didn't you say the village's finances were tight? Why are you suddenly willing to increase it? Did the situation improve in just two or three days?"
"Well… not exactly," Hiruzen admitted. "But I'll manage the books."
Kanzou nodded. "Well, that's up to you." He added casually, "In any case, I suppose I should thank you."
With that, he hopped down from the railing and turned to Satoru. "Satoru, let's go. Now that the budget's increased, make sure we collect this month's additional funds when we return to the police force. I'll also distribute everyone's improved salaries today."
"Oh? Then that's something worth celebrating, Patriarch. Let's go drinking after this," Satoru said eagerly.
Kanzou shot him an annoyed look. "Drinking can wait. There are more important things to take care of first."
He started walking away, leaving Hiruzen momentarily stunned. Seeing that Kanzou was really going away, Hiruzen hurriedly called out, "Wait, I'm not finished yet!"
"Huh?" Kanzou stopped and turned back. "Is there something else besides the budget?"
Satoru also stopped, looking at Hiruzen with curious eyes.
Hiruzen fell silent for a moment, then said, "Of course… There is a condition for the budget increase, you know."
"A condition? What do you mean, Hokage-sama?" Kanzou asked, sounding mildly doubtful. 'So it really isn't free…' he thought. He had expected this; after all, there was no such thing as a free lunch. He never believed Hiruzen would suddenly agree to raise the budget without asking for something in return.
Even with constant pressure from the villagers and their repeated complaints, he still wouldn't agree to it so easily.
Hiruzen took a slow puff from his pipe and exhaled before answering. "The condition is that more members of the Uchiha clan take on missions assigned by the village."
"Hmm? You want more of my clansmen to go out on missions?" Kanzou asked, genuinely surprised. This wasn't what he had expected at all. He had assumed the request would involve Seiji or some political matter; of course, there was also the condition of stopping the crowdfunding, though asking for that was only obvious, yet neither of those matters, but he wanted more Uchiha shinobi deployed in the field to take up missions.
"Don't some of my clansmen, like Seiji-san, Makoto-san, Tsubaki-san, and Araki-san, already take missions?" he continued. "Why do you need more?"
"It's because of the village's financial situation," Hiruzen explained. "I can adjust the books to give the police force its increased budget, but only to a certain extent. If I'm going to increase the Police Force's budget, then the village's income also needs to rise."
He paused briefly before continuing. "Because of the Second Great Shinobi War, we currently lack enough elite ninja to handle all the high-ranking missions. If more Uchiha participate, it would ease the burden and help increase the village's earnings."
Then he added calmly, "Besides, didn't you say the Uchiha are elite and deserve to be paid according to their abilities? If that's the case, then let them earn what they deserve through missions. Other elite ninja like Uchiha Shinkurō, Uchiha Shin, Uchiha Souta, Uchiha Mikoto…" He listed the names one by one, then glanced at Satoru. "Uchiha Satoru…"
"Hm… I see. So you don't want just one or two… but all my elite ninja on the field, huh?" Kanzou murmured.
He noted that Hiruzen had named almost every ninja he personally considered elite. Hazuki's name hadn't been mentioned, but that was only because, officially, she was still just a chūnin. Of course, that was only her public status. In reality, she was without a doubt the strongest kunoichi in the current Uchiha clan, stronger than Kasumi, Mikoto, and even the veteran Tsubaki.
Hazuki's true strength was known only to Kanzou's closest aides because she had always kept it hidden. The fact that Hiruzen remained completely unaware of her capabilities pleased him.
And perhaps Kasumi's name wasn't mentioned since she has been retired for nearly half a decade…
That aside, Kanzou spoke again. "However, Hokage-sama… are you sure about this? Nidaime Hokage-sama wanted the Uchiha to remain within the police force, which is why only a few clansmen take missions. Now you want to send more of them into the field. Are you certain about this decision?"
"Times are changing, young man," Hiruzen said in a calm, measured tone. "Since the Police Force is now accepting ninja who aren't from the Uchiha clan, it should be fine to let the Uchiha, at least the elite among them, handle other duties. Not all Uchihas need to take up missions. But a few need to."
Of course, that was nonsense. If he had his way, he wouldn't want the Uchiha clan operating in the field at all, but as things stood, the clan had become a growing headache, filling him with ominous premonitions.
During his rise to Patriarch, Kanzou had ordered his clansmen to stop taking missions from the village and instead join the Police Force. It was clear that he intended to gather all the elite members of his clan under his direct control, and then use that power for purposes such as 'Making Uchiha Great Again.'
And this entire 'Make Uchiha Great Again' is definitely not something Hiruzen wants to see… so he is trying to derail that thing entirely.
Hiruzen's own objective is simple: prevent Kanzou from consolidating his elites. Instead, he aimed to disperse the strongest Uchihas further so they could no longer unite as a single force, thereby weakening the overall power of the Police Force.
As for Kanzou's most loyal and core subordinates, they would naturally be dealt with in the process.
In this manner, Hiruzen could gradually clip Kanzou's wings.
Attacking the Uchiha Clansmen within the village is difficult, but outside the village, many things could happen, far beyond direct oversight or worry about things becoming complicated.
This approach would steadily reduce the power and influence of the Uchiha clan, and more specifically, Kanzou himself. In time, Kanzou could even be removed from the position of Patriarch, perhaps by backing Fugaku or even Seiji instead.
Hiruzen believed his plan was sound. He added gently, "If you wish, you may also take missions yourself, but I won't force you. After all, you're both the Patriarch and the Captain of the Police Force. You already carry many responsibilities. I won't burden you further."
He really hoped Kanzou would also take missions himself, but for now, he had no intention of pushing him to do so.
Kanzou didn't agree immediately. With a troubled expression, he said, "Hokage-sama… if all my elite ninja go on missions, then the Police Force will be left without any elite members."
Hiruzen replied calmly, "There's no real need for so many elite ninja within the Police Force, is there? Chūnin should be sufficient for maintaining internal security within the village. Let the elite ninja handle important missions instead."
With only Genins and Chūnins at his disposal, Kanzou's own power would be limited… and the things he'd be able to do would be even more limited.
Keeping this in mind, he even added, "I am also helpless here; if not for our village's poor financial situation and the heavy burden we are facing, I wouldn't force the Uchiha into this. But this is the only way I can justify increasing your budget."
Kanzou considered the proposal in silence for a moment.
'Old man… you really think I'm that naïve, don't you?' he thought, clearly seeing through Hiruzen's intentions. Well, some of it, such as wanting to prevent him from consolidating his power and so on.
Still, he didn't refuse. Instead, he nodded. "Very well. If Hokage-sama wants the Uchiha to take on more missions, then so be it."
Hearing his agreement, Hiruzen let out a sigh of relief, at least outwardly, "I am glad you understand my difficulties…" Inwardly, a faint smile formed. 'You're still too naïve, boy…'
But Kanzou wasn't finished. "Yes… I understand your difficulties. So, I am willing to cooperate. So, whatever missions you need the Uchihas to complete, send them to the Police Station. I'll assign them to my subordinates accordingly."
The smile he had been hiding internally stiffened at once as he processed Kanzou's words. 'He wants to assign the missions himself?'
Hiruzen immediately shook his head. "That won't be possible. The details of high-level missions can't be shared so freely. Mission information is classified and cannot be disclosed. Only those directly involved in a mission are permitted to know the specifics. That's standard protocol; you should already be well aware of that."
Kanzou nodded. "Indeed, I am. But…" He paused, then said calmly, "I'll be honest with you, Hokage-sama. My subordinates are loyal to me. If I ask them about their missions, they'll tell me, whether you forbid it or not."
He then turned to Satoru. "Isn't that right, Satoru?"
Satoru nodded. "That's right, Patriarch…"
Kanzou smiled faintly. "See?" Then he added, "And it will be the same with all of them." Turning back to the Hokage, he continued, "Hokage-sama… I'm not someone who enjoys deceiving others—"
'Uchiha Kanzou doesn't like deceiving others?' The thought was almost laughable; many people who had fallen victim to him would strongly disagree.
Ignoring that, Kanzou continued, "—so I'm telling you this upfront, this is how it will be. This is how my subordinates operate. But you don't need to worry. I'll follow the code of conduct and won't leak any mission details. Still, when it comes to assigning missions to my ninjas, everything will go through me."
After a brief pause, he added calmly, "These are my subordinates. I know their skills and capabilities better than anyone. I can judge which missions suit whom for maximum efficiency. So you can rest assured and leave it to me. The workload may increase, since I'll be managing both the Police Force and the clan on the side too… but for the sake of the village, I'm willing to bear that burden."
He said the last part as if no one were more devoted to the village than he was.
Hearing all this, Hiruzen realized he had celebrated far too early. This situation wouldn't be easy to resolve.
Quite obviously, he didn't want Kanzou to be the one handling mission assignments. After all, the true purpose of these missions was to weaken the Uchiha clan's influence and clip Kanzou's wings; how could he allow Kanzou himself to oversee such a process? The thought troubled him, leaving him hesitant. For the moment, he couldn't think of a proper way to counter it.
Noticing that hesitation, Kanzou narrowed his eyes and asked, "What's the problem with letting me handle the responsibility of assigning missions anyway? I've been completely transparent with you. I've even told you outright that my subordinates won't keep secrets from me. If I hadn't mentioned that my subordinates would still report mission details to me, you'd never have known, but I told you anyway. And yet, Hokage-sama… you still seem hesitant. Could it be… that you don't trust my ability? Or is there some other reason?'
'Of course, there's a reason…' Hiruzen thought. He simply couldn't say it out loud.
Searching for a way to dissuade Kanzou, he quickly settled on a different approach and said, "I have complete trust in your abilities. However… ninja from other clans and civilian backgrounds may not share that trust. They might be unwilling to accept missions assigned by you."
Kanzou shrugged. "Then they don't have to. Those who are willing will go, and those who aren't won't. In the first place, I never intended to include people from other clans or civilian backgrounds at all. The ones taking these missions will only be Uchihas, that's all. I don't need others slowing down my clansmen or proving to be a burden to them."
"No, that's not acceptable," Hiruzen said immediately, shaking his head. "Not all missions are simple. They require ninjas with diverse skill sets. Sending only Uchihas may not lead to successful outcomes."
In truth, this went directly against his real objective. He wanted to spread the Uchiha thin so they could no longer unite under Kanzou, but Kanzou was proposing the exact opposite. By having Uchihas work only with fellow Uchihas, he would only strengthen their internal bonds.
Moreover, if Uchihas weren't paired with non-Uchihas, how could they ever be conveniently isolated or eliminated? This was completely unacceptable.
"Hokage-sama," Kanzou said, narrowing his eyes, "do you care about mission success, or do you care about something else? I'm giving you my assurance that the missions will be completed. Isn't that enough?"
"Even if you say that…" Hiruzen began.
Kanzou cut him off. "It seems it's really not enough for you. I wonder why. Could it be that you have some ulterior motive, one that won't work if I'm the one assigning missions and my clansmen aren't paired with others?"
Hiruzen's heart skipped a beat. 'Wait… has he already figured it out?'
He couldn't read anything conclusive from Kanzou's expression, so he quickly replied, "What do you mean by ulterior motive? Don't say things like that that can be misunderstood. I'm the Hokage. Why would I have ulterior motives in something like this? All I want is peace, harmony, and growth for the village."
"Is that so? Then I suppose I misspoke," Kanzou said, sounding apologetic in tone, but not in substance.
Inwardly, he thought, 'The Senju clan, with only Tsunade left, would definitely disagree about whether you truly have no ulterior motives or not.'
But, Kanzou ignored whatever ulterior motives Hiruzen might have had and said calmly, "Since there are no ulterior motives, and Hokage-sama only cares about the peace, harmony, and growth of the village… then there shouldn't be any problem with letting the Uchihas handle things themselves, right?"
Hiruzen was left momentarily speechless. He didn't know how to respond and had to think it over carefully. But no matter how he looked at it, if he wanted to rein in the Uchiha clan, this seemed to be his only remaining option.
Indeed, the truth is that he had very few choices left.
Complaints from other clans were increasing rapidly, and the Uchihas needed to be controlled as soon as possible. Kanzou had made it clear that he wouldn't stop his crowdfunding methods unless the budget was increased, and he had even openly referenced Madara's path.
The threat of Uchiha Kanzou was growing too serious to ignore. If left unchecked, it could destabilize the village and invite problems from other nations.
Although allowing Kanzou to be the one assigning the missions and letting the Uchiha Clansmen handle those missions on their own was not what Hiruzen wanted, he realistically had no better alternative.
'No wait… in fact, this might be even better,' Hiruzen suddenly realized. 'If Uchiha Kanzou assigns the missions himself and only Uchihas carry them out, then any consequences will fall entirely on him and his clan. I won't need to justify anything, and neither will the other clans. No explanations, no compensation.'
It was true that this approach made certain tactics, like internal sabotage and backstabbing, impossible. But traps prepared in advance and ambushes could still be arranged; additionally, intelligence leakage can also be done.
After all, Hiruzen would still have access to the mission details as well.
The more he thought about it, the more convinced he became. 'Yes… this is actually much better.'
With that in mind, he finally relented. "Very well, since you insist on handling these yourself. I'll leave this matter to you and with this… The annual budget of the Police Force will be increased to three billion."
"Three billion ryō?" Kanzou frowned and shook his head. "The requested budget is ten billion ryō."
Hiruzen replied, "Since many of your clan's elite ninja will be going on missions, they'll be able to earn their own income. Why would you still need ten billion ryō?"
After all, Kanzou had originally justified the budget increase as necessary to pay his police officers properly. But if those officers were now earning through missions, that excuse no longer held much weight. In truth, the ten billion hadn't been necessary to begin with.
Kanzou shook his head again. "I'll still need to arrange replacements, won't I? What about their salaries? And the cost of equipment and other resources? Whether my shinobi take missions or not, the budget remains ten billion."
He paused, then added casually, "Of course, if they take missions, their compensation will change. Oh, and my salary too, as the one assigning missions to them, I'd require a salary too. I'm not cheap, after all. I'm both the Captain of the Police Force and the Uchiha Patriarch. Given that, my salary will be fifty million ryō per month. It's not too much, just what I'm worth."
Hearing Kanzou's brazen and shameless demands, Hiruzen nearly felt blood rush to his head.
Even Satoru, standing behind Kanzou, struggled to suppress his laughter at his Patriarch's shameless demands.
Hiruzen, on the other hand, rejected it outright. "That's absurd. The village can't afford that. At most, I can approve three and a half billion."
"Either ten billion plus proper compensation… or the deal is off," Kanzou said with a shrug. "My ninja can continue gathering funds on their own if the village can't provide a proper budget."
"You…" Hiruzen frowned, seeing how inflexible Kanzou was. He tried once more. "The village truly cannot afford that amount."
"Not my problem," Kanzou replied calmly. "You're the Hokage, that's your responsibility. I've stated my terms. Ten billion ryō is the appropriate budget for the Police Force. Either approve it, or we continue as we are."
Seeing that Kanzou refused to budge, Hiruzen clenched his teeth. He understood that, in the current situation, Kanzou held all the cards and that reclaiming control without causing a major internal conflict would require some sacrifice.
In the end, he decided to relent.
"Fine," Hiruzen said. "But I don't want to hear any more complaints about so-called 'crowdfunding' activities related to the Police Force."
Kanzou nodded calmly. "As long as the budget remains adequate, there will be no need to rely on crowdfunding."
Hiruzen snorted inwardly. 'Once his wings are clipped, the budget will be reduced again.' This increase was only temporary, meant to let Kanzou believe he had won, before showing him that things would not be so simple.
Hiruzen was confident that he would have the last laugh. With that in mind, he approved the ten billion ryō budget.
Kanzou seemed satisfied and decided to take his leave. "Very well. You can send the missions to the police station when they're ready. Also, I'm informing you in advance, I'll be recruiting some genin and chūnin into the Police Force, so don't call me about it later. I'm a busy man."
With those words, he left together with Satoru. Of course, on their way out of the Hokage Building, Kanzou and Satoru made sure to collect the updated budget for the month as well.
…
Leaving the Hokage Building, Kanzou and Satoru carried the collected funds as they headed back toward the Police Station.
On the way, Satoru couldn't help but ask, "Patriarch… are we really going to take on missions?"
"Yeah, well… it's fine, right? Only a few elites will go," Kanzou replied with a nod.
"But Patriarch… something about this feels wrong," Satoru said, clearly uneasy. He didn't mind going on missions; in fact, he even welcomed the idea, but he had a nagging sense that something was off. Would Sarutobi Hiruzen really agree to all of this so easily? He didn't think so.
"Hm… I know what Sarutobi Hiruzen is probably planning," Kanzou said with a quiet chuckle. "Don't worry. I already have a plan of my own. He'll regret trying whatever it is he thinks he's doing."
As for Hiruzen's intentions, Kanzou could make a few educated guesses. He wasn't completely certain, but he felt confident he wasn't far off.
Satoru blinked, then smiled. "As expected of the Patriarch. If you already understand what's going on, that's a relief."
He himself didn't fully grasp the situation, but as long as Kanzou did, that was enough.
"Hm…" Kanzou hummed, then said, "Come on. Let's take a detour."
"A detour? Where are we going, Patriarch?" Satoru asked immediately.
"To arrest a certain old man who likes to wear green tights," Kanzou replied with a devious smile.
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Hurry up and drop your Power Stones!
Read ahead of public release on P atreon at: p-atreon.com/Knockturn_Alley
Check out Chapter illustrations on Pixiv: unhinged_uchiha
If you like this story, then you might also like my other story: One Piece: The Incubus' Adventure. Give it a try.